Totally Whacked
by Cherry-sama
Summary: 2nd in Totally Series. What would happen if Link interrupted the narrator too much, Tatl caught ONA, and much more! Dare to find out? There is one thing to say about this fic... It's Totally Whacked!
1. Chapter 1: We art weirdos

**Totally Whacked! (Hi! This is the authoress, Cherry-sama! I'd just like to say that this is a sequel to Totally Messed, which I love so dearly.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, but I do own Totally Messed's events! And I don't own espresso or instant coffee.**

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Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to Totally Whacked! 

Link: For those of you who read Totally Messed, first in the Totally series, welcome back!

Navi (yes, she's still here): For those of you that are new here, welcome!

Link: Please read the story!

_**

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What would happen if Link interrupted the Narrator during the beginning? **_

_Wonder no more! You'll see how one little boo-boo will screw up the whole storyline! But the storyline is already screwed up so we'll see how it gets MORE screwed up! Mwahahahahahahaha!_

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In the land of Hyrule, there echoes a legend. A legend held dearly by the Royal Family that tells of a boy… 

"Wha???" Link asked

"Link, just let the narrator finish." Navi told Link.

Thank you. Ahem. A boy who, after battling evil and saving Hyrule, crept away from the land that had made him a legend…

"EH?" Link asked, for he remembered everything different.

"Ignore it, Link…" Navi told her partner, for she ended up the Hero of Time, not Link.

Oh bah! I'm not even going to describe who's saying what! Anyways… Done with the battles he once waged across time, he embarked on a journey. A secret and personal journey…

"What journey?"

"A secret and personal one."

A journey in search of a beloved and invaluable friend…

"Who is Navi looking for?"

"I'm not looking for anyone!"

"GASP! THE NARRATOR'S LYING!!!!!!!!"

A friend whom he had parted ways when he had fulfilled his heroic destiny and took his place among legends…

"IT'S LIES! ALL LIES! DON'T LISTEN TO HER!"

"LINK!!!! WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

There was silence.

"What about you, oh narrator/authoress?"

I don't count.

"Yes you do!"

Not anymore.

"SEE WHAT A LIAR SHE IS! NEVER LISTEN TO HER!!!"

"Link! Get control of yourself!"

"NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL NOW RULE THE WORLD BY USING SOUR MILK, WITH A BARREL OF TRIPLE ESPRESSO BY MY SIDE! AND I SHALL USE THE WORLD AS A SORCE OF BLACKMAIL FOR MIDO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EAT THAT MIDO!"

…Mido's dead…

"Ignore Link… He just chugged a whole large can of instant coffee."

I think we see that…

"Coffee… n.n"

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter one! 

Navi: How come this chapter is so short?

Cherry-sama: In Totally Messed, I made the first chapter really short (accidentally) and now I'm going to have it as a tradition.

Navi: …I see…

Link: Don't mind us. COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE! Please review! COFFEE!


	2. Chapter 2: Flower Power ONA!

**Chapter 2! (Hi! And welcome back to Totally Whacked! I have made a longer chapter! It's about six times longer!) :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: MM, or the Song 'Weightless' by 'Sissel'. For if I did, I would be happy. No, not about the song, but the game.**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Whacked!

Link: So what happens in this chapter?

Cherry-sama: You become a chibi/bobble-head.

Link: O.O…T.T

Navi: Ha. ha.

Cherry-sama: And Navi gets a roommate.

Navi: O.O……………T.T

Link: T.T Please read…

**_

* * *

What would happen if Tatl got the Catchy Fairy Disease of ONA (Obvious Nonsense Attacks)? _**

_Wonder no more! Soon the world will find out that the Totally Series are Totally Messed, Whacked, Bizarre, Screwed and Pathetic! And maybe Tiny, and a few other things that I can't think of right now._

**

* * *

(The screen showed a dark and misted wood, with large tall trees. Link was apparently in an unexplored part of the Lost Woods in Hyrule, riding Epona, who was plodding through the woods. He was young, as was Epona. They both looked weary from a long day of traveling.) **

"Stupid Navi…" Link hissed. "She gets to sleep… Why can't I sleep?"

"One, because if you sleep, you'll fall off Epona. And two, I'm weak from the medication to cure my ONA (Obvious Nonsense Attacks). KEEP MOVING!" Navi hissed from within Link's hat, right before she sneezed.

"Alright…" Link yawned.

"I know the border is—AH-CHOO—around here somewhere!" Navi exclaimed.

"You mean the border that crosses Hyrule from another world?" Link asked sleepily.

"Yes! It has a black back—AH-CHOO—ground with all sorts of odd pictures floating in different colours." Navi described.

"…What kind of border is that?" Link asked, for it seemed that in the tone of his voice that he was accusing Navi of lying.

"The border between Hyrule and another world. Now, if you excuse me, I have to sleep." Navi retorted before going into her bed in Link's hat.

**(So Link and Navi continued on, minding their own business. But what sleepy Link and sleeping Navi DIDN'T know was that, behind a tree there were two fairies, a purple-red _(blink? Red? I have no clue how this works)_ one, and a white-yellow _(me says more yellow, and what I say counts) _one. The oddly coloured fairies looked at one another, then nodded. Epona paused and pawed at the ground, Link leaned forward and started to dose off, when the two fairies swooped down, matrix style, in front of Epona, scaring her silly. She reared up in terror, throwing Link from her back. He landed safely and very much awake but he decided to fall asleep. Epona was amazingly calm again, and the fairies hovered nearby. At the tree line, there was a giggle, and a mask appeared, floating in the air. A body soon faded into view, as Skull kid was revealed. The matrix fairies flew over to his side.)**

"Hee, hee. You two fairies did great!" Skull kid exclaimed as he lifted up the mask then dropped it again.

**(Skull kid looked at Link.)**

"I wonder if he has anything good on him… Huh? This guy…" Skull kid paused. "…Well, that shouldn't be a problem."

**(Skull kid walked over to Link's unconscious body, and kicked him over onto his back. Skull kid jumped back in surprise as he heard a loud yell.)**

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! WHAT IN FARORE'S NAME DO—AH-CHOO—YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Navi hissed inside Link's hat, perched on his 'secreat' bald spot.

**(Skull kid decided to ignore this and he began to rummage through his pockets, the two fairies watched from over Skull kid's shoulders.)**

"Ummm… Skull kid?" the purple fairy asked. "Aren't we robbing the sleeping man? Not yourself?"

"…Oh. Right." Skull kid paused as he took his hands out of his pockets.

**(Then Skull kid searched through Link's pockets! Skull kid then came across a blue Ocarina _(of Time)_. He turned to the fairies and began to play random notes, giggling after each one played.)**

**"**Ooh, Skull kid, ooh! What a pretty ocarina… Hey, Skull kid, lemme touch it! I wanna see!" the purple fairy exclaimed.

**(By now Navi, the fairy as-blue-as-the-ocarina and exalted Hero of Time, was getting ticked. Then the yellow fairy h****it the Purple Fairy.)**

"You can't, Tael! What would we do if you dropped it and broke it? No way!!!" the yellow fairy yelled.

"…Aww, but Sis… W…why can't I try it out, too?" the purple fairy (apparently named Tael) asked in a small voice.

**(By this point Navi couldn't take it anymore. She flew out of Link's hat and looked at the robbers. The robbers looked at her. Navi paused. The robbers paused. Navi blinked. The robbers blinked. Navi sneezed. The robbers sneezed. Navi danced. The robbers danced. Epona ate grass. The robbers ate grass. Wait a minute… Then the authoress decided to ditch her little 'Navi says' game and get on with the fic.)**

"WHAT THE** -beep- **ARE YOU GUYS DOING!" Navi asked, for if I were her, I would do the same thing, only without the swearing.

**(Skull kid hid the Ocarina of Time behind his back. Navi flew a bit closer, as if Skull kid was an animal that she didn't want to frighten away. Then Navi took a large swoop but Skull kid then jumped on Epona and rode off into the sunset, but realized that wasn't the right way _(and that there wasn't any sunsets nearby)_ so he ran the other way. Navi saw that her only hope was to get Link to do all the hard work and for her just to sit back and watch.)**

"LINK! WAKE UP!" Navi yelled in Link's ear.

"Just wait a minute Saria…" Link muttered in his sleep. "School is not for another 24 hours…"

**(Navi took a deep breath.)**

"HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT! HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT!" Navi yelled in Link's ear.

**(Link sat bolt upright.)**

"MAKEE IT STOOOOOPPPPP!" Link screamed, holding his hands above his head protectively.

"Only if you charge after some—AH-CHOO—robbers that stole the Ocarina of Time!" Navi told Link.

"But I don't want the Ocarina!" Link whined at Navi. "It was Zelda's!"

**(Navi took a DEEP breath.)**

"Fine. Fine. I'm going." Link muttered.

**

* * *

(Navi flew into Link's hat as Link ran after the robbers, who obviously at the other end of the world by now. He ran up, over a few stumps and into a large tree that had fungus growing on the side. Inside there was a ledge, and Link tried to stop, and succeeded. Navi flew out of his hat.) **

"Well, come on! Don't just stand there! Do something!" Navi hissed.

**(Navi then pushed Link and he fell down the hole with a shout of 'MOMMY!'. …Very heroic, Link… Then bright colourful images of Deku Scrubs, Zora, Gorons and Ocarinas drifted by_ (probably from the spores released by the tree fungus…they were probably making Link high)_. Navi gasped.)**

"AT LAST! We've reached the border!" Navi exclaimed, for this apparently the border they were looking for in the first place. "THANK YOU—AH-CHOO!—MUGGERS!"

"-.-" Link looked after hearing this, still falling though the air.

**(Then that ended. At the bottom of the hole, Link landed hard on a soft Deku flower _(strange…a paradox…)_. Navi was still flying above Link's head, as always. Link decided to stand up; he groaned and saw Skull kid, in all of his so-called glory, floating in mid-air with the fairies by his side.)**

"Oh ho ho… Wait a minute! I CAN FLY! I'M PETER PAN!" Skull kid exclaimed, hence the name Skull **KID**, before breaking out into the song 'Weightless', by Sissel, which he magically knew the words to: "AND I'M WEIGHTLESS! FALLING IN LOVE, AND I'M WEIGHTLESS!"

"O.o" looked all the people who were watching this.

"AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I KNOW IT'S ALRIGHT!" Skull kid sang, horribly I might add.

"Ummm… Skull kid? Don't we have to teach this guy a lesson?" the yellow fairy asked.

"I'M IN CHARGE HERE!" Skull kid hissed. "REMEMBER, I HAVE BIGGORON'S SWORD!"

"O.O" Navi looked.

"Ahem. I feel like getting on with my speech. Ah yes. What's with that stupid horse of yours?! It doesn't listen to a word that's said to it!" Skull kid asked.

"Yes she does!" Link protested.

"Actually, no—AH-CHOO—she doesn't…" Navi paused, for in Totally Messed, Navi was almost eaten a couple of times by the horse.

"See?" Skull kid smirked.

"Nyaaah, nyaaaaaaahhhhhh!" Link mumbled while sticking out his tongue.

"Ahem. There's no point in riding a thing like that, so I did you a favor and got rid of it..."

**(Link gasped.)**

"OwO YOU DID? THANK YOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" Link exclaimed with a wide grin on his face, wanting to hug Skull kid.

"Hee, hee… Aww, boo-hoo. Why the sad face?" Skull kid asked in a teasing voice.

"I'm not sad at all! In fact, I'm quite happy!" Link exclaimed.

"Well…um… Why the happy face? I just thought I'd have a little fun with you…" Skull kid told Link.

"I could easily beat you—AH-CHOO—to pulp right NOW!" Navi hissed, pointing her fairy finger at Skull kid evilly as her other hand clutched her Kleenex box of tissues close to her nose.

"Oh, come now… Do you really think you could beat me as I am now?" Skull kid asked Link.

"I don't think I could, but Navi here can!" Link exclaimed.

"Fool!" Skull kid yelled as Navi went inside Link's hat for apparently she had run out of tissues in her Kleenex box.

**(Skull kid then did the oddest things. He shook his head back and forth.)**

"O.o" Link looked.

**(Skull kid's Mask started to pulse with electricity _(I didn't know that the purple paper maché mask conducted electricity)_, and Link was absorbed in this vortex. He looked like he was in pain and he was surrounded by blackness.)**

**

* * *

(Then, out of the blue _(or I should say, black)_, the sound of rustling leaves surrounded him and he was crowded by Deku Scrubs. They were shaking their leaves in time with Skull kid's rattling _(O.O I never knew that…)_. Link tried to run _(while Navi yelled 'RUN FASTER')_, but he ran on the spot into the blackness. Then a giant Deku Scrub walked up behind him and inhaled him.) ****

* * *

(Then, back from out of the blue, Link seemed to return to the Deku flower. He looked at his hands, but before he could look at his reflection, there was a loud scream.) **

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—AH-CHOO—HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Navi screamed from within Link's hat.

"What's the matter, Navi?" Link asked in a surprisingly chibi voice.

"MY HOUSE!" Navi screamed, for Link's head was her house. "I JUST SAW MY OWN HOUSE MORPH INTO THIS AS I WENT IN TO GET A NEW BOX OF KLEENEX! NOW LOOK! IT LOOKS—AH-CHOO—LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A 1970'S LOG CABIN AND THE SALVAGED PARTS OF IVAN'S COMPOST BIN!"

"Ivan's compost bin?" Link asked in his chibi voice.

"Yes. Ivan usually throws away his—AH-CHOO—tree fungus collection." Navi told Link.

"O.O Tree fungus?" Link asked, chibi voice still.

"Whatever. You get the point. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH—AH-CHOO—HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Navi screamed.

**(Navi flew out of Link's hat. Looked at Link and flew back in.)**

"That explains it." Navi paused while looking at her house.

"…What?" Link asked.

**(Link then got nervous. Then, water randomly appeared _(I know it was there all the time, but Link didn't! Ahem…)_ before him and he took a drink. Then he looked at his reflection in the water. He saw his new appearance, clutched at his head and screamed a chibi scream. LINK WAS A CHIBI! Not only that, he was a DEKU! Skull kid just laughed.)**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed a Deku scream. "I'M A BOBBLE HEAD!"

"Hee, hee! Now, that's a good look for you! You'll stay here looking that way forever!" Skull kid laughed.

"I pity my house, Link…" Navi paused. "Apparently Dekus have termites."

"O.O WHATTTT?" Link screamed yet again.

"Instead of fleas." Navi told Link.

"CURSES!" Link yelled, for now I have had a new way of cursing and you just saw it!

"Ha! Ha!" giggled the yellow fairy.

"Hee! Hee!" Tael laughed.

"THAT'S IT!!!!!!" Navi hissed, flying out of Link's wooden hat, as wooden as Cherry-sama's wooden shoes. "YOU'LL PAY FOR MESSING—AH-CHOO—UP MY HOUSE!"

**(Skull kid drifted/floated/paddled away out through a back door, laughing while doing so. Navi began to run after the trio of robbers, but the yellow fairy lingered behind and held Navi back, knocking her down.)**

"HEY! IF YOU DON'T MIND! I HAVE TO AVENGE MY HOUSE!" Navi yelled at the yellow fairy. "STEP ASIDE!"

**(The yellow fairy blew Navi a big raspberry.)**

"Make me!" the yellow fairy smirked.

**(Navi then snapped. Really. She snapped. Navi then started to beat the yellow fairy to pulp as the fairy, younger than Navi, fought back. The yellow fairy was surprised how strong Navi was. Skull kid drifted through the door, when Tael noticed that the yellow fairy was fighting an evil fairy.)**

"DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Navi hissed, currently very evil, which may be hard to think of due to her baby blue appearance.

"S-s…Sis!" Tael exclaimed, horrified at what was happening at his sister.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME!" the yellow fairy yelled to Tael, yellow fairy trying her best to hold back Navi. "I'll hold her off for you!"

**(Then the random wooden door, as wooden as Link's hat, closed. The yellow fairy paused, for Navi was on top of her, beating her to pulp and she could not flee in her position. But then, the worst of it came.)**

"AHHHH-AHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Navi paused as she started to sneeze, a really big one for that fact.

"O.O" the yellow fairy looked, for currently Navi's hands couldn't block the sneeze, neither could the yellow fairy's.

"CCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Navi sneezed the biggest sneeze in Chibi's (Link) history, resulting all the germs flew onto the yellow fairy.

**(There was a short silence.)**

"EEEEEEWWWWWW! GROSS!" the yellow fairy yelled, becoming a member of the Grossed Out club. "That was just plain disgusting!"

"I can't help it!" Navi told the yellow fairy. "It's from the medication for my ONA!"

"…ONA…" the yellow fairy froze, horrified, for ONA is a common fairy disease, which was very contagious.

**(The yellow fairy flew over to the door, somehow getting away from their catfight. The yellow fairy had enough with these two!)**

"Whoa! Whoa Skull kid, wait for me! I'm still here!!!" the yellow fairy gasped, for she really wanted to get away from these insane people—especially Navi, since she had ONA. "Tael, you can't leave without me!"

**(The yellow fairy banged herself against door for a while, then gave up. Her wings drooped. Then she perked up and turned to Navi and Link. She flew over to them.)**

"You! If I wasn't dealing with you, I wouldn't have gotten separated from my brother!" the yellow fairy hissed at Navi.

"Your fault." Navi told the yellow fairy, making the fairy ignore her and turn to Link.

"Well, don't just sit there, Chibi Boy! Do something!!!" the fairy girl hissed, looking at the Deku.

**(Link glared at the yellow fairy.)**

"…Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something stuck on my face?" the fairy asked.

"Yeessss." Navi told the fairy in a sarcastic voice.

**(The fairy took out her compact.)**

"Really? Where?" the fairy asked, looking at her face in her mirror.

**(Link stared at this strange little fairy brat.)**

"Will you stop staring and just open that door for me?!?" the fairy hissed, putting away her compact and then quickly added: "Please!!!"

"Nope!" Link told the fairy.

"C'mon, a helpless, little—not to mention beat up—girl is asking you…" the fairy, putting on big puppy dog eyes, told Link.

"That's why you were so easy to fight!" Navi added, before sneezing.

"What about yourself, grandma?" the fairy hissed, her teeth turned into fangs and her pupils gone slit, then she faced Chibi Link, herself looking back to normal, ignoring Navi's next retort.

"GRANDMA? I'LL HAVE—AH-CHOO—YOU KNOW I'M ONLY 29!" Navi hissed, to the fairy, but Navi was ignored.

"So hurry up!" the fairy snapped at Link.

**(The fairy turned and looked at the door wistfully.)**

"Ohhhh, Tael… I wonder if that child will be alright on his own?" the fairy sighed melodramatically.

"He can take care of himself." Deku Link told the fairy, raising his hands as if saying that everything was alright.

"That depends… Hey, you!" Navi exclaimed, right before sneezing.

"What do you want, grandma?" the fairy hissed.

"Grrr… Is you brother anything like—AH-CHOO—Ivan?" Navi asked.

"Who on Termina is Ivan?" the fairy asked.

"He's Navi's booooyyy-friend!" Chibi Link teased in a teasing voice.

"Shut-ut up!" Navi hissed while turning pink. "Anyways, Ivan is—AH-CHOO—extremely stupid and needs someone smart in order to save him for dying instantaneously. And he is NOT my boyfriend."

**(Navi glared at Link as she added this last remark.)**

"Oh. That's sort of like Tael." The fairy paused, because the authoress wanted to point out the words '**SORT OF**' because she has yet to come across a person completely like Ivan.

"Whatever. Let's find Skull kid." Link told Navi.

**

* * *

(Link went over to the door and opened it with the greatest of ease, and Skull kid said they would die there… Odd. Navi flew into Link's hat as he wandered down the hall until he reached a Deku flower, near a big bottomless pit. The yellow fairy flew up to Link indignantly.) **

"Hey, wait for me!" the fairy yelled. "Don't leave me behind!"

"Too bad!" Link yelled.

"Um…that stuff back there…I…um…apologize, so… so take me with you!" the fairy told Link and Navi.

"You can't join us!" Navi hissed from inside Link's wooden hat. "I won't let you! There is no way I am getting a roommate!"

"Well…You wanna know about that Skull kid who just ran off, right?" the fairy asked.

"Yes! SO I CAN GET MY REVENGE FOR RUINING MY HOUSE!" Navi yelled, changing her mind very quickly.

"Well, I just so happen to have an idea of where he might be going." The fairy bragged. "Take me with and I'll help you out. Deal? Please?"

"Well…" Link paused, for he was considering joining this brat.

"Good! So it's settled!" the bratty fairy exclaimed.

**(Link looked taken aback/shocked.)**

"Now then, I'll be your partner…or at least until we catch Skull kid…" the fairy explained. "My name's Tatl."

"Nice to meet you Tatl!" Link exclaimed.

**(Navi hissed.)**

"…So, uh, it's nice to meet you or whatever. Now that we've gotten all that straightened out, can we stop messing around and get moving?" Tatl, the yellow fairy, asked impatiently.

"Fine." Link told Tatl.

"If I figure something out, press the up button command and I'll tell it to you. Hopefully, you'll manage to get by without my help until then." Tatl told Link.

**(Navi flew out of Link's hat and looked at Link as if he was a Deku Scrub with pink and purple polka dots on him. Link looked at Navi, shook his head and shrugged resignation. They seemed to think nothing of this up 'button command'.)**

"Alrighty then! Now I shall move into your hat and claim—" Tatl started.

"I TOLD YOU THAT I DO NOT TAKE ROOMMATES!" Navi hissed. "Besides, all the furniture is rooted to the floor and looks likes something from a 1970's hippie house! It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the 'flower power' wall paper."

"O.o WWHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????" Deku Link asked as he took off his wooden hat and looked on the inside.

**(Sure enough there was a flowered pattern printed on the inside with clashing pink, green and brown colours.)**

"Nice bald spot." Tatl smirked. "I've always wanted to live somewhere with nicely varnished hardwood flooring."

**(Link quickly replaced his hat rather hastily, clutching the edge and holding it firmly down on his hollow head.)**

"Well that's too bad!" Navi exclaimed, "I am not sharing my hardwood floor with you! I will not have you crawling all over my things!"

"Well, then, we'll just have to put a white line across the center!" Tatl grinned as she flew into Link's hat. "And I say that you should give me something after you sneezed on me!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T! All the furniture's mine!" Navi hissed evilly. "And besides we don't have any paint!"

"Well, then, we'll just have to make some green paint out of grass!" Tatl told Navi.

"BUT YOU SAID WHITE PAINT!" Navi yelled.

"White green then! Like the colour of…of…" Tatl paused, trying to have a good example of a white green thing.

"Of Navi's boyfriend!" Chibi Link smirked, holding his stubby arm in front of his cylinder of a mouth.

"IVAN'S MULTI-COLOURED! LIKE ALL THE FAIRIES IN KOKIRI VILLAGE!" Navi hissed. "AND HE'S NOT MY BOY-FRIEND!"

"…_Right_…" Tatl grinned.

**(Link found it hard to move along the path with the two fairies bickering, but finally he made it to the end of the room. There, Tatl had her first reaction to ONA—drawing Link's attention to a withered tree.)**

"Hey, you!" Tatl exclaimed. "C'mon, press Z and talk to me!"

"What's 'Z'? I once heard Ingo speak of it…" Deku Link paused.

"Whatever! Just talk to me!" Tatl told Link, while Navi meanwhile was snickering inside Link's hat.

"HOW'S THIS?" Link yelled since Tatl was far away.

"There you go! See? You can do it if you try!" Tatl exclaimed.

**(Navi snickered insanely.)**

"When I fly over to people or objects, use Z to look at them so you can talk to them. Use Z Targeting to talk to people even if they're far away. Or, if there's no one to target, you can use Z look straight ahead. But enough about that for now… Come over to this tree and check it out!" Tatl ranted.

**(Tatl then looked like she was going to cry. Navi had now burst out laughing.)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tatl screamed pure torture. "My first ONA… Stupid vaccine didn't work."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Navi laughed. "You know, there's no vaccine! It's just some idiots trying to make money off of stupid fairies!"

**(Tatl glared at Navi. As for Link? He just ignored Navi and used the Deku flower to fly over to where Tatl was and 'talked' to the tree. And Tatl had yet _another_ ONA!)**

"It's strange, but the way you look right now sort of looks like this tree…" Tatl paused as Navi flew out of Link's hat.

"Your ONA has a point." Navi told Tatl.

"It looks all dark and gloomy…Almost like it could start crying any second now… How sad…" Tatl finished as she burst into tears. "WHHHHHYYYYY MEEEEE? WHHHHYYYYY ALLLLLWWWWAAAYYYSSS MEEE? WHY COULDN'T BE TAEL?"

"Ha. Ha." Navi laughed.

**

* * *

(In the next room was a twisted hallway, which Link found quite similar to that found in the Forest Temple in Totally Messed. On the other end was the inside gear-work for a large clock, or so it seemed. Link went up the ramp, and up the next ramp and up and up and up. He saw a door, tried and exit, but he was stopped.) **

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" a voice asked Link.

**(With that comment, Navi flew out of Link's hat and yelled:)**

"OF COURSE I HAVE! MY HOUSE HAS BEEN SCARILY ALTERED, I GOT A ROOMMATE, AND—Dude… _You're_ here?" Navi paused as she looked at the person who was the owner of the voice.

**(Link became curious and turned to see the Happy Mask Salesman…the grinning man… DIE, MR. SMILEY! Ahem. Tatl, who had just flown out of Link's wooden hat, ducked behind Link's head, as if afraid to be seen.)**

"…Tatl? What are you hiding from?" Link asked the strange fairy.

"Hiding? I'm not hiding!" Tatl protested, looking up at different nearby corners on the ceiling. "Who said anything about hiding?"

"I own the Happy Mask Shop." The Happy Grinning Guy…erm…Happy Mask Salesman grinned, for he seemed really good at that.

"O.O" Link gasped as best as he could in such a high pitch of voice. "I SWEAR I PAID FOR THAT KEATON MASK! I DIDN'T STEAL IT OR SELL IT AND NOT PAY YOU BACK!"

"Shhh! He might hear you!" Navi hissed at Link, who hid behind Tatl, who hid behind Link, who hid behind Tatl, who hid behind Link, who hid behind Tatl, who hid behind Link, who hid behind Tatl, who hid behind Link… "Just act normal!"

**(Link and Navi put on fake** **smiles…****they were made out of…cardboard?)**

"I travel far and wide in search of masks…" The Happy Mask Salesman told Link, not seeming to notice that both Link and Navi had masked their frowns with fake smiles. "During my travels, a very important mask was stolen from me by an imp in the woods."

"Spell check doesn't like that." Navi pointed out, acting normal. "It wants to change that to 'an imp in the woods stole a very important mask from me'."

"Whatever. It's my loss." The Happy Mask Salesman told Navi.

**(The Happy Mask Salesman _(HMS, his full name is so annoying to type…)_ turned to Chibi Link.)**

"So here I am at a loss…" the HMS paused.

"I think we've noticed." Deku Link told the HMS.

"And now I've found you. Now don't think me rude, but I have been following you…" the HMS told Chibi Link.

"O.o STALKER! STALKER! STALKER! YOU'RE RELATED TO THE RANDOM OWL!" Link yelled, for he hated the random owl more than COWS!

"…For I know of a way to return you to your former self." The HMS bragged.

"O.O Did I call you stalker? No! I meant 'savior'!" Link exclaimed.

"If you can get the so-called 'precious' item that was stolen from me, I will return you to normal." The HMS bragged.

**(With that comment, Deku Link said nothing. Just looked like he was the happiest drunkard alive.)**

"In exchange…all I ask is that you also get back my precious mask that the imp stole from me." The HMS smirked.

"Why do you want it?" Link asked, suddenly very suspicious of the grinning man's actions.

"You see, I've been invited to Hyrule's Annual Ball by Princess Zelda and I was planning on wearing the mask to it." The HMS grinned. "But then it was stolen by the imp."

"Why did/would she invite you?" Chibi Link asked.

"I gave her (at a price) a powerful mask I like to call the 'Sheikah Mask'." The HMS explained.

"Oh." Navi paused.

"So will you get it back for me?" the HMS asked. "It would seem odd if I did not attend a royal party."

"Well…um…" Navi paused, for she really didn't want to fight Skull kid.

"What? Is that not a simple task?" the HMS asked Navi.

"I'm not saying that! I'm just saying it's not less hard." Navi paused, contradicting herself.

"Why, to someone like you, it should be by no means a difficult task." The HMS teased.

"I'm taking a vacation this adventure!" Navi hissed.

"I'll get it!" Chibi Link exclaimed in a somewhat cool voice for his current form, Link still wanting to be a hero since Navi ended the hero he was suppost to be.

"Except… The one thing is…I'm a very busy fellow…" the HMS grinned, like he always does (ARGGG! STUPID GRINNING MAN! WHY DOES HE ALWAYS GRIN? IS IT A SPORT? Ack! You did **not** read that…).

"Right." Link told the HMS.

"And I must leave this place in three days." The HMS told Link. "In order to get myself ready for the party itself."

"O.O YOU WANT ME TO SAVE THE MASK IN BLOODY THREE DAYS?" Link gasped.

"Sappy." Navi corrected, for Link was a tree…thing, and that he no longer had blood.

"How grateful I would be if you could bring it back to me before my time here is up…" the HMS told Link, as if not hearing his last comment.

**(Link said nothing, but fainted.)**

"But yes…you'll be fine." The HMS muttered, in his own little dream world. "I see you are young and have tremendous courage."

"Young, yes. Courage, no." Navi told the HMS.

"I'm sure you'll find it right away." The HMS told Navi as the HMS walked North, but realized he was going to be a lazy bum throughout the whole story so he walked back to where he was suppost to be. "Well then, I'm counting on you…"

**(Navi took a DEEEEEEEEEEEEP breath.)**

"I'm up!" Link told Navi. "I'm up. Just don't yell those cursed words in my ear."

**(Navi chuckled as Link exited through the door.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter two! 

Navi: T.T I have a roommate…

Tatl: And I currently have all the furniture on my side.

Navi: Not so fast! I bought all of the stuff with MY RUPPEES!

Tatl: What'cha gonna do, grandma?

Navi: KICK YOU OUT IN THREE DAYS! Your days are numbered, sister.

Tatl: But remember, tomorrow never comes!

Deku Link: T.T I'm chibi… Please review.


	3. Chapter 3: Evil HMSs and Chainsaws!

**Chapter 3! (Yay! Next chapter! It practically half as long as last time! I wanted to make this chapter as long as Totally Messed's chapter two, but then I realized that this was chapter three) xD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, even if I want to steal the Majora's mask and wear it at Halloween!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to Totally Whacked, or TW for short! 

Navi: Where we last left…us…we had just acquired a new member of our team. Thing is, she is so bossy!

Tatl: Hey!

Deku Link: And where we last left me, I had been turned into a chibi and/or bobble head and I was being forced to get back the mask from Skull kid for the lazy bum, who claims to be the HMS, who needs the mask for Hyrule's annual ball.

Cherry-sama: Yep! And now, let's join chibi Link and Co. in chapter three!

Tatl: Stop sounding like news reporters.

Deku Link: Please hurry and read so I can get my sorrows over with…

_

* * *

**Why does the Happy Mask Salesman (HMS) want Link to get the purple mask back for him?** _

_Wonder no more! You'll see how evil the HMS is as he reveals his true colours! I wonder what he's hiding under that jacket of his… Maybe a polka dotted shirt with little ponies on it… Or maybe—_

* * *

**(Link exited out the door. There the scariest thing scared him. The world in front of him turned black and white stuff appeared. It said…)**

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link, being a Hylian, only able to read Hylian words, had no idea what this was saying. The screen decided to turn back to normal and the camera panned around to show that Link was in a small town with a large clock tower, which he had just come from. He saw the various inhabitants going about their daily lives. Link walked forwards. But before he could run off, Tatl interrupted him from looking around.)**

"He gives me the creeps!" Tatl exclaimed, seeming to need a vent. "He's always grinning!"

"Who?" Navi asked.

"That Mask guy!" Tatl exclaimed.

**

* * *

(Meanwhile… Inside the clock tower… The lights, that never existed, had somehow turned themselves off. The room was all black and an evil aura filled the atmosphere… All the camera could see was the HMS's front side of his body, head included.) **

"Ho…ho…ho…" the HMS chuckled evilly. "Little does that boy know, that mask has great power… I plan to use it to crash the Hyrule Annual Ball and turn Hyrule upside-down so I can eventually rule the world!"

**(The HMS grinned evilly. The camera turned to face the door. The HMS looked at the door and rubbed his hands together. Odd. Maybe he's cold. He grinned at that door, cackling slightly…)**

"Have fun…" the HMS grinned, cackling slightly.

**

* * *

(Now, on a much lighter note, we look at Link and Navi…and Tatl…) **

"That mask salesman, he was the…" Tatl muttered, looking to the ground.

"He was the…?" Navi asked, poking her head out of Link's hat.

"Sorry…Just thinking aloud." Tatl asked.

**(Navi could tell that Tatl didn't want to talk about the grinning guy, so she decided to be nice and change the subject.)**

"Three days? Even if we never sleep, that leaves us with a measly 72 hours!" Navi hissed at Link, for no real reason, because in last his adventure, he had never slept once and the only times he did, the first time the Great Guardian died (Navi's fault), and second time took him seven years to wake up again. "Talk about demanding!"

"Like you aren't…" Tatl sneered.

"WHY YOU—"

**(While the two fairy girls were fighting, Link was standing there, listening to this conversation. Tatl and Navi stopped bickering for a moment and looked over at the Deku.)**

"Well, don't just stand there!" Tatl and Navi hissed.

"Why?" Link asked.

"We're going to see the Great Fairy!" Tatl told Link and Navi.

**(Link and Navi froze. There were slutty sluts here too?)**

"Going to see _them_?" Link asked in horror, looking from side to side frantically.

"Oh dear…" Navi paused.

"Look, you wanna find Skull kid, don't you?" Tatl asked the two.

"Yeah." Link and Navi replied.

"The Great Fairy will know what he's up to. She watches over anything and everything. And just between you and me Skull kid is no match for the Great Fairy." Tatl whispered.

"Yeah…" Link paused, for in his last adventure, he managed to kill one of the sluts just by holding up a mirror, but wait…that hasn't happened yet, because Link wasn't nineteen or so, because Zelda sent him back in time…odd.

"Go to the shrine near the North Gate. You'll find the Great Fairy in there." Tatl told Link. "And now I'm going into my house and getting some sleep."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Navi hissed. "In order to take our claim, we have to make the line. And in order to make the line, we need to make the paint! WE HAVE LOTS TO DO!"

**

* * *

(Link started to go North in the Clock Town. On the way there he bumped into a young person, not much taller than himself and wearing a funny hat. The person was wearing a pair of what seemed to be another set of ears on top of his head _(apart than his regular ones)_ and his hat.) **

"HEY! WATCH IT DEKU!" hissed the boy, wearing the ears above his real ones.

"ME WATCH IT? YOU CRASHED INTO ME!" Deku Link hissed.

"Hmph. Whatever. I have to stalk the Postman." The boy muttered to what seemed like to be himself.

**(And with that, the green boy ran off, going at least four times the speed of sound.)**

"The nerve of people these days." Tatl hissed, watching the whole scene while peeking out from under Link's hat.

**(Navi said nothing, for she was frozen. Tatl looked over at Navi.)**

"I told you not to eat all those ice cubes." Tatl told Navi.

**

* * *

(Link then continued to head off to the Northern part of this Clock Town. Link got tired though _(since his legs were so stubby)_ and sat down to rest. He closed his eyes and relaxed. He was about to fall off to sleep when he heard a loud noise coming from within his wooden hat.) **

"O.o" Link looked as he opened his eyes.

**(The sound was the sound of sawing wood. It wouldn't have been so scary if he wasn't a Deku…)**

"Okay! That's it for that part. Now where should I put it?" Navi asked from within Link's hat.

"Over in the corner. It will look much better since it's similar to the wall paper." Tatl told Navi.

"This is a circular house! There are no corners!" Navi hissed.

"Whatever! You know what I mean!" Tatl told Navi.

**(Suddenly, one part of Link's head felt lighter than before. There was a loud plop and a different part of his head felt heavier than before.)**

"There! Now we can get a nice clear view of that spot!" Tatl exclaimed.

**(Link got sweaty—er, rather sap started to come out of his pores. Were they sawing open his skull and looking at his brain?)**

"You mean **I** can get a nice clear view. This is my house." Navi told Tatl.

"Hey, I helped you out! Can't you let me day dream?" Tatl asked.

"In your dreams!" Navi hissed.

**(Navi looked around the 'room'.)**

"You know, I think that would look better over there in that corner…" Navi paused.

"You've forgotten this place has no corners." Tatl pointed out, right before slipping on some of Link's sweat/sap.

"Oh yeah…" Navi paused, not at all worried about her sappy helper, who had gotten out already. "Hey, could you get that piece over there?"

"Sure thing."

"Here's the saw."

"I don't need the saw. I have something else!"

**(Link heard a sound of revving. Then it faded. The sound came back, and then faded again. On the third time however, it managed to power up like the holder wanted it to do.)**

"Oy! How stupid of me to forget about my chainsaw!" Navi exclaimed.

"…Chainsaw?" Link asked, horrified.

"Too bad! I'm using it!" Tatl told Navi, for she didn't hear Link.

**(Link heard a sound that sounded a lot like a tree being cut down…or a tree being cut open… Link wondered why it didn't hurt when they sawed his skull open… The chainsaw stopped and something was having trouble staying up _(he could tell because he could feel it's center of gravity)_.)**

"TIMMMMBBBBEEERRRR!!!" Tatl called out, giving something a push.

**(There was a loud 'THUMP' heard within Link's hat, and Link felt something fall to the floor…head. After that, there was a really loud gonging sound that made his whole body shake.)**

"Good, good." Navi told Tatl. "Help me move it over there."

**(Link felt the part of his skull being lifted over to one side of his head. Why were they putting all of his skull parts over on one side of the room—err…hat and not the other?)**

"Good. Now all we have left is the chest over there." Tatl told Navi. "Then we can get the paint."

**(Link couldn't take it anymore.)**

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Link asked.

"We're talking about moving the chest." Tatl replied.

"But that's down here." Link told the fairies with placing his hand on his chest.

"Not that kind!" Navi told Link.

"THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CUTTING MY HEAD OPEN?" Link yelled.

**(Some random townsfolk walked by. They looked at each other and nodded as if to say that they agreed that Chibi Link was crazy.)**

"EEEEEWWWW! No! That's gross!" Tatl told Link.

"We're changing the layout of my house. Since all the furniture is rooted to the floor, we've been sawing away at their legs and eventually detaching them from your head." Navi explained.

"And moving it over to Navi's side of the house." Tatl explained. "What do you think we were doing?"

"Cutting my head open." Link told the two.

"We wouldn't do that unless you got on our nerves!" Navi told Link.

"Then what was that stuff about getting a clear view of a spot?" Deku Link asked.

"Oh. The couch we put by the wall had a nice clear view of the window." Tatl explained.

"Window?" Link asked.

"Link, I hoped I wouldn't have to tell you this, but there's a small hole in your hat." Navi explained.

"And that hole gives us a clear view of the sky!" Tatl exclaimed.

"…What was with the 'timber' then?" Link asked.

"Oh. That was Navi's grandfairy clock that hit the floor." Tatl explained.

"Not sure what I'd do without one!" Navi explained, grinning slightly.

"…" Link paused, for he never knew that he had a sofa and a grandfairy clock in his hat/on his head.

"Now, get the cauldron ready as soon as we move that chest." Navi told Tatl.

**

* * *

(So Link continued on the way to the Great Fairy Shrine while trying to ignore the sounds of chainsaws and axes…and saws. Once Navi missed the leg of the chest and hit Link, which resulting in him screaming in his chibi voice thus Navi tried to be a little more careful. The word 'tried' suggests that she failed bitterly. She did. Link wished that he never gave her the axe as her birthday present… Anyways, Link finally made it to the Great Fairy's Shrine. He entered it and he saw all these yellow/orange things flying around. They are Stray Fairies, but Link and Navi didn't know that. I call them Swirlies _(Pronounced: Swirl-lees)_ because of the swirly thing on the top of their heads. Tatl flew forward, towards the Swirlies, dismayed at the Great Slut's—cough—I mean Great Fairy's state of body…but then again, Link and Navi were wondering about her state of mind as well…) **

"Oh no! The Great Fairy!" Tatl gasped.

**(Even though he didn't want to, Link ran up to the middle of the fountain. Navi, who was inside the hat, snickered.)**

"Young one! Please hear my plea!" the Swirlies pleaded together. "I have been broken and shattered into pieces by the masked Skull kid. Please find the one Stray Fairy lost in town, and bring her to this fairy fountain."

"They're girls?" Link asked.

"Not girls. Girl! They're one person!" Tatl explained.

"Oh…" Link paused, looking closer at the Swirlies and pointing to the closest one to him. "I think that Swirlie thingy there is the person's appendix…"

**(The Swirlie, that was pointed at, blushed and flew as far away as the other Swirlies would let her.)**

"Whatever! FIND HER LAST PART!" Tatl hissed.

"Is it her spleen?" Link asked, seeming crazy.

"No!" yelled all the Swirlies. "It's our gall bladder!"

"Whoops! Sorry!" Crazy Link called out to the Swirlies as the two female fairies dragged him outside.

**

* * *

(Link was dragged outside and decided to head south in the town to where he came out of the Clock Tower. He took an entrance to the southwest corner of the area as Tatl came in and out of his hat, grabbing random pieces of grass. Link looked around and thought that this place stank. But his thoughts were interrupted. Link felt something cold and wet on the top of his head.) **

"Now, let me explain." Navi started. "This is my side, and that is your side."

"So?" Tatl asked.

"If you pass this line then you are officially kicked out." Navi told Tatl.

"O.O LINE?" Link yelled.

"Yes, the line and/or border runs straight across your bald spot." Navi told Link.

**(Just then, a Swirlie flew over to Chibi/Crazy/Deku Link and Co.)**

"Please, hear my plea!" the Swirlie called out. "The masked Skull kid has broken me apart and scattered my pieces using a large sword! It hurt when he poked me! Please find a way to return me to the Fairy Fountain in North Clock Town."

"So this is what this place is called!" Link exclaimed.

**

* * *

(As Link headed back to North Clock Town, he accidentally got to near to the Golden Deku Launching pad, and the oddest thing happened! A Deku Scrub Salesman flew down and talked to Link.) **

"Wait! Hang on!" the Deku Scrub Salesman (DSS) called out while landing on the Golden flower, then pulling out his funky hat. "This is my private property. Do not try using it when I'm not around!"

"WHAAAAATTTTT!!!! FLOWERS ARE PROPERTY TO EVERY DEKU! I—" Link yelled profanely as the two fairies dragged him North.

**

* * *

(When Link returned to normal, he was already, by this time, dragged all the way to the Fairy Fountain. The single Stray Fairy/Swirlie ditched the Crazy Deku named Link and went to join up with the other ones. The Swirlies, now having their gall bladder, formed the ugly form of the Great Fairy. Instead of the regular ugly pink, her hair was orange! Just like the Swirlies! Ewww…) **

**(Fun fact: All the Great Fairies/Sluts in this game have different shaped eyebrows!)**

"Tatl, and you, the young one of the altered shape…" the Great Fairy/Slut/Witch exclaimed.

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?" Navi hissed.

"…And you, eldest one of the altered house…" the Great slut added.

"That's better." Navi mumbled.

"Thank you for returning my broken and shattered body to normal." The Great Slut told the three. "I was nothing without my gall bladder! Without it I couldn't eat potato chips!"

"…" the three…creatures paused.

"I am the Great Fairy of Orange!" the Orange slut told the three.

"We can see that." Link told the slut, looking from her head to toe, but then he realized how disturbing that was so he stopped.

"I thought that the masked child was helping me, and I grew careless." The Orange Witch told the three 'heroes'.

"It's understandable Great Fairy!" Tatl exclaimed, the only one of the three that actually had respect for the so-called 'Great' Fairy.

"All I can offer you now is this: I shall grant you magic power as a sign of my gratitude." The Orange Witch told Link and Co.

"O.O NOOOOO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIEEEEEEE!!!" Link screamed in terror, flailing his chibi arms about and since his center of gravity had changed, he fell over and had pneumonia.

"Please accept it!" the Orange Slut begged the twitching Deku boy.

**(Link was forcefully surrounded by light and was bestowed with Magic Power. Link had apparently recovered from his pneumonia, but he then fainted due to fear of her ugliness. Navi flew down by his side and pretended to revive him, while keeping her eyes from the Great Slut's sight. Why did the Great Slut of Orange give him Magic Power? I don't think I'll never understand this completely…)**

"The man who lives in the observatory outside town may know of the Skull kid's whereabouts." The Orange Slut explained.

"_May_ know?" Navi asked. "Either he does or he doesn't! WHICH IS IT?"

"…But be careful!" the Great Slut told Tatl while ignoring Navi's last remark. "You must not underestimate that child's powers, kind young ones."

"Yeah… We'll keep that in mind." Tatl told the Great Slut.

**(Link then woke up.)**

"Navi… I had the most horrid dream…" Link whimpered in his chibi voice. "I dreamed that I got turned into a Deku and I had to ask the Great Slut of Orange for directions…"

"Sorry to break the news to you, but that wasn't a dream…" Navi told Link.

"O.O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link screamed in his Deku voice.

"If ever you are returned to your former shape, come and see me. I shall give you more help." The Slut told Link.

"Thank you Great Fairy!" Tatl exclaimed waving good-bye cheerily as Navi put away her duct tape, which she had just put on Link's nozzle; then Link suffocated because that was his nose besides his mouth so Navi had rip off the duct tape to give the poor Deku Shrimp—er…Scrub mouth-to-mouth…mouth-to-nose…mouth-to-nozzle.

**(And with that, the Great slut sank off shrieking like a witch, as always done as Link recovered.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter three! 

Deku Link: Hey! I'm still chibi!

Cherry-sama: I tried to make this chapter nine pages long, so I had to get ride of some script.

Deku Link: THIS ISN'T IN MY HERO'S SIDEKICK CONTRACT!!!

Navi: Link, you don't have a Hero's Sidekick contract…

Deku Link: I don't? THAT'S IT! I WANT TO SEE MY LAWYER!

Tatl: That's me!

Navi: -.- Joy. Please review before Cherry-sama goes to court.


	4. Chapter 4: REALLY Evil Zelda!

**Chapter 4 (Hrnf! Hrnf! Hrnf! I have updated! Link likes throwing spiders at girls and yelling about his so-called innocence while waiting for important stuff to happen. You can laugh all you want, but you can't die laughing before you finish the chapter! And I'm sorry if you like Tingle, but I personally hate him so it kinda sucks to be you.) C:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: MM, even if I want to steal Skull kid's mask and A: wear it for Halloween, or B: Sell it on eBay for more than it's worth! See ya on eBay, folks! I do not own Sissel's Weightless or _the_ cursed numbers.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to Totally Whacked! TW! 

Deku Link: Where we last left me, I had just gone to court with Cherry-sama and I tried to sue her. But because I had no Hero's Side-Kick Contract, I am screwed.

Cherry-sama: No, you're whacked! Screwed is for Twilight Princess.

Deku Link: _(raises eyebrow, but he has no eye brows so he raised his eyelid)_

Navi: O.o

Tatl: o.O

Deku Link: Please don't look at me that way… Please read.

_**

* * *

What are Link's 'pleasant memories' of Princess Zelda? **_

_Wonder no more! You shall now get to see how demonic this Jewelry Obsessed Princess really is!_

**

* * *

(Link got dragged outside the fountain, and he saw two things. One was a kid, as short as a cabbage patch doll, with a P-shooter. The kid _(apparently a guy cabbage patch doll)_ was shooting a balloon with a picture of that really cool purple mask that I want to wear on Halloween, on it. The other thing was something that we all hate with great displeasure, a freak in green clothes suspended from a red balloon that really looked like a candy apple. Link decided to test his chances and use his new Bubble attack the red balloon. Navi said no, since the Great Slut of Orange gave this Bubble attack to him and that also scared Link. Tatl said he should use it. Link tried, but the bubble just floated away. Link then stole the cabbage patch doll's bubble gum and shot the freak's candy apple balloon. The gum covered balloon fell on top of the freak, which was still floating, oddly enough. The green guy should have fallen out of the sky, but he didn't. Instead he remained suspended in midair. The freak looked around _(in midair, ignoring all laws of physics)_ and saw his candy apple was popped by bubble gum, not making any sense in the laws of pointy objects. He then randomly started flapping his arms while screaming. If the freak hadn't screamed, he would have realized he could fly, but his loss of oxygen made him go splat. He then re-inflated his legs _(making Link think the freak was made of balloons)_ and he started twirling round and round. Link decided to talk to this freak, and Tatl hid inside his hat. Tatl screamed in terror and then hid in Link's hat.) **

"What's this question mark?" the freak asked.

"Hi! I'm Link, and this is Navi. I'm right now a chibi and I was wondering if you are made out of balloons and if you breath helium." Link exclaimed, walking towards his doom.

"Green clothes dot dot dot…white fairy dot dot dot… Sir comma, could you comma, by chance comma, be a forest fairy question mark?" the freak asked, saying every single grammatical symbol I write down.

"What's a forest fairy question mark?" Link asked, not being as freaky as the freak.

"Oh my exclamation mark!" the freak exclaimed, even though Link never answered the question.

"O.o" Navi looked at this guy.

"My name is Tingle exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed.

"Tingle exclamation mark?" Navi asked.

"I think it's just Tingle." Link told Navi.

"And I think I am the same as you comma, sir period." Tingle exclamation mark told Link. "A forest fairy exclamation mark!"

"I'm not a forest fairy exclamation mark! I'm not even a forest fairy question mark!" Chibi Link protested.

"Alas comma, although I am already age 1295 no fairy has come to me yet dot dot dot…" Tingle exclamation mark sighed.

"O.o" Link looked, for in his last adventure, it had taken him 13 years to have Navi join him. "And I thought I was bad…"

"My late father tells me to grow up and act my age dash dash—dead comma, but why question mark?" Tingle exclamation mark asked.

"Because it would be better for the general populace?" Tatl whimpered inside Link's hat.

"I tell you dot dot dot…Tingle is the very reincarnation for a fairy exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed.

"And I pity that poor soul…" Navi told Tingle exclamation mark.

"Now while I stand here comma, waiting for a fairy of my own comma, I sell maps to help my late father period." Tingle exclamation mark.

"I guess he's taken over the business…" Link paused.

"Lucky exclamation mark! Lucky exclamation mark! You're so lucky to have a fairy exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed as he jumped up and down.

"I know…" Deku Link told Tingle exclamation mark.

"I know exclamation mark! I know exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed, still jumping up and down. "We should be friends exclamation mark!"

"O.o Where'd that come from?" Navi asked.

"Yes exclamation mark! Yes exclamation mark! In exchange I will sell you a map for cheap as a sign of my friendship exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed.

"Sure… We still have to pay…" Link muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Will you buy one of Tingle's maps question mark?" Tingle exclamation mark asked.

**(Link bought the Clock Town Map for five rupees, which leaves him with one rupee left.)**

"Yippee exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed.

**(Link got the map he bought! Wait… Why is there a doodle of a lady in a bikini on the back?)**

"Well comma, call again exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed.

**(Tingle went into fetal position. Tatl peeked out from the wooden hat.)**

"Uh-oh…" Tatl paused.

"What?" Link asked.

"Cover your ears." Tatl told Navi.

**(Navi covered her ears.)**

"Tingle comma, tingle exclamation mark! Kooloo-dash-limpah exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark exclaimed, throwing confetti.

"O.O" Link looked.

"…Dot dot dot these are the magic words that Tingle created himself period. Don't steal them exclamation mark!" Tingle exclamation mark told Link as Tingle exclamation mark flew off into the sunset, the last we will hear from him this chapter…hopefully.

"Why'd you want me to cover my ears?" Navi asked, for she didn't hear any of those evil things.

"That's Tingle's Fairy Brain-washing words. It once worked for a pink fairy I knew and I never heard from her again. I think Tingle takes those poor brain washed fairies to a scientist and they get dissected…" Tatl explained.

"Ewww…" Link paused, for he knew (sort of, remember the furniture? Ahem) the pain of dissection.

**(Then Link ran away screaming, but the fairies dragged him back. Link made another bubble of his gum and popped the balloon with that really cool mask on it that I want to wear for Halloween. Then Link talked to the cabbage patch doll kid, who was looking around trying to find out who popped his balloon, not realizing that it was the same bozo who stole his bubble gum. The boy, Link using his super psychic Deku abilities, found out his name was…Jim.)**

"Are you the one who just popped that up there?" Jim asked.

"Yes I am, Jiminy Crickets!" Link exclaimed.

"Not bad for a Deku Scrub with super psychic Deku abilities!" Jim exclaimed.

"How'd you know about my abilities?" Link asked, shifting his eyes.

"We Bombers know everything. We even have a hideout that leads to the observatory outside town." Jim exclaimed.

"COOL!" Link exclaimed.

"You need a code to get in." Jim told Link.

"Ohhh…" Link moped.

"Maybe I'll tell you what the code is!" Jim smirked. "But don't think you're getting it that easily!"

"I will though!" Link exclaimed.

"I can't just tell you what the code is…" Jim told Link.

"Dang!" Chibi Link muttered.

"You'll have to pass my test first. Are you ready?" Jim asked.

"Yes, duh!" Link told Jimmy.

"Alright! Line up, guys!" Jim exclaimed.

**(Jim then exploded. When the smog cleared up, Link saw that Jim hat just spontaneously duplicated himself like a bacteria culture. Jim's clones had blue hats.)**

"If you can find five of us by tomorrow morning, I'll tell you the code! Are you ready?" Jim asked.

"Yeah." Link told the guys.

**(The cabbage patch boys jumped all at once, but one jumped out of sync and fell down, thus ripping a large hole in his pants.)**

**

* * *

(Link and Co. went around town looking for the cabbage patch boys. Link ran into East Clock Town. There he saw a clone with a yellow bandana, blocking a pathway, while jumping up and down. Tatl, evidently didn't like children, for she complained about them.) **

"Oh, why do we have to play these stupid brats' games?" Tatl asked.

"C'mon! Hurry up and find them already! Only this amount of time left!" Navi nagged, showing Link her watch, which Link never knew she had (must have been in his hat).

"Night never comes, remember?" Link asked.

"This world actually does. NOW GET MOVING!" Navi hissed.

"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" the yellow clone exclaimed, jumping up and down in beat with each different number he said.

"Maybe that's the code?" Tatl suggested.

"Probably." Navi told Tatl.

**(Tatl flew up to the kid.)**

"4 8 15 16 23 42?" Tatl told the kid.

"4 8 15 16 23 42!" the kid exclaimed, letting Link and Co. past.

"…Weird…" Navi sighed, Link shrugging for a reply.

**(Link started to head into the pathway. Tatl had an ONA.)**

**"**I wonder how the astronomer knows the Skull kid? Whoa!!! Look at the time! You don't even have three days left!" Tatl exclaimed before breaking into tears.

"Duh." Link and Navi told Tatl.

"WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HAAATTE ONA!" Tatl cried on Link shoulder, Link patting her comfortingly, but resulting in squishing Tatl.

**

* * *

(Link went inside and hopped across random water, watching out for the Skulltula and burst a balloon. Link headed up the multi-coloured stairs _(OwO THEY LOOK COOL)_ and talked to a random old man who was apparently the astronomer.) **

"Hi!" Link exclaimed, waving to the astronomer.

**"**Well, well… A strange-looking child has joined me today… Are you a new friend of the Bomber's gang?" the geezer asked.

"Yep!" Navi exclaimed/lied.

"…Hmmm. Your manners seem much better than those of your mischievous friend from the other day." The geezer chuckled. "Hrnf, hrnf, hrnf!"

"O.O" Link looked at the old man.

"That laugh is odder than Ms. Shadowpunkle's!" Navi exclaimed.

"Who?" Tatl asked.

"My evil math teacher." Navi told Tatl.

"Hrnf, hrnf, hrnf—HACK! COUGH! COUGH! ARGH!" the astronomer laughed, and then had a heart attack, which made him die.

"O.o" Link and Co. looked.

**(The astronomer's corpse lay lifelessly on the floor. There was silence except for that Cucco one below.)**

"Now what?" Link asked.

"Let's look into the telescope!" Tatl exclaimed.

(So Link walked over the astronomer's corpse to look into the telescope. Link** got to look around a random field from the telescope. Link ignored all surrounding to zoom in on the Clock Tower, and he saw Skull kid on top! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Skull kid was shaking his head gleefully, and then he looked up at the moon. Link followed his gaze and saw that the moon was crying. Then Link noticed the moon's tears were solid _(O.o no wonder he was crying)_ and one tear hit the earth. There was a loud crash. Link looked at it, it was the moon's tear all right, which came out of the center of his eye, not the side…odd. Link looked back up at Skull kid and he was mooning Link, with pants on _(weirdo…)_, from the top of the Tower. Skull kid jumped up, stared singing 'Weightless' by 'Sissel', and disappeared.)**

"…" Link paused, stepping away from the telescope. 

"What happened?" Navi asked.

"OwO THAT WAS SO COOL!" Link exclaimed.

**(Guess who had an ONA?)**

**"**I wonder how Skull kid got on top of the Clock Tower? The only way up there is through the Clock Door, and that only opens on the eve of the carnival." Tatl told the two, then burst into tears.

**(Navi looked over at Link.)**

"How'd she know that Skull kid was on top of the Tower?" Navi asked, not wondering how she even knew.

**(Before leaving, Link decided to highjack the moon's solid tear and sell it for more than it's worth.)**

**

* * *

(Meanwhile…) **

"What's taking the Deku boy so long?" Tim asked.

"I dunno." Replied Sim.

"Maybe he figured out our code." Suggested Him.

"I doubt it." Jim told his blue cabbage patch clones. "Unless Whim (yellow clone) was yelling it over and over again at the top of his lungs."

"…Again." Fin muttered disapprovingly.

**(Anyways, back to Link…)**

**

* * *

(Link head back to East Clock Town. From there, he went to the South Clock Town to talk to the DSS who yelled at him last chapter.) **

"I've already sold out of my wares, and the carnival hasn't even begun." The DSS exclaimed merrily. "I'm thinking of closing up the shop so I can buy a gift for my wife and return to her in my village!"

"What do you have in mind?" Navi asked.

"I've heard that a stone called the Moon's Tear shines brighter than any other in the land! If you've got one, I'd really like to get if from you." the DSS exclaimed.

"Why do you think I have it?" Link asked, but he was ignored.

"My wife would love it! If you give it to me, I'll give you this spot here... Deku Flower included!" the DSS exclaimed.

**(Link gave the DSS the Moon's Tear.)**

**"**Ah! That stone! You must hand it over to me! In exchange I'll give you my spot here…flower included! Yes?"

**(The DSS gave Link the Land Title Deed. Link held it with both hands and looked at it, utterly puzzled. Tatl and Navi both looked over each of his shoulders.)**

**"**You really helped me out! Now I have a perfect souvenir for my wife!" the DSS exclaimed. "She hasn't set eyes on a jewel or strange, sparkling stone like this for a very long time."

"What's this?" Navi asked looking up from looking over Link's shoulder to look at the paper he was holding.

"My, my! It is the Land Title Deed! The title deed for this spot should be in very high demand among Deku Scrubs, but you already know that. If you don't need it anymore, then you can always sell it."

**(With that, the DSS took off his funky hat, entered the flower, grabbed his under wear, his postage stamp, and his shoelaces and flew off into the sunset. Tatl's ONA kicked in.)**

**"**Remember? You're a Deku, so why don't you try using this Deku Flower? Whoa!!! Look at the time! You don't even have three days left!" Tatl exclaimed before crying on Navi's shoulder.

"Oh wow." Link gasped sarcastically, rolling his Deku eyes. "I feel _so_ threatened."

**

* * *

(Link had three days to run around and do whatever he liked. So he threw spiders at girls and yelled that he didn't kill the astronomer, which he actually did. Then, when six o'clock came, he decided to hide at the Laundry Pool. There, Link saw a music man, playing something that Link knew, and a little purpleheaded  
_(get it? Redheaded? Purpleheaded? Oh, never mind)_ kid, wearing a yellow mask, playing the bagpipes. Oddly enough they were both playing Song of Storms, a song that Link miraculously forgot how to play, even though he was constantly nagged about how pretty it was by the authoress _(favorite song n.n)_, in his last adventure. The yellow mask kid stopped playing and looked over at the other guy.) **

"Tomorrow night we play Scotland's National Anthem." The yellow mask kid told the music guy.

"Fine." The other guy grumbled. "As soon as we find out what Scotland is."

"Deal." The kid grinned, which wasn't very noticeable since he was wearing a mask.

**(Link walked up to the two.)**

"La-la-la…They say we were too loud when we practiced in our rooms. They got mad. Sigh… Now we're sad. We'll just stay here all night away from their pad. And you are a child, so you must go to bed." The two sang, or they both tried, because the one guy with the bagpipes had to use his lungs in order to play, so they were both singing as best as they could.

"THAT AGEIST!" Link yelled at the two, even though that was not the right word.

"AND RACIST!" Tatl yelled, even though it wasn't really racist.

"WHAT ABOUT THE KID WITH THE BAGPIPES? DOESN'T HE COUNT AS A KID?" Navi yelled.

"La-la-la…They say we were too loud when we practiced in our rooms. They got mad. 'Till morn. We'll stay here. 'Till the pain is gone, we'll stay here. Doo-da-da, doo-dee, doo-dee…" the two sang to the Song of Storms.

"JERKS!" Link yelled as he stormed off, from the two guys singing Song of Storms.

**

* * *

(Link then ran into people's houses, throwing spiders at girls, and yelling about how he didn't kill the astronomer. By now the police had found his corpse and everyone was a bit suspicious. Then came morning.) **

**DAWN OF THE SECOND DAY**

**-48 Hours Remain-**

**(Link freaked out, but got over the fact that the world around him went black and mysterious white things appeared. Link then ran around, throwing spiders at girls, and yelling about how he didn't kill the astronomer, making people think otherwise. Link saw a fat Goron almost roll over him, but Link didn't mind. He had put a banana peel in front of the Goron. There was a loud crash… Link then saw a redheaded girl with an umbrella walk by. Link threw a spider at her. She screamed while running around in circles. After she got it off, Link threw another one. She screamed while running around in circles. Link gave an evil smirk and continued to do this demonic activity. As a result, it took her a whole five hours just to get to her destination: The Laundry Pool. She sat down and looked over at Link)**

"Hello, mister Scrub. How about this rain?" the redhead asked, not at all mad at the evil little tree stump who threw spiders at her.

"It's great!" Link grinned widely, for he had had the best reaction out of that redhead out of all the other girls he threw spiders at.

"Do you Scrubs feel sad on rainy days, too?" the redhead asked.

"Nope!" Link exclaimed.

"…But Deku Scrubs are supposed to like rain…" the redhead paused. "At least one of us has a reason to be happy… I need to be happier, don't I?"

"Nope!" Link grinned as best as he could with a cylinder for a mouth.

**

* * *

(Link then flew away. No, I really mean it. Onto the platform of the Clock Tower. You know, using that one Deku Flower the DSS gave him? How'd he get all the way over top the Deku Flower? Whatever. Now that that's over with…) **

"Now what?" Link asked.

**(Guess what! It's ONA time!)**

**"**The door of the Clock Tower opens up once a year—at midnight on the eve of the carnival." Tatl explained, then crying again.

"LOOK!" Navi hissed. "IF YOU CRY, EVERY TIME YOU HAVE AN ONA! YOU WILL DROWN! SO STOP IT!"

"Okay…" Tatl whimpered/sniffed.

**

* * *

**

DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY

**-24 Hours Remain-**

**(Link waited around until midnight. He threw spiders at girls who walked underneath his ledge and continuously yelled about how he didn't kill the astronomer. The Clock Town Police had no idea how Link got up on the ledge of the clock door, so they didn't arrest him because they figured that he would fall down and break his spine. When midnight came, there were pretty fireworks and the tower rose up and the top fell over sideways. The door fell away revealing a set of stairs.)**

"Somebody has a lame way to have a party." Link told no one while watching this so-called carnival, which actually was pretty amazing for this time era.

**

* * *

(Link then spontaneously combusted. He then exploded on top of the Clock Tower, with Skull kid singing 'Weightless' by 'Sissel' into Zelda's Ocarina, which Skull kid had been using as a kind of Microphone. Skull kid was floating there, his back to Link and Co, Skull kid turned and he started tossing Zelda's Ocarina in his hand, pretending that he had never sang 'Sissel' songs into it.) **

**"**………" Skull kid paused, probably hoping that Link had not seen him singing like that.

**(Tael flew out of Skull kid's straw hat. This reminded Navi of her and Link.)**

**"**Sis!!!" Tael exclaimed.

**"**Ah! Tael! We've been looking for you two." Tatl waved to her brother. "Hey, Skull kid, what if gave that mask you're wearing back now?"

**(Silence.)**

"Hey, c'mon, are you listening?" Tatl asked.

"He probably isn't." Navi told Tatl, who glared at Navi.

**(Tael flew forwards, scaring the living daylights out of Link and the two fairies. But not Skull kid. He was humming a certain song he loves.)**

**"**Swamp. Mountain. Ocean. Canyon. The four who are there…bring them here… And please hurry. I really hate the song 'Weightless' by 'Sissel'." Tael told Tatl (TATTLE-TAILS! Ahem).

**(Skull kid gasped and hit Tael.)**

"HOW DARE YOU! Don't speak out of line! Stupid fairy!!!" Skull kid hissed. "That's song's awesome!"

**(Tatl gasped as Skull kid started singing the song he was humming: 'Weightless' by 'Sissel'. Singing it into the Ocarina, not caring what Link thought. This made Tael cry _(due to the fact that Skull kid sang, not the fact the Skull kid didn't care about Link anymore)_.)**

"Nooo!! What are you doing to my brother?" Tatl gasped, looking at the villain horrified. "Skull kid, do you still think you're our friend after that?!!?"

"I would." Navi told Link, who nodded.

**(Skull kid stopped singing and started tossing Zelda's Ocarina around again.)**

"…Well, whatever. Even if they were to come now, they couldn't handle me… My pretty-ful voice is too elegant for them! Hee, hee." Skull kid giggled.

"Right…" Link scoffed.

"I could stop your work right now!" Navi hissed.

"HA!" Skull kid ha-ed.

"What's so funny?" Link asked, for he knew Navi's strength.

"Just look above you… If it's something that can be stopped, then just try and stop it!" Skull kid giggled.

**(Skull kid called on his uber cool purple mask's power and matching purple electricity started pulsing everywhere. Skull kid was letting out this very annoying cry making the moon start to tremble and fall as a result of his horrid singing. Then 'Weightless' by 'Sissel' started playing in the background. Link grumbled as he rummaged through his pockets to look for paper to write his will. Instead his found leftover gum, Tingle exclamation mark's bikini map, and the Land Title Deed. Link then shot Skull kid with bubble gum _(the other two things already had writing on them, so he couldn't do anything about that)_ and Skull kid pulled and yanked his gum-infested body away from the pink goo. As a result Skull kid dropped Zelda's Ocarina. The Ocarina landed on the ground safely, making the 'Song of Storms' obsessed authoress wonder why it didn't break. Link ran over and grabbed Zelda's Ocarina.)**

"Yay! I got Zelda's Ocarina back!" Link exclaimed.

**(…Suddenly, pleasant memories of Princess Zelda came rushing back to Link…)**

**

* * *

Flashback **

"_LINK!!!" Zelda yelled harshly for her newest and favorite servant boy._

_**(Link came into Zelda's throne room, wearing a small pink and yellow apron over his other clothes. They clashed horribly.)**_

"_Yes Princess?" Link asked._

"_Why are you taking so long to make my 'Guava, Lemon, Cherry sprinkle, Pomegranate, Pumpernickel, Sugary Sweet, Good to Eat, Pineapple, Blueberry, Grape Treat, Lime green, Fuzzy Peach, don't forget about the Bleach, Super Healthy, Peeled Banana, Tapioca, Tropicana, Strawberry, Star Fruit, Melon, Leachy, aren't those ingredients just peachy? Raspberry, Orange, Mango, Kiwi, Aren't you getting this punch for me? Blackberry, Durian, Hairs of a Llama, stop making this list so long Cherry-sama! Cantaloupe, Apple, Chilly Pepper, Santa's little Magic Helper, Raspberry, Nectarine, Grapefruit, and Tangerine, Plum, Pear, Coconut, Almond, Peanut, Hazelnut' flavored punch?" Zelda asked evilly while saying a little rhyme._

"_Well, thing is, I can't remember all the ingredients you wanted…" Link muttered feebly._

"_TOO BAD! GET MY PUNCH! NOW!" Zelda yelled pointing to the place Link had just come from._

_**(Link ran out of the room and into the kitchen. When he came back with the drink, Princess Ruto was there, in Zelda's throne room.)**_

"_And I want him! He's already my servant!" Zelda hissed at Ruto._

"_But he's engaged! TO ME!" Ruto hissed._

"_Here's you're punch, Zelda." Link told Zelda._

_**(Zelda took a sip.)**_

"_FOOL! THERE'S NO WATERMELON!! OR AVOCADO!!! OR PAPAYA!!! AND WHAT ABOUT THE CRANBERRY?!" Zelda hissed._

"_Look how mean you treat him!" Ruto hissed._

"_Well he doesn't mind because he loves me!" Zelda exclaimed protectively, hugging Link around his shoulders._

"_Ack! Um… Zelda?" Link started._

"_But he got engaged to me! He's going to marry me!" Ruto hissed, grabbing onto Link's arm and dragging him away from Zelda._

"_HE LOVES ME!"_

"_NO ME!"_

"_Um… Excuse me…" Link whimpered, raising his hand._

"_LINK! WHO DO YOU LOVE MORE! ME OR…HER!" both Zelda and Ruto yelled at the same time._

"_Actually, I don't really love either of you girls." Link told the girls timidly._

"_WHHHAAAAATTTT!" Zelda yelled._

"_LINK! YOU CAN'T DRINK ANY MORE WATER FROM ZORA'S RIVER!" Ruto hissed._

"_OH, YEAH? I CAN TOP THAT! LINK, YOU'RE BANISHED FROM HYRULE! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE WITHIN A WEEK, YOU ARE SCREWED!" Zelda yelled, starting to throw thing at Link as he ran out of the room._

_**(Link left the room, skillfully dodging all of the things thrown at him. He took off his apron as Navi flew in the front door. She was carrying so many shopping bags you could barely see where she was.)**_

"_What's going on?" Navi asked, looking at Link._

"_We're leaving. I'm banished from Hyrule." Link grumbled. "Oh, and Zelda banished you too."_

_**(This was a lie, but Link didn't want to have to go alone.)**_

"_What? WHY?" Navi asked._

"_She said you talk too much." Link replied smoothly._

"_WHAT?! Well, guess what! She can't banish me, I'M LEAVING!" Navi yelled, before muttering maliciously to herself. "I talk too much? Huh, snooty little princess. I guess I won't tell her that I put the payment for my ONA medication on her bill." _

**END of Flashback**

**

* * *

(Link remembered the Song of Time! That came outta nowhere… This melody, lingering on in the edges of Link's mind, was a song of memories of Princess Zelda, not that Link WANTS to remember her, the song is just super-glued to the edges of his mind.) **

**"**Snap out of it! What are you doing lost in memories?!? Get yourself together!" Navi hissed, bouncing on Link's hat, making a loud 'thwack' sound.

"Getting that old ocarina back isn't going help us!!!" Tatl yelled, sounding very panicky. "Somebody! Anybody!!! Goddess of Time, help us please! We need more time!"

**(Link whipped out his Ocarina, which turned into a set of Deku pipes.)**

**"**Huh? Where did you get that instrument?!?" Navi asked, for she had never seen Link wield that thingy before.

**(Link raised the pipes to his mouth, paused, and lowered the pipes again.)**

"Navi? Could you help me out? I forgot Song of Time…" Link told Navi.

**(…Okay, maybe it wasn't super-glued to the edges of his brain…)**

"ARGHHH! Give me that!" Navi hissed, grabbing the horns from Link, which instantly turned back into the Ocarina.

**(Navi played Song of Time. And something unknown happened. Link saw…Link _(a very hard thing to do, probably) _surrounded by whiteness and all his items became gone. Link saw his one rupee split into about fifteen rupees as they floated away. Link lost his Deku nuts and Deku sticks. Link had no Deku nuts or Deku sticks… Odd. Link stepped outside the Clock Tower.)**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Chapter four!

Deku Link: WHAT THE HECK? I'M STILL CHIBI!

Cherry-sama: Hey, nobody's perfect!

Navi: Link, calm down.

Link: NO I WON'T HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF—

Tatl: Please review. It might make Link calm down…


	5. Chapter 5: The Evil HMS's Singing

**Chapter 5 (Hey, oh loyal fans! Think about this. A Totally Messed Movie! That's right, a series of chapters that shows the unknowing non-OoT players, how the story goes! With drawing both SoC and I drew! Think about it. IT COULD BE BIG!) xD **

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to TW! Totally Whacked!

Deku Link: Will I be chibi in this chapter?

Cherry-sama: No.

Deku Link: YAY!

Navi: Please, hear my plea. Read before things get worse.

**_

* * *

Why is the HMS singing? _**

_Wonder no more! He's singing due to need of comical events. Frankly, this chapter needs more of that._

**

* * *

(Link stepped outside the Clock Tower. And the world around him went black. White thingies appeared.) **

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(The world became normal again. Navi acted normal as Link randomly spun. Tatl looked around.)**

"W-What just happened?! Everything has…" Tatl paused.

**(Tatl paused as she watched a small, yet fierce, fluffy puppy attack the Deku boy. Navi screamed and started beating the puppy on the head with a stick as Link ran in circles screaming like a little girl.)**

"…started over…" Tatl observed as Navi finally killed the widdle fluffy pup.

**(Link took a few steps forward then turned and saw that the moon was still high in the sky above them.)**

"How does that work?" Link asked.

"Wha…what are you anyway?" Tatl asked Navi.

"I'm a Deku." Link told Tatl, not realizing Tatl was talking to Navi.

"Oh no…" Navi rolled her eyes, thinking Tatl was talking to Link too. "He's the astronomer that he claims he didn't kill, who probably is back to life by now."

"That song you played…that instrument…" Tatl muttered.

"…That instrument!!!" Link exclaimed, for something just occurred to him. "Wait! That's it! Zelda's instrument!!! That mask sales guy said that if we got back that precious thing that was stolen from us, he could turn me back to normal!"

"Yeah, and?" Navi asked.

"Did you completely forget or what?" Tatl asked Link.

"You guys make me feel so loved."

**(Tatl and Navi flew into Link's hat, and to their horror…)**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tatl screamed, flying back out again, going about the speed of sound.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Navi screamed also, going about the speed of sound, too.

"What?" Chibi Link asked.

"ALL THE FURNITURE HAS RESET AND IS ROOTED TO THE FLOOR AGAIN!" Navi yelled, looking at Link's hat in horror. "AND THE LINE IS GONE!"

**(Tatl smirked. This info could be used to her advantage… Link's face turned as white as it can get in a body the colour of an elm tree. I think you would be very surprised…)**

"This is bad…" Tatl paused.

"That means we have to set all the furniture back…AGAIN!" Navi grumbled.

"NOOOO!" Link screamed in a chibi voice, clutching the edges of his hat, pulling down while the townsfolk look at the puppy's lifeless body on the ground, for the authoress had forgotten about the cutie until now. "I don't want to feel the pain when Navi's birthday present cut into my head…AGAIN!"

"Birthday present?" Tatl paused, looking at the blue fairy.

"He means my axe. …Or does he mean my rat poison? Or my welder? Or the chainsaw?" Navi paused. "Maybe he means the saw…"

"Grandma, you and Link have been together for how many years?" Tatl asked.

"Two. Or nine, depends if you count the time when he was in a coma." Navi told Tatl.

"Two." Link confirmed, loosening his grip on the edges of his hat.

"Wha—HOW COULD YOU GET THOSE FIVE PRESENTS IF YOU'VE ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR HALF THE TIME?" Tatl yelled, scaring away the townsfolk, making them call the police.

"Simple." Link told Tatl, letting go of his hat completely.

"He gave me the welder with the rat poison two years ago." Navi explained.

"The Chainsaw, the saw, and the axe, were a set." Link explained.

"No wonder…" Tatl muttered for some odd reason, which will probably be described later in this fic, because even the authoress has no clue what she is rambling about.

**

* * *

(So, Link went inside the Clock Tower…where no time ever passes…odd… And guess who Link talked to!) **

"Hello there! Were you able to recover your precious item from that imp?" the HMS grinned, then went back to softly singing the song 'If you're happy and you know it', for the HMS had sensed that Link had gotten the mask back.

**(Link paused.) **

"If you're happy and you know it, grin widely." The HMS grinned softly. "If you're happy and you know it, grin widely."

"Yeah?" Link asked, not sure what to tell the grinning guy, who was singing a song (not 'Weightless' by 'Sissel' for once), which everyone else in the room could hear too.

"Oh! Oh! Ohhh!!!" The HMS grinned, semi-strangling Link, while humming that same song. "You got it! You got it! You got it! You got it!!!"

"Well, I got my instrument…" Link paused, pointing to the Ocarina Pipes.

"YIPPEE!" The HMS exclaimed, jumping up and down, still grinning, and singing the song.

"Um…" Navi paused, trying to explain for Link. "Thing is…"

**(An organ randomly appeared at the HMS's feet.**

"Then listen to me. Please play this song that I am about to perform, and remember it well… Follow along after me…" The HMS grinned.

**(Link got his Ocarina pipes ready. Absent mindedly, the HMS played 'If you're happy and you know it'. But After a couple seconds, he started playing Song of Healing _(which is also REALLY PRETTY!)_.**** Link started to feel woozy. The background turned black and it showed Link waving good-bye to the Deku scrub. Soon, the background turned back to normal and showed a Mask fell away from his face. Link then examined himself! HE WAS NOT CHIBI! Yay! Now Link won't try to sue me anymore!)**

"This melody that heals evil magic and troubled spirits, turning them into masks." The HMS grinned as he still hummed the 'happy' song. "I am sure it will be of assistance to you in the future."

"But…" Link paused, picking up the mask. "What do I do with this?"

"Ah, yes." The HMS grinned, for he had forgotten all about the Deku Mask. "I give you this mask in commemoration of this day."

"O.O But it might turn me into a chibi again! And I probably won't be able to turn back!" Link yelled.

"Fear not, for the magic has been sealed inside the mask. When you wear it, you will transform into the shape you just were. When you remove it, you will return to normal." The HMS explained.

"Still…" Navi muttered, still uncertain about her house.

**(Link got the Deku Mask! Painful memories are connected with this mask…)**

"Now, I have fulfilled my promise to you…" The HMS pointed out, and held out his hand. "So, please, give me that which you promised me…"

**(Pause.)**

"Don't tell me… My mask… You did…get it back… Didn't you?" The HMS paused, suddenly struck with horror as he finally stopped humming the 'happy and you know it' song.

"…No…" Link told the HMS, finally spitting it out.

**(The HMS froze… He instantaneously picked up Link and shook him wildly. The HMS had flames burning bright somewhere inside his eyes, but he was still grinning. Tatl and Navi just watched this scene being ever so heroic.)**

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!! I WANT TO TAKE OVER HYRULE!" the HMS asked, yelling these lines while ignoring the two fairies.

"O.O PARDON?" Navi and Tatl yelled.

"Erm… I mean… If you leave my mask out there, something terrible will happen!" The HMS corrected himself, while temporarily stopping from shaking Link like a Baby Rattle.

**(The HMS continued to shake Link. And the fairies are being as helpful as ever by singing.)**

"If you're mad and you know it…" Navi started as she sang those words.

"…and you really want to show it…" Tatl continued, singing also.

"If you're mad and you know it, abuse a kid." Navi finished.

**(The PMS…erm… HMS dropped Link and held his head, while failing about, still smiling.)**

"Ow…" Link frowned, unlike the HMS.

"What's so important about that mask anyways?" Tatl asked.

"The mask that was stolen from me… It is called Majora's Mask." The HMS started to explain.

**EVER SO COOL FLASHBACK!**

"It is an accursed item from legend that is said to have been used by an ancient tribe for ancient hexing rituals. It is said that an evil and wicked power is bestowed upon the one who wears that mask. According to legend…the troubles caused by Majora's Mask were so great…the ancient ones, fearing such a catastrophe, sealed the mask in shadow forever, preventing its misuse. But now, that the tribe from the legend has vanished, no one really knows the mask's true power…"

**END OF EVER SO COOL FLASHBACK!**

"…But I feel it." The HMS sighed. 

**(None of the heroes said anything, for Link had fainted, Tatl died inside and the only one who was actually conscious at this point, was Navi, who shook rather violently.)**

"I went to great lengths to get that legendary mask. When I finally had it…I could sense the doom of a dark omen brewing." The HMS explained, oddly enough putting his hands into a heart shape, WHILE ACTUALLY FROWNING!

"What kind of dark omen?" Navi asked, shaking.

"It was that unwelcome feeling that makes your hair stand on end." The HMS sighed.

"O . O AND THAT MASK IS SOMETHING THE AUTHORESS WANTS TO WEAR ON HALLOWEEN?!?!" Navi gasped, almost fainting herself.

"And now…that imp has it…" The HMS frowned while face palming.

"…P…p…poor Skull kid…" Tatl whimpered, being the only friend of the villain in the group.

"I am begging you!" The HMS groaned, bowing to Link and creeped-out Co. "You must get that mask back quickly so I can take over the world!"

"…" Navi and Tatl paused.

"…………I mean… if you don't, something horrible will happen!" the HMS corrected himself.

"…Okay…" Navi paused.

"If you say so…" Tatl paused.

"I'm begging you! I'm begging you! You must do it! You must get my mask back!" the HMS pleaded.

**(Navi woke Link up, for she knew ever so well how he wanted to be the hero. And that meant that helping the HMS out was his choice.)**

"Link?" Navi asked.

"Ye…yes?" Link stuttered.

"The HMS wants you to get the mask back." Navi told Link.

"Well tell him that he should get a horse." Link grumbled, rolling over on his stomach.

**(Navi paused. It seemed as if Link was not used to being the hero.)**

"Well?" the HMS asked, cocking his head.

"He says 'I'd love to'." Navi explained.

"No. He said…" Tatl started saying.

**(Navi stuffed Tatl into Link's hat.)**

"Really? He'll do it for me?" The HMS asked.

"Yes." Navi confirmed.

"I was certain he would tell me that." The HMS grinned.

**(Link glared at Navi. Navi bonked him on the head and he miraculously got Hypothermia. Tatl stood there, obviously shocked at Grandma's strength.)**

"…L…Link?" Tatl gazed in horror.

"He'll be fine!" Navi grumbled.

"But what if he doesn't recover?" Tatl asked.

"Surely, he can do it!" The HMS grinned, like he always does. "Believe in his strengths…Believe…"

"But…" Tatl gasped.

"He'd better live!" Navi grumbled.

**(Link twitched.)**

"Gr…" Navi grumbled.

**(Navi took a deep, deep, DEEP breath.)**

"ACK!" Link screamed. "Don't you dare!"

**(Navi chuckled. Link started to walk to the door, followed by the fairies.)**

"I will be waiting here for you. Ho, ho, ho." The HMS waved as the heroes walked off.

**

* * *

(Our 'heroes' exited to see the world. And Tatl just doesn't know where to drop a topic.) **

"That mask…" Tatl mumbled. "Skull Kid uses the power of that mask to do those terrible things."

"Well…whatever it takes, Link has gotta do something about it." Navi exclaimed, sitting atop Link's hat.

"Why me?" Link grumbled.

"Because you never got to be the hero last time. I'm doing you a favor by letting you go and save the world!" Navi hissed.

"Fine." Link mumbled grumpily.

"…The swamp, mountains, ocean and canyon that Tael was trying to tell us about…" Navi paused.

"I bet he was referring to the four areas just outside town." Tatl exclaimed.

"How much do ya bet?" Link asked, an evil grin in his eyes.

"Sigh… Where are they?" Navi asked the question Link was suppost to.

"There's one in each compass direction." Tatl told Navi.

"Do you mean that there's one North, South, East and West?" Link asked.

"Correct." Navi confirmed.

"But what do you suppose he meant by 'the four who are there'?" Tatl pondered.

"I have no idea." Link sighed.

"He's your brother! He's suppost to help you out, isn't he?!" Navi yelled.

"Thing is…" Tatl paused. "He always skips important stuff."

"Ooooo! He _is_ just like Ivan!" Link exclaimed.

"Does Ivan forget to tell people important parts of conversations?" Tatl asked.

"No." Navi confirmed, ignoring Link, who was giggling madly. "Ivan just forgets to remember important things. In fact, he forgets to remember anything!"

"Oh." Tatl paused. "Anyways…"

"I guess that means we should just go and find out what Tael was talking about…" Navi sighed.

"Okay…" Link paused, trying hard to get off the Ivan topic. "Where do we go now?"

"If we go through that gate straight ahead, we'll be heading in the direction of the swamp." Tatl exclaimed.

"Alright…" Link smiled, pulling up his belt and pointing Northwards. "Let's go!"

"We need to go South. South is that way." Navi pointed out, by pointing South.

"…Let's go!" Link exclaimed, pointing South while pretended that that never happened.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Ta-da! 

Link: _(dances)_

Navi: You want to wear Majora's mask on Halloween?

Cherry-sama: Yeah. It's cool.

Tatl: But that mask is evil!

Cherry-sama: So? I want to singe a few idiots.

Fairies: O O

Link: Please review!


	6. Chapter 6: Monkey Talk

**Chapter 6! (Yay! Back! Miss me? Weightless music video. Posted youtube. Go to profile to watch. You watch?)**

**Disclaimer: Do not own MM, tea, crumpets, banana bread, banana muffins, or colour wheel. Or British accents. And vampires. Dracula owns. Not me.**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Hi!

Link: Why we talk weird?

Cherry-sama: Me say so.

Navi: Joy. Read. Help!

**_

* * *

What happen if me type like this all chapter? _**

_Wonder no! Me has come to decision. Me figures that me get much flame if me speak so. Readers get annoyed quick. On to real question._

**_What would happen if all the Monkeys had British accents?_**

_Wonder no more! We will show it in this story! Plus, British people, we all love you, and this is proof. We love-th thine accents so ruddy much, we shall give the awesomely cute Monkeys your accent! Isn't that bloody awesome?_

**

* * *

**

**(Where we last left Link, was about to go to the swamp. But he instantaneously forgot and got the Swirlie, for reasons unknown, for the time being. After slowing time _(he knows how? Ahem.)_, of course. He then walked to the Fountain and healed the Great Slut/Fairy.)**

"Oh, Tatl, and you, kind young one!" the Great slut of orange exclaimed.

"Hey! What about me? Stop forgetting me!" Navi hissed.

"…And you, elder land lord." The Great Slut paused.

"Ooo! That title! It has a nice ring to it." Navi smiled.

"Are you going to make Tatl pay rent, Navi?" Link asked.

"That's not a bad idea either…" Navi smiled.

**(Tatl swore language that was more colourful than any hair that belonged to the great sluts in this game.)**

"………Erm… THANK you for returning my broken and shattered body to normal." The Great slut paused.

"Sorry, Great fairy!" Tatl bowed.

"I am—" the Slut started.

"Let me guess. The Great Fairy of Magic."

"Yes. I am. And for now, this is all I can offer you. Allow me—" the Slut continued.

"To ease our weariness as your token of gratitude, right?" Navi asked.

**(The Great Slut decided not to say anything, for this was currently creeping her out. She healed the team and restored magic.)**

"Oh—" the Slut started.

"Kind young one?" Link asked.

"…That is just scary…" Tatl paused, not knowing how many sluts the two had already encountered.

"…Scattered throughout the four temples of this land are broken Stray Fairies like me. Please find a way to save them and return them to their fountains." The Slut told the three.

"What will that do?" Link complained.

"Surely, they will add to your strength." Tatl pointed out.

"Allow me to grant you something good so the Stray Fairies will not fear you." the slut smiled, showing a mask that would only be able to fit Tatl/Navi/Tael/Ivan.

**(Tatl got the Great Fairy's Mask! Complete with likeness to the Sluts in the other game.)**

"Come see me whenever you are overcome by weariness." The Slut told Tatl, for Link and Navi were very scary indeed.

**(The Great Slut of Orange cackled while shrinking from the scene of the crime.)**

"Hey…" Link mumbled. "How come I didn't get the mask?"

"Because you were being rude to the Great Fairy!" Tatl snapped.

"So?" Navi asked.

"GIMME!" Link yelled, jumping up and down to try and grab Tatl.

"…Come on. Do you actually want _**this**_ mask?" Tatl pointed out, since it was the GREAT SLUT'S mask!

**(Link got so scared that he ran to South Clock Town. The poor sentry was left helpless as Link ran twelve times the speed of sound.)**

"Stop right there!" the guard yelled. "Have you some errand inside the swamp?"

**(Sound effect moment only: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!)**

"It is dangerous outside the town walls, so I cannot allow a child like you to…" the guard yelled, then he noticed that Link was gone.

**(Link was still running. The sentry noticed something.)**

"…A sword?" the guard muttered to himself.

**(Link still ran, while running over a few Chu-chus and killing a few crows.)**

"My apologies, sir. It was wrong of me to treat you like a child." The sentry yelled to Link, who was making a long path in the ground.

**(More running.)**

"The southern swamp at Woodfall lies in that direction. Be careful." The guard hummed as he ignored the boy that just murdered a person who was climbing a tree at the time.

**

* * *

(So, in some twisted way, Link was heading to the Southern Swamp. When almost there, Tatl stopped Link, by flying over to a random tree where a ****_(badly drawn)_**** picture was.)**

"Oh! I remember this!" Tatl exclaimed, by grabbing onto Link's arm and pointing to the picture at the same time.

"O.o" Navi paused, for this was not only odd, but it was her job to do stuff like that.

"Tael and I drew this with Skull kid when we first met him…" Tatl smiled.

"Noooo! Let me goooo!" Link cried in pain, for he wanted to run around, screaming.

"He told us that he had been fighting with his friends and that they had left him all alone…" Tatl paused.

**

* * *

FLASHBACK**

**(Then the set design people had there time to shine. It suddenly became a rainy ****_(OwO RAIN! Ahem)_**** day, showing Tatl and Tael flying around. So they took shelter in a gigantic hollow log, which resembled the Great Deku Tree. Tael shivered while leaning on Tatl shoulder, trying to keep warm. The both jumped as they noticed Skull kid, also shivering, but by himself. Soon, Skull kid took them both in his arms and held them close as they all tried to keep warm.)**

**(As soon as the sun came out again, they all started playing, by stepping in puddles, playing hide and seek, singing 'Weightless' by Sissel, and doing cartwheels. To celebrate this time, Skull kid and the two siblings started drawing a picture of themselves while the authoress gave the set design people a raise.)**

"I'm sure it was because he was always playing tricks, so nobody wanted play with him." Tatl paused, thinking things over. "But to do what he did just because of that…"

**(While rummaging through the HMS's pockets, Skull kid came across Majora's Mask. Gazing at it while holding it up against the light in the forest.)**

"And once he got his power…" Tatl paused.

**END OF FLASHBACK!**

* * *

"Yeah…" Link sighed. 

"THAT WAS ALL VERY NICE, but now, let us ACTUALLY do something PRO-DUC-TIVE!" Navi yelled, dragging Link into the swamp and leaving Tatl behind.

**

* * *

(Now Link got his time to shine by running through the Swamp and twisted-ly proceeding to a random Potion shop. And he miraculously calmed down and went inside.) **

"Tee-hee-hee! …Welcome. My potions work very well, they do." Kotake smiled.

"O.O Wait… Is that who I think it is?" Link asked, spinning around and gazing at the store clerk.

"IT IS! MAKE-OVER OBSESSED FREAK!" Navi yelled, shaking her fist at Kotake.

"…How did you know?" Kotake asked.

"Sigh…" Tatl sighed. "What do you want to do, Link?"

"Speak to the hag." Link confirmed.

"Hag? Well you know what to say to an old woman." Tatl sighed.

"Yes! How rude to say that to an old—" Kotake paused. "Oh, what's the word…?"

"Hag."

"Yes! How rude to say that to an old ha—wait…" Kotake paused.

**

* * *

(So before Kotake could yell at Link, he had run into a hole in the wall outside, which turned out to be a Forest…in a Swamp… Interesting… so Link entered the ****Woods of Mystery, where a random Monkey took a sip of tea.)**

"Mmm… My, that defiantly hit the spot, what what!" the Monkey sighed.

"O.o" Link and Navi looked.

"Hmmm?" the Monkey paused, noticing the 'Heroes'. "Follow me, dear chaps!"

**(But Link had no need to follow the Monkey since SoC had memorized the path on the first day and was instructing Cherry-sama through it. In the end, both Link and Cherry-sama found Koume. But not the Monkey, 'cause he's too slow.)**

"Ohh! Owow-ow! Help meeee!" Koume yelped.

"What happened, Ms. Hag?" Link asked.

"Gr… Ahem. I was just busy minding my own business, picking mushrooms, when…BAM!" Koume exaggerated as she told her story.

**(Our heroes gasped.)**

"I got hit from behind!" Koume exclaimed.

**(Link fainted due to shock.)**

"That pesky Skull Kid! Did he think an old hag wouldn't recognize him if he hid his face? Oh, ow!" Koume explained.

**(Navi took a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP breath.)**

"I'M UP!" Link yelled.

"To think that he's that powerful…and now I can't even move!" Koume complained.

"You poor thing…" Tatl sighed.

"You!" Koume exclaimed.

"Who, me?" Tatl asked.

"No. The Terminan!" Koume exclaimed, pointing at Link.

**(The heroes became confused, since Link and Navi were both from Hyrule; the only Terminan was Tatl.)**

"Don't you have anything that gives you energy?" Koume asked.

"Like coffee?" Navi asked.

"Or tea?" asked the Monkey from before, who had just entered the scene of the crime.

"No! Something my sister and I call Red Potion!" Koume hissed.

"Well then, no." Link told Koume, for this obviously was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ah! What is this?! You're no help…" Koume muttered to herself. "I say, you're not at all what you make yourself out to be!"

**

* * *

(So Link left and entered the Potion Shop, but since twirling like a pansy was a faster way to get there, Link was in Deku mode.) **

"Ah…hmm…Now that's a problem…" Kotake paused, looking at Deku Link.

"What?" Link asked in a chibi voice asked.

"See, we sell potions to humans only. I don't think they'll work on anything but humans…Sorry, but you'll have to leave." Kotake pointed out.

"RACIST MAKE-OVER OBSESSED FREAK!" Navi yelled.

"…How did you find out?" Kotake asked.

**(Link then turned into a human right before the hag's very eyes, and she acted as if she didn't notice.)**

"Tee-hee-hee! …Welcome. My potions work very well, they do." Kotake chuckled.

"Hi! Your sister is currently dying out in the Woods of Mystery!" Link exclaimed.

**(Kotake gasped in a shrill hag like way.)**

"What's that?!?" Kotake screamed. "The Skull Kid got to Koume?!? That's ridiculous…"

"How did you know that Skull kid attacked?" Tatl asked.

"If it's just the Skull Kid, then what harm could he possibly do?" Kotake asked.

"But it's not _just_ the Skull kid!" Navi pointed out.

"Oh!! Well, if that's true, then take this potion to her… It isn't good…" Kotake explained.

**(Link received a bottle of Red Potion! Apparently it isn't very good… Sniff…sniff… Eww… Smells of blood…)**

"Quick! Take that potion to her!" Kotake exclaimed.

**

* * *

(Sooooo…Link ran through the hole in the wall outside and returned to Koume in the woods, but as said before, going as a Deku, is faster.) **

"Ohh! Owow-ow! Help meeee!" Koume yelped.

**(So Deku Link talked to her.)**

"Ack! Now I've done it! I've gone and attracted some weirdo's attention! Umm…I'll just play dead." Koume muttered to herself.

**(Koume then flopped over on the ground, DEAD! So, in this state, Link turned back to normal and talked to her.)**

"Ow-ow-yeow! Don't you feel obligated to help a sorry old hag when you see one?" Koume asked, un-deading herself.

"O.O You just called yourself a hag!" Link gasped.

"Your sister got offended by being called a hag!" Navi exclaimed.

"We are sisters. We are not completely the same." Koume pointed out.

"That's a good point." Tatl pondered, since she was the only one with a sibling.

**(Link handed the Blood Red Potion to Koume.)**

"Ah! That color! That smell… That's definitely Kotake's…" Koume exclaimed.

"O . O THIS IS KOTAKE'S BLOOD?" Link yelled, looking at the bottle in sheer horror.

**(Link threw the bottle out of his hands, for this fact was creepy in many ways. Koume, needing this potion to live, got up, ran, grabbed potion and chugged it. As if nothing had happened, she wiped her mouth and coughed out powered Kool-Aid.)**

"Ooh! Feel the bloody energy flow!" Koume exclaimed.

"YOU VAMPIRE!" Link yelled.

"Koume is revived!!!" she yelled in third person.

**(With that, she poofed and appeared on her broom.)**

"You saved me! I'm the swamp tour guide." Koume exclaimed.

"And the swamp vampire!" Link yelled.

"I run the boat cruise, so come by if you want a free ride." Koume exclaimed.

**(With that she flew off into the sunset.)**

**

* * *

(But on Earth… Where a young authoress, her sister and the authoress' friend watched her play…) **

"…" Cherry-sama paused. "Hey… I think she just stole my bottle!"

**

* * *

(Back to Termina… Where ****Evil monkeys stop Link.)**

"You appear to have strange powers, no?" one of the Monkeys asked in a British accent.

"What if I do?" Link asked.

"Oh, we know alright, old chap! We 'ave been watching you!" the Monkey smiled as the other two started making tea and took out some crumpets with bread.

"Want some crumpets?" a Monkey asked Navi.

"Do you wish to taste some banana bread?" the other asked Tatl.

"…" the two fairies paused.

"Lately, our swamp has become filled with deadly poison water." The first Monkey explained, crossing his arms. "We have reasons to assume that the Temple above waterfall is the cause, since it has been strange lately…"

"I see…" Link paused.

"Our beloved Brother went to the temple to check this situation out." The Monkey sighed. "But our dear brother was not able to find the entrance to the **-beep-** thing."

"Nice French." Tatl pointed out, and then drank some more banana tea.

"Thank you, my dear lady, but I'm not quite sure what French is." The Monkey told Tatl.

"…Neither am I…" Tatl paused.

"Anyways… It seemed as if the temple was for kind Deku only." The Monkey sighed. "Now our poor Brother has been captured by the Dekus."

"Okay… So where is he?" Link asked.

"We have our sources from inside the capitol, so we have reasons to believe that now he is located in the palace."

"Okay…" Link paused.

"Help us, please!" the Monkey begged Link.

"Alright!" Link exclaimed.

"Good. Now, tally-ho!" the Monkey exclaimed.

"After we finish our tea and crumpets!" the second Monkey exclaimed.

"And I brought banana muffins along too!" the first Monkey told the party of monkeys, who had somehow convinced the fairies to join.

**(So, they had a lovely tea party. After they had all finished, the Monkeys packed up and ran off somewhere.)**

**

* * *

(So Link…m****ade his way to the boathouse just to talk to Koume.)**

"Oh! Thanks for what you did back there!" Koume smiled.

**

* * *

(On Earth…) **

"What is that?" Cherry-sama's friend Kokoro asked, pointing to Koume, who's eyes and nose were the only thing the audience could see.

"What?" SoC asked, looking up from her laptop (which she was typing the script for this on), and looking at the screen.

"Is that a bird?" Kokoro asked Cherry-sama, who was playing the game for the first time, while SoC typed.

"That's Koume!" Cherry-sama pointed out.

**(There was a short pause.)**

"OOOOH!" Kokoro exclaimed.

"Now that you mention it…" Cherry-sama paused. "Koume's big nose does look like a beak when surrounded in shadows like that…"

**(Back from insanity to the other insanity…)**

* * *

"In a special deal just for you, I'll let you take this cruise for free." Koume exclaimed. 

"Thanks, miss haggie vampire!" Link exclaimed.

"Ah, yes, we've got a special going on right now, so we're giving this out for free!" Koume exclaimed.

**(Link got a pictobox! It's so new, it looks like it could fall apart any minute!)**

"If you take a nice picture from the boat, take it to that fella over there." Koume exclaimed, pointing to a big guy in a fur coat, who looked like a ghost.

**(Two…whole…bloody…hours…later.)**

"All right…. The boat's leaving!" Koume exclaimed, zapping Link and Co. with magic and warping them to a small boat.

**

* * *

(And Link landed on the boat below the previous location.) **

'**Welcome to the boat cruise. Please enjoy the swamp's scenery to your heart's content.' **A voice told Link that came out of nowhere.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Link screamed, going into fetal position. "IT'S THE VOICES AGAIN!"

"Link…?" Navi and Tatl asked.

**(Soon…)**

'**The swamp water is poisonous here, so please watch your step. Are you disembarking?'**

"I HEAR THEM! THEY ARE HAUNTING ME AGAIN!" Link yelled

"…Yes. We will." Navi sighed.

**

* * *

(Navi then dragged Link off the boat. Navi and Tatl saw a Monkey, and they followed it because they wanted tea and crumpets with banana bread and muffins. But it just brought them to the Deku Palace. What a lame deal!) ****

* * *

(On Earth…) **

"Hey!" Kokoro exclaimed. "I like the music here! It's cool!"

**

* * *

(Back on Termina, Navi and Tatl had somehow made Link back to normal, made him turn into a Deku, and made him talk to the sentry at the Deku Palace.) **

"This is the palace of the Deku Kingdom. Only those on official business may enter!" the one guard exclaimed, while both of the guards shook their heads violently.

"Dang…" Link sighed, hanging his head down.

"…But you may enter to see the public humiliation of the foolish monkey who angered our king!" the Deku guard exclaimed as they both nodded vigorously.

"O.O" Navi and Tatl looked.

"Neat!" Link exclaimed, for he was getting let inside.

"Follow this hall straight to the Royal Chamber. Do not enter any other areas whatsoever!" the guards exclaimed both pointing to the door, which Link was suppost to go into.

**(With that, the guards buried themselves within their leafy posts.)**

"…" Link paused.

"If that's not a ticket to go to the other areas, then I don't know what it!" Navi yelled, while Link stood overtop of the guards, who must have fallen asleep not to hear her.

**(Link was about to head into the other areas but…)**

'WARNING! HIGH RADIATION! ALL DEKUS MUST WEAR HAZMAT SUITS!' warned a sign in front of each door.

"…I think I'd rather go down to see the Monkey being publicly humiliated…" Link muttered.

**

* * *

(So Link went into the chamber. There, there was a fire __****(O.o in a DEKU Palace? Dude…)**** dancing Dekus, a Spazztic Deku King with a large head, and a Deku Butler with a moustache, and he had put his hair into two buns on either side. Either it's his hair, or it's parsley for stuffing his ears with. Link walked over to the king.)**

"I haven't seen your face before. Are you visiting?" the king asked, pointing his staff with a Deku Nut at the top, at Link.

"No. I'm here to release—" Link started.

**(Navi flew into Link's nozzle.)**

"Yes." Navi corrected, sounding a bit like Link. "We are."

"We?" the Deku King asked, cocking his head.

"Yes. We. Me and the little glowing people living on my head." Navi told the Deku King.

"GLOWING PEOPLE!" Tatl yelled from within Link's hat. "I find that insulting!"

"O.O" the Deku butler looked.

"Usually, I don't allow the likes of you crazy people in my Royal Chamber, but today is different!" the Deku King exclaimed, referring to Link and Co.

"Really?" Link asked as best as he could with a fairy that blocked his breathing patterns.

"Why?" Navi asked for Link.

"We're about to punish the foolish monkey who kidnapped the Deku princess!" the King exclaimed.

**(Link turned blue, because Navi was sitting his only breath spot, the nose/mouth/nozzle.)**

"He has insulted the Royal Family." The Deku king exclaimed. "I'll show him what happens when you do that!"

**(Link fell over backwards, fainted due to lack of CO****2**** or O****2****…whichever Dekus breath.)**

"I know! It's shocking, but it's the truth!" the Deku King smiled while crossing his arms and taking a cheesy pose.

**(Tatl flew out of Link's hat.)**

"Great job, grandma! You squashed the grand fairy clock! Now the whole floor is shaking!" Tatl yelled at Navi.

"It's not my fault! It's his for being such a blabber mouth!" Navi yelled back.

"But what about the couch? It's a pancake!" Tatl yelled.

**(The king and the butler were watching this…the…whole…bloody…time…)**

"So he really does have glowing people living on his head…" the butler paused.

**(Navi gasped.)**

"Are the T.V. and the Game Cube alright?" Navi shook.

"They are both fine."

"That's good."

**(Silence.)**

"…That foolish monkey is up in the cage; take a good look at his face!" the King told Navi and Tatl.

"Okay."

"Thanks."

"Now then… Everyone! Hurry up and get that cauldron ready!!!" the King roared while jumping up and down.

"…You're Highness! I am begging you! Please calm down!" the butler told the King.

**(With that, Navi and Tatl flew over to the cage, where a Monkey was tied onto a tall post.)**

"The old chaps keep saying that I kidnapped her. No matter how many times they say it, it's not going to bring the princess back!" the monkey yelled to the fairies.

"That's a very good point." Navi told Tatl.

"If they're not careful, the princess will fall victim to a monster! Please, believe my words…" the Monkey sighed.

"Why?" asked Tatl.

"Because I'll give you a free crumpet!" the Monkey grinned.

"Ooo!" Navi exclaimed.

"Crumpet!" Tatl grinned.

"What are you two doing?" asked a grumpy voice behind them.

**(The fairies turned to see Link, who looked VERY, VERY, ****VERY**** evil.)**

"Hi." Tatl waved.

"I'M…GOING…TO…" Link started in his evil voice.

"Link, we want you to go and free this monkey." Navi told Link.

"…Why?" Link asked, getting out of his evil mood rather quickly.

"BECAUSE I WANNA CRUMPET!" Tatl yelled.

"O.o Spazz…" Link and Navi muttered.

**

* * *

(So Deku Link left the Royal Chamber and he ran into another British monkey.) **

"Dear sir, was my brother all right?" the Monkey asked.

"Yes! But not for long!" Navi flew up and yelled to the Monkey.

"How come there's a lot of yelling in this chapter?" Link asked the world, but it ignored him.

"Did you see the entrance to cage?" the Monkey asked.

"No." Tatl replied.

"There was one?" Navi asked.

"Apparently." Link paused.

"We know a secret route there. To enter the secret route, you must go to the Outer Garden entrance." The Monkey smiled.

"Alright! Let's go!" Link exclaimed, taking a few large strides.

"But the bloody entrance is in an outrageously tall place." The Monkey pointed out, making Link freeze in mid-stride. "No one, probably the Dekus as well, can reach it."

"You have got to be kidding me…" Deku Link complained.

"We have reasons to believe that anybody that wants to get in there would need a magic bean from the magic bean seller." The Monkey told Link.

"…Why?" Tatl asked.

"I think we need to do some gardening to get there." Navi told the two.

"And he lives in the oddest of all places! Beneath the palace garden!" the Monkey complained. "I mean, _really_!"

"…You mean he lives in the other areas with radiation…?" Tatl froze.

"…What is radiation anyways?" Link asked.

"It is a thing that makes you die." Navi told Link. "And I'm not sure how I know that either, but…"

"Oh it not radiation, whatever that may be. The Dekus are the only ones who lose their health! All that happened it that the magic bean seller farted." The Monkey exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"O . O" the team gazed at the monkey.

"Mmm… Understand the meaning to my words?" the Monkey asked.

"Yes." Link and Co. responded.

"Oh! You seem like a smart lad!" the Monkey exclaimed. "Now plant the magic bean in a soft place by the Outer Garden. I'll leave you to figure out the rest. Tally-ho!"

(Link then proceeded, as a human, to prevent radiation poisoning, to the back garden where the bean seller was. Link then bought a magic bean, took some water, planted it in soft soil, watered it, and floated upwards. This was something natural for Link even though he never even did this before.)

**

* * *

(And then Deku Link _(he needed to be a Deku to continue on the upper garden, which was not affected by the 'radiation')_ proceeded to through the upper gardens and found where the monkey was held captive. And then, once again, he will complain to the world.) **

"Those old chaps keep saying that I kidnapped her. No matter how many times they say it, it's not going to bring back the bloody princess! If they're not careful, the princess probably will fall victim to a monster! Why won't they ruddy believe what I say? …Fine! Fine! If that's how it is, then I shall say nothing more to you! Punish me or do whatever you will! I have nothing else to say to you, you morons!" the Monkey yelled his ultimatum.

"That's very nice…but…" Link started.

**(Link took off Deku mask and** **transformed into Hylian form.)**

"I'm no Deku!" Link exclaimed to the world, but they ignored him again.

"Oh! You… How did you ruddy get here?" the Monkey asked.

"You see, I came through the back wall—" Link yelled, making all sorts of hand gestures.

"Shhh! If they see you, they'll capture you!" the Monkey shushed.

"Capture me?! They wouldn't dare! After being nagged and blackmailed by your brothers, the game designers would not dare to have me get—" Link yelled.

"What? My brothers requested/blackmailed you to come and rescue me?" the Monkey asked. "Ugh…I'm terribly sorry…"

"O.o A monkey who doesn't blackmail regular heroes with tea and crumpets?" Navi asked. "This must be the first!"

"…" the Monkey paused. "Just try to cut my rope, and then we'll talk."

**(After a few seconds of slicing, nothing happened, the rope was too tall and the wooden post resembled iron too much.)**

"Hmm…No good, after all!" the Monkey sighed.

"What is that pole made of?" Tatl asked.

"Wait…you don't happen to have something that can make a lot of noise…like an instrument with sound that carries a long way?" the Monkey asked. "If you have one, then present it to me!"

"OH SURE! When I'm making noise on my own, you want me to shut up, but when I'm all hush, you—" Link yelled at the Monkey.

**(Link took out his blue Ocarina ****_(of Time)_**

"That tiny thing will never do. Its sound won't carry bloody far enough… Don't you have something besides that puny thing?" the Monkey asked.

**(Link then transformed into a Deku and took out his Ocarina pipes.)**

"Oh! You have them! You do! Just like the princess…Deku Pipes! Those will work brilliantly!!!" the Monkey exclaimed.

"Yay!" Tatl, Link, and Navi exclaimed.

"By the way…who might you be?" the Monkey asked.

**(Link, Ocarina pipes and Co. fell over, thus causing the smallest noise in the world. The Deku King looked over.)**

"…Whoa! That's not important now… Just listen to me, old chap!" the Monkey exclaimed.

"Yipe! Okay!" the team erped.

"I was trying to find out about the poison in the swamp, so I went to Woodfall Temple above the waterfall. But the temple had become a monster's lair, and the princess was captured by the monster… I say!" the Monkey explained. "But since the Deku king thinks I kidnapped the princess, he won't listen to a bloody word."

"HOW RUDE!" Navi yelled while glaring at the King.

"Now the princess is in a nasty spot of trouble, so I must somehow hurry to the temple to save her! Do you understand my plight?" the Monkey asked.

"Yes." Link was forced by the authoress to say, because that's how it was in the story.

"So then, that means… You will go in my place and save the princess!" the Monkey exclaimed, kicking his feet together.

**(Link was forced to nod.)**

"OK, now I'll teach you the melody that opens the temple. The princess taught it to me!" the Monkey exclaimed. "We can't let them hear us, so I'll sing it softly…"

"Hmph. Fine." Link muttered.

"Open your ears and listen hard!" the Monkey told Link.

**(The Monkey sang the 'Sonata of Awakening'. Then, by default, Link, the Monkey, Tatl, and Navi sang/played it together, LOUDLY, whilst being watched by all the Dekus in the room.)**

"Everyone, did you hear that?" the king asked his subjects.

"YES!" the Dekus in the room exclaimed in unison, except for the butler, who shook his head at their silliness.

"This is a melody, which only the Deku Royal Family knows…" the Deku king gasped.

"GASP!" the subjects gasped.

"It proves—" the King started.

"That the monkey is a friend of the—" Navi started.

"—the foolish monkey deceived the princess so he could enter the temple!" the King yelled.

**(The room became filled with only noises of hatred from the Dekus.)**

"EVERYONE! LET THE MONKEY'S PUNISHMENT COMMENCE!" the King roared.

**(Dekus leapt into the cage and used their Nifty Ninja Deku Abilities to counter Link's Super Psychic Deku Abilities, so they knocked him down. As Link was dragged away **_**(being sooooo heroic by being such a pansy when against the Dekus)**_** by security, he heard the final words of the Monkey.)**

"You'd better take the shortcut the Deku people use to get to Woodfall Temple. But you must hurry!" the Monkey yelled to Link. "If you don't, I will be punished by the Deku king! Tally-ho!"

**(Link was thrown out, but those idiotic guards are weak in the head, so they let him back in again. So after getting inside, Link saw the Monkey tortured—cough, I mean 'punished'.)**

"Ooh! Hot! Hot! Hotter than my tea at lunchtime! St-stop it already!! Please!!!" the Monkey yelped.

"O.O" the team looked.

"The old chaps keep saying that I kidnapped her. No matter how many times they say it, it's not going to bring the princess back!

**(Monkey was then dipped in oil.)**

"………" the Monkey paused, looking dazed.

**

* * *

(On Earth…) **

"….….….….….….….…" Kokoro paused. "I don't like the music here anymore…"

"Why?" Cherry-sama asked.

"Because they are playing it while the Monkey is getting boiled alive!" Kokoro complained.

**

* * *

(Back on Termina…) **

"How about that? …Hot, isn't it?" the King taunted.

"But he just said it was!" Link exclaimed, taking the king seriously.

"The monkey shall suffer and suffer 'til he can suffer no more! You shall know the wrath of a king whose darling princess was taken away from him!!!" the King roared.

"O.O Oh my…" Navi paused.

"Hey!" Tatl yelled, pointing at the camera. "I thought this fic was K+!"

So did I…

"O.o" Tatl looked.

"It's terribly sad… But nothing can calm the king now…" the Butler sighed.

"Why?" Link asked.

"Our swamps have become poisoned… This may be the end of the Deku Kingdom!" the Butler sighed.

**(The Butler turned to the ceiling.)**

"Oh, great lords! Save us!" the Butler yelled, looking towards the sky, which was covered up by the roof.

"-.o!" the heroes looked.

**

* * *

(Link then ran away as far as he could from the Deku Palace. So he decided to go back onto the boat. It was gone, for Koume got too tired of waiting for him to come back. Link then ran up a wall, where the, believe it or not, the Random Owl waited. x.x) **

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-hoot! This is a rare sight. You are a fairy child, correct?" the Random owl asked.

"GOOOOOO AWAY!!!!!" Link yelled, grabbing onto the Random owl's leg and throwing him into the poisoned water.

"What business might you have in this poisoned swamp?" the Random owl asked as he fell towards the water.

**(Sound effect moment only: SPLLLLLAAAAAAAAAASHHH!)**

"Whew. He's gone." Link sighed, wiped his brow.

**(Tatl looked at Link, terrified.)**

"If you **-blub-** dare not venture **-blub-** further, I shall pass no **-blub-** judgment. It is **-blub-** better that you hurry back to **-blub-** town." The Random owl blubbed from below the water's surface.

"O . O" Link, and Navi looked.

**

* * *

(Link then ran away again, until he couldn't hear the Random owl anymore. This just happened to be on a Deku looking platform.) **

"Isn't this the Deku Scrub mark?" Tatl asked.

"I wonder if they worshipped here…" Navi paused.

**(The authoress then got tired of this long and bloody chapter, so, without any fuss, Link was forced to play the Sonata of Awakening as a Deku. Then the temple rose out of the icky water and the entrance was revealed! DUN NU! Link went into the temple, came across a room and then Tatl stopped him.)**

"Ugh! That stench! This place stinks just like that poison swamp!" Tatl complained.

"Um, maybe that's because we're _**in**_ the swamp?" Navi told Tatl.

"I had no choice! It was an ONA!" Tatl blushed.

**(Link continued on and came across a rock.)**

"This looks pretty light." Tatl told Link.

"Um yeah…" Link told Tatl, examining the pebble.

"Well don't just stand there—Press A to grab it and use the control stick to move it!" Tatl yelled.

"O.o What's the control stick you speak of?" Navi asked.

"I dunno. Look, don't listen to my ONAs." Tatl told the two.

**(Link continued on, and came across a dark room.)**

"Be careful… I sense a lot of evil here." Tatl's ONA said.

"That was an ONA, right?" Link asked.

"Yes." Tatl told Link.

"Just ignore it." Navi told Link. "It is just stating nonsense. There's probably no evil at all!"

**(Then, a whole bunch of small black poofy things with red eyes **_**(that the authoress has dubbed: Dust Bunnies) **_**walked over to Link, even though they have no feet. They all looked at him.)**

"Aww…" Navi cooed.

"So…cute…" Tatl cooed.

"Hello there little guys!" Link smiled, bending down and looking almost face-to-face to them, ignoring the one that gnawed on his leg.

"1…2…3…4!" a small Dust bunny exclaimed in the back.

"O.o" the heroes looked.

"ALL OF MY LIFE! I HAVE BEEN WAITING! WONDERING WHAT TIME WILL—" the choir of Dust bunnies sang.

"O.O" Tatl looked.

"AHHHHHH!" Link screamed.

"IT'S 'WEIGHTLESS' BY 'SISSEL'!" Navi screamed.

"RUN AWAY!"

"EVIL! EVIL! EVIL LITTLE CUTE THINGS!"

"AND I'M WEIGHTLESS, FALLING IN LOVE, I AM WEIGHTLESS—" the choir sang.

**

* * *

(So our adventure continued like this until the authoress felt like it. So then Link owned the Tiki dude via pansy Deku dance and super psychic abilities. And then Link got the Tiki dude's remains! Eeewwww… So, after burying the remains in the garden, Link walked into a transporter a friend of his made, which was given to her by some old guy, and all of a sudden Link held the remains above his head ****_(yes. I mean the ones that he just buried. Ahem)_**** and he was warped to a misty netherworld. A giant creature, which must have been fifty feet tall ****_(only his limbs! O.O)_**** appeared.)**

"What's that?" Tatl asked with a terrified tone in her voice.

**(The tall thing 'sang' sadly. Or it used a foghorn. I'm not sure which one…)**

"Wait…Listen… It seems to be saying something…" Navi told Link.

**(Link fainted due to that tall thing's size.)**

"Could that crying be its way of teaching us some sort of melody?" Navi asked, turning to Tatl, who turned to her.

"Don't just stand there… Get your instrument…" Tatl told Link.

**(The fairies turned around to see Link. Tatl screamed.)**

"AHHHH!" Tatl screamed. "The Game cube!"

**(Tatl flew inside Link's hat.) **

_**Could this be the song?**_ Navi thought as she took Link's Ocarina and put it to her lips.

**(Navi played the song and the tall thing sang back, and they played together.)**

"_'Call us.'_ …That's what its saying." Navi told the mortals behind her.

**

* * *

(The poison water outside the Temple receded, became clear, beautiful and a path emerged from the back. Inside the temple, Navi was drawn into some sort of contemplative state.) **

"The four people Tael talked about… Do you think that he was talking about the spirit that was sealed inside that mask?" Navi pondered.

"…Oh! Hey, you were pretty good out there!" Tatl exclaimed to Link. "Have you done this before or what?"

"Now, Link, we just need you to keep up that pace and save the other three!" Navi told Link.

"Yay!" Link exclaimed. "Then I can be a hero!"

"Hey! Don't forget about me!" Tatl huffed.

"Why?" Navi asked.

"Um… All that stuff I did to you guys…your horse…your house…I…I apologize." Tatl huffed, turning her head to the side. "…Sorry."

"OwO" the two gasped.

"There! I apologized! So don't hold it against me, got it!"

"Sigh… Fine." Navi sighed.

"Now then, we've helped the princess just like the monkey asked…" Link paused.

"So now our next stop is in the mountains! Let's hurry and do something about Skull Kid!" Tatl exclaimed.

**(Our heroes then left for the Mountains! Or rather, they were about to… But they heard rustling noises behind a veil of vines; so Link tried to kill a butterfly on the vines, but the sliced down the vines. Link became speechless as he saw a Deku Princess! So the fairies had to push him forwards.)**

"Wha? …Who are you?" the only female Deku in the world asked.

"I—I… I…I'm…" Link started, but could not finish.

"He's Link." Navi sighed, flying forwards. "And I'm Navi, this is Tatl."

"Link? Navi? Tatl? Pleased to meet you. I am the Deku princess." The Deku Princess bowed and smiled.

"Pleased to meet you too." Navi and Tatl smiled.

"Were you, by chance, asked by a monkey to come save me?" the Princess asked, cocking her head.

"Yes." Tatl nodded.

**(Link fainted due to two reasons. One, that Princess was in the first dungeon for once, and two, she wasn't naggy!)**

"Aha! Just as I suspected!" the Princess smiled. "You see, your body smells a little bit like monkey."

"No, I think you smell Link, who hasn't taken a bath in all fourteen years of his life. So he must smell like a monkey." Navi explained.

"No, not that kind of monkey smell." The Princess confirmed.

"Not that kind?" Tatl asked. "Then what kind of monkey smell are you talking about?"

"The kind that smells of banana tea, bread, muffins, and crumpets." The Princess explained.

**(Navi took a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP BREATH!)**

"Stop it!" Link hissed, sitting bolt upright.

"So… Mr. Monkey made it back fine after all. That's good." The Princess sighed, wiping her forehead.

"Why?" Tatl asked.

"Well, I was worried that when I didn't come home, my father would think that the monkey had kidnapped me!" the Princess smiled, hopping over to the entrance of the 'cage'.

"…Oh my…" Navi paused.

"I was worried that my father would even go so far as to punish the poor monkey! Hoo-hoo-hoo." The Princess chuckled.

"Actually…" Link started.

"….. Don't tell me…" the Deku princess froze on the spot.

"Trust me. You do not know how bad it actually has become…" Navi sighed.

"Are you serious?!? Is father actually doing all that?!?" the Deku Princess asked, flames burning bright somewhere in her eyes.

"Sorry but…" Link started.

"Yes." The fairies told the Princess in unison.

"Yet another hasty decision, father!" the Princess muttered to herself.

**(The Deku princess shook while trying to hide her overdramatic anger. The camera rotated just to show that she had had it with her papa. And basically, inner Deku Princess spazzed.)**

"W-Well, we haven't any time to lose…" the princess huffed, trying to keep her cool.

"Erp! Yes Princess!" Link and Co. erped.

"Quickly, Mr. Link, could you please find something to carry me in so that you can take me to the Deku Palace?" the Princess asked, jumping up and down.

**(Link then dropped a bottle. It landed on the Princess' head. She then shrunk and she got trapped in the bottle. Link thought this was a good way to carry her, so he picked up the bottle and put it in his pocket.)**

"Ungh! Mr. Link! There's nuh-no time to lose! Huh-Hurry! Take me to the palace!" the Princess yelped.

**

* * *

(But……… Link made a short side trip to the Great Fairy's Fountain. I don't know why he even bothers to go there anyways. He's just basically scaring himself for life. Anyways, this year's model has light pink hair.) **

"Oh, strong young one!" the Great fairy with light pink hair exclaimed.

"WHAT ABOUT US!" the two fairies yelled, scaring the Deku princess in the bottle out of her skin.

"…And older ones of strong lungs…" the Great slut paused.

"That's better."

"I am the Great Fairy of Cherry blossom pink!" the slut smiled.

"O.o" the rescue team looked.

"Thank you for returning my broken and shattered body to normal. As thanks, I grant you prowess with this new sword technique." The slut smiled.

**(Link got a new kind of spin attack! Poor guy…)**

"Come see me again whenever you are overcome by weariness." The slut smiled like a slut and sank away shrieking.

**

* * *

(Link ran away screaming, and just happened to run into the Deku palace ****_(probably so that the Princess wouldn't suffocate and die)_****. Link was somehow in Deku form. A guard tried to stop Deku Link, but…)**

"I told you not to enter any areas other than the Royal Chamber!" the guards yelled, and that's all Link heard because he then entered the royal chamber.

**

* * *

(Link ran so hard, he ran through the fire under the pot of oil, and crashed into a wall. He then recoiled so hard that he hit the pot of oil and fell forward in front of the Deku king. Many little tree branches and termites flew above his head __****(get it? Tree branches and termites instead of stars and birds? …Get it?)**

"Hwh-Hwhy are you hwaiting? Mr. Link Huh-Hurry! Ho-hopen this bottle and release me right hwh-hwhere my father is standing." The Deku princess nagged.

**(Maybe she was naggy after all… Anyways, Link d****ropped the princess from the bottle and then the King had a violently affective mood swing.)**

"Oh, my princess! My darling princess!!! You are all right? I was so worried." The King gasped.

"FOOLISH FATHER!" the Deku princess yelled, unleashing her anger.

**(The Deku princess then tackled the King and bounced on him…making trampoline noises…odd… Ahem. Some Deku subjects tried to come to his aid, but the Deku princess gave them an icy glare, making them all shiver in their shoes.)**

"WHAT are you doing?!? Let that monkey go this instant!!!" the Princess hissed.

**(Within the next few seconds, the Monkey was freed.)**

**

* * *

(However… On Earth…)**

"Do you like the music here?" Cherry-sama smiled, looking at Kokoro.

"Yep! I like it again!" Kokoro smiled.

**

* * *

(On Termina…)**

"Oh, Mr. Monkey, I am truly sorry. Father does such rash things when he's worried about me." The Princess sighed, running over to the Monkey.

"I understand, my dear Princess. I feel that it is a ruddy waste of time if we ponder too long on past mistakes." Smiled the Monkey who was just tortured. "Has the temple been returned to normal?"

"Why yes, thanks to Mr. Link! I am very, truly grateful." The Princess smiled.

"Really? So you're called Link, are you?" the Monkey asked.

**(The Monkey looked around.)**

"Where is the old chap anyways?" the Monkey asked.

**

* * *

(The camera then went on an epic quest to find Link. Soon it found him in a shrine on left side of Palace. He was talking to the butler, who apparently had just raced/played-follow-the-leader-with him.)**

"Well done, Link! Now, here is the item I promised. Please accept it." The Butler smiled.

**(Link got the Mask of Scents! Sniff. Sniff. Ewww…)**

"Link…" Navi told Link, putting on the mask.

"What?" Link asked, turning to his friend.

"It has officially been decided that you need a bath." Navi grumbled, circling Link with the mask on.

**(Apparently, while this conversation had gone on, the butler had been rambling about his son.)**

"—I am afraid I may have tried too hard to outrun you. As old as I am, I am still a fast competitor. Just like when I raced my son… Please forgive my rudeness." The Butler sighed as he bowed.

**(Link stepped into the light! O.O Actually, he went back in time. Either way works.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter six!

Link: Why did you cut off the Princess' text?

Cherry-sama: It was long…I was bored…I wanted to get this done. Hear me out?

Navi: No.

Dust bunnies: And I'm weightless! Falling in love, I am weightless!

SoC: I have lost all respect for this song…

Tatl: Sigh… Please review.


	7. Chapter 7: Shut up already, Elder's son!

**Chapter 7! (Gasp! I'm not dead! :O Maybe I'm a redead…? O.o)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda in any of it's fashions. Even though I pwn everyone with Link in Super Smash Bros.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Welcome back to Totally Whacked! Or TW for short!

Link: 'Welcome back'… Geez! You sound like a broken record!

Cherry-sama: Well maybe I am!

Link: -.o!

Navi: Link? What's a broken record?

Link: I have no clue…

Cherry-sama: Speaking of broken records…

Link: What?

Cherry-sama: Whenever you say or refer to something in my era, one of you always asks what it is and you always reply 'I have no clue'. Can't you think of something more creative?

Link: Speak for yourself! You're writing us! Right now even!

Cherry-sama: -.O!

Link: Whatever, please read.

* * *

_**What would happen if Link walked into a Bar and said 'ouch'?  
**__Wonder no more! I need to stop with the lame jokes! On to the real question!_

**_What mysterious magical power will make the Elder's Son actually shut up?!?!?!?!  
_**_Simple! Din's Fire! **(fire engulfs room, screaming Gorons are everywhere)** Erm… I mean… Wonder no more! Well, I guess you don't have to wonder anymore. AHEM! Will Link and Co. ever be able to make the ever so annoying Goron kid be quiet?! Even for just a minute? FIND OUT NOW!_

* * *

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link walked outside of Clock Tower, observing the world he had see many many times.)**

**"**The quickest way to the mountains is through the North Gate!" Tatl yelled, flying up and down happily.

**(Just to spoil Tatl's happy mood, Link walked to the bomb shop. Link asked for bombs and a bomb bag.)**

"—Are you kidding me, boy?" the clerk asked, looking at Link from head to toe.

"What do you mean?" Link asked, cocking his head to the side.

"You're severely underage! You aren't even old enough to drink!" the guy exclaimed.

"And?" Link asked, for in his last adventure, he had found bombs and nobody ever questioned how old he has to be in order to carry them.

"I'm sorry, I can't let you buy this item without being at least 53 years old." the clerk sighed, putting his head on the counter.

"Fine then!" Link yelled. "I won't buy them then!"

**(Link turned his back and started to walk away.)**

"Crazy kid…" the clerk sighed, walking somewhere behind the counter.

**(Link then turned around and leapt at the bombs and bomb bags.)**

"I'll just steal 'em!" Link exclaimed.

"HEY!" the guy yelled, running back to the counter, trying to grab Link; but by that time, Link had already ran to the door.

**(Link ran through the streets of Clock Town, being chased by men holding pitchforks and machine guns _(O.o machine guns in this era? Whatever)_, while running Link had to dodge many objects being flung through the air. Somehow, he ran to the North Gate, where he was stopped.)**

"Stop right there! Have you some errand at the mountains." The guard asked, putting a hand in front of Link's face.

"Yes I do!" Link yelled at the guard, as the crowd of pursuers gained.

"It is dangerous outside the town walls, so I cannot allow a child like you to—" the guard tried to explain.

**(Link promptly decided not to put up with this guy and threw a bomb at him, the bomb didn't go off until a bullet whizzed through the air and hit it. Before any of the people could react to ****A:**** the sentry being blown up, or ****B:**** the fact that it was **_**their**_** fault; Link had jumped through the smoke and ran to the mountains.)**

**

* * *

**

**(Link headed North to the Snowhead Mountains, but he was stopped by big ice boulders that evidentially, blocked the way. Navi then alerted Link's attention to a sharp stalactite hanging above Link.)**

"Link. Look. Up there." Navi pointed out, pointing to the icy threat above them.

**(It's happy ONA time!)**

"Take a look at this!" Tatl exclaimed, flying _**right**_ up the imposing object above them. "I bet if you had a weapon that was strong enough, one shot from it could pierce right through this."

"O.O Are you kidding me!" Link exclaimed, a frown forming on his face.

"…Well, it might take two shots…" Tatl paused.

"TATL! Get down here!" Navi hissed, pointing to the air right in front of her.

"Um, why?" Tatl asked.

"You might break that thing!" Navi explained.

"O.o Isn't that the point?" Tatl asked.

"No." Link told Tatl.

"Are you sure?" Tatl asked.

"Look." Navi sighed. "The thing you have right in front of you has a bad distribution of weight. If you hit it once or twice, the only thing keeping it attached to the ceiling will break, thus making it fall."

"Yeah? So?" Tatl asked, leaning on the weak point of the icy spear.

"If it falls, it will most likely land on something and crush it. Also, at the lowest spot, it is very sharp. Right now, we are standing right below them." Navi explained.

"You're point?"

"My point is, that if you snap the thing you are currently leaning on, it will squish us."

"And cut us clean in half." Link piped up.

"Oh." Tatl paused.

"Now come down before you—" Navi explained.

**(Tatl bumped the weak point, it fell down and cleared the way in front of them.)**

"Well…" Tatl paused.

**(Navi turned white. Link fainted. They were only a foot away from where ****stalactite fell. So, since Tatl was the only one in any shape to carry anybody, she grabbed Link's collar. However, Link was heavier than he looked. So, she stole some of Link's Deku sticks ****_(when did he get those? O.o Ahem.)_****, and built a catapult, and used the leverage created by the new invention to send Link flying towards the peak of the mountain. Even ****_Navi_**** was aghast.)**

"Dude…" Navi paused as she watched the dot that used to be Link, slowly vanish.

"Have I impressed you, grandma?" Tatl smirked, leaning up against a small rock and putting her one hand on her hip.

"N—No!" Navi stuttered, huffing a little. "No you didn't! I would be impressed if you were smart enough to think of using Link's bombs and creating a cannon!"

"Uh-huhhh… Sure…" Tatl smiled, rolling her eyes.

"NO! Really!" Navi hissed, turning red with rage. "Plus! You just flung our house to who knows where! Including my couch, my grandfairy clock, my chest, my T.V., AND my gamecube!"

Tatl went wide-eyed, for she had just sent the gamecube flying. "…QUICK! Let's go find him!"

**(So, the two fairies whizzed up the mountainside, flying over bottomless pits, giant snowballs, and any enemies that tried to attack to small balls of light. When they finally found Link, he was curled up on the ground, and in the clutches of the random owl! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)**

"…Hoo-Hoot! You are a child of many strengths!" the Random owl rambled.

Navi went wide-eyed. "Poor Link…"

"What's so bad about this owl?" Tatl asked.

"Well…" Navi muttered to herself. "At least he's still asleep."

"Hey! I asked you a question!" Tatl hissed.

"Well, perhaps you do have enough strength to change the fate of this mountain after all." The Random owl ranted.

**(Link's sleeping body twitched.)**

"But is he asleep?" Navi paused.

"What?" Tatl paused in confusion. "Well, of course he is! I flung him a couple miles up Snowpeak! If he had woken up before he landed, he would have fainted from shock!"

"I shall take to the air now, flying toward that shrine across the way, so follow behind me." The Random owl explained, opening his wings.

"But, the Random owl has disturbing powers to make people listen to his entire lecture, even if Link knows what he's talking about…" Navi muttered to herself. "And Link did twitch…"

"Do not be daunted by appearances." The Random owl told Link.

"Nonsense!" Tatl huffed. "Many people twitch while dreaming! Even dogs twitch in their sleep!"

"But I'm sure he's not dreaming!" Navi hissed.

"Well, I'm sure he is!" Tatl huffed.

**(Tatl flew over to Link.)**

"See! He's not—" Tatl started.

"…T…at…l…" Link whimpered while lifting his arm up and trying to reach the flying creature above him. "…H…el…p…me…"

**(Tatl went wide-eyed, gazing at the boy who had obviously curled up in fear when he had woken up **_**(at the beginning of the rant)**_**.)**

"Instead, let your feelings guide you, and the true path shall open before you." the Random owl smiled.

"Link!" Navi exclaimed, flying over as fast as she could. "Link! Are you okay?!"

"Gah…hhh…" Link whimpered. "…Na…vi…"

"Hold on!" Navi exclaimed. "I'll get you a pink fairy!"

**(Navi flew away.)**

"Are you ready? Follow behind me!" the Random owl exclaimed triumphantly.

**(The random owl flew across the never-ending pit behind him, while dropping feathers on platforms that were invisible, and waited happily at the other end of the pit. But Link didn't do anything because he was suffering sever emotional trauma. So the Random owl got peeved ****_(because he couldn't finish his rant)_****, flew over, grabbed Link, and threw him over the crevice to the other side.)**

"Hoo-Hoot! I have certainly been assured of your courage and determination." The Random owl exclaimed as Link twitched some more.

**(Navi flew over to where Link used to be.)**

"Link! Here! I got you three—" Navi gasped, obviously out of breath.

**(Navi looked around.)**

"…Link?" Navi asked.

**(Then, it dawned on her.)**

"Has Link already gone to the afterlife?" Navi sniffed.

**(Navi fell to the ground, quivering.)**

_**-Stage 1: Denial-  
**_"No! He couldn't have! …Could he?" Navi asked herself.

_**-Stage 2: Anger-  
**_**(Navi pounded her fist on the ground.)**

"**-Beep-**! It's all my fault!" Navi sniffled. "I came too late!"

"Um… Grandma?" Tatl asked.

_**-Stage 3: Bargaining-  
**_"Din? Nayru? Farore? Is there any chance that maybe, just maybe…you could bring Link back?" Navi asked, clasping her hands together.

"Nin? Fayru? Darore? Who are they?" Tatl asked, for in Termina, they only had the Time Goddess.

_**-Stage 4: Depression-  
**_"Poor Link! Poor poor Link!" Navi sniffled.

"Grandma's crying?" Tatl gasped as her eyes bulged.

_**-Stage 5: Acceptance-  
**_"Wait a minute! I should be glad he's gone! After all, he caused me so much grief over these past 2 years!" Navi huffed. "It's a good thing he's gone!"

"Umm… Grandma?" Tatl paused. "The Random owl took him over there."

"……………………………Dang…" Navi pondered.

"From here on, you must not be fooled by appearances." The Random owl rambled as Link started to lose another quarter heart, leaving him with one heart left!

**(Tatl and Navi flew over to Link and gave him a fairy. He soon recovered.)**

"You must rely on your feelings…" the Random owl rambled. "Now, enter the shrine."

"Oh shut up!" Link grumbled, standing up, very peeved for what happened and grabbing the Random owl's leg.

**(Link grabbed the Random owl and flung him into the never ending pit.)**

"Something that will aid you in your quest lies within." The Random owl continued as he fell into the pit, seeming to forget about his wings.

"Whew." Link sighed, wiping his brow. "Glad that's over with."

**(The Random owl just fell from the sky.)**

"Use that item when returning from—" the Random owl started.

"AHHHHHH!" Link screamed.

"It's a loop! RUN TO DE RANDOM CAVE OF DOOM!" Navi yelled, pointing to the cave.

**(Link and Navi ran into the cave. Tatl looked at the never ending pit, flew down into it, ended up in the sky, and then followed the other two.)**

* * *

**(Inside the cave, there was a chest, along with various invisible things that lurked in the room.** **After getting attacked once or twice by these things, Link opened the chest and found: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN! The Eye of Truth! An item that allows you to see the unseen! Including what fairies are wearing!)**

"Navi…" Link asked, putting the Eye of Truth on his eye. "I have a question."

"What?" Navi asked.

"How come Tatl is wearing clothing, but you aren't?" Link asked, lowering the truthful eye.

"…" Navi paused, blushing while turning her head to the side.

"Eh? Really? I haven't really noticed." Tatl paused.

"REALLY? HOW?" Link gasped, jaw dropping.

"Well, fairies are found on many places in this, and apparently your world too. In different areas, fairies either believe in clothing, or don't. Fairies in the country side usually think that clothing is a waste of time, while closer to the cities, the fairies usually idolize humans more, so they act more like them." Tatl explained.

"Really?" Link asked.

"But, sometimes it is based on personal opinion. Some fairies in the countryside want to feel modest, and sometimes city fairies think that their body is so pretty that they have to show it to the whole world." Tatl huffed. "Either way, you get used to seeing either or."

"Oh." Link paused.

"But then, there are the Great Slutty Fairies that both wear clothes and don't!" Navi piped up. "They're wearing clothing, but it isn't doing a good enough job of covering up!"

"Hey!" Tatl huffed.

"Thus they make random adventurers like you and me curl up in fear while trying to claw our eyes out, and give us useless items!" Link proclaimed, jumping up and down.

**(Tatl flew out of the cave, infuriated. But, Link decided to be stalker-ish like she was, and follow her outside.)**

* * *

**(When he exited, he watched the Random owl drop by. However Link ignored this, put on the Eye of Truth and gasped.)**

"I can see clearly now!" Link exclaimed looking at floating platforms before him, while singing a little tune.

**(Link jumped platform to platform until he was completely across the pit, there, he saw…)**

Link gasped. "I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!"

**(This was true, for a floating ****_(Grey, maybe to show that he was dead)_**** Goron was…floating in front of him…)**

**"**……… Can it be?" the dead Goron asked. "Are you able to see me?"

"No, I can't, but I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!" Link screamed, pointing to something lying lifeless on the ground.

"Link, that's a teddy bear. A stuffed doll for small children." Navi explained.

"What's a 'bear'?" Link asked, keeping the audience aware that this is Termina.

"Um… Well… I'm not sure…" Navi paused.

"If you truly can see me, then follow behind me…" the Goron told Link, turning around and starting to fly away.

**(Thus he flew off. He didn't float off, because if he did he would be blow about in the constant windstorms. Ahem. Link decided to chase after him. However, this confused Tatl and Navi. They did not have the Eye of Truth, so they couldn't see the dead Goron. But they followed Link even if they thought he was delusional. In the end ****_(of the annoying chase, including evil invisible ladders)_**** the Goron lead Link to an empty hot spring! Gasp! There was a big grave!)**

"The soaring one said the one who could see me would be arriving soon…" the dead Goron explained. "It seems that it turned out to be true."

"Really? He talked to me too, but I wasn't listening…" Link paused.

"…I am Darmani the Third." The Goron proclaimed, trying his best to ignore Link's last comment. "The blood of proud Goron heroes runs in me."

"Third? You mean there are more Gorons who have tattoos like yours?" Link asked, pointing to the weird tattoos on Darmani's arms.

"Yep!" Darmani exclaimed, flexing his muscles. "But alas, I am the only one who looks this handsome!"

"Um…" Link paused, he couldn't really say that he agreed with him.

"Here is the business card of the tattoo parlor I own!" Darmani smiled as he handed Link a small card. "Erm… USED to own…"

"Yeaaahhh…" Link smiled a fake grin, but this time, it was made of tissue paper. "I'll go check it out sometime…"

"This feels strange for me to say, but when I was alive, I was renowned warrior, a veteran and I owned a tattoo parlor." Darmani explained.

"Really?" Link asked, as if he had not just heard the conversation a little bit earlier.

"Link, if you don't mind, could you please stop talking to yourself and go find out what the game designers want you to do next!" Navi hissed, for she did not have Eye of Truth on, so she could not see, nor hear Darmani.

"And where'd you get the card?" Tatl paused, looking down into Link's hand.

"Yes…When I was alive… But alas…I am now dead." Darmani sighed.

**(Darmani took a melodramatic face palm.)**

"Gasp!" Link gasped melodramatically.

**"**I was fine until I marched off to Snowhead by myself, hoping that I could drive off a demon." Darmani sighed. "Before then, I had lots of rupees, lots of food, and I was the most popular guy in village…"

"Um… What about the…de…oh what was it called…" Link paused, being really stupid right now.

"It had been wreaking havoc on Goron Village…" Darmani explained, wanting to get on with the ramble. "Then the blizzard at Snowhead blew me into the valley."

**(Darmani flopped.)**

"…And now…Here I am…" Darmani grumbled. "…How infuriating!"

"How pathetic! Like honestly, don't you have enough sense in you to carry a fairy around with you?! It's common sense!" Link hissed, making all kinds of hand motions to emphasize his emotions. "It's no wonder your dead!"

"But I'm a Goron hero by bloodline…" Darmani whimpered.

"You may have a bloodline lineage, but that doesn't make you invincible!" Link nagged. "Didn't your ancestors ever teach you how to use pink fairies?!"

"Erm… No…" Darmani paused. "And I don't carry pink fairies along because the other Gorons will make fun of me!"

"Only brave men have pink fairies!" Link snapped. "Aren't heroes brave?!"

"Well, as I am, I can only watch as Goron Village is slowly buried in ice…" Darmani sighed.

"My my, ain't that a shame?" Link smiled sarcastically.

"I may have died, but I cannot rest." Darmani whined.

"Well no wonder!" Link exclaimed, pulling out a black marker from his hat. "Somebody forgot to write 'Rest in Peace' on the grave!"

**(Link started to scribble onto the grave.)**

"How come we never noticed that in our house?" Tatl asked, looking at the marker.

"Because it isn't your house!" Navi hissed.

"But you never noticed it either!" Tatl snapped.

"…It's not my head, it's Link's!" Navi protested.

"There!" Link exclaimed, putting the cap back on the marker.

**(Link had written 'R.I.P.' _(Rest in Peace)_ on the grave. Unfortunately, since Link could never read or write, what he had just 'written' on the grave did not look like anything legible. By now, Darmani had unflopped.)**

"You know that doesn't really help…" Darmani paused, looking at what Link had 'written'.

"What do expect? Magic?" Link scoffed, putting his hands on his hips.

"So, you can use magic?" Darmani asked.

"I never said—" Link started.

"The soaring one also told me that you are able to use it…" Darmani sniffed.

"But he always lies—" Link started.

"I beg you! Bring me back to life with your magic!" Darmani pleaded.

"O.O Do you know what your asking?! I'm no witchdoctor!" Link proclaimed, wide-eyed.

"Well then, if it is beyond your power, then I beg of you to do this for me instead…." Darmani sighed.

"What do you want?" Link huffed, crossing his arms and looking to the side.

"Heal my sorrows." Darmani pleaded.

"How? With a banjo or a dumpling? With a car or a water balloon? HOW?!" Link asked, lifting his hands in the air.

"Any way that you can do it will suffice…" Darmani sighed. "You could even do so with a bowling ball, if need be…"

"O.o" Link looked to that statement.

"…Just please…heal my sorrows." Darmani sighed.

"But—! But—!" Link started.

"But but what?!" Navi grumbled.

**(The speech bubble closed at the bottom of the screen and then, Darmani was visible! Without the Eye of Truth! O.O)**

"O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Navi and Tatl screamed at the same time.

"What's with them?" Darmani asked Link.

"No clue. It's as if they had just seen a spook." Link pondered.

"I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!" Tatl yelled, pointing at Darmani.

"No, **I** see dead people!" Navi grumbled, glaring at Tatl.

"No, **I** see dead people!" Tatl snapped, turning and facing Navi.

"Says who?!" Navi smirked.

**(Navi and Tatl soon got themselves into a catfight. Kind of like the one in chapter two. Tatl pulled Navi's hair and Navi kicked Tatl's stomach. This fight took about an hour. Within this time, both Link and Darmani had gotten some kind of snack and started watching. At the end, both the fairies were beaten up and bruised. Link, who got bored easily and not wanting to do what the game designers wanted, decided to heal the two fairies so he and Darmani could watch them fight again. So that is how Link played Song of Healing. Instead of healing the fairies, it healed Darmani!)**

"Whoops…" Link paused. "Wrong target."

"What soothing melody…My sorrows are melting away into the song." Darmani gaped.

**(Darmani was then overcome with memories. Somehow, Link and Co. managed to tap into this Goron's brain and they could see many different scenes that depict him being cheered on by different Gorons ****_(all of which are named Frank, including the girl)_****, and they all jump in glee for no apparent reason. Link and Co. got kicked out of Darmani's brain as he then faded away and poofed into little sparkles. Link looked up at the grave to see the face of a Goron looming over him. Link screamed, with such force that it sent the Goron Mask ****_(that was what it was)_**** flying and clattering to the ground behind the grave. Link went out of his way to peer at the mask from behind the grave. He heard a voice.)**

**"**_I leave my undying feelings with you…"_ the voice said. _"The deeds I have accomplished while living are carved on my grave. You should read it."_

"Why would anyone put _that_ kind of stuff on a grave?!" Link wondered to himself, but said it out loud.

**(Link reached over and: DUN NA NA NAAAAAA! Link got the Goron mask! Now he could look fat whenever he wanted to! Yay!)**

"_For the Goron Village…I have asked your assistance…"_ Darmani whispered on the wind…that was indoors…

**(Link and Co. paused. A big fat, undead Goron just told them he had made a biography of himself on his grave. The question is: HOW?!)**

"Maybe we should read the grave…" Tatl paused. "Link, if you may."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ!" Link yelled.

"Honesty Tatl." Navi sighed, doing a face-palm. "You should have cued in when he tried to write on the grave."

"But I thought his writing was just messy…" Tatl paused.

"Whatever! I'll read it!" Navi snapped, whizzing over to the grave.

**(Navi started reading.)**

"90- Date of birth." Navi read out loud.

"That's something **_he_** accomplished while living?" Tatl asked.

"91- Learned how to roll." Navi read. "95-Learned how to kill a crow."

"…O.o" Link looked.

"97- Built my first Powder Keg. (Blew up half of village)." Navi read out loud.

"O.O" I think there is no need to tell you who they were.

"100- Tried new outlet and continued ancestry tattoo parlor. (All the villagers were very pleased)."

"……………"

"101- Died." Navi continued.

"Dude… The guy died last year…" Tatl paused, doing the _very hard_ mathematical equation.

"How many pointers left?" Link asked, getting bored.

"Just one." Navi told Link.

"Good." Link smiled.

"102- Talked to weird kid in green hat and gave him my mask. His blue fairy is reading this out loud right now—Holy…"

"O.o!" Tatl and Link looked.

"Dude… That is just scary…" Navi mumbled.

"Is there anything else on the grave?" Tatl asked.

"Yes, but I can't read it." Navi sighed.

**(Link walked outside due to shear boredom.)**

"What?! What do you mean?" Tatl asked. "How come?"

"The rest of the letters are covered by Link's attempt to write 'R.I.P.'." Navi explained.

"Oh. Well whatever, it's probably something useless." Tatl sighed.

**(Navi and Tatl flew out to find Link. Little did they know is that the text on the grave stated only THE MEANING OF LIFE! Gasp!)**

**

* * *

**

**(Outside, the fairies could see no sign of Link, but only a Goron, shivering madly, talking to a big Goron with large sideburns, a purple necklace, large boots, a green cloth and a weird green hat. He seemed to resemble Darmani…)**

"—Then…just whose grave was I making?" the smaller Goron asked the bigger one.

"I guess it was mine!" the bigger one smiled a childish smile that made him resemble Link.

"Did you come back to life because it was so warm beneath your grave?" the smaller Goron asked, looking at the Goron in shear awe.

**(The big Goron rolled into the place where Tatl, Link and Navi just were. Navi followed the big Goron just for the heck of it. A few seconds afterwards, there was a loud yell…)**

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT'S A HERO'S GRAVESTONE! LET GO OF IT! STOP PULLING IT OFF THE GRAVE!" screeched the yells from within the cave. "ARE YOU RAIDING THAT MAN'S TOMB?!"

**(Rumbling sounds were heard from within the cave.)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed a female voice. "WHERE DID ALL THIS HOT WATER COME FROM?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! ACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

**(There was a small scooping sound heard from within the cave.)**

"EW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?! YES, I SEE YOU SCOOPING UP THE WATER WITH YOUR BOTTLE! I'M NOT STUPID! BUT WHY?! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT STUFF IS! EHH? WATER?! YOU THINK IT'S WATER?! WHO EVER HEARD OF WATER IN A PERSON'S GRAVE?! ARE YOU MAD?!"

**(The big Goron rolled outside, with Navi trailing behind him.)**

"YOU TOMB RAIDER! THEIF! UNHYGIENIC LUMP OF—" Navi yelled.

"Shut up already!" the big Goron, who was quite peeved, hissed, grabbing onto Navi and stuffing her into his weird shaped, green hat.

**(There was a long pause. After all, a weird Goron just stuffed a fairy, he probably didn't even know, into his weird hat. Anyways, the Goron sighed while pulling a steaming hot bottle, filled with an unknown liquid, from his pocket and dumped it on a Goron who was completely encased in ice _(and yes, ladies and gents, he was there the entire time)_. The frozen Goron must have been there a long time.)**

"Hunh? What have I been doing?" the frozen Goron—now defrosted, asked, looking around and shivering madly.

**"**Oh!!! Are you all right, brother?" the first Goron exclaimed. "You were frozen, but the great Darmani saved you!"

**"**The great Darmani?! What's with you? Are you half asleep?" the defrosted Goron asked his brother.

"O.o Dude." Tatl told the Goron.

"Did you hear this guy?" the defrosted brother asked Tatl. "The great Darmani died long ago and is lying in his gr…"

**(The defrosted Goron looked at the tallest Goron.)**

"Heeee!!! Darmani!" the Goron exclaimed.

"Ehhh?" Tatl blinked, looking at the tallest Goron, for that was not the Goron she just seen in the cave a few moments before.

**"**I was shocked, too. But somehow, it seems the great Darmani isn't dead." The first Goron exclaimed.

"R-Really?" the defrosted Goron asked.

"That's not him!" Tatl snapped, but they ignored her.

**"**With this, a star of hope appears in Goron Village." The first Goron exclaimed.

"But this is an imposter—" Tatl yelled.

"Great Darmani! Please do something about the blizzard blowing in from Snowhead." The first Goron pleaded.

"Okay!" the 'Great Darmani' exclaimed, taking a pose that resembled one given by Link.

**(The 'Great Darmani' rolled away. Tatl, very peeved with both the Gorons who ignored her and the imposter, flew after him.)**

"Look mister, I have no idea who you are, or what you're doing, but trying to imitate the Great Darmani is not something you should do with your life! Also, if you don't mind, please unhand my friend, who you have stuffed in your hat earlier." Tatl snapped, holding out her hand.

**(The imposter snorted, while holding his hand in front of his face, hiding a smile.)**

"What is so funny!?" Tatl hissed, making a ding like noise while doing so.

"Um… Tatl…?" Navi mumbled, peering out from underneath the Goron's hat.

"Ah! Navi! What are you still doing in there?!" Tatl asked, turning to face her.

**(The Goron tore off his face. Underneath it, was the face of the little known hero we have come to know as Link.)**

"O.o" Tatl looked, for this is a sane reaction to someone who just watched the person in front of them tear their face off and turn into a small fourteen-year-old boy.

"Surprised?" Link asked, having a childish smile on his face.

"…Navi? How did you know?" Tatl asked, still a bit horrified from the fact that Link was fat a few seconds ago.

"Look, how many houses do you see with the furniture arranged the way I do?" Navi huffed, crossing her arms.

"True…" Tatl paused.

"Even if everything is either petrified or resembles something from the Flintstones…" Navi trailed off.

"o.o! What?!" Tatl asked after pondering Navi's statement.

**(Tatl zoomed into Link's hat and looked around, forgetting that Link had to be Goron form in order for her to see the house in the Stone Age state. Link, who then took advantage of the only moment so far that the two fairies had both been quiet, and then headed off to Goron Village.**

**

* * *

**

(Within the village, there was a crying baby boy. **_(Shudder…)_**** And to make matters worse, HE WOULDN'T SHUT UP! You could hear him throughout the whole village… x.x)**

**"**Waaa…Hunh, ugh…u-waahhh! Da-daaaddy, daaaddy!" screamed the young child.

"Link? Did you hear something?" Navi asked, peering out from under his hat.

"WHA—? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SOME KID IS CRYING LOUDLY!" Link yelled at Navi.

"SHE SAID: LINK. DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?" Tatl repeated.

"YES. I HEAR A LOT OF THINGS!" Link proclaimed, currently a Goron.

**(Link walked into the room with the source of the sound inside. Seriously. Not smart.)**

"Hunh…I'm cooooold…Daaaddy!" the Goron kid screamed.

"Daddy?" Navi paused.

"I wonder which one of the Gorons here is his daddy." Tatl paused.

"o.o! I hope it's not me!" Link exclaimed, the weird necklace around his neck jiggled.

"Why?" Navi asked.

"I'm too young to be a parent…" Link sobbed.

"Are there any females in the Goron race?" Tatl questioned, cocking her head to the side.

"…Hyunh, hunh…Ahh, Darmi where's my daddy? Where's my daddy?" the kid screamed while noticing Darmani.

"I'm not a father!" Goron Link exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down, which made the floor shake.

"But then, who is?" Navi asked.

"How about the old geezer that was frozen solid that I just happened to notice on the way over here?" Tatl asked.

"…An old geezer being the father of a kid that age? Are you joking?" Navi asked Tatl, crossing her arms.

"Excuse me." Goron Link asked to a nearby Goron. "Who's the father of the crying kid again?"

"He's the Elder's son, Darmani!" The Goron reported. "I wish the Goron Elder would hurry up and get here so we may have some peace and quiet!"

**(Link looked over at the fairies, who hade both frozen on the spot.)**

"You need to stop eating those ice-cubes…" Link sighed, shaking his head at the two

"So it was the random old guy—" Tatl started.

"Where is he?" Navi hissed, a little peeved about how Tatl was right.

* * *

**(Goron Link left the Village, headed to where two islands ****_(in the frozen lake, yes I know, I failed to tell you guys about it earlier)_**** were and used hot spring water ****_(when did he get that? Erm… Anyways)_**** to melt the ice block on the one closer to the village. He then dropped down the hole, to see…ANOTHER HOT SPRING! Gasp! The pointless-ness! So, since I said so, he got more hot spring water, climbed up the hole and then ran over one of the snowballs in down-in-the-pit/on-the-lake. One of just happened to contain the Goron Elder who had really long hair covering his eyes, a big hump on his back, weak arms/legs and the biggest set of lips on the planet. Link defrosted him and spoke to him still as a Goron.)**

"Hunh? What was I doing?" The Goron Elder asked, looking around. "Ah! It's already this late?!? I must hurry!"

"Um… Sir? Are you going to be okay?" Link asked, looking at the Goron elder, for A: He was just frozen solid and B: He looked like he could die at any moment.

"Hunh??? Oh! You're Darmani!!!" the Elder gasped.

"Yes, yes, it's me, Elder." Link sighed, rolling his eyes.

"But you're supposed to be dead! Am I hallucinating?" the Elder gaped, as he took a step backwards.

"Well I never!" Link huffed, putting two fists on his hips. "You have absolutely no respect for the dead!"

"Maybe this is also the doing of Snowhead's magic power…" the Elder pondered.

"O.o Snowhead has magic power?" Navi asked, flying out of Goron Link's hat.

"Hmmph… I've been made a fool of!" the Elder exclaimed, knitting his brow.

"You're telling him!" Tatl huffed, also flying out of Link's hat but crossing her arms as well.

"But…That's impossible. I refuse to flinch. If I can see the past illusion, you'll vanish in an instant!" the Elder grumbled to himself and started to walk to the village.

"Well I never!" Navi huffed.

"Navi?" Link asked his fairy partner while giving her a truly terrified look.

"Eh? What?" Navi asked, looking down at Link.

"Am I a hallucination?" Link asked giving her big puppy eyes, and doing a good job since he was a Goron.

"…No Link. You are not." Navi told the little…erm…_big_ Goron boy.

"And Link, don't start crying like the Elder's son." Tatl told the Goron.

"…What?" the Elder asked as he turned around. "My son is crying because he misses me?? Why do you know that?"

"Because we were just at the Village and he just won't shut up—" Link started.

"Your son misses you." Navi told the elder while flying over to Link's Goron lips and wedged them shut.

"My son misses me… Ulp! Forgive me, my child! Your father has work to do!" the Elder exclaimed while looking at the sky, apparently trying to contact his son from there.

"Like what?" Tatl asked, but as always, the little fairy got ignored.

"Darmani… Be you a ghost or a figment of my imagination, I no longer care." The Elder told Goron Link.

"Oh, sweet!" Link exclaimed while jumping up and down, making the ground/ice beneath him crack.

"If you feel pity for my crying son… then please quietly sing my son to sleep with this song I am about to play on my drum. It is the very same melody that was often played for you when you were young…" The Elder explained, while nodding up and down.

**(Thus, the Goron Elder pulled out a drum from nowhere.)**

"How does this song go?" The Elder muttered to himself.

**(The Elder played the first six notes, but then stopped.)**

"Huh? …Let me play it once more." The Elder paused, but then muttered to himself again. "How does this song go?"

**(The Elder played the first six notes, but then stopped.)**

"Umm… Ah, yes, yes! Like this!" the Elder exclaimed.

**(The Elder played the first six notes AGAIN, but then stopped AGAIN.)**

"It's no good! I can remember only the beginning!" the Goron Elder sighed.

"Why don't you just teach us the beginning?" Link asked.

"Oh yes, a lot of good that'll do us!" Tatl hissed while flying in circles around Link's head.

"…I'll just teach you the beginning…" The Elder decided after much thought.

**(Link then took out his Ocarina but they turned into Goron Drums. But this didn't matter. Link then had to play the Lullaby Intro which he had already memorized after hearing it three/four times.)**

"It's not that I forgot it. It's just so cold that I can't play very well…" the Elder explained.

"Right…" Link sighed while crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

"…At any rate, I am counting on you." the Elder told the trio as he started to walk off again.

**(The Goron Elder took three steps before he froze on the spot again, but frankly, our heroes didn't care.)**

**

* * *

**

(Instead, the headed back to the Goron Elder's son to play him the song intro. Once they did, he **_finally_**** shut up.)**

"That song…That's the song daddy always plays for me before I go to sleep…." The Elder's son gasped.

"Well we don't know the—" Link started.

"I'll sing the next part." The Elder's son told Link.

**(The Elder's son started to sing ****_(he actually has a very good voice! Gasp! Ahem)_**** the song, only he finished it. You play the song and scenes of the Elder holding his son are shown with the song in the background.)**

"Mmmmm… It's just like…daddy's….right…beside me…" the drowsy boy blahed (AN: shut up! It's a word!).

**(The Elder's son promptly flopped over as if he was about to roll. But a different noise was made.)**

**"**Zzzzz…" the Elder's son zzzed (AN: shut up! It's also a word!).

"What the—!" Navi gasped while looking around the room.

**(Link looked around all the Gorons in the room had also fallen asleep. They were snoring loudly.)**

"O.o They're asleep?" Link asked, cocking his head to the side.

**"**Aha!" Tatl exclaimed, whizzing above the Goron's heads. "So the Gorons fall asleep if they hear the Goron's Lullaby! That's convenient…"

**(After having endless hours of fun making all the Gorons in the Village fall asleep, Link started to head to Snowhead Temple. When the Goron got there, he marched a couple steps, but the wind that came outta nowhere made him tumble over backwards. With the Eye of Truth he saw the source of the wind, a giant Goron who was blowing incessantly over and over. So Link, being the ever so sneaky Goron he was, took out his Goron drums and played Goron's Lullaby. The Giant Goron fell asleep and tumbled off a cliff with a bottomless pit. There was a loud thump. Link pondered this fact for a minute, but then headed into the Temple.)**

* * *

**(There was a large block with the Majora's Mask on it. IT'S ONA TIME!)**

"Hmm… This is kind of big… It's gonna take more than average strength move this thing." Tatl pondered while observing the block.

"Oh dear…" Goron Link paused, not sure what to do even with his new super strength from Darmani. "More than average strength… It's up to you…Navi!"

**(Navi pushed the block away, with ease. Thus our heroes continued throughout the Temple, which is a pain in the butt since it is the only Temple in Hyrule/Termina history to have seven floors. Goron Link came across an icy pathway on the wall. Tatl ONAed again.)**

"At slippery places like this, you can curl up as a Goron and roll your way across! Why don't you try it?" Tatl asked looking at the icy wall.

"Because, unlike you, I react to gravity!" Link snapped, getting rather peeved.

"Then how will you get across?" Tatl smirked.

"………Navi, can you help me." Link grumbled while taking off the mask.

**(Navi picked up Link and flew across the gap. Tatl grumpily followed behind. That is, until they came across a cylinder like thing on the floor Link jumped onto it as if it was a switch. Gasp! Third ONA since we entered the dungeon!)**

**"**What, you think you can push something down this big just by standing on top of it? You're going to have to find some way to pound it down." Tatl told Link.

"LOOK! If I do as you say, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Link hissed while looking at his fairy partner.

"Only this time around. After you play Song of Time, the promise would have never happened." Tatl explained.

"-.- Fine… This time is better than not at all." Link sighed, rolling up in a ball, and pounding on the cylinder.

**(A door opened. Link and Co walked inside, but saw to their displeasure…)**

"Oh, wise young one!" exclaimed a voice.

"O.O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed.

"It's a great slut!" Navi screamed in terror.

"Wait…why is he wise? If he's wise, then Navi must be all-knowing!" Tatl exclaimed.

"I am the Great Fairy of Green. Thank you for retuning my broken and shattered body to normal." The slut with pronged green hair. "The As thanks, I shall enhance your Magic Power."

**(The Great slut bestowed Double Magic Meter on Link! Gasp! What a pain! Now you need more magic to fill it back up! -beep-)**

**"**Come see when whenever you are overcome by weariness." The Great Slut smiled.

**(Link toppled over in fear. FEEEEAAAAR! But then she d****isappeared—sinking off shrieking like a witch, as usual. Anyways, after Link got over the mental trauma, he went off and beat Goht. Link thus got transported to the misty world of mystery! :O There was a giant.)**

"W-What exactly are all of you?" Tatl asked, flying forwards.

**(The Giant moaned.)**

"'_Guardians.'_ Guardians?" Navi translated.

"So… You're protective gods?" Tatl exclaimed, bobbing up and down. "That's why you're in the temples…"

"But…why are the protective gods…?" Navi pondered to herself.

"No! Wait! Are you leaving!? Listen to me! Hey… wait…!" Tatl cried out to the one of the only ones who could return her world to the state it once was in.

**(Link got transported outside and the Gorons defrosted! Spring has returned to the mountain! Huzzah! And the…GASP! Link went back in time!)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter seven!

Link: Broken record!

Cherry-sama: Unoriginal superhero that looks like a fox when he plays the Ocarina!

Link: o.o! I do not!

Cherry-sama: You did in the last game!

Link: No! You said I look hot playing the Ocarina!

Cherry-sama: At 19 years old! I'm referring to when you're 12!

Link: I wasn't 12! I was 10! I'm 11 now!

Cherry-sama: 10 is too young to start an adventure like that! 12/13 is a good age!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: No!

Cherry-sama: Yes!

Link: _(gets idea)_ Yes!

Cherry-sama: Finally we agree. I hereby dub you 14 years old in Majora's Mask!

Link: T.T Please review.


	8. Chapter 8: The Others are coming!

**Chapter 8! (Gasp! It's here! Over 25 pages of humour you just can't help but love! …I sound like one of those annocers on a TV ad…)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, even if I have the ability to do certain glitches on it.**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: Welcome back to—

Link: Don't even finish that sentence.

Cherry-sama: O.o Why?

Link: Because A: you sound annoying. And B: you're getting on the readers nerves!

Cherry-sama: As far as I'm concerned, I'm only getting on your nerves!

Navi: And mine.

Tatl: And also mine.

Cherry-sama: O.o Am I really that annoying?

Link and Co.: _(nods)_

Cherry-sama: So saying the cliched 'please read' is not acceptable?

Link and Co.: (nods violently)

Cherry-sama:……………Too bad! Please read!

Link: O.O

* * *

_**What would happen if Romani forgot to lock the barn door while fighting aliens?  
**__Wonder no more! You will find out in Whacked, Totally Whacked! And, yes people, this is not the Zora place yet! Mwahahahahahahaha!_

**

* * *

**

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link walked out of the Clock Tower. Tatl then flew up and down, waved her arms and flew around in circles.)**

**"**The quickest way to the ocean is through the West Gate!" Tatl exclaimed, doing all sorts of crazy arm movements.

**(Link however ignored Tatl and then randomly decided to beat Goht again. Thus it was spring, in the mountains. Everywhere else was summer. Ahem. So, Link now decided to explore Goron Village. Where there once was an ice block, now—due to springtime—there was an opening. Link entered to see, to his surprise, a BIG GORON! Oh noes! Ahem. After promptly entering the shop, no sooner did the Goron dump a big barrel into Link's arms.) **

"If you can destroy the boulder that blocks the entrance to the Goron Racetrack near here… using this here Powder Keg I just gave you," the Big Goron explained, "I will approve you to carry them."

"Ehhhhh?!" Link gulped while balancing the barrel in his arms. "But what is this thing?!"

"When the Powder Keg beings ticking faster, it means that it's about to explode." The Big Goron explained, ignoring our little—currently big hero, who was just as confused as the audience. "Try to blow up the boulder blocking the Goron Racetrack entrance without the Powder Keg exploding on the way. There's a sign near the racetrack, so keep an eye out for it."

"……………" Link paused, almost ready to topple over.

"When you've finished, come see me." The Big Goron hummed.

**

* * *

**

(Link then embarked on an epic new quest: Try to stay alive while holding the barrel

_**(AKA: Powder Keg)**_**. This is harder than it sounds. Once Link had managed to find his way to the target, he still had a bit of time left. Link was about to use this time to relax for once on his quest of doom, when he heard a tiny voice.)**

**"**Ah, Darmi!" exclaimed the Elder's Son, who was somehow right there.

"o.o!" Link paused for this caught him by surprise.

"Oh no, not you again—" Tatl started, but was then shoved forward into Link's hat.

"Now that it's nice and warm out, I'm much, much better." The Elder's son giggled, somehow still remembering all the events of last chapter, even though Link had gone back in time. "Even if my daddy isn't right beside me, I won't be selfish and cry."

"That's a relief." Came the muffled voice of Tatl from Link's hat.

"So…now that spring has come, the Goron Races should be starting soon. But… But this rock is in the way, so I can't get in to see the race…" The Elder's son sniffled.

"Well, with the help of this barrel, that won't happen!" Link exclaimed, pointing to the Powder Keg; but the Elder's son somehow didn't hear him.

"And spring's just started too…I was so excited…but there's nothing I can do…" The Elder's son started to cry.

**(The Elder's son wailed.) **

"I hate it! I hate it! I wanna see it! I wanna see it! I wanna see the race!" The Elder's son cried, failing his arms around everywhere, and making the nearby Afatufivomany clones go deaf.

**(Link was about to say something to try to remind the kid about his vow, but the Powder Keg exploded, and the big rock blocking the way was obliterated. Unfortunately, so is the Elder's Son.)**

"Way to go, _'Darmi'_!" Navi snapped, pointing at the pile of ashes that remained of the kid. "You just murdered the Elder's son!"

"Well, uh…" Goron Link bit his lip, not sure what to do.

**(Tatl, who had managed to peak out of the hat just in time to see the explosion, smiled widely.)**

"That was cooool!" Tatl exclaimed looking in awe at the remains of the barrel, which was something too graphic to be described in a K+ fanfic.

"But—" Link started.

**(Navi sighed.)**

"C'mon… If we don't hurry, the race will start…" Navi sighed, the races being the only positive thing coming from the explosion.

**(Goron Link and Co. entered. But before Link knew it, Navi and Tatl had just sold him to the front desk and bet on him in the Goron races.)**

"Why on Hyrule has this chapter been on such a quick pace!" Link exclaimed, throwing the fluffy white towel that the fairies had draped over his shoulders, onto the ground.

"It's because the authoress wants to hurry up and get to the main plot of the chapter!" Navi explained.

"Then why doesn't she just delete parts like this and get on with it?" Link whined.

"Because without these parts, she would have to explain it in a bolded section and that would be really boring!" Navi snapped, tossing the towel Link had thrown on the ground, at his head, which covered it entirely.

"Figures…" Link sighed, leaning his head on his hand, ignoring the towel; boy he could use a cup of coffee.

"Now, if your magic power runs low, charge it up with the green jars Tatl just placed on the course." Navi explained.

"O.O She WHAT!?" Link gaped.

**(The race was sheer heck. After about ten false starts, Link kept on speeding into other Gorons, who didn't care about how famous Darmani/Link was, and thus made him fly head first into a wall. After recovering and leaving a big hole in the wall, he rolled up again and tried to catch up, which never really happened. When his magic ran low, he tried to roll towards a green jar, but ended up missing it. Then he ran out of magic and had to walk ****_(which Gorons suck at doing)_**** the rest of the way. Link somehow managed to win the race.)**

"That was great!" Tatl exclaimed, flying above Link's head.

"I knew you were the fastest Goron, _'Darmi'_! I was sure you'd get first place!" Navi exclaimed, using a name that the Elder's son came up with.

"This is from the Goron Elder… It's the prize." Tatl exclaimed.

**(DUH NUH NUH NUHHHHHHHHH! Link got Gold dust! Plus a bottle made of diamonds! …Niiiiccccce.)**

"_I wanna be just like you—quick!"_ the Ghost of the Elder's son exclaimed.

"Did you hear something?" Link asked, looking at the sky.

"Link, you're just hearing things." Tatl confirmed.

**

* * *

**

(Link thus returned and spoke to the Big Goron in the Powder Keg place.)

"It looks like you managed to succeed!" the Goron exclaimed.

"How can you tell?" Tatl asked.

"Well, you all are the first ones who managed to come back alive…" the Goron explained.

"O.O"

**(Link fainted. This was an odd appearance since Link was currently the form of a fat Goron hero.)**

"Anyways, knowing your skills, I feel fine letting you handle Powder Kegs on your own." The Big Goron smiled. "It was bad of me to put you through such a dangerous test."

"YA THINK!" Tatl yelled at the Goron.

"I want you to take this as my apology." The Goron smiled.

**(DUH NUH NUH NUHHHHHHHHH! Navi got a Powder Keg! Gee, what an appropriate apology!)**

"Powder Kegs are very volatile, so you can carry only one at a time." The Goron explained. "If you shoot them with an arrow, they'll explode as soon as they're hit, so be careful."

"Navi, you should probably give that to Link now…" Tatl told the bluer of the two of them.

**(Navi looked at Link, still out-cold, and then at the Powder Keg. Her slumbering pyromaniac tendencies had just awoken inside of her.)**

"Look." Navi sighed, pocketing the giant bomb(?) while trying to think of an excuse to keep it. "Do you honestly trust this guy to carry something like this?"

"…" Tatl paused. "Good point."

* * *

**(So thus Tatl **_**(since Navi was carrying a big barrel that could explode at any minute)**_** started to drag Goron Link to the Great bay, where they were suppost to go. However, the team somehow managed to get Link back to Hylian form and end up in a log cabin. …Don't ask. We don't understand it either. Anyways, inside there was a big guy and a little guy.)**

**"**Ugoh-oh! Ugoh ugo ugo?" the big guy groaned like a caveman, only he resembled an executioner.

"Oh, a customer?" the small guy blinked, this being the first customer in a while.

**(Link then groaned, he finally started to wake up after being dragged all the way from Goron Village to this little hut.)**

"Come on Link! Wake up!" Tatl snapped, pulling on Link's long ear.

"It's no good Tatl." Navi sighed. "If saying 'heylooklistenwatchout' didn't work, then nothing will."

"…Gabora, fetch our customer some coffee, quick-like." Smiled the small guy.

"Doubt that would work…" Navi sighed.

"Now then, let me take a look at his sword." The small guy pondered, looking at the sword head to tail.

"Sure." Tatl said, handing over the sword, without considering that this guy could STEAL IT.

"WHAT! Are you crazy!" Navi dinged, bobbing up and down.

"Hmmm… All right… To reforge his sword, it will cost him 100 Rupees." The small guy explained, keeping his eyes on the sword and not on the fighting fairies.

**(The big guy, apparently named Gabora, gave Link a cup of Starbucks coffee. Bad move on his accord.)**

"It'll be ready to at sunrise. You'll have to let us hold onto his sword until then." The small guy told the fairies, still arguing, unaware that he was talking to himself.

"Tatl! Honestly! Have you no respect for middle-aged fairies?!" Navi snapped.

"Of course I do, but old grannies get on my nerves!" Tatl sneered.

"GRRRRRRR—!" Navi growled.

"Keep in mind that after you use your reforged sword 100 times, it will lose its edge and it'll be back to its original sharpness…" the short guy told no one as he gazed at the sword ever more.

"OOOOO! IreallythinkthatisawesomeandcoolandawesomeandcoolandIreallyloveCOFFEE!" Link giggled like a maniac as he rolled on the ground; coffee high.

"So, would you like your sword reforged for 100 Rupees?" the short guy asked, looking at coffee high Link with an evil grin.

"I'LL DO IT!" Link exclaimed without thinking.

"Thanks for dropping in. Now then, I'm straight off to work! Come back tomorrow morning." The small guy smiled as he handed the sword to Gabora.

**"**Ugoh ugo ugo!" was Gabora's ever so civilized response.

* * *

**(Link thus ran out of the cabin and somehow ran all the way to the opposite end of Termina field within six seconds. This is probably due to the fact that Link was high off coffee. Anywho, he managed to stop right in front of a giant rock.)**

"LOL! THERE'S A BIG ROCK! COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!" Link yelled, while bouncing off the nearby walls and ended up killing a crow.

"What's 'lol'?" Tatl asked.

"So what do we do know?" Navi asked Tatl.

"Look, my ONA isn't that convenient, grandma." Tatl grumbled while glaring at the blue disco lamp.

**(Navi's APT _(Automatic Pyromaniac Tendencies)_ kicked in. She threw the Powder Keg at the boulder and ended up killing it entirely.)**

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link cackled. "TAKE THAT, MIDO!"

"O.o Who?" Tatl asked.

"Just don't ask…" Navi sighed.

**(Link then ran into the big gap between the walls and found Romani Ranch, a ranch considerably bigger than Lon Lon Ranch. As soon as Link ran a couple of steps, Tatl noticed something.)**

**"**L-look! Isn't that your horse?!?" Tatl gasped, pointing at Epona, who was indeed inside a fenced off shack.

"EH HEE HEE HEE! HORSEY!" Link giggled, clutching his sides and rolling on the ground.

"LIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNK! Stop acting so childish!" Navi hissed while flying up and glaring at the small coffee high boy.

"Eh hee hee." Link giggled while pointing at Navi. "Granny."

**(Bad move, Link. Navi took a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP, DEEP BREATH.)**

"O.O Ahh! Okay okay! I'm sane!" Link exclaimed, trembling.

"That's better." Navi snapped, still glaring at Link.

"Hey, who are you?" asked a voice that came from behind them.

"Wah!" Link exclaimed, making a funny noise because the voice startled him.

**(Link turned around. There, behind him, was a clone of twelve/thirteen-year-old Malon. Her red was the same reddish orange, eyes the same blue, and even her clothing was the same! The only thing different is that she didn't have horses and she held a bow in her hand. Something fishy is going on if you ask me… Ahem. She had evidently stopped what she was doing and walked over to Link because he was being so loud.)**

"Who are you?" Tatl asked, flying up face to face with the little girl.

"Yes, who are you?" Link asked, because he wondered if he was back home.

"I'm Romani." The Malon-look-alike piped up. "I was given the same name as the ranch."

"O.o Who'd name a girl after a ranch—ack!" Tatl complained, but Link stuffed her into his hat.

"What's your name?" Romani, the Malon clone, asked tilting her head to the side.

"Li—" Navi started.

"I won't say my name." Link smiled.

"Hmm… Well, all right then. How about…" Romani pondered, circling Link. "Grasshopper?"

"…Grasshopper?" Link asked, for this was an odd name, even for Link!

"That's the name Romani gives you." Romani giggled.

"That's even weirder than Stinky!" Navi exclaimed.

"Ehhh?" Tatl asked, for she had not been in Totally Messed.

"…Why _'Grasshopper'_?" Link asked, a very good question indeed.

"Well see, you're wearing green clothes, and you patter about when you walk, so Grasshopper it is!" Romani exclaimed, holding a finger up, explaining her divine logic of nonsense.

"Navi…?" Link looked at the blue fairy with teary eyes.

"…What?" Navi asked.

"Do I patter when I walk?" Link sniffled.

"…" Navi paused, deciding whether of not to tell him that he actually does patter while walking.

"Why are you holding that bow?" Tatl asked Romani.

"Romani was practicing…" Romani fell silent. "For tonight… Tonight… They are coming…"

"Who?" Tatl asked.

"…The Others… The Others come at night…every year when the carnival approaches…" Romani started to tell her ever so 'creepy' ghost story.

* * *

**FLASHBACK THING OF ULTIMATE DOOM!**

"They come riding in a bright, shining ball. A whole lot of them come down… And then… They come to the barn…"

**END OF FLASHBACK OF ULTIMATE DOOM!**

* * *

"My older sister won't believe me… But Romani must protect the cows!" Romani exclaimed.

**(Link was as white as a sheet. He was trembling too. At least he didn't faint.)**

"Hey, Grasshopper, I'm recruiting for an assistant right now!" Romani exclaimed, twirling around and pointing at Link.

"O O ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Link yelled.

"You're a boy, won't you try?"

"NO—" Link started, but then Navi flew over to his mouth and slammed it shut.

"Yes." Navi confirmed. "Yes he will."

"Great! Now that's the spirit, Grasshopper!" Romani chuckled, clapping her hands together.

Link sniffled, "I wish I was a girl…"

"OK then, I'm going straight into my strategy!" Romani, facing the opposite way and pointed around the farmyard. "They'll appear all over the ranch… They'll aim for that barn and approach it slowly, so hit them with arrows so they can't get in!"

"Why arrows?" Tatl asked, but you all know that even our heroes get ignored in this story.

"You got that? And you mustn't leave the ranch!" Romani exclaimed, glaring at Link.

**(Link scribbled with his black marker and added another point to his notepad, another item which was secretly always in his hat.)**

"Grasshopper! Let's practice right away!" Romani exclaimed, jumping up and down. "There are 10 ghost-shaped balloons in the ranch, so hurry and burst them all."

"That's easy." Link smiled, for he was planning on taking his time and popping them as he pleased.

"If you take over 2 minutes, you're out." Romani pointed out.

"O.O WHAAAATTTTT?!" Link yelled.

"The current record is 1'00''00. Are you ready?" Romani asked.

"O.O NO!" Link yelled, but it was too late.

* * *

**(Link then somehow ended up on Epona's back and had a quiver on his back containing about a million arrows. It was thus Link's destiny to shoot all the balloons. Once he did that, a voice told him:)**

"OK! You're done!" exclaimed the voice.

**(Link then appeared before Romani and Epona was gone.)**

"**-insert time-**?!?" Romani exclaimed. "Amazing! It's a new record!"

"O.o But Link took over ten minutes!" Navi told the crazy farm girl.

"It's still better then Romani's sister." Romani snapped.

"Then your sister must suck!" Tatl exclaimed, but yet again, she was ignored.

"You two work perfectly together!" Romani smiled.

"DUH! She's my horse!" Link snapped, but he too was ignored.

"I'll teach you Romani's horse-calling song to you, Grasshopper." Romani grinned, quite proud of herself. "Now you two can keep getting along, and go practice some more!"

"Great… How fun…" Navi rolled her eyes.

"The horse seems to like this song." Romani explained as she got ready to sing.

**(Romani sang Epona's song. WELL NO WONDER EPONA LIKED IT! It's her song! Honestly, how stupid can people be? Ahem. Link played back on his Ocarina of Time. After that, Romani changed the topic for reasons unknown.)**

**"**When your arrow hits these, they burst into nothing, but the real ones will keep popping up!" Romani exclaimed.

**(This made Link think of that The Others were gophers.)**

"If they get in the barn, we lose! They run away at the first light of the sun, so we'll have to keep fending them off until then! Did you get that?" Romani asked.

"Yep." Link exclaimed, putting his notebook away.

"The operation starts tonight at two. I'll be waiting in the barn. Don't be late!" Romani exclaimed.

* * *

**(So Link started to walk to Clock Town, but for some odd reason, he got there at night. O.o Ahem. Since it was night, Link decided to talk to the weird guys singing/playing-music at the Laundry Pool. They were playing Song of Storms, but the one with the yellow mask, playing the bagpipes, stopped to face the other guy.)**

"Tomorrow night we play Scotland's National Anthem." The yellow mask kid told the music guy.

"Fine." The other guy grumbled. "As soon as we find out what Scotland is."

"Deal." The kid grinned, which wasn't very noticeable since he was wearing a mask.

"La-la-la…  
They said we was  
much too loud  
when I practiced in my room.

They got mad.  
Sigh…Now I'm sad.  
I'll just think about this past  
To keep my mind off the bad." The guys sang (as best as they both could); this time the authoress decided to put this into song format.

"You will?" Link asked, like a little kid.

"Ah, yes, I'll do that…" the music man pondered.

"Dear guest… Long ago, he was in an animal troupe, with dogs and donkeys and such." The masked kid, raising a finger, told Link.

"O.o Why could a man join?" Link asked, taking a step back.

"Why could a…? Why could a…?  
Why could a man join?!?  
That's 'cause a man is an animal too, my boy!" the music man musically responded.

"They were all great. But there was one thing he didn't like about it…" the masked kid nodded to his small phrase.

"Why was the…? Why was the…?  
Why was the dog the leader?!?  
Was it 'cause something was wrong with me, sir???" the music man yelled at the masked boy with the bagpipes.

"Oh, that dog was an amazing leader! He always had a stellar troupe no matter what animals he had to work with…" the yellow masked kid exclaimed, for apparently he had seen the troupe when he was little.

"That's why I … That's why I…  
That's why I stole it…  
The dog's mask.  
I stole it." The music man exclaimed, holding up a white mask that resembled a bird.

"He wanted it because it was the leader's mask… But he no longer needs it…" the masked kid told Link grabbing the white mask.

"But that is …! But that is…!  
But that is my new mask!  
The leader's mask  
I stole! " the music man complained, reaching for the mask.

"I give it to you, our guest." The yellow mask kid smiled.

**(DUH NUH NUH NUHHHHH! Link got the Breman's Mask! Now you can make animals follow you! That includes people! They're animals too.)**

"The leader was a good instructor. His members matured quickly and they became adults in an instant." The yellow masked kid smiled, holding his bagpipes like a teddy bear as he remembered his youth…which must not be that long since he's Link's height.

* * *

**(Link had to run back to Romani Ranch in order to save Romani from the aliens/'Others'. He managed to have some time to spare. So he ran into the barn.)**

"It's almost time…" Romani exclaimed as soon as Link entered the barn. "You take care of things outside, Grasshopper! If you have a map, watch your map carefully! OK?"

"Oh crap…" Link mumbled.

"You don't have a map?!" Navi yelled at Link.

"I don't know a safe place to buy one!" Link exclaimed, pointing out that for fairies, Tingle was not a safe place.

"Whatever happens, do not let the Others get into the barn!" Romani exclaimed. "They'll come from behind the barn, too, so watch out."

"But what if I run out of arrows?" Link asked.

"If you run out of arrows, we have crates of them near the house, so stock up when you need to." Romani told Link.

"Okay, that's good." Tatl said.

**(Silence. Shortly afterwards.)**

"They came!!!" Romani exclaimed, kicking Link out of the barn.

**(Link thus got kicked out of the barn, only to see a big yellow light come from the sky and make a bunch of Others appear.)**

"STAND BACK!" Link yelled at the aliens, who seriously looked like they were wearing purple hot pads. "I am armed with my sword! Come any closer and I'll slice you with it!"

**(The Other's snickered. This made Link want to draw his sword. He pulled his sketchbook out.)**

"LINKKKK! This is no time for drawing!" Navi hissed.

**(Link ignored her and then pulled out his sword to use as a drawing reference. Link did not have his sword. Link had forgotten that he had left his sword with the short guy and the big guy.)**

"Uh-oh…" Link paused, a look of 'erm…I'm dead' written on his face.

"Maybe that's why Link has to use arrows…" Navi sighed, lowering her wings.

**(Fun Fact: Navi is wrong. The Others cannot be killed by your sword! Gasp! The Others are going to kidnap us all…)**

**

* * *

**

(Link thus shot arrows at the Others, which made them re-pop to another area. Link, thinking of nothing at the time, suddenly wondered how Romani was doing in the barn. So, he walked into the barn to see Romani attacking about five different Others at the same time.)

"O.O Grasshopper!" Romani exclaimed as she made one of them re-pop. "What are you doing in here?!"

"I was just checking to see how you're doing." Link told Romani, as if there was nothing wrong with this.

"But Grasshopper! The Others might attack us as we speak—" Romani started, but then a pillar of light engulfed the barn.

**(Link and Romani looked up, for the roof had just exploded. There, they saw the bright, shining ball floating above their heads. An Other grabbed onto a cow and dragged it into the pillar of light, and then the two flew up into the ball of light. Another Other grabbed a cow and dragged it into the pillar of light. The same thing happened until all the cows were in the ball of light. Romani screamed. Link, who was too preoccupied with the floating cows and Others, had failed to notice that an Other grabbed Romani too, and started dragging her up. As soon as she had vanished, an Other grabbed Link and dragged him away too.)**

**

* * *

**

(When Link entered the ball of light, he saw many things. The cows, Romani, and thousands of Others, wearing the same purple hot pads and had the same flashlight-like eyes. Link didn't know it, but he was inside his first spaceship.)

"What the—" Link and Co. gasped, for all three of them had gone up together.

"Grasshopper!" Romani exclaimed to the only person she could talk to; she was being held back by Others.

"What is this place?" Navi asked, looking around.

"I dunno…" Link shrugged.

"Hey—! Look!" Tatl exclaimed, pointing to something.

**(Tatl pointed at a nearby window. There, she could see the ranch.)**

"Wow…" Navi paused.

"When did the ranch get so tiny?" Link asked.

**(The crowd of Others parted. There, was another Other, only wearing a red hot pad and had a jewel on his head.)**

'.' it said, pointing at Link's forehead.

"Ehh?" Link asked.

"O.O" Navi went wide-eyed.

"Grandma? Can you understand them?" Tatl asked, turning to Navi, who looked horrified.

"I wish I didn't…" Navi trembled.

"What does he want?" Link asked, turning to Navi, ignoring the Other, who was still pointing at him.

"He said your brain will be the main course…" Navi trembled. "Because Heroes' brains taste good…"

"O.O" Link exclaimed. "Tell them I want my brain!"

"I'll try…" Navi gulped. "Now let's see…" '…!'

**(The red one looked over at Navi and laughed, not moving his finger from Link's head.)**

'.' The red one, who we will assume to be the leader, chuckled.

"Well?" Link asked.

"He said fairies' brains are the best dessert…" Navi quivered.

"…What about Romani?" Tatl asked.

"Dunno… I'll ask." Navi told Tatl. '?'

'!' the Other Leader smirked.

"He says she'll make a great salad." Navi told Tatl.

"Romani feels threatened…" Romani muttered.

"So I'm presuming that the cows are just appetizers." Tatl huffed.

"Man, I'm getting hungry…" Link sighed, flopping forwards while ignoring the leader's finger, still pointing at him.

"Why do they want to eat our brains!?" Tatl asked, flying up and turning red with rage. "Our arms or our legs I can understand, but our brains?!"

"Not sure…" '?' Navi told the Others.

'.' The leader explained.

"Well?" Romani asked.

"…They're juicer…" Navi twitched.

"……………………………………" the team paused.

'!' the leader demanded, pointing his finger, not only at Link, but at the rest of them too.

**(The Other's grabbed onto Link and Romani, many of them also taking a cow.)**

"O.O! They're going to take us to the room where they take them out!" Navi exclaimed.

"We're doomed…" Tatl sighed.

"NAVI! YOU'RE THE HERO OF TIME! DO SOMETHING!" Link hissed.

"Like what?! Bounce up and down on the control panel, making this thing deposit us and make the ship explode?" Navi asked with lots of sarcasm.

"Yes, something like that would be nice." Link told Navi.

"That's too clichéd—" Navi started.

"I DON'T GIVE A **-beep-**! JUST DO IT!" Link swore.

**(Navi flew over the heads of the Others and landed on the keyboard. Before any of the Others could react, Navi had started bouncing up and down on the advanced technology and made it do about a million different things happen, one of which being the self-destruct button. Red lights flashed, which made the Others panic. **_**(Wow, since when was this an action/adventure fic?)**_** Navi then took this chance, grabbed onto Tatl as Link picked up Romani in his arms, and crashed thought the window.)**

**

* * *

**

(As soon as they had fallen a great distance from the spaceship, the ship exploded, going up in flame and sending metal flying everywhere! This would make a very good fireworks show. Ahem. Navi and Tatl were about to crash, but then flew up and hovered above the ground. Romani was fine after this large leap, because Link was carrying her. Link however…)

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! …Zit…" Link grumbling in pain, sinking his head low and almost falling over in his fetal position.

"Wow Link…" Tatl exclaimed, looking up at his health meter. "You lost five hearts! That's gotta be a record!"

"Weeeee!" Navi exclaimed while flying in circles, not at all worried about Link. "That was fun! Let's do it again after these three days!"

"We did it…" Romani sighed with relief, also not worrying about Link. "We won."

**(Romani got out of Link's arms as he toppled over with pain. She walked over to Navi.)**

"Thank you! Thanks to you, the cows are giving thanks, too!" Romani exclaimed.

"You're welcome…" Link muttered, managing to crack a smile in his pain.

"No, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have to deal with the Others like we did." Tatl told Link.

"Here's Romani's thanks." Romani exclaimed, handing Navi a bottle.

"Ooo! Is it a kiss?" Link asked, starting to stand up; Link seemed to have grown up a little already.

"Link!? Did you even hear me?!" Tatl snapped, forgetting that people get ignored a lot in this fic.

"When you drink it, put your hand on your hip and take a big gulp like we do at the ranch!" Romani instructed.

**(DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUHHHHHH! Navi got Milk! Have you got Milk?)**

"…Link, here." Navi told Link, tossing him the bottle. "You can have it. I don't need it."

"OwO Really!" Link exclaimed, holding the milk in his hands and gulping it down.

"It's almost time for my sister to get up, so I have to get back to bed…" Romani explained.

"Wouldn't she have woken up because the loud 'boom'?" Tatl asked, another comment of hers ignored.

"See you later… Little hero." Romani smiled, waving at Navi as she walked through her front door.

**

* * *

**

(As soon as she entered, she came face to face with her sister. Same blue eyes, same red hair. Her sister was the perfect clone of older Malon, but she was in her pajamas.)

"WHAT WAS THE NOISE!?" Romani's sister snapped.

"Cremia?! You're up?" Romani asked, taking a step back.

"What did you do?! If it's any more of that 'Other' business—!" Romani's sister, Cremia, snapped, pointing her finger dangerously close to Romani's nose.

"Relax…" Romani yawned. "Romani just got ride of them for good with the help of Grasshopper."

"How many times have I told you! The 'Others' don't exist!" Cremia hissed.

"Not anymore, no." Romani told Cremia.

"If you were practicing with that bow and 'protecting the cows' again, I'll—" Cremia started.

"Cows…?" Romani gulped.

**(She had forgotten about the cows. And she didn't think they made it off the ship…)**

"…Romani…" Cremia grumbled, hair shadowing her eyes as she grabbed onto the scruff of Romani's shirt collar. "…What happened to the cows…?"

"Romani will only tell you that we need a new barn roof…" Romani told Cremia as she slinked past her.

**

* * *

**

(Link went back to the random shop/house thing in Snowhead Village at dawn and talked to Small Guy.)

**"**I kept you waiting…" the small guy grinned. "But it's done! See?"

**(Link got his sword back. Finally! He can draw again!)**

**"**Now keep in mind that after you've used this 100 times," the guy explained again, as if it was _sooo_ hard to remember what happened thirteen pages ago, "the blade will lose its edge and will return to its original sharpness."

"Yeah, we know already." Tatl told the small guy.

"Now here's a secret…" the small guy whispered. "If you bring me gold dust before this sword loses its edge, I'll be able to make it the strongest sword around. You got that?"

"No, not quite." Link told the guy as he continued to write on his notepad.

"Gold dust!" the guy repeated.

**"**Ugoh! Ugoh ugo ugo!" Gabora talked like a caveman.

"Um, excuse me…" Navi started.

"Ugoh-oh! Ugoh ugo guo?" Gabora questioned.

"Oh, a customer?" the small guy started.

"We didn't even leave the house and you treat us like you've never seen us before!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Gabora, fetch our customer some coffee, quick-like." The small guy repeated. "Now then, let me take a look at your sword."

"Sure." Link told the guy while handing him Link's sword.

"Hmmm… Hey, now that's a mean joke." The small guy sighed. "Your sword has already been reforged into a Razor Sword!"

"We know that." Link told the guy.

"Unless… Do you want me to make your sword stronger?" the small guy asked.

"Duh." Link huffed.

"To do that, I'll need gold just." The small guy asked. "Do you have any?"

"O.o Gold **J**ust?" Navi asked.

"Must be one of the scriptwriter's errors." Tatl sighed.

"I don't have gold just but I have gold **d**ust." Link explained, holding his bottle filled with it.

"Why, if it isn't gold dust!" the guy exclaimed, looking at the bottle, not noticing that it was in a diamond bottle.

**(The small guy grabbed the bottle and looked at the dust.)**

"And it's even top quality!!!" the small guy ogled.

"Hey—!" Link exclaimed.

"Why, even if I use it to reforge your sword, there'll still be some left…" the small guy grinned evilly.

"Give that back—" Link started.

"All right, just for you, I'll do this for free." The small guy smiled, pouring the gold dust onto a brown cloth and handed Link the bottle. "But don't tell anyone!"

"Yay! I got my bottle back!" Link exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Thanks for dropping in. Now then, I'm straight off to work. Come back tomorrow morning." The small guy smiled, which seemed to be a hobby of his, like the HMS.

"Ugoh ugo ugo!" Gabora smiled.

**

* * *

**

(Link left, mainly because he was getting ticked with the guys at the store/hut/cabin, and then decided to go back to Romani Ranch **_(again)_**** only to find Romani and Cremia inside their house, at the dinner table.)**

"Oh my… Hello." Cremia smiled and waved to Link; this time she was wearing older Malon's clothes too.

"Romani's going to take our milk to Clock Town, too." Romani exclaimed in her chair.

"You're looking after the place!" Cremia hissed at her sister. "The cows would be all alone otherwise."

"BUT sister! We don't have any cows left…" Romani grumbled leaning her head on the dinning room table.

"SILENCE YOU!" Cremia snapped.

"O.o" Link and Co. looked.

"I'm going by wagon into town. Would you like a ride?" Cremia just offered to a perfect stranger after they had seen her evil mode.

"Naw—oof!" Link exclaimed as Navi closed his mouth.

"Yes, why not?" Navi said for Link.

"I'll be leaving about 6 o'clock this evening, so you can join me if you'd like." Cremia smiled, holding onto a cup of milk.

**"**Romani wants to go, too!!!" Romani whined.

"You can't!" Cremia snapped.

**

* * *

**

(Link hung his head low and left to do something until six. So he randomly entered the building with the chickens painted on it. There, there was the emo guy from the last story, only he had a yellow Mohawk

**_(shudder)_****.)**

"I heard it from my gramps. Says the moon's gonna fall…" the guy remorsed, hanging his head low.

"You have no clue how right gramps is." Tatl told the emo guy.

"With somethin' that big, it's sure to take this ranch down with it…" the emo guy chuckled.

**(It is official. **_**(Incoming Totally Messed running gag.)**_** Nabooru has just named the emo guy Spiky.)**

"Hahhh… Oh, well." Spiky sighed.

"Oh well? Are you crazy?!" Link asked, waving his arms in the air.

"Dude…" Navi paused.

"My only regret is that I won't get to see these guys in their prime as roosters." Spiky sighed as he looked around the room, which was infested with cute little baby chicks.

**(Since A: the authoress said so and B: the chapter is getting long, Link got all the chicks rounded up with the Breman's Mask. As soon as he got all ten, they turned into chickens.)**

**"**I don't really get it, but just seein' these guys with a crest and all…" Spiky smiled. "I don't have regrets about anythin' anymore."

"Really?" Link asked.

"I'm perfectly satisfied." Spiky smiled, closing his eyes and facing the sky.

"Wow." Navi gasped.

"Here… You can have this from me…" Spiky smiled yet again.

**(DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUHHHHHHHH! Link got the Bunny Hood! Now he can look all cute and fluffy for the fangirls!)**

"Yeahhhh… These guys are all roosters. Heh heh." Spiky smiled, beginning to act like the HMS.

**

* * *

**

(After that little adventure, Link looked at the sun to see that it was setting, AKA six that evening! He then quickly proceeded to join Cremia, who was in a cart pulled by 'horses' that looked like big donkeys.)

"Oh…Good evening." Cremia smiled. "I'm going to town now to deliver milk. Would you like a ride?"

"Okay…" Link grumbled.

**(Link then got warped onto the cart, which was now trotting along.)**

**"**That's great. Tonight I'm kind of lonely…" Cremia sighed. "I welcome company."

"That's good." Tatl sighed.

"I guess its' been a while now since our father died—" Cremia started, but then didn't finish her sentence.

"O.o What the?" Navi asked.

**(Cremia continued to talk incoherently.)**

"The cows always seem bothered and frazzled—" Cremia started.

"…Um…" Link paused.

"My sister Romani had been worried too—" Cremia started again.

"Gasp!" Tatl exclaimed. "I know what's wrong!"

"Say what are the townsfolk—" Cremia started.

"What is it?" Link asked, disturbed by the woman beside him.

"It's a new catchy sickness!" Tatl proclaimed. "It's Cutting Off In The Middle Of Sentences Attack!"

**(Cherry-sama: SoC, you stupid scriptwriter. You type too slowly. SoC: No! Cremia talks too fast!)**

"O.O" Link looked, for if he didn't get off the cart, he might catch this thing; ignoring the bolded part above.

**(Cremia came across a barrier in road. Why is was there, we shall never know.)**

"What? The road…" Cremia started, AND finished.

"Oh good, she stopped." Tatl sighed.

"Boy, Get your bow ready…" Cremia muttered as her eyes narrowed.

**(Cremia then took an alternate path that was not blocked.)**

**"**First Milk Road is blocked by a boulder and now…" Cremia muttered to herself.

"And now?" Tatl asked, flying up to Cremia.

"We have to take this detour through ugly country…" Cremia sighed, acting like she was a target of someone plotting against her, but yet, SHE WAS!

"Are you ready, boy?" Cremia muttered, gripping the reins even tighter than before. "I'm going to try and get us through here as fast as I can!"

"Ummm, no?" Link asked, but of course, he was ignored yet again.

"If any pursuers come from behind, chase them off with your arrows." Cremia told Link.

"Pursuers?!" Navi asked, aghast.

"They may be after my cargo of milk bottles." Cremia confirmed.

"Is your milk really that good?" Tatl asked, for she had heard of this famous milk before, but never tried it.

"Do you understand?" Cremia asked Link.

"No—" Link started.

"Yes." Navi told Cremia, while covering Link's mouth.

"Thanks I'm relying on you." Cremia sighed with relief. "If we can get through here, I'll have a big thanks for you!"

**(Then, suddenly, two hooded weirdoes on horses came up behind the cart Cremia was driving and started making Ingo like yells. Link, not wanting to waste any arrows, decided to sick Tatl and Navi on them. To this day, nothing remains of the horses or the pursuers…)**

**

* * *

**

(Thus, Cremia got safely to Clock Town.)

"Mr. Barten was happy to get his first delivery in quite a while!" Cremia smiled, giving a little giggle.

"What do you mean?" Tatl asked, but guess what happened!

"Thank you… You were pretty cool…" Cremia sighed, closing her eyes in relief.

"Eh, no problem." Tatl told Cremia.

"This isn't very big, but accept my thanks!" Cremia exclaimed, pulling something from her apron-like-thingy.

**(DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Romani Mask because he did nothing in particular when a young farmgirl was going to get robbed!)**

**"**By doing one good deed, a child becomes an adult." Cremia explained as Link held the mask that looked like a cow, in his hands.

"WHOA!" Tatl exclaimed, making a weird dinging noise.

"What is it now?" Navi sighed.

"That mask is only give to a limited number of adult customers!" Tatl exclaimed. "Skull kid said that he got mad when he didn't get one."

"It's proof of membership." Cremia explained.

"To where?" Navi asked.

"To Termina's bar." Tatl told Navi.

"O.O" Navi looked. "But he's under-aged to drink!"

"OwO SWEET!" Link exclaimed.

"_**Milk**_ bar." Cremia confirmed.

"Ohh…" Link sighed with sadness in his heart.

"I now acknowledge you as being an adult!" Cremia exclaimed, pulling out a sword from her skirt and tapping Link on the shoulders with it.

"O.O! What are you doing?!" Link exclaimed.

**

* * *

**

(But before Cremia had had a chance to explain, Link had somehow warped back to the cabin.)

"I kept you waiting… But it's done! See?" the little guy exclaimed, pulling out a long sword.

"O.o How'd you make it longer by just using gold just—I mean dust!" Navi asked, hovering above the sword, which now had an orange and yellow blade.

**(Link got a sword that the scriptwriter forgot to put the name in.)**

"There it is. We can't make a sword stronger than that." The small guy exclaimed.

"Oooo… Shiney…" Link cooed, hugging his new sword that just happened to be SHARP.

"No matter how many times you use it, it will never lose its edge. Try it." The small guy grinned.

"We didn't ask if it lost it's edge or not." Tatl told the small guy; but yet, again she got ignored; that happens a lot to her in this chapter, doesn't it?

"Oh, I used up most of the gold dust." The small guy smiled. "Just a tiny bit was left, so I got rid of it for you."

"Ugo-oh! Ugoh ugo ugo!" Gabora exclaimed, stamping his feet.

"O.o You got rid of it?! But—" Link started, but then fate threw him out the front door.

**(Link got thrown out the front door and ended up warping back in time. How, we'll never know. But I have a feeling that SOMEONE is plotting against him! He exited the Clock Tower.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter…um…

Link: O.o You forgot what chapter it is? You're even stupider than I am!

Cherry-sama: Oh shut up, or else.

Link: Or else what?!

Cherry-sama: Or else please review!

Link: O.O Gasp!


	9. Chapter 9: Water Temple Tours Part 1

**Chapter 9! (Holy crap, that was a long wait. Especially for the Zora place…o.o)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask, 24, Google, brochures, Spongebob, Naruto Abridged or any other bizarre references I make. …Though I want to. T.T**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hey guys! It's been a while!

Link: O.o Holy crap, that was a long wait!

Cherry-sama: …And you nag me about being a broken record…

Navi: What happened to you?!?!

Cherry-sama: That doesn't have a simple answer. When I first started creating this chapter, I had a lot of technical difficulties. And thus I procrastinated working on this for a while. …Within that time, I moved to DA, A.K.A. deviantart. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before to my audience, however, for some reason all my Totally Whacked fans keep trying to contact me on Youtube. o.o

Tatl: Well, you did post that 'Majora's Mask is Weightless' video on Youtube.

Cherry-sama: True. However, recently, I been rising in popularity there, and I've been getting behind in simple little things. And plus, my talents lie in comic art, not writing.

Link: _(ignores)_ So what happens to me in this chapter.

Cherry-sama: …Answering that question would take me a few pages.

Link: O.O

Cherry-sama: The following chapter is split up into four parts, however, they all were originally one large document. So, please read.

**_

* * *

_**

What would happen if Lulu guided a tour through the Water Temple?

_Wonder no more! Heck, you probably didn't even wonder that to begin with! But, the answer will be revealed within the chapter! …Slowly, but surely._

**

* * *

**

WARNING:

**_The following chapter has very suggestive/blatent content, and material that would be generally offensive to some audiences. It is not be suitable for a K+ fanfic and so the following chapter should be Rated T. If you are fine with all of these factors, then feel free to proceed. However, those of you who are not, then it is recommended that you do not continue reading. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!_**

**

* * *

**

(Previously on Totally Whacked.)

"_Tell me how to stop the moon from falling!!!" Link screamed at Skull kid, who was looming over him in this flashback._

"_We've only got 72 hours!" Navi screamed towards Skull kid._

_11:59:55_

_11:59:56_

_11:59:57_

"…_Wait a minute…" Tatl paused, looking up at the sky, with a looming moon overhead._

_12:00:02_

_12:00:03_

"_What?" Link asked, turning towards Tatl._

_12:00:05_

_12:00:06_

_12:00:07_

"_Why do I feel like calling you Jack Bauer?" Tatl asked._

_12:00:17_

_12:00:18_

"_I'm not sure, Mr. President." Jack—LINK shrugged, referring to Tatl._

"…_This is supposedly a flashback, but I never actually recall this happening, do you Link—" Navi started._

"_Shut up Nina." Link snapped, holding his sword like a gun, which made no sense since he'd rather draw this sword than shoot someone with it._

**(The following takes place between 0:00 a.m. – 72:00 p.m.)**

**

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**

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link had just gone back in time under the suspicion of someone plotting against him; however, this was all in the future so he put it behind him. So now that was over with, Link wanted to go sunbathing, and the best place to do so was to exit through the West Clock Town Gate. Now, since you have read this fanfic up to chapter nine, you must realize that it wouldn't have been that easy, so of course, the Gate Guard decided to be a nuisance.)**

**"**Stop right there! Have you an errand at the ocean?" the gate guard growled as he bore his fangs; the authoress wondered why she was describing him like a Wolfos.

"Oh please," Link sighed as he flopped into a slouch, "you've done this routine for the past three loops… Couldn't ya give it a rest, big guy?"

"But it is—" The guard stuttered, making up an excuse for Link to stay behind the walls.

"—Dangerous outside the town walls, so you, being the very dictator-like adult, cannot allow a 'child' like me to—" Link sighed.

"…Is that a sword…?" The guard asked, looking at the brand new, have-yet-to-be-made Fairy Sword.

"Yes, it's a sword." Tatl grumbled, putting her head in her hands.

"Judging by the size of that sword, I'd say—" the guard grinned, looking at the sword with unintentional glee.

"Yes, yes, Link is compensating for something, now will you please let us pass!" Navi snapped at the guard.

"My apologies, madame." The guard smirked.

"What?! Wait—" Link stammered, but Navi was pushing him from behind.

"At Great Bay, you can see clear to the ocean—" the guard began a lecture on the geography of Termina.

"YEAH, YEAH, WE KNOW!" Tatl yelled back at the guard; by this time, our heroes where rather far away from the post the guard stood.

"GO WRITE A BROCHURE!!!" Navi yelled back at the guy.

"…Navi, what's a brochure?" Link asked the fairy that was still pushing him forwards.

"I have no clu—" Navi started to respond.

"Go look it up on Google." Tatl sighed, tired of their usual conversation.

**

* * *

**

(Link and Co. headed to the ocean, or as the Terminans knew it as, Great Bay. However, Link ran into the wall that someone, for some odd reason, had used to block off the beach. And Link, being the forgetful kid we all know and love, asked Navi to lift him over instead of just summoning Epona over to help him jump over this obstacle. As soon as he gazed upon the wide-open ocean, he saw to his horror—)

"DANG!" Link huffed, crossing his arms. "They ran out of ice-cream!"

"—What?" Navi asked with confusion until she saw the ice-cream stand nearby.

"Aw, man! This sucks!" Tatl whined.

"How do you know that they ran out?" Navi asked, "I don't see a sign".

"They told me that they donated it to some Zora guy who's drowning over there." Link grumbled, sitting down on the straw mats underneath a small umbrella.

"—WHAT?!" Navi shouted.

**(No one was making any effort to help save the guy who was flopping around near shore, with ice cream dissolving into the water around him. Navi jumped into the water towards the drowning Zora, which in itself posed an odd question: How can a Zora drown? As Navi got closer, she saw that there were various knife wounds on the Zora man's body, which the dissolved ice cream floated into. This still didn't explain how the Zora was drowning. Of course, this was the part where Tatl got an ONA, making the situation ****_oh so much better._****)**

"Hey, what do you think that is?" Tatl's ONA flung her forwards, making her fairy sunglasses fly off into the ocean.

"The drowning Zora man." Link answered, eying the ice cream stand longingly.

"Out there in the bay, beneath where the gulls are flying…" Tatl's ONA exclaimed, pointing towards the spot the Zora was drowning.

Link sighed, lying down on his straw mat. "That's just Navi, the Zora man, and some random seagulls."

"Can't you see it?" Tatl's ONA exclaimed, questioning Link's eyesight.

"_No._ I _can't_ see it." Link retorted sarcastically, rolling over on his mat.

**(It was fortunate for Link that Tatl didn't really have time to get angry, she was more concerned for her fairy sunglasses, and whizzed out to where she had flung them, hoping that they hadn't sunk to the bottom by now. Navi ignored Tatl as she flew by.)**

"Unghhh… Somebody…" the dying Zora whimpered to Navi. "Unghh… Please…. G-gu-hu… Get me… …to shore…"

**(It took Navi a split second for her to push the guy to shore; once she did, he made a strange sound that sounded like a redead. After all, the guy had almost drowned in salt water and ice cream. Link seemed oblivious—or disinterested—by the scene unfolding nearby. The Zora made a weird 'zombie-walk' ****_(according to the scriptwriter)_**** onto shore. He walked a sizeable distance—considering that he's almost dead—he lost all strength in his knees and fell over…onto Link.)**

"AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!" Link screamed, running around in circles with the Zora clinging to his back. "REDEADS! REDEADS! THEY'VE COME TO EAT ME!"

**(Before Navi could warn Link 'relax, it's just a dying Zora who's severely injured and has, for some reason, flopped on you back', Link reflexively pulled out his sword and sliced a couple of deep wounds into the Zora's limbs.)**

"LINK! RELAX! IT'S THE DYING ZORA!" Tatl and Navi yelled.

**(Link turned around to see the face of the Zora, who had a couple larger sword wounds in addition to the ones he already had—courtesy of Link. The Zora man was more likely to die now than he was before.)**

"…Oops…" Link chuckled.

**(The Zora keeled over.)**

"Uuungh…I am Mikau of the Zora People…" the Zora grumbled as he lay there, dying.

"…Guitarist in the Zora band?!" Tatl exclaimed, in a high fan girlish scream. "I **actually** met you! Hey, can I get your autograph?"

"…Why sure!" Mikau exclaimed, leaping upright in a lively fashion and signed Tatl's autograph book, which was, until a few second ago, under Link's hat. "To…my…good…friend…"

"Tatl. T-A-T-L." Tatl finished.

**(Link and Navi stared, as critical-condition-Mikau stood signing Tatl's autograph book.)**

"There!" Mikau exclaimed, putting a dot on the 'i' in Mikau; he then proceeded to flop down onto the ground again to retake his critical state.

"Ummm…" Navi paused. "…Are you okay?"

"… I think this is it for me…" Mikau spluttered as he lay still.

"Okay." Link said, and resumed sunbathing.

"My final message…" Mikau whispered; he coughed up blood onto the white sand, "…will you listen to it?"

**(Both Navi and Tatl looked at Link with watery eyes.)**

"OKAY, FINE!" Link hissed at Tatl and Navi, turning over grumpily from his straw mat. "I'll listen."

**(Mikau slowly rose up from the soft and silky shore and pulled out a guitar out of nowhere ****_(How do they do that?! )_**** strumming a few notes rather badly so it became a tune with no melody.)**

"One! Two! Three!!!" Mikau hollered.

"Ooo! Ooo!" Tatl squealed in a fangirlish manner, flying up and down. "He's going to sing!!!"

"Oh, baby, baby, listen to me!  
The carnival's beginning soon.  
We're the ones they're waiting to see." Mikau sang, strumming the strings overenthusiastically.

"GAHHHH!!!!" Link screamed, falling over in an attempt to cover his ears.

"AIIIEEEE!!!!" Navi screeched.

"Oh YEAH!" Tatl shrieked, bobbing up and down to the beat.

"But that girl, our vocalist…  
She laid some strange eggs.  
And she's lost her voice.  
You can't hear what she says." Mikau continued, as his eyes widened to give him a stoned expression on his face, playing so fast, that it was inhuman! —Wait…he wasn't human, in fact…none of them were.

"The guitar is bad enough, but does he have to _**sing**_?!" Link yelled to Navi, ignoring the sour-tune-loving Tatl.

"He's a lead guitarist, right?! Maybe this is why he's not the lead singer too!" Navi screamed.

"Whoa-oh! In Great Bay now  
somethin' is a-happenin'," Mikau exclaimed into the empty void left behind by the silence that once was.

"Is it, now?" Navi asked, somewhat interested in what Mikau had to say—erm, sing.

"Nooooo!!!" Link screamed, keeling over into the sand and dragged his agony with him. "Navi has joined the dark side!"

"Oh! Baby, listen to me.  
I don't wanna beg.  
Gerudo Pirates!  
They stole that girl's eggs." Mikau mourned.

"There! Problem solved!" Link exclaimed, patting Mikau on the back, surprisingly Mikau did not fall over even though gravity and his injures were against him.

"I went to stop the Gerudo Pirates,  
then pow and bam!  
I got knocked down,  
and here I am!" Mikau sang even more.

"…'Pow' and 'Bam'?" Navi asked, examining Mikau from head to toe. "Are you sure that those are the right sound effects to use? Well, considering that you are covered in sword wounds… How about 'rip' and 'tear', instead?"

"Baby! If I die like this…  
Even if I die…  
It won't be in peace!  
That's for suuure!" Mikau raged.

**(Tatl danced wildly in small circles.)**

"Somebody, please rescue her eggs  
Before the pirates take their toll.  
Oh, somebody, somebody,  
please heal my soul." Mikau finished on an abrupt note.

**(As soon as Mikau stopped strumming the strings on his guitar, it miraculously disappeared.)**

"That's all…" Mikau sighed, wiping the sweat, blood, and possibly, ice cream off his forehead.

"…That was beautiful!" Tatl proclaimed, holding back tears. "Absolutely beautiful!"

**(Mikau flopped over.)**

"Thank you!" Mikau gasped.

"He is the most energetic dead person I've ever seen!" Link exclaimed.

"Almost dead person." Navi corrected.

"Not for long!" Link proclaimed triumphantly, whipping out the Ocarina.

**(Before anyone else could comment, Link played Song of Healing. Meh, he probably did it just to get rid of the guy. Anyways…the camera zoomed in onto Mikau's body. Thanks to our wonderful special effects staff, Mikau floated in a completely black background. A Zora female, who resembled an older Ruto only ****with**** clothing ****_(oh thank heavens)_****, swam below him. The black world had a change of gravity so both of the Zoras stood upright. The girl looked at him, and he at her. Then, she shifted her gaze to a band in the distance. Mikau took out his guitar, joined hands with the female Zora and joined the rest of the band. ****_(Sniff, even I'm getting choked up about it! Sniffle, sniff.)_****.)**

**

* * *

**

(The image faded, and all that was left of Mikau's body was a Zora mask. …Eep! Creepy! Just like out of a horror film! Wait… Majora's Mask is as close as Legend of Zelda gets to a horror film… Anyways, Link received the Zora's Mask! The only thing that remained of the guitarist's body! …Epically Over-Dramatic Shudder!)

"Hey! Cool!" Link exclaimed, looking at the weird creepy thing.

"What the heck?" Navi asked, looking upwards. "What's with the description?"

Ummm…

"What the heck indeed!" Tatl exclaimed, looking at the sky as well. "What the heck is going on!? I swear I hear voices from the roof top!"

…The setting is on a beach in Termina. There is no ceiling.

"Noooooo!!!" Link wailed.

Hey! You know you love me.

"That's the narrator." Navi sighed. "She's a weird stalker who plans on adding herself into each Legend of Zelda chapter that has something to do with Water Temples."

"Ehhh? Really?" Tatl asked.

"Yep." Navi confirmed.

Hey! Who told you that?!

"I have my sources," Navi smirked.

**(As the Narrator stared down upon Nintendo's characters, Mikau's ghost appeared before Link, succeeding to scare the bloody heck out of him.)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Link screamed, almost jumping out of his skin. "I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!"

"_Carve my farewell song on my grave…"_ Mikau told Link, trying his ghostly best to ignore Link's previous statement. _"I'm depending on you to help that singer girl…"_

**(After short pause, the game designers made the audience assume that Link had just finished burying Mikau's body ****_(which wasn't there, considering he just became a mask)_****, for Link bowed before something that resembled a grave for Mikau.)**

"…Well, he's dead now…" Navi paused.

"No he's not!" Link exclaimed.

"Oh? Then who or what did you just bury?" Navi sneered at Link's face.

The stunt double.

"…I hate it when Link is right about when people die…" Navi murmured to herself.

**(Muffled and panicked screams came from the grave's general direction.)**

"Whatever." Link sighed, pulling out his new mask. "I wanna try on my new mask!"

**(Link shoved the Zora mask to his face, only to transform a Zora himself. He had well defined abs, a strikingly handsome face ****_(for a Zora, that is)_****, and the only remnant of his tunic was a green loincloth and his belt. Complete with Ocarina Guitar!)**

"Cool!" Link exclaimed with his new and masculine voice. "I'm taller now!"

…Out of all the amazing things that've happened to your previously shrimpy body, that's the _one_ difference you actually notice…

"Wait a minute!!!" Tatl shouted, gazing upon at Zora Link with newfound horror.

"MY HOUSE!!!" Navi screamed, floating over what used to be the household of both fairies.

**(The one thing the Narrator had left out when describing Link's manliness was the fact that Link's hat had merged into the back of his head, thus becoming part of it! Now, Link had a pointy head.)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Navi lamented, her wings drooping, landing on the soft sand. "I'm homeless!!! No where to go, nowhere to play Gamecube, and-and-and my _Grandfairy **CLOCK**_!!!"

"There, there, Navi." Fishy Link smiled, kneeling down to the little ball of light, patting her on the back with the tips of his finger. "Everything's gonna be okay… I-I'll even buy a new hat!"

Navi glanced up at her sidekick and her fragile wings perking up, "Y-you really mean that?"

"Hey," Link said, tapping the little Hero of Time atop the head with his index finger, "I promise."

"Awww," Navi sniffed, flying onto Link's arm and hugging it tightly. "LIINNKK, _you're such a **sweet kid!!!**_"

Link sighed, attempting to pry the little ball of light from his arm, "Navi you're just a little emotional right no—"

**(Tatl subconsciously flew into Link's head.)**

"Wait—! What the—!" Link gave out a startled yell, patting his hands all around his head/hat, feeling around to find _somewhere_ Tatl could have flown into, but he came up empty handed.

"Hey Navi!" Tatl called from within Link's head/hat, thus giving Link a slight headache. "Come and take a look!"

"Love to! How do you get in?!" Navi asked, dislodging herself from Link's arm.

"Just fly in!" Tatl's voice called out again.

"..O…_kay?_" Navi replied uncertainly, questioning the logic of her little yellow roommate.

"—Hey, hold on a minute—!" Link protested, clenching the back of his hat-head as best as anyone with a pointed head could.

**(Despite Link's protests, Navi attempted to fly in, and to Link's displeasure, she succeeded. Link started to panic.)**

"See? Isn't this awesome!?" Tatl exclaimed enthusiastically, outstretching her arm to gesture that she was showing Navi the 'room'.

**(Link felt the same kind of stinging pain he had back when he was a Deku Scrub. Horrible thoughts emerged of what the back/inside of his head would look like to the eyes of the common fairy…and what they would do with it.)**

"COOL! We can see his brain!" Navi exclaimed, flying up and down; Link could tell because he could feel the airwaves shift about in what would normally be liquid.

"……_What?!_"

"Yeah! It's really neat! See, the T.V. is placed right in front of it, and the Gamecube is plugged in right beside it!" Tatl explained.

"…What about the rest of the furnishing?" Zora Link asked; he actually did not want to know the answer to that question himself.

"Oh, they just look gorgeous! They have all been transformed into seashells, and coral!" Tatl drooled at the dazzling furniture in front of her. "It's so beautiful!"

"They aren't on my brain too, are they?" Link fearfully paused, looking behind him as best as he could.

"Nope, a little close to your nerves, but besides that, no." Navi confirmed.

"Wait…_What_?" Link asked, not sure if he had heard Navi correctly.

**(Before any of them could say anything more, there was more air movement _(Link could tell, because it was his brain)_, and Link's left arm immediately extended itself out to the side.)**

"Tatl!!! What are you _doing_?!" Navi hissed.

"I'm sorry! I tripped over one of Link's nerves!" Tatl explained, a little panicky; it sounded like Link's nerves were like important cables running across the floor.

"Is that why my arm lifted up like this?" Link asked the two fairies, pointing to his left arm with his right hand.

**(Navi came outside to gaze upon Link's position. Sure enough, his arm _was _extended. Then she hurriedly whizzed back inside.)**

"We can control Link's body movements!" Navi reported to Tatl enthusiastically. "Let's do it again!"

"Wait! No—!" Link gasped, desperately clawing at his head hat in an attempt to stop those crafty fairies.

"Lemme try!" Navi exclaimed, moving more air in Link's head, and giving Link another headache.

"No, I want to!" Tatl snapped back.

"No! You already got to do it! Now it's my turn!" Navi retorted, bobbing up and down, making Link's headache get worse.

**(A fight broke out. Link eventually tuned out the angry sounds from inside his head, and also managed to ignore his headache. At this point, Link didn't care who won the argument. Midway through the fight, Link's leg extended straight forward. Link's balance changed; he fell over. Link could only imagine—with utter repulsion_—_what would have happened if Princess Ruto had this kind of power at her disposal.)**

"EEWWW!" Tatl exclaimed so abruptly that it gave Link a migraine.

"Ow!!! _What?!_" Link asked in annoyance, shaking his head from the pain.

"The TV just turned on." Navi stated Link.

"And it's showing Lulu _naked_!" Tatl screamed with disgust, mentally scarred for she had now seen the lead singer of the Indigo-gos naked. "I know you're wearing the mask of Mikau, but—BUT—!"

"No dear, that's Ruto, and she's always naked." Navi corrected the disgusted Tatl.

"You know, I was just thinking about Ruto…" Link pondered, putting his hand on his moist and scaly chin.

**(Link soon learned to regret that he told the fairies this.)**

"Wait, does that mean we can read your thoughts with the TV?" Tatl asked thoughtfully.

Watch.

"_Watch_ your thoughts with the TV?" Tatl corrected herself, glaring at the intercom.

Yep.

"_Sweet_!" both fairies exclaimed at the same time.

**(Link decided it was best to ignore the fairies as he continued on his quest. Link's life never was that simple.)**

"Hey, authoress…person…thingy!" Navi shouted towards the intercom, facing the ceiling of Link's skull. "You've been extremely quiet considering how you acted last time you were with us."

What? You want me to say something?

"OH GOOD GODDESSES, NO!" both Link and Navi screamed.

…Wow guys, real mature…

**(After that brief interlude, Link thought it best to continue on his quest, and to fulfill Mikau's last dying wish—even though he _really _didn't want to. But as he continued down the beach, Link kept thinking about the _strangest_ things. First there was this stupid guy with brown spiky hair, and his blonde and klutzy girlfriend. They had been taken to the Tower of Somethingation, and were explained about two worlds living intertwined: Silverant and Tetheralla…or something. And there was this serious man wearing purple, and a not so serious man with long red hair wearing pink. And there were other strange people too, but he couldn't stop thinking about the man in purple and the man in pink. Heck, he couldn't stop thinking any of this nonsen—)**

"Zelos is so awesome!!!" Tatl cheered, button mashing the buttons on the Gamecube controller.

**(Link should have known…)**

Yes, he should have.

"No way! Kratos is WAY cooler!" Navi snapped back.

Link sighed, walking through a cave, "What are you two doing?"

"Link answer this question! Who do you like better? Kratos or Zelos?" Navi demanded from her little apprentice.

"Come on, Zelos is so much more cool!" Tatl exclaimed.

"…Who?" Link asked.

"Okay Link, here's how it is: Kratos is a guy who's awesome and wears purple. Zelos is a guy that looks like a woman wearing—" Navi explained quickly so Link could hurry up and decide which one was better.

"You mean the serious guy wearing purple and the guy wearing pink?" Link asked, rubbing his head.

"No—! Wait…Yeah…" Navi pondered.

"…Dude, we can control Link's thoughts with the Gamecube…" Tatl smirked looking at the TV.

**(Or so they thought.)**

"…What the heck? Wigijigiland?" Navi asked.

**(Tales of Symphonia had shut itself down and now an adorable picture of the white wolfos.)**

"Aw man! We hadn't saved our progress!" Tatl grumbled, throwing back her controller and tossing it against one of Link's nerves.

**(Link let out a maniacal laugh. He laughed so hard that he didn't notice his right hand twitch.)**

"LINK, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?" Navi yelled loudly into Link's brain and giving him yet another headache which he chose to ignore.

"Nothing!" Link exclaimed triumphantly, as he continued to strut forwards.

"Okay! That's it!" Navi yelled within Link's skull, making the headache worse. "Tatl, come here!"

**(Insert plotting here.)**

"Tatl! Crack out the paint!"

**(What scared Link the most about this statement was not the fact that he heard many clinking and clattering of paint buckets, but of how _many_ sounds of many different paint buckets being dragged across the 'floor', there were. That's when Link lifted his arms in the air.)**

"Okay, Tatl, go see what that did." Navi instructed Tatl.

**(She flew outside.)**

Tatl examined Link, she deduced that Link's arms being raised upright up in the air actually was odd behaviour for him; she called back to Navi "…he lifted his arms in the air!"

"Okay! So pink…is…for lifting…his arms in the…air!" Navi stated; Link assumed that she was writing for he could hear sounds of scribbling.

"What are you two doing?!" Link asked, traumatized.

"We're making a colour coding chart for your nerves." Navi explained, "Like people do for electrical wires."

"We are painting your nerves to see which one does which." Tatl explained before Link had a chance to ask Navi what electrical wires were and then burst into, "Okay, what's next?"

**(That was when Link's left arm started spinning in small circles.)**

"That one makes his left arm spin around in circles!" Tatl shouted.

"Okay! Blue…is…for…" Navi stated again as she continued to colour code Link's nerves.

"Dude… That isn't _scientifically **possible!**_" Link protested towards the roof of the cave.

…This is fanFICTION. I don't care if what they are doing can't possibly happen!

"…But aren't you the authoress who creates scientifically possible explanations for all of her OCs, and criticizes TV shows, movies, games, and basically any other media that _**don't**_ have the level of scientifically plausible details you craft?" Link pointed out.

Yeah, but your not one of my OCs. Hence FANfiction.

**(Link's Zora black eyeballs glared at the intercom.)**

…And besides, I don't want to map out the parts out the parts of the brain, and how they affect the brainstem for the audience so it _will_ be scientifically possible. It's cuter this way.

"Hypocrite." Zora Link muttered.

**(With that Link's right arm impulsively started flailing.)**

"Link's arm flailed around!" Tatl noted.

"'Kay!" Navi confirmed. "Red…makes Link…"

**

* * *

**

(This continued for quite a while—Navi would twang one of Link's nerves, Link would do a random motion with his arms or legs **_(if his legs, Link would usually fall over)_**** and Tatl would tell Navi what Link did—until Link reached the his destination on autopilot. Which was, greatest of great, the…the…the place that the Scriptwriter's laziness leaves me without knowing the name of the area. Anyways, it was like Zora's Domain, in respect to the background music, the Zora inhabitants, etc, only more flamboyant, and filled with more coral and shells. In the center of the area a seashell stage, surrounded by water, had been set up and it occupied the majority of the room. However, behind the platform, there were several rooms built into the walls, each with a Zora standing guard in front of them. Off to the side there was a twisted pathway that weaved off to the side and forked off to a ledge for a small audience to watch whatever was performed on the stage. Along the twisted hallway, there was a large, open doorway that apparently led outside. After taking in this sight, Zora Link walked over to the first door behind the stage.)**

**"**Hey, Mikau… I haven't seen you in a while." The Zora standing guard smiled. "Where have you been?"

Link grinned, "Well I've—"

**(Link's right leg jolted unexpectedly forward; he accidentally kicked the Zora guard in the gut with a force that caused the guy to be flung against the wall and get knocked unconscious.)**

"That made him kick down a Zora." Tatl called to Navi.

"Ohh…" Link moped; he examined the out cold Zora guard, "I rather liked him…"

"Okay! That can be useful! Let's see… Dusky Tahiti Rose…makes him…kick…people…" Navi continued to scribble, "Hard!"

"…I wonder who's in here…" Link pondered, turning his attention away from the Zora.

**(Link opened the door and wandered inside. He saw a flat Zora playing drums. Link seemed to think he resemble a Manta Ray. Or was that related to that Tales of Symphonies thing Tatl and Navi were going on about?)**

"Mikau? Where've you been? Where've you been?" The Manta Ray Zora asked. "I was so worried."

"Well, uh… Yeah!" Link smiled. He was doing his best to try to impersonate Mikau; it was hard to get a grasp on someone's character after only knowing them for four pages. "I was…around!"

**(A moment like this was probably the most inappropriate time for Link to hop on one foot.)**

"Now he's hopping on one foot!" Tatl shouted.

"Good!" Navi called back to Tatl. "Twilight Mahogany…makes him…hop…on…one…foot…!"

"Uhhhh…" The Manta Ray Zora paused, "…The concert in town is coming up, but it seems like all the band members are in a funk. I betcha didn't know that, huh?"

**(It was clear that the Manta Ray Zora was trying his Manta Ray-ly best to disregard what Mikau's body was doing.)**

"Well, uh, thanks for informing me!" Link chuckled nervously; he really wished he would just **stop** hopping already.

"Especially Lulu." The Manta Ray Zora continued, "I haven't heard her voice in a long time. She's usually in good spirits, too. … Ooh! Ooh! O—"

"**COFFEE BREAK!**" Navi yelled over-enthusiastically from within 'Mikau's head.

Tatl whizzed into Link's head. "Oh goody!" was the only cry that could be heard as she zipped inside.

The Manta Ray Zora, who had been a good sport to Link's behaviour couldn't take it anymore, "…What are those voices I keep hearing?"

"Oh, umm… They're…gifts! Yes, gifts for…um…"

"Lulu?" the Manta Ray Zora asked.

"Yes! Exactly! Lulu!" Link exclaimed. "Anyways, don't mind me, carry on!"

"'Carry on'? Mikau, what has gotten into you?" the Manta Ray Zora questioned, attempting to cock its head to the side and flail about at the same time. "Well, whatever. You know how Lulu's all upset and stuff?"

"_Yeeesssss_…" Link dragged out this particular 'yes' in such a way that he, hoped that he, made it seem like he knew what was going on; which in reality, he didn't.

"I wonder if this is related to the ocean turning all weird…" the Manta Ray Zora pondered, "Actually… I know a little bit of Lulu's secret. Do you want to hear it?"

"I'd love to hear about my sweetheart." Zora Link smirked.

**(After making this statement, Link could almost hear the harsh whisper of Navi nagging him not to over do it; but decided to ignore it.)**

"Now THAT'S the Mikau we know and love!" the Manta Ray Zora exclaimed in relief.

**(An awkward silence could be felt radiating off of the back of his head, from both fairies.)**

"Anyway, there's a rumour that the ocean is getting weird 'cause there's trouble off shore at Great Bay Temple." The Manta Ray Zora whispered to Link. "And they say when that happens, something back will befall the Zora descendant who's been protecting the temple. Do you catch my drift?"

"Yeah, I'm getting' ya…" Link kept nodding and smiling; now he at least had a grasp of what the real Mikau was like when he _wasn't_ dying from stab wounds.

The Manta Ray Zora lowered his voice, "And lately, Lulu has been looking kind of weird. Maybe Lulu's the—"

"OKAY, TIME'S UP! Let's get going again!" Navi yelled like a foreman.

"No! Guys!" Link hissed to them. "Shh—!"

"Here, Tatl, help me by strumming Seaweed Aquamarine after I strum Hot Neon Pink, 'kay?" Navi instructed.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait—" Link stammered, very alarmed indeed; _Hot Neon_ _Pink_…_Seaweed Aquamarine?!_

**(Link's right leg extended, in which the Manta Ray Zora responded with a raised eyebrow, and was shortly followed his left leg. In order to not fall onto the ground, which Link had done numerous times before and probably had his body covered in scrapes and bruises, Link fought his reflexes and forced his right foot down on the ground again. When Link had succeeded with placing his left leg to the ground, his right leg popped up again. Thus resulting in him stepping a forward. Link looked nervously at the Manta Ray Zora, and Link hoped he hadn't ruined Mikau's reputation forever; but all Link got in return was a blank and stupefied stare. Before Link could make up an explanation, his left leg popped out again. Even after Link had been forced to walk out the door, this odd walking motion—produced by Navi and Tatl's combined efforts—he still met the eyes of any Zoras out in the rest of the flamboyant domain. Soon, he reached the guard Zora in front of the door to the right of the door he walked out of.)**

"…Hi!" Link chuckled to the Zora guard, which was all he could really do when the fairies had control of his nerves.

"Mikau… Do you need to see Japas?" the Zora asked, chuckling slightly when he started to open the door for Link.

"Erm…uhh…" Link, unsure to respond.

The Zora guard held back a snort, "You're gonna have another jam session with him, aren't you?"

"I…uh…" Link stuttered.

"YES!" Navi yelled the response to the Zora's question, within Link's skull, but loud enough for the Zora to hear.

"I can't wait!" the Zora exclaimed, both oblivious to the fact that Link—who now suffered from a splitting headache—didn't say anything, and also unaware and unsympathetic towards the Zora who still lay unconscious beside the other door.

**(Within a situation like this, Link had no choice but to enter that room and speak to this 'Japas' guy… When Link entered the room, there was a lone Zora standing in a spotlight in the middle of the room, who Link assumed to be Japas, and played a fish bone guitar scarily similar to Mikau's.)**

"Mikau!!! Where've ya been?" Japas greeted.

"Um… Hey, Japas…" Link cracked a smile out of the corner of his mouth as he waved uncertainly.

"I'm all, like, 'Hey, where's Mikau? The concert's comin' up soon!' And now our band leader has pulled a vanishing act—Evan's all holed up in his room just writin' songs…" Japas ranted; he crossed his arms in disbelief.

"**Really!**" Link shouted in what he hoped to sound like disbelief, and glared off into an innocent corner. "That Evan! Honestly doesn't that guy ever do anything useful?!"

"Yeah! You're so, like, right!" Japas agreed, using the back of his hand to flip one of the fins on his head.

**(Link knew that Navi was probably whispering 'who's Evan?' to him, and since the TV showed what he thought at the time, his response was 'I dunno'. In fact, Link had no idea how good **_**(or what he thought was good) **_**an actor he was.)**

"And to top it off, Lulu just stands out back starin' at the sea. She doesn't even respond when ya talk to her." Japas sighed.

"Really?" Link asked.

**(At this point, Link actually wished he knew what Lulu—apart from the fact that she was like Ruto, only with clothes—was like, and he also wondered if she was hot…)**

"If you guys think its just 'cause Lulu's not interested in me, I'd understand, but I'm tellin' ya, it looks like somethin's really wrong. Is there somethin' you're trying to hide from me?" Japas eyed Link meaningfully.

"Well, uh…" Link stuttered, awkwardly looking off to the side.

"I'm not runnin' an inquiry or anything…" Japas sighed, "But, look… If we don't start rehearsin' real soon, we're not gonna be ready for the concert."

"Okay, I'll go see what's up with Evan." Link smiled feebly at Japas. "And maybe talk to him about all this."

No you won't.

Japas instantly turned to the ceiling, with a puzzled expression across his face, "Yo, man. Did, like, the roof just speak?"

"GAH!" Navi hissed. "I _HATE_ running gags!


	10. Chapter 9: Water Temple Tours Part 2

**(As soon as Navi and Tatl made Link leave the room—not like he needed much convincing after the uncomfortable silence that the narrator left behind—he strolled over to the next room. When he came to the Zora guard it was quite clear that he was quite puzzled due to the fact that this was a comedy fanfiction and yet the authoress was, a few moments ago, giving her best attempt to try and be serious. What? Oh, no, wait… That's not what he was confused about. Nevermind!)**

"Ah! Mikau! What have you been doing this whole time?" the Zora dude asked.

"Oh, you know…" Link grinned, trying to sound suggestive—he was getting used to pretending to be Mikau. "I've been busy."

"Evan the bandleader has been waiting for you for a while now." reported the Zora, "Hurry! Go in! Go in!"

**(When Link entered he walked up the small set of stairs to speak to a Zora with headphones on and brown specks instead of blue ones all Zoras have. He stood before what looked like a large piano/organ thingy. This Zora must have been Evan, the bandleader, who at a closer glance, had no visible eyes.)**

"Mikau! How was it? Did you get the eggs back?" Evan questioned apprehensively.

"I…uh…"

"Oh… You couldn't do it, after all." Evan sighed.

"DUDE!" Tatl yelled enthusiastically, whizzing out of Link's head. "Where are your _**EYES!?**_"

I think they are those bulging thingies at the sides of his head…

"No! No, I think those are his headphones!" Navi stated uncertainly, also flying out of Link's head. She then squinted her little fairy eyes, "Now where are they…?"

"Guys, hello… My eyes are right here." Evan called out, pointing to some of the brown specks on his head.

…How many eyes do you have?

"TWO!" Evan screamed out in the general direction he heard the third voice come from.

I still say his eyes are the things bulging at the sides of his head…

"Bah! Whatever!" was Evan's only response. He ignored the three questioning females with undistinguishable appearances, "Have you been to see Lulu out in the back by the ocean?"

"No…" Link sighed, facepalming at the fact that all the women questioning Ecan had no distinguishable features, "I haven't gone to see her yet…"

"Well, ever since the pirates stole her eggs, she's just been standing out there gazing at the sea and sighing…" Evan grumbled.

"I—"

"…Mikau! We need those eggs safe so Lulu can get her voice back." Evan yelled at the young male.

"Whoa; WHOA! Back up here!" Link shouted at Evan, "Can we slow down a bit?"

Evan did, but still assumed that Link knew everything he referred to, "We've grown accustomed to life in a peaceful sea… The only one among the Zora tribe who is still able to go to blows with those wild pirates…"

**(DUN DUN DAH NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)**

"It is you, with the blood of Zoran heroes flowing within you." Evan proclaimed, but the moment was already ruined.

"Ouch! Yo, Cherry-sama?" Link asked, glaring up at the intercom. "What the heck?"

Sound effects are fun!

"But annoying, and overdone." Link answered, raising his finger to point at the intercom.

…Yeah, well, Evan ignored me. So.

Link grumbled, "Whatever."

"I'm still keeping Lulu's problem a secret from the other band members." Evan said, though Link observed he seemed disgruntled by the Narrator's outburst.

Link wasn't listening, "You know, if you're going to do sound effects, don't turn the volume up to max."

But it wasn't!

"They've all been looking forward to our Carnival of Time concert. And I can't tell them it's cancelled 'cause Lulu can't sing, can I?" Evan continued in the background.

"It sounded like it though!" Link hissed at the intercom.

Yeah well, next time you want me to bring it up to max?

"_**WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!!??**_" Evan screamed so loud that it shook the entire…(dang, I wish I knew the name of this) place.

**(With the scary amount of lungpower Evan seemed to have, Link sent flying out of the room. As soon as he hit the ground, he ran as fast as his little Zora legs would carry him, and frankly faster than anyone with legs his length could. When he glanced around for some refuge from that monster of a bandleader, he ran to the right. There, at the final door behind the seashell stage, there was another Zora guard, only this one was being a naughty little Zora and was peaking into the room he guarded, through the keyhole. Judging by this male Zora's behavior, it is safe to assume that this is Lulu's room.)**

When Link came running up behind him, the perverted guard's only response was: "Shut up. I'm busy right now…"

"_**GET OUTTA MY WAY…!**_" Link snarled with such a dangerous tone in his voice, that it would make Darmani scared.

"Ah! Mikau!" the perverted Zora exclaimed. "You caught me!"

Tatl zipped out of Link's head, "You pervert!"

"Eee…I…uh…er, L0Lulu's been l-looking kinda weird lately…" the pervert of a Zora explained. "I was w-worried…"

"LOLulu? What kind of word is that?" Link questioned, temporarily forgetting his previous dread of the bandleader.

"Not LOLulu. L0Lulu." Navi corrected as she flew out of Link's head. "And it must have been a typo."

_Yeaaaahhh_, it was. Out of all the typos my sister made, this one was the most amusing. So I kept it.

"It's not like I was s-spying on her or anything…" the perverted creep of a Zora stuttered. "I-I'm not some k-kind of weirdo or some sorta slimy fish or anything."

"MIKAU! GET BACK HERE!!!" Evan screamed from down the hallway. "I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!!!"

"…Um, yeah. Uh… I just r-remembered that I have somewhere to be…" the perverted Zora guard mumbled.

Link looked anxiously at the door, and at Evan, who was following ominously behind, "Whatever, just **move**!" Link snapped.

**

* * *

**

(With Evan in close pursuit, Link did not have time to notice how fast the perverted Zora guard ran away—only furthering the accusation that he was a slimy fish. However, that was then and this is now, so now Link was inside Lulu's room.)

"Whew!" Link wiped his forehead. "I never thought that I would get out of that!"

"Um… Link…? I think I know why the Zora was being so obsessive about being a stalker…" Navi paused, looking at the room.

**(As Link turned around to face the room, a shining blade protruded from the wall beside him; he could see his reflection in the flat of the blade. He gave a start and took a step back. He turned his head away from his reflection and he saw an identical blade was half-wedged into a table. A diary lay on a table that had a large gash through it. As Link's eyes gazed upon the damage in the room: spears, overturned tables, dozens of sword marks shredded the walls, many of Lulu's other personal belongings had been thrown about, and a Deku Scrub Salesman peeked out of a potted plant in the corner. **_**(O.o ask the game designers)**_**.)**

"…What happened here?" Tatl asked, as she panned over the room.

"Cool." Link smirked like the Hylian kid he was underneath that mask.

Navi took a closer look at the blade Link's face had had an encounter with, "Judging by the shape and the craftsmanship of this blade, I'd say that the Gerudo Warriors had attacked. However, I haven't seen any Gerudos in Termina…"

Tatl flew over to Navi's side and glanced at the blade as well, "I dunno what it's like in Hyrule, however a blade like this is a trademark of the Pirates. They must have ransacked the place."

"This must be what Mikau meant by the pirates stole Lulu's eggs." Navi concluded, remembering what Mikau had sung.

"Cool." Link smirked again.

"Hey look! I found her diary!" Tatl exclaimed, flailing the book around in her hands.

**(With that Tatl cracked open the book and started reading it aloud to her two companions, and further violating Lulu's privacy.)**

"'Blub blub, blub, blub, blub…blub!'" Tatl quoted out of the diary. "…Okay, this isn't getting anywhere. Alright, who can read Zoran?"

**(Both fairies turned to gaze at Zora Link.)**

"What?" Link asked, shrugging his shoulders.

"Read." Navi commanded, taking the book from Tatl and placing her fairy index finger on the cover.

"I can't read! I already told you!" Link grinned proudly.

"Well maybe Mikau could! Now READ!" Navi demanded to Link, starting to turn red from anger.

"No." Link replied sharply.

"Come on, Link!" Tatl begged, "Think about it! We are _actually giving you __**permission**_ to read a girl's **diary**!!! You know how **rare** that is from us females!?!"

"No." Link repeated.

**(Navi took a ****deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP, DEEP, DEEP breath.****)**

"LULU'S DIARY:" Link shouted as he grabbed the diary from Navi and flung it open.

**(Our three heroes rearranged some of the scattered objects in the room to sit on as Link began to read out loud. It's story time!!!)**

Link opened to the first page "…Hey! COOL! There are pictures!" Link exclaimed enthusiastically.

**(The fairies glared.)**

"Ahem." Link cleared his voice awkwardly "'It has been two days since I lost my voice. I don't want Mikau to know, so I talked to Evan about it. He recommended that I take the eggs to the Marine Research Lab to have them checked. I think I will take them right away.'"

"Very good, Link!" Tatl complimented with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"…How could she talk if she lost her voice?" Link paused and raised his eyebrow, as he stared at the diary page (and the picture that accompanied it).

"…Hmmm…" Navi pondered. "'Take the eggs to the Marine Research Lab to have them checked'? Checked for what?"

"What was that?" Link asked as he turned over to look at Navi.

"Nothing. Continue." Navi muttered to Link, gesturing with her tiny fairy hand for Link to continue.

"Okay. Ahem. 'Such a terrible things has happened today that I don't even know where to begin writing. I heard a sound late at night, and when I opened my eyes, I saw strangers in my room. I tried to fight, but they were able to steal my precious eggs. It seems I lost consciousness after that.'" Link continued. He occasionally attempted to effeminate his voice—which would sound odd to anyone listening; however the fairies glared at him whenever he did this.

"…So that's why the room looks like the way it does." Tatl confirmed with a newfound level of understanding, stating the obvious, even though she wasn't having an ONA.

"…What in the world would the eggs be checked for…?" Navi contemplated.

"Okay… Next up… 'Today, I told everything to Mikau, the one person whom I didn't want to know about it. At first, I was too embarrassed and too sad to do anything. And with the words that Mikau said at that moment, I felt all hope had been lost. But please, Mikau, I'm begging you, don't do anything rash.'" Link concluded, "…And there aren't any more entries."

"That was beautiful!!!" The Deku Scrub Salesman proclaimed in awe, clapping his hands at the most inappropriate time.

"That was a short diary!" Tatl complained, bobbing up and down angrily. "Like, come on! _Three entries?!_"

"I still wanna know how she was able to speak after losing her voice!!" Link complained.

**(He closed the book and placed it on a severed chair. The diary immediately slid off.)**

"…Why would she feel the need to hide this from Mikau…? And then why did she tell him…?" Navi pondered, resting her chin on her fingers.

**(DUN DUN DUHHH!)**

"Oh…Crap…" Navi gaped.

"Considering that she lost her voice, you'd think she'd spend more time writing down her emotions than she normally would!" Tatl huffed, crossing her arms and turning her head to the side.

Navi's whimper broke the rants of both her roommate and her sidekick, "…_Guys_…_?_"

Tatl and Link turned towards Navi and responded at the same time: "Yes?"

"Well… It's just… Um…" Navi stuttered, looking side-to-side, unsure of how to enlighten the other two.

"_Yesssss_?" Link repeated.

Navi decided to start with the basics, "…Okay… What do we know about the account with the Zoras, taking place in this cove?"

"Well…" The Deku Scrub Salesmen pondered as he looked up at the ceiling.

"No, not you." Navi sighed in annoyance, and then pointed her finger to the random hole in the ceiling. "This is private. Go away."

**(Grumbling under his breath about how he never liked fairies, and took off his funky hat, entered the flower, grabbed his underwear, his postage stamp, and his shoelaces and flew off into that strange little hole in the ceiling.)**

"Anyway…" Navi turned back to Tatl and Link.

**(Link was amusing himself by examining the pictures in Lulu's diary. He put it away after he caught Navi glaring at him.)**

"The band, as we know it, is about to hold a concert at Clock Town on the day of the Carnival." Tatl said in response to Navi's question.

"Cool." Link commented, peeking inside the diary when he thought nobody was watching.

"And Evan, the bandleader, canceled it because Lulu, their lead singer, couldn't sing, after laying some mysterious eggs." Navi continued, adding onto Tatl's statement.

"I don't think Evan told the other band members about it." Tatl added.

"Cool." Link smiled reapeated, like a broken record. Running gag time.

"Soon after she laid the strange eggs, pirates attacked and took them from her." Navi continued.

"Then, she told this Mikau guy about the eggs, of all people. And he apparently became enraged and went to the pirates to retake the eggs." Tatl said.

"Cool." Zora Link smirked, lifting up the diary cover a second time and quickly peeked inside and then let it go before anyone saw him.

"Then, the pirates almost kill him, the people who were in charge of the ice cream stand gave him ice cream, and that's where we came in." Navi concluded, neglecting the part where Link slashed Mikau a couple of—er, _several_ times.

"Cool." Now Link was just trying to be annoying.

"Yeah, so what? We know this already, and…?" Tatl asked Navi.

"There's quite a large piece from the picture missing here." Navi told Tatl, trying to put it as delicately as possible. "And I think I might have figured it out."

"And this piece is…?" Tatl prompted.

"In Lulu's Diary, she said in the first entry that she was going to have the eggs checked at the Marine Research Lab."

"Cool." Link said again, but the fairies just ignored him.

"Yeah, so?" Tatl asked.

"In the final entry, she told everything to Mikau, 'the one person' she didn't want to tell everything to." Navi continued on, "Then, something about this 'everything', made Mikau go into berserker mode, attack the pirates, who ended up killing him."

**(Actually, Link was the one who had killed Mikau, and there was a high possibility he would have lived if Link hadn't attacked him. For the purposes of her theory, and to protect her sidekick from the wrath of the Zora, Navi omitted this.)**

"……………_Yes_…?" Tatl asked.

"Now, Lulu said 'please Mikau, I'm begging you, don't do anything rash', suggesting that she cares about him. Which is probably the reason why she told him everything about the eggs, and not the other band members." Navi theorized to Tatl, "Now that sent Mikau into a rage after the pirates, which suggests that he cared about Lulu too."

"Cool." Zora Link smiled, pulling the sharpie marker out of his ear. He opened Lulu's Diary and started to draw pictures beside Lulu's pictures.

"What's your point?" Tatl paused.

"If they both loved each other what makes you think that they didn't take their relationship to a _higher level?_" Navi asked Tatl.

"…Um………………………" Tatl paused.

"Cool." Zora Link smirked, drawing a picture of a Dodongo roaring down on a picture of Lulu and Mikau holding hands.

"The eggs were a…product of that. Link killed Mikau, so the least we can do is finish his quest, since Link's impersonating him and all. This means that we have to go after Link and Lulu's eggs ourselves." Navi explained, "We're tangled in the huge emotional affairs of the Indigo-gos now."

"…Wait," Link asked shoving the sharpie pen in his other ear, "did you say 'Link and Lulu'?"

**(Both fairies turned to look at Link for the first time during the exchange. They wore solemn looks.)**

"Um… Link?" Tatl said gently, putting a tiny fairy hand on his shoulder.

"What?" Link asked.

Navi had to spit out, "…_You're no longer a virgin_…"

"Aw, man!" Link sulked, "This sucks!"

**(That went way better than they could ever have anticipated.)**

"Now I'm going to have to join _another_ cult group!" Link pouted.

**(Or not…)**

"No, Link, virginity isn't a cult group!" Navi sighed, slapping her forehead with her hand.

"Then what is it?" Link asked.

"…Let's put it this way…" Tatl said slowly, "…You're a father…"

"_What?!_" Link exclaimed; he dropped the diary. "No I'm not!"

"_Arrrggghhh…_" Navi moaned. "Yes, Link! You are!"

"Prove it!" Link sneered, pointing an accusing finger at Navi.

"It actually doesn't say anywhere that those eggs were Mikau's children." Tatl pointed out to Navi, however she just ignored her.

…However, if you read between the lines, then…

"Those eggs Lulu laid…they were yours! That's why Mikau killed himself!" Navi snapped back, "It's your fault, Link. Mikau knew Lulu was two timing him! Those are your children!"

"Wait, what?" Tatl stared.

"No they aren't! I'm not listening!!!" Link sang as he covered his ears and started humming the Legend of Zelda theme. "La la la la—!"

"FACE IT, LINK!" Navi yelled in Link's face with such lungpower that it made that full-grown Zora body of his fall over backwards. "YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY AS SOON AS YOU PUT ON THAT MASK!!!"

**(…Both the Narrator and Tatl were too disturbed to speak…)**

"NOW, IF YOU DON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN—!!!" Navi screamed, probably mentally scaring the Zoras outside Lulu's room as well as the Zora _inside _the room.

"THEY ARE NOT MY CHILDREN! AND EVEN IF I DID MAKE THEM, I PROBABLY DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Link protested so loudly it made Navi also fall over too.

"I KNOW! You were probably just fooling around!" Navi shouted. "BUT YOU SHOULD STILL TAKE SOME RESPONIBILITY!!!"

"BUT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY ARE MINE OR NOT!" Link hollered.

"That's true, we don't know about Zora's egg laying process…" Navi paused, cutting off abruptly, "Cuccoos' eggs don't hatch every time they lay them… There must be Rukkoos around for Chickkoos to hatch…"

"…F-for a-all we know, it-it could b-be like having your…" Tatl couldn't finish her sentence, she distracted herself by looking at Link's drawings in the diary.

"Hmm… That could be right…" Navi groaned, "…We should have spent more time around Ruto!"

"No, we shouldn't have!" Link snapped back; if Navi ever said anything as disturbing or as disgusting as that, then he'd—

"WHATEVER!" Tatl shouted, throwing the diary at Link's face. "Let us go recover the eggs and then we'll see!"

"—If they're fertilized or not…" Navi muttered in displeasure, glowing a little more red than usual.

**(Link stuffed Navi into his head.)**

"Let's get going, shall we?" Link smiled with the most fake smile anyone had ever seen on his face; this time it was made out of a small piece of coral.

**

* * *

**

(Link should have known that Navi was never going to keep quiet about this. When Link exited the vandalized room he had both fairies stashed in his head.)

"Honestly Link, I knew you could be a pervert sometimes, but this is going too far," Navi nagging radiated out of his ears. Many Zoras gave Link weird looks as he walked by.

"I said it wasn't me!" Link hissed at Navi, wearing his coral smile as he waved nonchalantly at the staring Zoras.

"And here I had such a high opinion of you! But now—" Navi continued.

"It wasn't me!" Link repeated walking faster than he had previously. Maybe _this_ was why all of fandom thought Navi was annoying.

"You! You deserve to be punished! Here, Tatl pull Sunset Orange and hold it! I'll strum Crimson Mauve!" Navi commanded Tatl, still exerting control over the Zoran male, even though she was really just nagging Link because she couldn't nag the real perpetrator.

**(Suddenly Link's left arm bent at an angle that looked like he was about to punch himself. However, instead of hitting him, it just stayed in this position. Afterwards, Link's right hand, which was resting by his side, started slapping his leg.)**

"No…wait…" Navi pondered after hearing a repetitive slapping sound, looking over Link's Colour-Coded Nerve Chart, "I need to strum blue! Yes! Blue!"

**(From his elbow up to his hand, his left arm spun in small circles.)**

"Aw, crap! Not blue! Gah! It was Twilight Mahogany! Yes! Twilight Mahogany!" Navi grumbled to herself.

**(In the middle of his stride, Link began hopping on one foot.)**

"AHHH! I did it again! Oh bah! This is too troublesome!" Navi growled.

**(Navi decided that it would be easier if she just flew out of Link's head-hat and slapped his cheek. So she did. Of course, since the fairies seemed to be making a fool out of Link in front of all the Zoras today, he had just happened to stumble upon Lulu—the female Zora in the entire place, and who looked exactly like Ruto, only wearing clothing.)**

"Oh, um… Hey!" Link smiled, looking at Lulu, rubbing his sore cheek, or rather, the minute and agonizing bruise Navi's small hand had left behind. "Hey! How are you?"

**(However, unlike all the other Zoras within the area, Lulu just glanced at Link, gave him a cold and distant sigh, and glanced down at the ground again.)**

"That sad face is trying to tell you something." Tatl sighed, flying out Link's head to look at Lulu. "…You can see it in her expression!"

**(Tatl flew back inside, just had Navi done a while back. Like Tatl said, the sadness in her face **_**was**_** trying to tell him something, however, Link was not concentrating on her face, he was too engaged in looking at her—)**

"EEEEWWWWW! LINK!" screamed both disgusted fairies within his head; this even managed to startle the depressed Lulu. "TURN OFF THE TV!!!!"

"Heh heh heh… Um… If you'll excuse me…" Link chuckled, giving Lulu a parting wink.

**(On that note, Link dashed outside, covering his ears, which seemed to be where the noises of the fairies seemed to leak out of.)**

"Link, you disgusting, sad excuse for a Hylian—!" Navi exclaimed, outraged by how this 14 year old boy had gotten so perverted within a few minutes.

"Mikau had a good eye!" Link remarked, staring off into space.

"Oh please! In six years from now, you would have despised the naked version of Lulu on any day!" Navi snapped, "What is _wrong _with you?!"

"Maybe—EEEEEEEEE!!!!" Tatl screeched.

**(Navi and Tatl both whizzed out of Link's head due to what Link's Inner Mind Theater had featured on this particular moment.)**

"Maybe this a side effect of wearing the Zora Mask." Tatl suggested, trying her best to get what she had just seen on the TV out of her head.

"What do you mean?" Navi asked Tatl.

"Think of it this way." Tatl started slowly, "Whenever Link wears the Deku Mask, he always short, can twirl around to kill people, and has this squeaky sound whenever he walks."

"Yes…" Navi answered.

"Whenever Link wears the Goron Mask, he gets big and fat with the ability to roll up in a ball." Tatl continued, explaining her theory to Navi.

"…Yes…" Navi paused, contemplating these facts.

Which shouldn't even technically be possible, with his body weight.

Navi turned to the intercom, "Quiet you!"

"Perhaps Mikau was a Zora stud, so whenever Link turns into a Zora, his interests in Zoran women heightens," Tatl suggested, "After all, we're pretty sure Mikau's the father, so...."

Navi could only roll her eyes, "Oh, yes, being interested in Zoran women is a _very _special ability…"

"HEY NAVI! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!" Link exclaimed.

**(Tatl and Navi turned their heads to see that Link had jumped in the water and was now swimming around beneath the surface. He would swim in swirling circles and then break through the surface, doing a flip, and dive back down. He looked like a dolphin.)**

"Come back here!" Navi snapped at Link.

**(He sighed as he wandered back onto shore; he was having fun being Link the Dolphin.)**

"There, does that count as a _'special ability'_?" Tatl asked Navi.

"Whatever, let's go." Navi sighed, flying back into Link's head, hoping to herself that the alarming images on TV were gone.

**

* * *

**

(Link took off his Zora mask and headed to Ikana Canyon. Abrupt? Don't blame me, blame the scriptwriter. Anyway, Link then used that nifty little Eye of Truth to talk to an invisible guy.)

"Huh? Don't tell me… That's…" the invisible solider asked the green-clad Hylian boy.

"What?" Link asked, cocking his head to the side.

"I'm shocked." The solider exclaimed, looking at Link's sword.

Before the guard could say anything else Navi flew out of Link's hat and said: "Yes, we know, that big sword is compensating for something—"

**(Link stuffed Navi into his hat.)**

"You're the first person who's ever spoken to me." The guard gasped, seeming oblivious to the Eye of Truth. "I've been here for many years, waving my arms around and asking for help, but everyone ignores me and passes me by."

"Well that must suck—" Tatl huffed; she could sympathize because other characters had a habit of ignoring her.

"It's 'cause I'm about as impressive as a stone, right?" the solider asked, looking at Tatl, tears in his eyes.

"…Erm…" Tatl paused.

"…I'm used to it, though." The solider sighed.

Wait… Tatl? How can you see him?

"Because I'm_ magical_." Tatl explained, creating a little rainbow with her hands.

**(In the meantime, Link and Navi had started an argument, which they seem to be doing a lot in this chapter, despite the fact that Navi was in Link's hat. They made such a racket that they managed to make nearby Bombchus **_**(the animal version) **_**explode.)**

"Umm… I have a request…" the solider mumbled weakly.

"I TOLD YOU LINK, YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR THOSE WHO ARE OLDER THAN YOU!" Navi hissed, jumping up and down inside Link's hat, and on Link's large bald spot.

"GO KNIT A SWEATER!" Link snarled back at Navi.

"Can you give me some medicine that would make even an unnoticeable stone like me feel better?" the solider cut in.

"Sure." Link said, his voice bitter from the argument.

**(Link pulled out a bottle with some red liquid in it and tossed it over to the invisible guy.)**

"Ah, that's… Is that it?" the solider asked, shoving open the cork and gulping down the potion.

O.o Dude. Where'd you get the Red Potion?

"That's not Red Potion!" Link protested, yelling up at the intercom. "It's some of the ice cream I salvaged from the ocean!"

"…That is disgusting." Tatl groaned in repulsion as she watched the guard drink the fluid.

**(…The solider drank the concoction of ice cream and salt water…)**

"…I feel better…I think." The solider gulped, giving a small, revolting burp. "Thanks…?"

"Have no fear! LINK is here!" Link exclaimed.

"Have much fear! Link is here…" Navi moaned, giving a large sigh.

"Oh…here… In gratitude…" the solider urped, unsure whether or not he'd throw up or not.

**(DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Stone Mask! Now Link can be a sneaky ninja! Erm…****_stone_****…?)**

"Now… Let me practice standing out…" the solider groaned as his stomach made a unnerving rumbling sound.

**(The guard/solider promptly proceeded to begin waving arm around, holding onto his spear. He probably would have used his other hand, however, that was clutching onto his gurgling stomach.)**

"Um, sir?" Tatl paused, looking at the guy. "I don't think that—"

**"**Huh? Not yet? I don't stand out at all?" the solider asked, looking at Tatl, still waving his arms around.

"Well, not really…" Navi paused, for if she was randomly walking by this guy, and saw him wave his arms around at her, she would have no idea how she'd react.

"…That's weird. But I'm trying so hard…" the solider moped.

"Look, buddy, if you wanna stand out, then wear something flashy! Like hot pink!" Link proclaimed, placing his chin in his hand.

"…Do you have a hot pink tunic on you I can borrow?" the solider wondered hopefully, giving Link an expectant stare.

"No, but I heard there was a tunic shop back in Clock Town—" Link considered as he turned his torso and pointed in the general direction of Clock Town.

"Oh, well." The solider let out a heavy sigh, disregarding Link and continued waving his arms around.

**

* * *

**

(And on that note, Link headed back to the Great Bay. And although that entire scene was rather random, I'm sure the scriptwriter had **_some reason_**** for typing it up… Anywho, within the time that it took Link to get to the Great Bay, he had put his Zora Mask back on and spontaneously decided to try and enter the Pirate's Fortress. When he swam under the water's surface, he noticed some wooden boards adorned with the clichéd skull and crossbones on them that were attached to the wall of a cliff.)**

"Hey…hang on!" Tatl's ONA bellowed in the depths of the water. "Doesn't this look a little strange?"

"Of course if does!" Zora Link retorted, shoving Tatl back in his head. "This obviously must be the entrance to the Pirates Fortress! Where—"

"—they have your kids held captive," Navi finished.

"They are _**not**_ my kids! They're Mikau's! And we don't even know if they were his or not!" Link objected, who, in an attempt retaliate at Navi, banged his fist on the side of his head.

"But you're Mikau!" Navi pointed out.

"No I'm not!" Link insisted.

"Well you are now!" Navi hissed, bobbing up and down in Link's head, forming yet another brand new headache.


	11. Chapter 9: Water Temple Tours Part 3

**(After another heated quarrel between the Hero of Time and her sidekick, Link and Co. finally entered the Fortress. The Fortress was infested with attractive Gerudos—or, in this game, Pirates. Now, if this was Totally Messed, Older Link would have had the time of his life. Zora Link would have too, if these women weren't the ones who kidnapped his…erm…"****_acquaintance's_****" eggs. However, since being a Zora the entire time would have been too conspicuous, Link used his recently acquired Stone Mask to become a stealthy ninja—er, rock—to get around the Fortress. When reaching the head pirate's room in the complex, he found that he got the newfound experience of eavesdropping of two Gerudo. Considering that he's been arguing with his fairy for this entire loop, this must have been the least eventful thing that Link had discovered in the past three days. It was at this point, he came across a spontaneous bee and proceeded to watch it as it flew into its hive on the room of the head pirate's room. However, when the bee no longer distracted him, Link overheard the following…)**

"I've been waiting for you!" a Gerudo dressed in red smiled expectantly at another Gerudo. "And, did you find the rest of the eggs?"

"Shh!" Navi shushed at Link, flying out of his hat to ding this command at him.

"You shh!" Link hushed to Navi, glaring at her.

"No, you shh!" Navi hissed back at Link.

"Both of you shh!!!" Tatl hushed at the two of them at once.

"…N-No. B-but…That's beca…" was the weak reply of the second Gerudo; she was dressed in white.

"What are you trying to pull here?!?" the imperial Gerudo shouted, "If people hear the great pirates have lost the treasure they stole, we'll become the laughing stock!"

"Yes, b-but Aveil…" the second one stuttered. "The sea is strangely murky where we were attacked by sea snakes…"

"S-s-sea sn-snakes!" Link whispered loudly, turning pale. "Lulu's Diary never mentioned those!"

"That's because she didn't _know_ about them!" Navi snapped, "The Sea Snakes happened _after _Lulu's eggs were egg-napped."

"Shh!" Tatl shushed.

"Silence!" Aveil yelled, "That's why the Zoras can't send for any help!"

"Oh?" Navi paused.

"Now that the eggs are gone, the Zoras should be frantically searching for them." Aveil snapped at the other Gerudo, "If we don't hurry, the Zoras will get to them before we do!"

"How many did they _**lose**_?" Link trembled. Retrieving…_Lulu's_ eggs would be way harder than he thought.

"Shh!" Tatl shushed again.

"There are four eggs here now." Aveil stated, "Hurry! Go find the other three eggs before those sea snakes eat them!"

"No! Not my children!" Link gasped.

"So you finally admit it!" Navi said triuphantly.

"Shhh!" Tatl hissed, "Sheesh!"

"…Understood…" responded the second Gerudo's, hanging her head. She dragged her feet as she walked to the door.

"Wait!" Aveil thundered.

**(The miserable Gerudo halted in her tracks.)**

"The Zora eggs are the only clue we have about that dragon cloud floating over the bay…" Aveil said.

"What dragon cloud?" Link asked Navi.

Tatl flew up to Link's face, "We've been here as long as you have and have collected as much information as you did. What makes you think we know more?"

"Shh!" Navi hushed this time.

"If what that strange, masked one says is true…" Aveil trailed off; she grinned.

"Strange masked one!?" Tatl whispered loudly, dinging like a bell.

"Skull kid!" Link whispered dramatically.

Navi paused, looking at the description above, "What kind of lame and clichéd fanfic is this?!"

Shh!

"And if we can get our hands on the treasure that lies sleeping in the temple in that dragon cloud…" Aveil continued, "Then we can spend the rest of our lives living the good life!"

"Who'd wanna serve pirates?!" Link wondered to Navi.

"Shh!" Navi shushed at Link.

"So get a move on and go find them! Now!!!" Aveil snapped.

"Understood!!!" the Gerudo exclaimed, clearly re-motivated.

**(With that, the underling Gerudo left the room.)**

"We can't let them succeed!" Link exclaimed, swinging his sword around. "For the safety of Lulu's eggs!"

"Why are you swinging your sword around like that?" Tatl asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, I thought it would make me look more heroic," Link said slowly.

"Never mind that now," Navi interjected, "What are we going to do?"

**(IT'S ONA TIME! LOL! YAYS! ROFL! OM—…I'll shut up now…)**

"We have a good view of their leader's room from here." Tatl reported seriously to the other two, "And I bet if you needed to, you could shoot an arrow through _____________!"

"What the heck?" Link and Navi asked at the same time, very puzzled by this verbal underline.

"What?" Tatl asked, looking at their bewildered expressions.

"What a weird ONA!" Link stated.

"'______________'_?" Navi quoted Tatl's line earlier. "What are you? A computer?"

"Navi what's a computer?" Link asked..

"I have no—" Navi started.

No! Don't even say it! You guys keep overusing that line, so it's now clichéd for this story!

All Navi could do is give the intercom a blank stare, "…Could you at least tell us what's with the '_____________'?"

When my sister was writing the script, the text on the screen went by too fast for her. She didn't get a chance to copy it down.

"That explains it." Navi shrugged.

"But what are we supposed to do?" Link asked, looking at the intercom.

…You figure it out! You're the main character.

"Ouch." Tatl flinched at this remark.

**(On that note, Link impulsively hauled his bow and arrow out and shot the spontaneous beehive, which fell to the ground almost immediately. **_**(He wasn't under the magical control of the authoress! What are you talking about?!) **_**The bees, who were fairly annoyed due to the destruction of their hive, began to attack the Gerudo women, and thus making them run out of the room, shrieking **_**(endless amounts of fun)**_**. After the authoress stopped laughing at the Gerudo women, Link headed down to room and started stealing from pirates' hideout.)**

"Hey Navi!" Link called to Navi, opening a treasure chest, placed right in the middle of the room. "Look what I found!"

**(DUN NU NU NUUUUUUUUUU! Link got the Hookshot! Only it looked crappier than the one he had in the previous game. And that's saying something. o.o)**

"Dude? What would you need this for?" Navi asked Link, "It's not like you had a hard time getting in without it."

"I dunno—" Link started.

"HEY GUYS! LOOK!" Tatl yelled, flying over something like she usually does with ONA.

**(Tatl had appropriately had flown in front of a large fish tank, however the aquatic item in it was a large spherical thing, which was much larger than Link's head. It had a baby blue appearance with blue spots all over, so one could say it had the same colouring of a Zora, so it must have been one of—)**

"Sweet! One of Lulu's eggs!" Link proclaimed enthusiastically.

"Here! Link, I've got an idea!" Navi reported, pointing upwards.

**(Navi pointed above the fish tank, where some there were wooden planks. Whichever lame architect decided to put planks above the Zora Egg fishtank, it nearly gave the impression that they had forgotten to put a 'Please Hookshot Here' sign on it.)**

"You should Hookshot there, put your Zora mask on, go into the water, and scoop up the egg with your bottle! Then you get out of there, and—" Navi explained very carefully to Link.

"Hold on, wait just a minute." Link interrupted, holding his hand out. "You want me, to go in there and scoop that thing up with my bottle?"

"Yes, that's what I said, isn't it?" Navi said.

"In case you haven't noticed, that one egg is bigger than **my own ****head**! How am I suppost to put it in this puny little bottle?" Link held up his bottle; it was, much smaller than his head.

**(This question took Navi a few seconds of deep thought to come up with a suitable answer.)**

"Link, whenever I'm mad at you, I could easily shove your head into that bottle. Now why can't you do the same?" Navi recommended sweetly.

"Hey! You're right!" Link exclaimed, unperturbed.

**(Link then Hookshotted the wooden planks, put his Zora mask on, dove into the water and scooped up one of hi—…**_**Lulu's**_** eggs. But just as he emerged from the surface and climbed up onto the edge of the Zora tank, Tatl's ONA instinctively kicked in.)**

"Isn't this a Zora egg? I wonder how we can carry it?" Tatl pondered, even though Link had already put the bottle away.

"…_Tatl_…" Navi sighed.

* * *

**(It was this point in time where Link decided to systematically ****_(or, as word document thesaurus insists, scientifically)_**** run around the fortress to get all the Zora eggs. This would have been more enjoyable if Link didn't keep running into pirates.)**

"Halt!" yelled a Gerudo's voice from…nowhere…in particular…?

"AAAHHHHHH!" Link screamed, falling backwards, causing his Stone Mask to fall off.

**(The Gerudo jumped down from the ceiling…similar to what happened in the last game. How **_**do**_** they do that anyway?!)**

"It takes courage to come thieving in the Pirate's Fortress!" the Gerudo hissed. "I'm going to love doing this to you!"

**(This was probably the point in time where the narrator decided to be as lazy as the scriptwriter.)**

"…Wait, what?" Navi asked.

**(And thus the gal was defeated.)**

"Ugh. Don't think it ends here!" the Gerudo chick sighed, being the first victim of extreme laziness within this chapter.

**(Link found the next egg.)**

"That's as far as you go!" yelled a Gerudo, who, like others, promptly fell from the ceiling.

"—_**What the?!**_" Link screamed at the intercom. "Three paragraphs ago we were in an entirely different part of the complex! What the heck!?"

OKAY FINE!

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

_**(Link found himself walking through the Pirate's Fortress, wearing his Stone Mask. This rather amused him due to the fact that the Stone Mask made him invisible like a rock among a landslide. However, there were no sign of any other rocks in the complex, and yet he still remained unnoticed. Odd. Anyways, he stealthily crept around like ninja in front of the other guards, who were marching around. On occasion they would advance towards him without even knowing he was there. This was problematic. So Link drew his sword.)**_

"_LINK!" Navi yelled, "The writer has already determined that you are a 'wonderful' artist, yet even so, you continue to make this running gag!"_

"_But aren't these evil women with their mid-drift showing utterly inspiring?" Link gasped, as the Gerudo guard slowly advanced upon him. "Plus, if I hold my sword right beside her, it will make the picture even more dramatic!!!"_

"…_Why hasn't she heard us yet…?" Tatl gulped, gazing at approaching female in terror._

_**(As the Guard, only centimeters from Link's face, advanced towards him, Navi yanked the sword from Link's hand, and sliced the guard right on her mid-drift. As the screech of her agony echoed through the complex several times, blood oozed from her wound as she fell forward, DEAD! Okay, maybe not, since this fanfic is K+ **__**(even though with all the suggestive comments we made in this chapter could make this fanfic rated T)**__**. A guard, just a meter away from this woman, looked around her and started walking about as she normally would. In fact the only ones who noticed that the Gerudo female was dead, were the three heroes we know of.)**_

"_Dude. We just __**killed**__ her, yet nobody noticed…" Tatl noted, looking at the dead person on the ground before them._

"…_How did they __**not**__ hear the scream?" Navi wondered._

_**(Link would have said something, but he was only staring at his sketchbook in horror: the Gerudo had splattered blood on his drawing! Within a few seconds, the Gerudo got up on her feet, picked up her spear, and proceeded to turn around and walk away. How she didn't notice the blood on her pants, no one knew…)**_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

"How unfortunate. You won't be getting past here!" the Gerudo proclaimed, ignoring the flashback to the best of her ability.

THERE! NOW CAN I BE LAZY?!

"Okay, fine." Link sighed.

"Wait…did the roof just speak—?" the Gerudo started.

**(With that, there was an unprompted earthquake throughout the complex, which made a loose stone break free and fall on the Gerudo's head. The Gerudo was immediately defeated! What are you talking about? I'm not abusing my powers of being narrator to the point where I used spontaneous powers to get on with the plot! What are you smoking? …Aw, crap. Another suggestive theme.)**

"Ugh! Not bad…" the Gerudo coughed before passing out. "But don't think it ends here!"

**(And Link got the next egg. And as he continued through the complex, Link came across yet ****another**** Gerudo.)**

"Halt!" the Gerudo called out to Link before jumping down from the ceiling.

"You know, in the script, this is the last battle…" Link pointed out, looking over the script which he somehow had gotten a hold of, and reading(?) it over.

Yes? You're point?

"It takes courage to come thieving in the Pirates' Fortress!" the Gerudo declared. "I'm going to love doing this to you!"

"Couldn't you at least add some detail to this battle? Please?" Link pleaded, giving the narrator cute little puppy eyes.

I've already been pretty descriptive with this chapter compared to the other chapters. Plus I am already on my forty-third page of writing, still with two whole pages of script to go, AND I haven't even gotten to the question for this chapter! Heck, this is even longer than chapter twelve in the previous fic already! Which is pretty sad considering that for that chapter, I was given twelve pages of script when for this one I was only given seven!

"Yeah? So?" Link asked the narrator as Tatl and Navi, obviously bored with this already, had flown into Link's hat and played Tales of Symphonia. "You're point?"

…Good point.

**(Link, our valiant, striking, fearlessly bold hero, gracefully raised up his sword from his sheath. As its golden blade grazed the edges of the currently-unknown-coloured-sheath, the sound that erupted from it was a sound was comparable to sand paper, only more refined. The blade, which was distinguished but also a morsel larger than he was, held in the strong, caliced, and experienced hand of its wielder. His delicate and sleek fingers clenched the handle of the gallant bastard sword with strength that rivaled one of countless men, which was exceptionally outstanding for a youthful man of fourteen. **

**His attractive, gorgeous, sexy, and supercilious opponent hoisted her crooked rapiers, one elevated above her scarlet hair, the other guarding low in front of her slender calves. The sole of our young hero's boot scuffed the plane of the flooring. With that, Link leapt forwards, about to pierce the feral sea-woman through the heart; while he soared through the atmosphere, his slender and lustrous jaw unhinged to let out an intense and an infuriated battle cry, which echoed through the corridors of his rival's stronghold. His throat sustained this roar until his blade slashed a sizeable slit in the side of the Gerudo's leg and her 'harem pants', as fashion on Earth prefers to describe it. **

**Now, as the extensive and polished silver gold blade severed the side of the superb woman's leg, she let out a ghastly shriek that gouged the hearts of any who perceived the sound. Once his acute ears were made aware of this vanquished shriek, his lips cracked into an effortless grin, for even the microorganisms existing underneath Link's fingernails could deduce that—)**

"FOR THE LOVE OF NAYRU! WILL YOU SHUT UP!?" Link yelled at the intercom.

What? Didn't you like it?

"Well, I did sound rather cool…" Link admitted, cocking his head to the side.

Navi whizzed out of Link's hat, "But think about you poor readers!"

"Ow…" the Gerudo mumbled, clutching her leg, "My leg. …And my pants."

But wasn't it beautiful?!

"Come on! '_For even the microorganisms existing underneath Link's __**fingernails**_'?" Tatl quoted the narrator's earlier speech. "Isn't that going a bit far?"

"And what about your ratings?!" Link continued to rant. "This chapter already jeopardizes your K+ rating!"

…I put a warning at the beginning of the chapter…

"After you described the bacteria under my fingernails—which I do NOT have, by the way," Link said, "—you were going to describe all the bacteria on the cloth, slowly wiggling their way into the gash in the random chick's leg. Thus it became infected!"

Hey that's a good idea… Here, I'll go add it in—

"NO!" screamed everyone except the narrator herself.

**(The Gerudo was defeated…)**

"Ugh." The Gerudo sighed with relief. "Don't think it ends here!"

**

* * *

****(And so Link got the last of…_Lulu's_ eggs in the Fortress and unexpectedly swam to the Seaside Lab, or whatever its called. As soon as he entered it he saw a large fish tank with bars attached to the far wall, and standing beside it was a man who, in Hyrule, was the—)**

"Hey look! It's the Goatman from Lake Hylia!" Link gasped.

"I beg your pardon—" the Goatman started.

"Gasp! You're right!" Navi gaped.

"Who?" Tatl asked.

"Back in our world, we have a copy of all the people here in this world. This guy was the Goatman from our largest lake!" Navi exclaimed.

"Goat…man…" Tatl pondered, regarding the Goatman from head to toe. "I never really thought of that… But now that you mention it, he really_ does_ look like a goat!"

"What happened to the rest of the eggs?" The Goatman exclaimed, his Goatman senses tingling. "The eggs can't hatch if they aren't all together."

"_If_ they will hatch!" Link emphasized, glaring at Navi while he said this.

"Hurry! Find the rest of the eggs and put them in the aquarium." The Goatman exclaimed, flailing around…like the Manta Ray Zora.

"Erp! Okay!" Link obeyed, wide-eyed, as he hurriedly put his four eggs in the tank.

"So, the other three eggs are in the possession of the Sea Snakes?" Tatl turned to Navi while Link put the eggs in the fish tank.

"Yes…" Navi confirmed, "Now how are we going to get there?"

**(Link opened the second bottle, and dumped the contents larger than his head into the tank.)**

"Good question." Tatl frowned, "I don't know the Great Bay's geography well enough to guide Link to the Sea Snakes."

"Don't worry!" Navi smiled, "All we have to do is use our imagination!"

**(As Link hopped off the top of tank, which was also barred, for some reason, Navi clasped her hands together, almost as if she were going to start praying. Then, she split her hands and revealed a small rainbow suspended between her hands.)**

"…This chapter has been making lots of references so far…" Link paused, looking at the rainbow, and getting a violent urge to eat pineapples for some reason.

"Shut up, Squidward!" Navi snapped back at Link.

**

* * *

**

**(All Link could decide on doing was explore the Great Bay as soon as he left the lab. He saw a hut on shore and waltzed in; there he saw a big, buff fisherman, a yellow and glowing seahorse. Zora Link inspected the seahorse. It spoke to him. O.o)**

"Help me…" pleaded the seahorse; Link almost jumped out of his mask. "Please, take me back to the waters near Pinnacle Rock…"

"…Okay, wow. That's just…" Link stared.

"Are you interested in that fish?" the fisherman questioned. "It's a rare fish, isn't it?"

"What is it?" asked Navi, speaking through Link's ears.

"It's called a sea horse. I caught it swimming around here." The fisherman boasted. "Just off of Pinnacle Rock."

**(Link stared at the fisherman, putting on his best businessman look. He gave the fisherman what he hoped would be a serious look and put on a fake smile. Unfortunately, Link's stare was reminiscent of Mikau's expression just before he died. The fake smile was Link holding up his bow.)**

"Uh…Since it's rare," the fisherman said giving Link a strange look, "I was thinking of, uh, selling it at the town carnival…which will be, um, you know…starting soon. Okay, quit staring at me like that!"

"Oh really?" Link asked, lowing his fake smile. But then he remembered the moon fell on the night before any sales. Oh snap.

The fisherman twitched. "Uh, if you want, I'll give it to you."

Link smirked, this was going to be easy! "SWEET! I'LL TAKE IT—"

"On two conditions…" the fisherman interrupted Link's declaration of joy.

Or not. Zora Link sighed, "…Oh…"

"First condition is that you'll never come within a hundred yards of this shop again. The second…well, do you have a pictograph of the female pirates?" the fisherman asked.

"Ew, he's a creeper!" Tatl whispered to Navi.

"No! But I have a drawing of one!" Link exclaimed enthusiastically.

**(Link yanked out his sketchbook and displayed his artistic masterpiece in radiance to the fisherman. The fisherman in turn, fainted.)**

"See?! Isn't it fabulous?" Link asked gleefully, turning around to show off his sketchbook to Tatl and Navi, who had were still in his head; the sketchbook was infested with barnacles, due to Link's fishy form.

"…Well, aren't you a crafty one?" Navi groaned sarcastically as she banged her head against Link's skull.

**(Just then, Tatl flew out of Link's hat-head, high-jacked one of his bottles and scooped the seahorse and then—! DUN NUN NUN NUUUUUUUUUU! Tatl got a Seahorse for Link! Mmmm…! Looks tasty…)**

"Thank you." the Seahorse smiled. "Hurry! Before he wakes up, take me to the waters near Pinnacle Rock…"

**

* * *

**

**(And with that, Link proceeded to swim off into the sunrise, but since he was heading the wrong way, he had to turn around and swim to Pinnacle Rock. However, when he got there, a Zora talked to him just outside the entrance.)**

"Mikau, haven't you seen any gold-coloured fish around here?" the Zora asked Zora Link, treading water.

"Erm… No…?" Link paused uncertainly, though the seahorse was a yellow aquatic animal, it was not really a _fish_.

"Gold-coloured fish know this area very well." The Zora explained for no apparent reason. "I was thinking of getting one to guide me to Pinnacle Rock…"

"Pinnacle Rock?" Zora Link turned to converse with the…erm…creatures living in his head. "Isn't that where we were going?"

"If the water wasn't so murky, I wouldn't have to rely on the guidance from a gold-coloured fish." The Zora sighed wistfully, shaking his head.

**(While the Zora had blathered on to himself, Zora Link had already fled into Pinnacle Rock. It was at that point he released the Seahorse.)**

"You have strange powers, Link." The Seahorse told Link, floating in the water.

"Evidently you do too since you knew that my name was Link without me even telling you!" Link stated.

"I have a request for you. Please follow me." The Seahorse told Link, turning 180 and began swimming straight into the murky water.

**(As the glowing yellow seahorse led the Zoran male throughout the maze of murky water, the Seahorse forcefully withheld his murderous intentions towards Link, who wouldn't stop singing 'Follow The Leader'. It was a miracle there was no bloodshed by the time they got to the other side of the maze.)**

"Yay! We're here!" Link proclaimed in a childish fashion.

"Here in the depths of Pinnacle Rock live many dangerous sea snakes…" the Seahorse said, sounding relieved that Link had finally stopped singing that annoying song.

"Sweet!" Tatl exclaimed, flying out of Link's head. "We found the Sea Snakes!"

"Now we can save Link's children!" Navi concluded, flying out of Link's head and into the water—since both her and Tatl had a strange ability to breath underwater.

The Seahorse couldn't ignore the statement Navi made; "…_What_?"

"Link is a proud father of seven children." Navi informed the confused Seahorse.

The seahorse rounded on Link, "Congratulations…I don't know what to say."

"I SAID IT WASN'T ME!" Link yelled in defiance as he swatted the aggravating fairy.

"Erm, _any_ways………My friend is trapped here." The Seahorse continued, "Link, can you please find a way to rid the area of all the sea snakes and help my friend?"

"Well, I was planning on defeating all three already—" Link started, considering how convenient this turned out to be.

**(Navi, who had flown over to the edge of Pinnacle Rock, noted a large pit, which was riddled with seven huge holes in the sides.)**

"Link… I think there's more than just three…" Navi gulped, gazing down into the pit.

"Please do this for me. Please defeat all the vicious sea snakes and save my friend." The Seahorse pleaded in desperation, swimming over to Link.

"Why sure!" Link exclaimed triumphantly. "I'll be ready any day to defeat those guys! Besides, how big could they be?"

**(Link threw himself into the pit, and slowly sank to the bottom. Now, as he past one of the large holes, a Sea Snake, which the scriptwriter compared to a sideways skyscraper, immediately catapulted towards our unsuspecting Zora. Link reflexively swam away due to the adrenaline rush this humongous thing gave him. This wouldn't have been such a problem if it didn't swim after him.)**

"OH BY THE WAY!!!" The Seahorse called down the hole. "SEA SNAKES ARE _**VERY**_ TERRITORIAL! THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE THEIR NESTS, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE BEING HELD!"

"…**_NOW__ YOU TELL ME!_**" Link yelled back at the Seahorse once he finally managed to swim away from the pursuing Sea Snake. However, because our hero is rather unlucky, he coincidently ran head first into another one, was promptly eaten, and without delay, spat out, "AND THEY'RE NOT MINE! I SWEAR!!!"

**(Since the scriptwriter, my sister, almost died because she didn't know how to defeat those bloody snakes, I shall tell you how, because I'm nice. I think. Anyways, Link must defeat all the Sea Snakes using his "Zora's Shield"—which we didn't know about—which can be activated by pressing R. Hover right below the Snake hole and when the Sea Snake lungs out at Link, Link must swim up, and use Zora's Shield with R, and hit the weak part in their neck. You must do this twice for each Sea Snake. Now, in reward, in the, now empty, holes there will be an egg, a treasure chest with Rupees in it or a jar which will provide Link with health/magic. You could technically break the Seahorse's promise by just getting the eggs and running, however, the scriptwriter and I are too nice to do that. Because, not only is this fanfic a story, but it's also a Game Guide. On that note, Link beat the final stupid Sea Snake and inside was neither, chest, egg, or pot, but another Seahorse. Thus the two Seahorses are reunited!)**

"Thank you, Link." The Seahorse smiled.

**(We shall now briefly focus on our hero: He was covered from head to toe in bruises, cuts and scrapes, all of which stung in the salt water. His right shoulder looked dislocated, and his left hand might have had a broken bone hidden in there somewhere. Heck, the way his ribs were bruised and how his left leg was morphed, Link looked like he could die at any second. And all of his countless injuries made him look considerably more undead than a Redead; like Mikau did near the beginning of this chapter. The extreme irony of this was that Link _was_ wearing Mikau's mask.)**

All the Seahorse said was: "This is a symbol of my deepest gratitude."

**(Link then received a Heart Piece, AKA Piece of a Heart. And thus, all of Link's injuries disappeared, like they were never even there to begin with. Link, about to thank the Seahorse, turned to see that he and the other Seahorse were kissing each other…repeatingly. For those of you who have not played the game, you will find this will give you an extremely odd mental image. But non-the less, they kiss, and thus Link got bored rather quickly and decided to swim away.)**

**

* * *

**

**(Link got lost in the maze trying to get_out _of Pinnacle Rock, and for some reason, this transported him to the beginning of the maze. He then headed to the Goatman Laboratory to drop off the last of the eggs. Link, climbing on top of the cage—er, I mean 'fish tank', then put all the eggs in the tank.)**

"FINALLY!" Link exclaimed, "All…the…eggs…are…back…together…!"

"Good. All of the eggs have been brought together." The Goatman said.

"I just said that," Link glared.

**(The Goatman looked at the tank and gasped in his ever so Goatman way.)**

"…It's going to start." The Goatman exclaimed.

"What's going to start?" Link paused.

"Quick! Come to the front of the aquarium!" The Goatman demanded obdurately.

**(So Link jumped off the fish tank and moved in front of the glass. There, he glanced upon all seven eggs, that had miraculously arranged themselves like the Seven Dragon Balls in Dragon Ball Z. But that's not important. The eggs, slowly becoming transparent, showed little silhouettes and soon revealed cute little aquatic creatures that resembled tadpoles, only with endearing little eyes, and the same blue colouring, AND THEY WERE THE CUTEST LITTLE THINGS YOU'VE EVER SEEN! DAWWWWW!_(And thus it was made blatantly obvious that this fanfiction writer was, indeed, female.)_ Ahem. Despite the fact that they had just emerged from the eggs a few seconds before, they began to swim upwards, towards Link and the Goatman. Then, they held their position with their present buoyancy and stuck they're tails up.)**

"L-look at this!" the Goatman stuttered, flailing his arms. "What does this mean…"

Link and Co. could only say one thing upon the sight in the glass: "The heck—?"

"What in the world could this mean?" the Goatman stuttered again, still flailing about.

**(From the eyes of the Goatman and Link, the Zora children arranged themselves into something the looked like a song. Their bodies positioned to look like musical notes and the stripes in the background filling in for bars.)**

"…I've got it! Don't you understand?" the Goatman exclaimed, turning to Link expectantly, which one should never do.

"Link _**is**_ a father!" Tatl gaped staring at the eggs in horror.

"…Okay, _**maybe**_ there is the slightest possibility that I could be." Link huffed, turning his head to the side. "However, it could have been one of the other members of the band!"

"Oh, come on, Link!" Navi snapped at the Zoran man. "Five band members, INCLUDING Lulu! That's not a lot to go by! Think about it! Evan has no visible eyeballs, and that other Zora was fat! And that other guy Japas, proclaimed that Lulu wasn't interesting in him! Mikau was the only reasonable answer!"

"Look Navi, I am _**NOT**_ the father of these children! I—" Link yelled yet again, glaring at Navi, before turning towards the glass.

**(Link peeked at the seven Zora hatchlings in the fish tank.)**

Link became speechless at this sight "I…"

**(The Zora children gazed at the glass, looking at Link, who, in turn, looked back.)**

"Awww…" Link cooed, completely captivated by these charming hatchlings. "They're so cute…"

**(Tatl and Navi stared.)**

"And look how talented they are!" Link exclaimed, looking at his children with pride. "They were just born a few seconds ago and already they've taken up a music! Just like daddy and mommy!"

"The way theses Zora children have lined up… It means…" the Goatman gasped in his Goatman fashion.

"I wonder what the tune they made sounds like…" Link cooed, taking out his Ocarina Guitar; he wanted to hear the music his newborn children created.

**(Link whipped out his Ocarina Guitar and followed the tune the Zora children were in _(they must have been very annoyed with their daddy since he took such a long time to cue onto this)_. And once Link recreated the tune, the Zora children sang along. Awwww!!! It's so cute! OwO! _(cough)_ Link learned New Wave Bossa—or whatever it's called.)**

"That! Yes, it's that instrument!" the Goatman exclaimed waving his arms around.

"Hmm…" Navi pondered. "If these Zoras were born to teach this song…"

"Then we must hurry!" Tatl concluded Navi's statement.

"You must play this song for the Zora who laid these eggs." The Goatman screamed at Link, flailing his arms around repeatedly.

**(But Link wasn't paying any attention to the Goatman.)**

"…and your name shall be Mi, and yours will be Fa…" Link trailed off, tracing his finger on the glass.

"LINK! We need to go back and play the song to Lulu!" Tatl hissed at Link.

"…Must we?" Link pleaded more than asked.

"Yes! Because don't you want Lulu to hear the lovely piece that your children created?" Navi asked.

"Okay!" Link exclaimed, waltzing merrily out the door, "She'll be so proud of them!"

**(And so, Link walked outside.)**

"Didn't you see?" Link asked Navi and Tatl.

"See what?" Navi humored Link; she figured it was the best way to deal with a proud father.

"They looked just like—" Link grinned widely, but then he stopped mid-stride. "Wait… THEY AREN'T MINE!"

**

* * *

**

(Link went to Zora Cape, which is just outside the Zora place with no name because of the stupid scriptwriter. Anyways, Lulu was there, looking out at the sea like before, but a big and spontaneous island with palm trees on it decided to ruin/block her view. Link, with no questions asked, decided to play the song he learned from his kids. When Link played the song, Lulu, who had _APPARENTLY_ lost her voice, began to sing along. With that, the island turned into a turtle. …_Duuuuddee_… There was a gigantic splash, and the Turtle faced Link. )

"Mm… Mm… Yeeeaaawn!" yawned the Turtle.

"What the heck?" Link asked.

Tatl's eyes widened, "It's a turtle!"

"I slept quite well!" the Turtle yawned.

"…Termina is so weird…" Navi sighed, putting her forehead in the palm of her hand.

"I just realized this when I opened my eyes. The passing of the days is quite quick." The Turtle grinned. "Isn't it, Lulu?"

**(Link, Navi, Tatl, and Lulu all jumped in surprise at the same time.)**

"Yes, Lulu. It's nothing to be surprised at." The Turtle smiled, paying no attention to the _other_ people who jumped. "Although my eyes were closed in sleep, I still see everything that occurs in this ocean…"

"What…the…heck…" Lulu paused.

"Dude. That is just _creepy_!!!" Link shivered imagining what this chapter would have been like if Link had _known_ that the turtle was watching him so obsessively.

"…Hmm. It seems Lulu is confused." The Turtle noted.

"You sounded just like the Random Owl right there…" Link told the Turtle.

"What is it with the Zelda games and making such strange animals?" Navi asked.

"Regrettably, there is no time for idle conversation." The Turtle sighed.

"I'd prefer you over the Random owl any day!" Link exclaimed, looking at the Turtle in awe, "You actually know when to shut up."

So would I, Link… So would I…

"Now then, proud Zora warrior…" the Turtle smiled at Link. "The open seas of Great Bay have need of your might. Quickly. Climb onto my back."

"Alrighty!" Link smirked, about to pull off his mask and use Hookshot on the palm trees.

"Mikau, what's going on?" Lulu asked Link, making him stop in mid-stride. "And my voice… What happened to me—?"

**(It was at that point that Link ran up to Lulu and gave her a big Zora hug.)**

"Mikau—?! What are you—?!" Lulu stuttered, giving the man she loved a strange look.

"Go see at the Laboratory, you'll understand." Link smiled, squeezing her tighter, for she was the first person he could trust with his exceedingly emotional emotions. "Also, I've got names for them already…"

"Then—!" Lulu started, releasing herself from the hug and looking Link in the eye.

**(There was a blinding flash of light and the next thing Lulu saw was a small boy wearing green, Hookshoting a tree on the back of the Turtle. For years to come, this would confuse her greatly.)**


	12. Chapter 9: Water Temple Tours Part 4

**(This just happened to be the way into the temple. As soon as Link got off the Turtle, he looked around the first room. There were several monsters lined up in a row towards a desk. Above the desk there was a sigh that said: "Water Temple Tours! Open to all that can swim.")**

"Step right up! Step right up!" the monster at the desk called out. "Come and see the temple today!"

"…Who in Termina would think of something like _**this?!**_" Tatl asked, looking around at the tour place in irritation.

Cough.

"Navi! Navi!" Link grinned, grabbing onto Navi's wing and tugging on it. "Can we go?"

"Um…" Navi looked at the Hylian kid.

"_Pweeeeaaasseeee_?" Link pleaded with puppy eyes.

"Okay, fine." Navi groaned. "We can go."

**(After about an hour of waiting in line, attempting to convince the clerk that they were nothing but****tourists—not heroes or anything similar too it, nope, not at all—****and getting suspicious glares from the other members of the tour group. The clerk came up.)**

"Alrighty! Who wants to go on a tour!?" smiled the clerk.

**(The various monsters in Link's tour group barked and snarled with enthusiasm. Link was among them.)**

"Alright then!" the monster clerk exclaimed. "It's time to meet your Tour Guide—LULU!"

**(Our group of heroes stood speechless as Lulu walked up in front of the crowd of monsters.)**

"Hello there!" she called out, holding her arm up, "At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to make it today! But I'm glad I did! Hope you all have a wonderful time here at the Water Temple Tours!"

**(Link and Co. stood, thunderstruck, as monsters whooped and cheered all around them.)**

"Now, we are going to do this Tour in Segments!" Lulu called out. "Please leave any food items behind in this room, for if you don't, they **will** get soggy. Also, if you are weakened against water, it _is_ recommended to not take this tour!"

**(A couple of flaming monsters left the room, muttering curses under their breath.)**

"Now, if any of you have any questions on this tour, please feel free to talk to me!" Lulu pointed to herself. "Besides that, hope you have a great time!"

**(The monsters cheered.)**

"What are you going to _do?!_" Navi turned to Link. "You can barely swim without the Zora mask, and Lulu is Mikau's should-be wife—!"

"I get the point!" Link interrupted Navi. "And don't worry, I'll figure it out…somehow…"

"Alrighty! Now, first we'll be heading into this door behind us here! Please try to keep up!" Lulu informed, pointing to the only door in the room.

**(It took a while for all to pass through the door since there were so many monsters in the tour group. When everyone got in the room, Link and his fairy friends saw a huge, thin walkway with a huge waterwheel in the center. Below the walkway was spinning water.)**

"Whoa! That's a _**huge**_ waterwheel!" Tatl's ONA screamed.

**(Link jumped out of his skin in surprise, accidentally pushing a few monsters into the water.)**

"Nice of you to notice!" Lulu smiled at Tatl, "Now this here waterwheel, folks, is a result of the doohickey in a room we'll see in a room up ahead!"

"Oh really?" Tatl asked.

"Yup! It was put here by our Sponsor, Gyorg!" Lulu told the entire group,"It was set up here to endlessly confuse any heroes who came stumbling into the Temple in any attempts to defeat him!"

"Oh snap." Link muttered.

"But don't worry, folks, he put up tons of safety precautions!" Lulu continued. "Now, in order to get to the next part of the tour, we need to do a bit of swimming!"

"Oh crap." Tatl glanced at Link, who in response gave her an anxious expression.

**(Lulu hopped in the water, and turned around to see the nervous monsters behind her.)**

"Come now, don't be shy!" Lulu waved and grinned enthusiastically.

**(One by one, each of the monsters hopped into the water. While some treaded on the spot, others were not as strong swimmers, and ended up circling around and around. Soon, the only ones still standing on the platform were Link, Navi, Tatl, and a flaming monster who kept glancing at the water nervously as his knees were shaking.)**

"Come on then! You too now!" Lulu encouraged with a radiant smile.

"…Bu-bu-but my weakness is w-wa-water…" was the monster's weak reply.

"Well, I'm sorry, sir, but it was recommended that monsters with water as their weakness not to take this tour." Lulu said.

"B-bu-but—" the monster started.

**(Lulu grabbed the hand of the flaming monster, and pulled him in; there was loud fizzing sound. As the corpse of the fire monster slowly sank lower, the carnivorous monsters eyed it hungrily.)**

Lulu's attention was now focused on Link, "Come on, we can't take all day!"

**(Link gulped as he looked at the swirling water's surface. There was no WAY that he would be able to get anywhere without the Zora's mask.)**

"It's not that deep!" Lulu smiled, "It just looks like it because the water's surface bends the original image!"

"…_Link_…" Navi gulped, looking nervously at the tour group.

"You can hold your breath until an air pocket, can't you, Link?" was Tatl's best attempt to motivate Link.

"Y-yeah…" Link stuttered as he gazed at the water's depths.

**(Before Lulu got a chance to, Navi pushed Link into the water. Link screamed out of shock from this sudden jolt and was driven under water. He resurfaced, gasping.)**

"There! That wasn't so bad, now was it!?" Lulu smiled at Link, giving that famous tour guide smile.

"I-I guess…" Link paused uncertainly, because the worst had still to come.

"Now then, folks, take a deep breath, and follow me!" Lulu instructed, glancing around at the monsters in front of her.

**(Lulu's splashed underneath the water. The monsters in the tour group took a deep breath and followed her, and eventually, so did Link. As Link held his breath, he saw other monsters, one after the other, let their breath go. As the other monsters panicked around as some swam to the surface, Link soon found that he couldn't hold his breath for much longer. As Link passed the corpse of a monster, Navi flew out of Link's hat and stared at the sinking body.)**

"You're K+ rating has just gone out the window." Navi stated, staring at said corpse.

…

Navi floated over to the lifeless body, "Like, look at this!! This will highly offend anyone who had someone almost drown—or actually drown—in real life! Heck, this chapter isn't K++! It's _T!_"

Link put his hands on his hips, "That _is_ dark—even for you!!"

**(Or at least, that was what Link ****_would _****have said, except he can't talk underwater. Bubbles streamed out from Link's mouth. Our hero looked around frantically, trying to spot Lulu among the crowd of swimming monsters, to see where her gaze lay. Navi had already floated off.)**

"You! Tour Guide Lady!" Navi called out to Lulu.

"Please, feel free to call me Miss Lulu!" Lulu smiled, waving her hand at Navi.

**(Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light behind the two swimming women. Followed abruptly by an exaggerated gasp.)**

"What kind of tour is this?! You're let monsters die!" Navi complained, turning an infuriated red colour.

"Well, I'm sorry Ma'am, if you were brought on this tour, you did sign beforehand that you did not mind dying while taking this tour." Lulu stated, pulling out a plastic covered copy of the sheet of paper Link and Co. had mindlessly filled out before joining the tour group.

"But what kind of tour would blatantly jeopardize the safety of their customers?!" Navi yelled into Lulu's ear.

"Well, all you monsters _are _pretty much expendable." Lulu pointed out, "I'm an NPC, after all, not an enemy to defeat to make some hero stronger."

"But then how do you keep getting so many CUSTOMERS?!" Navi demanded.

Lulu crossed her arms, "Well, if you die on the tour, you can't really come back and complain, now can you?"

**(Navi could only stare at the Zora woman. It was official: Lulu was the worst Tour Guide ****EVAH****. On that note, a Zora who had a green pointed head swam up to them.)**

"Mikau!" Lulu gasped, "What are you doing here?! I thought I told you that my shift at this time!"

"What am _I_ doing here?! What are _you_ doing here?!" Link turned the question around, "I thought I told _you_ to head to the Laboratory!"

It took Lulu a moment to reply; "After calling in sick for so long, I thought I should get back to work as soon as possible."

Link deduced that all women were insane, "After all that time it took me to recover all the eggs, you don't even want to _see_ them?!"

"Mikau, I never said that!" Lulu snapped back at Link.

"Awww…" Navi cooed, "They're like a married couple…Isn't that right, Tatl?"

**(Navi spun around to look at her fellow partner, only find that she wasn't there. Navi decided to look around for her, in case her ONA took control of her and sent her whizzing off to tell someone something that was already blatantly obvious. Navi looked all around: she looked in Link's head—which made Lulu give Link a ****_very_**** strange stare; she looked around monster corpses; she looked ahead, but to no avail. Tatl was nowhere in sight.)**

"Link—" Navi started, "—er, Mikau, where's Tatl?"

**

* * *

**

**(Meanwhile, Tatl had flown off into another room—farther into the temple than the rest of the tour group. Tatl was in a room with a large water wheel when her ONA reacted to it.)**

"Hmmm…I get it…" Tatl muttered to herself, "That huge waterwheel is powering this thing…."

**

* * *

**

(However, since Tatl is not the main character of Totally Whacked, despite all the traits she has of most heroes, we will continue to focus on Link, who was

_**still**_** bickering with Lulu. In spite of all the arguing, Lulu finally had reached the next room of the tour.)**

"Look Lulu, you're a nice gal and everything," Link said, "but seriously, couldn't you have kept a better eye on your eggs?"

"Kept a better eye on my eggs?!" Lulu huffed, "When pirates sneak into your room in the middle of the night, without any warning whatsoever, how do you suggest I 'keep a better eye on my eggs'?!"

"I dunno!" Link lifted his arms in exasperation. "Maybe learn martial arts or something!"

"_Martial arts?!_" Lulu shrieked. "I'm a _mother_ for crying out loud! What kind of influence would I be if I sang AND beat up other Terminins?!?"

Link smirked, "I would have loved a mother like that."

"MIKAU!!!" Lulu yelled, "THEY'RE _MY_ EGGS!!!!"

**(The monsters glanced at each other awkwardly.)**

"WELL, IT WAS A WASTE OF _MY_ TIME!" Link yelled back at the female singer/tour guide.

Lulu turned her back on Mikau, "Oh, I'm _sorry_ if you feel fathering those children was a 'waste of your time'!"

**(Lulu rounded on Mikau once again. But when she turned around, a boy wearing green stood there instead. For some reason he was glaring at her.)**

"Erm." Lulu blushed and cleared her throat, "Well, in this room we have—"

**

* * *

**

**(By this time, Tatl had enough time to complete and defeat the boss. However, instead of being this convenient for our heroes, she wore the Great Fairy Mask and collected the scattered Swirlies. When she collected them all, she found the other Swirlies, and proceeded to put the Great Slut back together.)**

"Oh, courageous young one! I am the Great Fairy of Purple-Blue! Thank you for returning my broken and shattered body to normal." The Great Slut cackled.

"No problem, Great fairy!" Tatl smiled.

"As thanks, I shall lend you my strength." The Great Slut smiled suggestively, which Tatl somehow ignored.

**(And with that, the Great Slut bestowed Tatl her power. x.x)**

"Come see me whenever you are overcome by weariness." The Great Slut told Tatl.

"Sure thing!!!" Tatl smiled as she waved goodbye to the Great slut.

**(With that, the Great Slut disappeared. FINALLY. Cough. Anywho…)**

**

* * *

**

(We shall now focus on our ever so 'charming' tour group. Lulu had guided them halfway through the temple; however, their progress was much slower than it would have been if Link had not come along, on this tour, or with this tour group. Now, for those of you who have gone through the temple, you will know that in order to complete it, you have to switch back and forth from Hylian form to Zoran form; which is what Link did. So, whenever Lulu led them to a part of the area where the group had to do large amounts of swimming, Link waited until she was distracted, and transformed into Mikau, so he could follow along with the group, without drowning. This would have been fine—maybe a little confusing to the other monsters—if Lulu knew when to drop a subject. The bickering would start again, and the ones that suffered the most were the monsters in Link's tour group. While waiting for their tour guide to lead them onwards, many of the monsters discovered they had small lungs. The tour group slowly shrunk.)

"If you didn't want the kids to be taken," Link flung his arms out, "then you should have locked the door!!"

Lulu gave her mate a cold glare, "Then why do you think I asked Evan to put guards in front of my door?!"

"In front of **_your_** door?! He put one outside EVERYONE'S door!!!" Link exclaimed, lifting his arms in exasperation.

"He said it would make it look less suspicious!" Lulu huffed. "If there was just one in front of my door than it would have one too many implications!"

"Well people wouldn't have those implications if you locked your door!!" Link shouted.

Lulu glared defiantly, "You're right. If I _had_ a locked door, then you couldn't of stumbled in drunk on milk, and then we wouldn't be in this entire problem in the first place."

**(Link turned pale, an uncomfortable expression on his face. Mikau's blue skin turned blotchy under the transformation. Navi took advantage of Link's speechlessness to stop playing Tales of Symphonia and fly out of his head.)**

"Say…" Navi addressed the intercom, "Why is there so much arguing in this chapter?"

Most of the comical ideas I have for this chapter cannot be done unless it's in an argument.

Navi cocked her head, "What do you mean by that?"

Well, you can't really say to Link 'Face it Link! You lost your virginity as soon as you put on that mask' without being in an argument.

"But can't you come up with gags that don't need arguments?" Navi asked, shrugging her shoulders.

I can, but then it would get repetitive. For example…

"Wait," Lulu paused, turning in the general direction of the ceiling. "Did the roof just—"

"GAH!!!" Navi growled, "STUPID RUNNING GAGS!!"

"Hey, hey! Don't try and change the subject!" Link snarled at Lulu, "Either way, you let those pirates steal your eggs because of your faulty security! That fact that I got into your room to start with just proves it!"

Lulu stared Link down, "A locked door wouldn't have made a difference anyways, Mikau! They came through the roof!"

"What was I just saying about faulty security?" Link slapped his forehead with his palm, "Why do you even _have_ a _hole_ in your ceiling anyway?"

"It's to let the Deku Scrub Salesman in!" Lulu snapped.

"Why is he even _in _there to begin with?" Link groaned.

"He doesn't have anywhere else to go!" Lulu said passionately, "Do you know how hard it is being an entrepreneur?"

"So you put him up in your _room_?" Link asked, aghast, "Wait, was he there when we—?"

"Look Mikau, every way you look at it, the whole ordeal with the eggs was all your fault!" Lulu interrupted.

Link stared, "He _was_ there, wasn't he?"

**(That was the final straw. Link swam off, leaving the tour group behind. A lobster-red Lulu attempted to act as if everything was normal. The monsters in the tour group had been careful to look like they weren't listening. Link, on the other hand, continued through the dungeon with Navi, going through rooms that were more dangerous than the ones Lulu had been showing them…which was hard to do…)**

**

* * *

**

**(After going through many rooms with confusing mechanics and horrible layouts, Link, who was in Hylian form at this time, and Navi finally met up with Tatl in a room where there was a frog, and a gigantic clump of gelatin. Tatl was beaten and bruised, and only had 1 fairy heart left, so the audience could safely assume that she had been battling the frog for quite some time, but to no avail.)**

"Hey! Look!" Link pointed enthusiastically at Tatl. "Navi, it's Tatl!!"

Navi paused "…And _you_ complain when _I_ use those words…"

"Which words?" Link cocked his head.

"Never mind." Navi groaned.

"HEY TATL!!!" Link called out to Tatl, who was floating in the middle of the room.

"LINK! STAY BACK!!!" Tatl replied, but got thrown back by the frog.

**(Tatl flew through the air, and hit the back wall with a loud splat. ****_(She was covered in gelatin.)_**** Navi gasped and flew over to her side. The frog diverted his attention to our green-clad hero.)**

"Tatl! Are you okay?!" Navi asked.

Tatl paused, "…Why do _you_ care?!"

Before Navi could come up with a good retort, Link exclaimed, "AAWW!!"

"Oh no!" Tatl gaped. "Link! No! Don't get—"

"That thing won't last five minutes." Navi stated.

**"**It's soooooo cute! I'm going to name it Sediohejigat!" Link exclaimed, running straight for the frog in the gelatinous mass, and getting half of his body implanted in the goop. "Don't you think that it's a lovely name?**"**

**"**Uhhh… Link?" Tatl raised the eyebrows of her half-lidded eyes, "I think you're supposed to—**"**

"Shh!" shushed Navi.

**(The frog—now named** **Sediohejigat****—lost interest in Link and sent a puddle of his gloop flying at Navi. Navi, foresaw something like this happening, so she simply dodged. Tatl just stared.)**

"What the—" Tatl started.

No! No one's in the mood!

"…Heck?" Tatl finished.

**(The frog regained his interest in Link. Link was ready to give ****Sediohejigat a big, warm hug. Sediohejigat lunged himself at Link, with the gelatin following close behind him. But before Sediohejigat could deliver the final blow, he stabbed himself on Link's sword hilt and promptly died.****)**

"NOOOOO!!" Link fell to his knees in despair. "Why does this _always happen?!?!_"

Tatl turned to Navi, "How did you know that would happen?"

"Link has terrible luck with pets," was Navi's swift response.

"It was too old to die!!" Link cried out in agony.

**(He had learned by now that saying that it was 'too young' would prompt Navi to correct him. Navi always knew how many rubber chickens it had gnawed on during its lifetime.)**

"Actually," Tatl pondered, "judging by its breath, I'd say it was at most 32—"

"Oh be quiet." Link grumbled.

**(He walked over to Tatl and stuffed her in his hat, which effectively shut her up.)**

Navi smirked, "Now you know what it's like whenever you're always right about whether people are dead or not—" but before Navi could finish, Link stuffed her in his hat, too.

**(Leaving behind the remains of ****Sediohejigat—who instead of dying, turned into a regular frog and was hopping mindlessly around the room—Link stormed out, depressed from the demise of the still living Sediohejigat, and irritated from the fairies in his hat.****)**

**

* * *

(Link continued through the temple, which meant more confusing mechanics and horrible layouts. After a painful amount of temple crashing via Link, he finally got to the final room before the boss. There he saw Lulu facing the boss room, and obstructing his path. Link had made sure that he was in Hylian form, walked up to his ever so bothersome tour guide. He tapped her on the shoulder; she jumped.)**

"Oh! Hello!" Lulu chuckled, "I, uhhh, didn't expect to see you here! Heh heh heh…"

"Me neither." Link answered, "What happened to the other monsters?"

"Oh, them?" Lulu asked as she waved her hand once at Link. "I'm usually the only one still alive by this point."

"…Wait…" Navi paused, as she flew out of Link's hat, leaving the healing Tatl to play Tales of Symphonia without her. "You mean that…"

Lulu decided to finish Navi's statement, "Yup! You are the first ones to completely make it through the tour alive!" Lulu quickly added a "Congratulations!"

**(Lulu really was the worst tour guide ever.)**

"Anyways, have you see another Zora around here?" Lulu gulped, turning her head from side to side worriedly. "He swam off a while ago."

Link gave an irritable sigh, "And why do _you_ care?"

"Well…" Lulu trailed off, avoiding Link's gaze. "He just runs off sometimes, and does so many irrational things…that…"

"Go back to the…" Link paused, "…Zora place, and he will be there."

"But…" Lulu murmured.

"Trust me." Link put his hand on Lulu's shoulder—as best as he could, that is, being so short.

**(After a while, Lulu decided to go and wait for Mikau at the…I really wish I knew the name of that Zora place, and she swam off. After Lulu was safely out of sight, Link put on his Zora mask and hopped into an artificial geyser and run into the boss's room.)**

**

* * *

(Link, after many frustrating hours of trying to kill the stupid boss—Gyorg, who WOULD NOT DIE—finally defeated that idiotic fish, got the heart container, walked into the blue light, got the mask and ended up into the weird other dimension.)**

"Hey, listen." Tatl exclaimed, flying out of Link's hat speaking to the shadowed figure beyond. "We—"

"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Navi yelled, "Why is it that _everyone else_ can use that set of words **without** having fandom hating them for all eternity?!"

**(There was an awkward pause…)**

"Anyways…" Tatl went on, "We want you to lend us your power! If you just leave things as they are, something terrible will happen to this world! Surely, you're the only ones who can stop it! That's what Tael was trying to tell us!"

**(The shadowed figure spoke. Tatl turned to Navi.)**

"Go on Grandma." Tatl huffed. "Translate!"

"No." Navi said.

"Oh come on Grandma, don't be a pain!" Tatl sighed.

Navi groaned, "You two have no idea how lucky you are…Ahem. 'Help our friend.' So! There! Happy?!"

"I get it. We have to help the last one!" Tatl exclaimed, "Then promise us this… You'll cooperate with us…"

"…Who'd want to cooperate with you?" Navi grumbled.

**(Tatl glared as our heroes were warped out of the mystical land of doom.)**

**

* * *

**

(They were warped out of the temple and were conveniently placed in front of the large turtle, who spoke to them because he seriously had nothing better to do.)

"Now I can continue resting in peace. I, too, must abide the laws of ancient times and again merely watch from my deep slumber." The turtle yawned.

"Okay, you know what?" Link interrupted, "You are a total creep, you know that?"

"But the evil that haunts this land has not completely vanished," the turtle glared pointedly at Link, "Link."

**(It was official. That turtle was giving Link the heebie-jeebies.)**

"I shall depart after enjoying Lulu's voice a bit longer. I think the gods can permit that," it wasn't turtle's grin that sent shivers down Link's spin, but rather the "Hyeh, hyeh, hyeh," afterwards.

**(The turtle turned sideways and seemed to ignore Link. However, the turtle kept watching him out of the corner of his eye. Link trembled.)**

"Link…" Navi paused, "Let's just try and ignore him for now."

"Yeah!" Tatl piped up.

"Methinks I would like to go back in time now…" Link whimpered as he pulled out the Ocarina of Time.

"Oh no you don't!" Navi nagged as she swooped down and grabbed Link's Ocarina.

"Hey!" Link exclaimed, jumping up and down, "Give that back!"

What is with this chapter and Deja vus?

"Pardon?" Tatl asked, turning to the ceiling.

Never mind.

"Link," Navi looked Link in the eye, "you promised Lulu that Mikau would be in that place…thingamajig…"

"Yeah, I know." Link crossed his arms. "But it's not like she'll remember if I go back in time."

Navi glared at the boy, "Link, just because you can go back in time doesn't mean you can break your promises."

"But it'll save the authoress a quarter of a page of script to alter!" Link complained, opening his arms in frustration.

**(Navi glared at the intercom.)**

…What? You guys realize that all you guys are, think, know, and say are in my control, right?

Navi threw the Ocarina at the intercom, and as the blue instrument ricocheted off the ceiling Navi yelled, "Don't be lazy!"

**(With the forking of the authoress, and the begrudging Link, the team walked into the Zora place.)**

**

* * *

**

**(Link transformed into Zora form. So, 'Mikau' walked up to Lulu and the band, who were all up on sea shell stage.)**

"Mikau! You came back safely!" Lulu exclaimed happily, rushing over to him and giving him a BIG Zora hug. "That's good…"

"Erm… Okay?" Link paused; he decided not to mention the arguing.

"I was surprised when my voice turned that lonely island into a turtle…" Lulu let go of Link.

"…Trust me," Link glanced briefly towards the hole in the wall he had just come from, "you haven't see the worst of it…"

"But that song you played for me…" Lulu smiled as she closed her eyes. "My mother used to sing it often…long ago… Those eggs were laid to remind me of that."

"…How'd you come to _**that**_ conclusion?!" Navi and Tatl yelled through Link's ears, making it look like he said that.

"That song was from when I was a very young child, so I had forgotten it…" Lulu said, "I've put you through some horrible experiences, Mikau. But I'm all better now!"

"Whoa." Tatl paused, looking at this scene. "Abrupt topic change."

"Well, the town's concert is very soon." Lulu exclaimed, walking back to her position before Link had come into her field of vision, "Let's start our rehearsal!"

"…What topic was she trying to _avoid?_" Link wondered to himself.

**(Link got into position—trying to act like he knew what he was doing—, Navi flew out of Link's head and threw the Ocarina into his hands, which turned into the Ocarina Guitar.)**

"One… two… three…." The fat Zora counted.

**(Then, the Indigo-goes played the jazzy tune that Japas and Link would have played in their Jam Session if the scriptwriter hadn't ignored this. Lulu sang, Link played his Ocarina Guitar, Japas played his fishbone guitar, and Evan played some notes on the piano in front of him. All the Zoras in the…place were dancing along to the beat. Lulu's stalker was recording the jam session with his picto-phone, hours later, the jam session would be found on Youtube, and if Link hadn't later gone back in time, a messy law suit would have followed.)**

**"**I guess being able to sing is a wonderful thing, after all…" Lulu pondered as the band cleaned up after rehearsal.

_BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!_

**(Everyone in the Zora place jumped and looked at the ceiling.)**

There was a unified: "Wait, did the roof just—"

"What was THAT?!?!?!" Link interrupted.

After two years of long writer's block, annoyingly long amounts of text, billions of technical problems, but mostly procrastination, I HAVE _FINALLY_ FINISHED CONVERTING THE FIVE PAGES OF SCRIPT INTO _**NARRATED FORMAT!!!!**_ _BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!_

**(Link decided that this was a good time to warp back in time.)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter 9!

Link: …

Cherry-sama: What's with him?

Navi: I think he's fainted due the overly large amount of text…

Cherry-sama: …

Tatl: That was REALLY long!

Cherry-sama: I had a lot of material to cover. Such as controlling Link's brain, the whole Zora egg thing. Then there's the Pirate's Fortress…and…

Navi: WE GET IT ALREADY!!

Tatl: How come Lulu said something about Mikau being drunk off milk?

Cherry-sama: Eh, it made Ingo drunk.

Tatl: But--!

Cherry-sama: Hey, milk makes fish drunk. I have decided it, so it shall be.

Tatl: ..._Okay_...

Navi: So, when's the next chapter coming up?

Cherry-sama: I'll try and get it done as soon as I can, however, I put everything on deviantart on hiatus while working on this chapter, so I'll most likely work on that, before working on the next chapter.

Link: In other words, you felt guilty about this chapter, not being finished and all, and now that you're finished you'll put off working on this fanfic.

Cherry-sama: o.o! When did you wake up?!

Link: _Siiigghhh…_ Please review.


	13. Chapter 10: Pamela's Father is Observant

**Chapter 10! (When you get a virus on your digital art computer, you tend to have more time for fanfics. -.-)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda, Majora's Mask, cloning, saw horses, N64 controller buttons, stitches, HailNekoYasha's idea of Navi's power in her comic on Deviantart called "Navi does Stuff", Ninja, Katana, Kunai, tag, mechanical pencils, Art Thieves, bodies in closets, scalpels, dolls/shells, tattoos, Styrofoam, mines, Others, or anything else I've missing after re-reading the chapter. But I do own D-E-D! n.n**

**_

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_**

Cherry-sama: Hello there, readers! Welcome back to Totally Whacked!

Tatl: Wait, we have another chapter out of you already?

Cherry-sama: Yeah, well I got a virus on my artistic computer, but it's all fixed now! n.n

Navi: ...But that was a long time ago, so that means your readers still had to wait a long time to get this chapter.

Cherry-sama: Quiet you! Do you know how much trouble has given me while trying to edit this chapter?!

Link:_ (looks over script) _So… What happens to me this chapter? Or are you going to answer what happened to me last chapter yet?

Cherry-sama: Well, it's not so much what happens to you, as it is what happens to Navi!

Navi: O.O I'm afraid…

Link: Now this'll be interesting! Please read!

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**

**_What would happen if Pamela's father noticed Navi?  
_**___Wonder no more! …Yeah, now that's…not a very interesting sounding question…now is it…? Whatever! Find out! Even if you don't want to!_

**

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**

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link had gone back in time under the awkward circumstance that the narrator had left behind. This is why you never trust a narrator. Anywho, as he walked out of the Clock Tower, he still wore his Zora mask. He decided to take it off, and become his bulky Goron form. Tatl zipped out of his hat and had her first ONA in a long time.) **

"The quickest way to the canyon is through the East Gate!" Tatl hummed.

**(Unfortunately for Tatl, Navi's APT kicked in, and forced the poor boy to go to the bomb shop to get a Bomb Keg. Navi insisted on carrying the keg. As Link rolled towards Milk Road, he almost hit a Deku Scrub, and subsequently rolled into the mailbox by the South Clocktower Exit. When Link regained consciousness, he lay on top of the splintered remains of said mailbox. He shook his head a couple times, and when he looked up, he saw a small purple haired kid clutching a small letter. Link had the impression that the kid was glaring at him, even though he was wearing a Keaton mask.)**

"…Postage these days…" the kid muttered. He headed toward the other mailbox behind the Clocktower.

**(Link watched at the strangely matured boy leave. Tatl whizzed out of Link's hat.)**

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!?!" Tatl screamed at Link. "You CRUSHED the GAMECUBE!!!"

Navi gaped, "Oh, he didn't."

**(She whipped inside to evaluate the damage.)**

"Great!" Tatl huffed, crossing her arms. "Now we have to wait three days until it's fixed!!!"

"Owww," Goron Link groaned, lifting up his limbs in an attempt to find the source of the crash, "what happened back there?"

**(After cross-examined all of his limbs, Link found a banana peel stuck on the bottom of his foot. With his stony fingers, he pinched the stem of it with his Goron index finger and thumb.)**

"Where did _this _come from?" Link asked.

**(He flicked the banana peel into the splintered mess. Navi flew outside.)**

"Well, I did see that puny little Deku Scrub earlier," Navi looked at Link, who in turn raised his eyebrow, "the one you almost crashed into?"

"Oh yeah…" Link smiled after scratching his head. "Maybe he—?"

Tatl bobbed up and down, "That shrimp had a lot of nerve! It's because of him that you crushed the Gamecube! Not to mention the rest of Navi's house!"

"Now, as for the damage fees…" Navi said.

**(She turned to Link, pulling out Tatl's autograph book, which she had obviously scribbled notes onto.)**

**_

* * *

_**

**(After a large amount of arguing, Link rolled to Milk Road. While Navi was amusing herself by blowing up the large rock with the Bomb Keg, Link wandered to an alternate path. Because explosions are not at all interesting to fourteen year old boys…. Ahem. Link, in his Hylian form, saw Ingo. And to Ingo's left, was Ingo. There were two Ingos. And both wore suspenders. Link tried to ignore the disturbing idea of illegal cloning coupled with the horrible fashion statement of suspenders.)**

Tatl recognized these two immediately from chapter 8; "Oh, this is awkward."

"Is that pathetic thing your horse?" the first Ingo clone asked. He pointed at something behind Link.

**(Link turned to see what the Ingo clone was pointing at. There stood three horses, two of them were sawhorses, and the last one was Epona.)**

Link paused, "You mean that one?" Link pointed to the first sawhorse.

"No!_ THAT_ one!" Ingo One exclaimed, pointing at Epona.

"_Ooooohhhhhh…_" Link said. "Okay, gotcha."

Tatl peeked out from Link's hat, "Wait, was Epona always standing there?"

"I would have guess that little thing was a mule fer sure, ain't that right, little brother?" Ingo One turned to the other.

"Do ya think a horse that pathetic would gallop if you pushed the control stick forwards?" Ingo Two jeered, "Or would it run faster if you pressed A?"

"What on HYRULE are you talking about?" Link exclaimed, "What is this 'control stick' I push forwards, and 'A' thing I'm supposed to press?"

"Link…" Tatl glanced at Link. The Ingo clones gave him odd glances.

Link kicked the dirt with his leather boot, "Next thing you know, you two'll go deaf and start telling me about some _other _button called 'R'! Or let me guess: the 'Yellow Up Command Button'! I've heard _that _one before!"

Ingo Two turned to One, "This guy's funny! Why don't we force him to give us 10 rupees for the chance to race against us?"

"Sure!" Ingo One replied.

"See! You're even trying to wriggle what little cash I have on me into your pockets! YOU REALLY ARE INGO'S CLONES!" Link stuck a pose, pointing his finger at Ingo Two's nose.

**(Tatl face palmed.)**

"If you win, we'll give you somethin' nice, kid." Ingo Two said, unperturbed by the finger under his nose.

Link put his hands behind his head, "Sure."

Tatl swiveled about, "Wait, _what_—?!"

"It's a simple race." Ingo One explained, "Just go once around the track. If you can beat us to the finish line, you win."

"Link!" Tatl exclaimed, "What are you doing—"

**(She tried to fly up in front of Link's face, but he only swatted her away.)**

"Hyuh, hyuh." Ingo Two chuckled, "You—"

"AUUGGGHHH!!!" Link bellowed. "What is it with Termina and all their cheesy ways of laughing?"

"…You ready?" Ingo Two asked, while staring at Link strangely.

**(With that, LINK PWNED THEIR SOULS!!!)**

"I can't believe we lost!" Ingo One lamented.

"Erm…" Link stared at the previous bolded section. "Was that something the scriptwriter _actually_ wrote down?"

"Big bro, I wonder if we can give that to this guy?" Ingo Two asked uncertainly.

…Yeah… When my sister gave me the script, she thinks that it was Soshi-no-Kokoro wrote it this round… It's a little _weird_ at times… o.o

"We gotta give him something." Ingo One muttered, "Well, he's a kid, so what could he do with it? It should be fine…"

"HEY!" Tatl yelled, "I thought you only came during Water Temple Chapters!!!"

**(There was a loud—and obviously fake—'poof' sound over the intercom. Link was stared at the intercom with disbelief, and then acked as the Ingo clones abruptly shoved something into his hands. DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUHHHHHHHH! Link got the Garo's Mask! Complete with epic ninja cloak!)**

"In exchange," Ingo One growled, "you can't tell anyone where you got this!"

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link and Tatl met up with Navi, who could be seen cackling loudly over a pile of rubble. They turned around and hid around the corner until the maniacal laughter stopped. They briefed Navi on how they had pwned the Ingo clones' souls. Afterwards, Link wandered aimlessly around Termina. He wound up in a graveyard—the scriptwriter neglected to specify the location of said Grave Yard. Dampé could be seen stomping up the path. Further up, there was a large Skeleton, which looked asleep…or dead. Our Heroes made their way over to said skeleton. Link poked its nostril with a stick. Navi paused to read a gravestone beside it; Tatl hovered over her shoulder.)**

"Huh." Tatl said.

"That's interesting." Navi remarked.

"What?" Link asked.

"What it says on the stone." Navi replied.

"Remember? I _can't read!_" Link said.

Tatl turned to Link, "Yes you can! You were read Lulu's Diary perfectly last loop!"

"Just because Mikau can read Zoran, doesn't mean I can read, period!" Link exclaimed, flinging his arms out in exasperation.

"Oh alright then." Navi sighed, "'Ye who awaken me, battle me. Then shall I extinguish the furious flame.'"

"Huh." Link remarked. "That's interesting."

"WE _JUST _SAID THAT!"both fairies yelled.

"That still doesn't mean that it's not interesting." Link said.

**(Both of the fairies face-palmed.)**

Navi sighed. "Just wake him up already…"

"But he's _DEAD!_" Link exclaimed, gesturing toward the giant Skeleton. "D-E-D! DEAD!"

"Link!!" Tatl sighed, "Dead is not spelled D-E-D!"

"For someone who can't read, you are certainly _close_ to spelling dead." Navi pointed out.

"Whatever!" Link exclaimed, "It's dead, it's gone, it's rotting, and it **cannot** be awakened!"

**(Link turned to point at the skeleton but tripped over his own feet. He caught himself on the giant skull, hanging onto the edge of the eye socket. It was then that Link noticed a red glow starting to form there.)**

"Oy! Quit leaning on my face!"

**(The red eyes blinked. Link blinked back.)**

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Link fell over backwards.

The eyes glared at him, "If you think of my cheekbone as a support for you living creatures, then I—"

Navi gulped. "…It's……_**alive**_…"

Tatl was unperturbed, "No, it's certainly dead alright."

**(The Skeleton got up, turned a swift 180, and started irritably stomping his way up a pathway behind where it had been lying.)**

"Look, we're sorry about Link leaning on your face and all!" Tatl called after it.

"Wait, no I'm not!" Link said.

"He didn't mean too!" Navi added.

"No, I am not!" Link lifted up his arms and accidentally grabbed his sword hilt.

**(When Link put his hands behind his head, his woven grass bracelet caught the hilt of his sword. When he flung his hands forwards in a defiant way, the bracelet unsheathed his sword, whipping it towards the unsuspecting skeleton. The sword struck the back of the skeleton's head, making a sound like a tuning fork, lodging itself into the bone.)**

"Wait! It is my loss! Sheathe your weapon…" The skeleton cowered.

"Erm…" Link stared at his wrist, "Where did this come from?"

"Eh heh, heh," Tatl blushed at looked away, "I made it for you, and wove it on when you weren't looking."

"Wait, what?" Link stared.

"Okay, okay! I have this dream of selling bracelets, okay? I'm sorry that I have a girly side!" Tatl turned slightly pink, "I call them Deus ex Bracelet."

**(Link and Navi stared.)**

"I said sheathe your weapon!" the skeleton exclaimed, "Don't ignore me just because I'm dead!"

Link looked at the skeleton, and then at his sword lodged in its head five meters above the ground. "_How?_"

Plucking the sword out of his head, the Skeleton called: "Here!"

**(The Skeleton flung the sword back at Link, and it landed on his foot.)**

"…_Owwwwwww_…" Link whimpered.

"You're such a sissy," Navi said, and dislodged the sword. Link yelped.

"Oh come on, don't be a wimp!" Tatl indicated to the top of the screen, "See, you only lost a heart and a half!"

**(Link tended to his bleeding toe. The Skeleton came and sat down in front of a large treasure chest.)**

"I commanded the Ikana Army of Ikana Kingdom atop the hill." The Skeleton said, "I am called Skull Keeta."

"Navi, do you think it'll get infected?" Link whimpered, cradling his foot with his hands.

"Knowing your luck," Navi said, "probably."

"Link, I don't see why you're so worried about it," Tatl said, "After all, you have taken more serious hits than this."

"Since being shamed by loss in a battle within my kingdom…" Skull Keeta continued, "I have waited here for one to come and awaken my soul."

Link turned to Tatl; he had tears in his eyes, "But all of those wounds were arbitrarily unmentioned, and unspecified…"

"What difference does that make?" Navi asked.

"Young swordsman who has awakened and deftly defeated me…." Skull Keeta went on, "I shall rely on your power to fulfill my request."

"With wounds like that, you can heal them with a heart or Lon Lon Milk…" Link said nervously, "But with specific wounds, you have to see a doctor…"

Skull Keeta raised his voice, "I ask you to take my soul, which rests in the fiercely burning flame… And convey my words to my men, who, even in death, remain loyal to me."

"Oh please, Link," Tatl said, "All they'll do is give you an anesthetic, put in a stitch or two, and then you'll heal up all nicely!"

"Tell them the war has ended…" Skull Keeta started waving his arms as he spoke, "Then I shall be able to drift quietly into sleep…"

"…No they won't…" Link shuddered; he curled into fetal position, and started rocking back and forth.

**(Skull Keeta faced Link and saluted him. Link and the fairies continued their conversation.)**

"Captain, SIR! May I take leave? SIR!" Skull Keeta shouted as loudly as his undead lungs could.

"Meh, you've been monologuing long enough." Navi sighed.

"Yes, sir!" Skull Keeta exclaimed.

**(Before Navi could tell Keeta off on mistaking her gender, Skull Keeta had 'splodey vanish.)**

"_'splodey'?_" Navi asked as she turned to the intercom.

Different scriptwriter, remember?

"No." Navi answered earnestly.

"Hey!" Tatl yelled at the intercom. "Go back to narrating!"

Before the authoress could strike down Tatl with lightening, Link spoke up: "Hey, aren't we supposed to get that treasure over there?"

Tatl gazed at the treasure, "Yeah, I guess we are."

Navi glanced at Link's foot, "Well, if you didn't have that gash in your foot, I would suggest that you hop across and get it…"

Link unsheathed his sword, "And to think," Link let out another sniff, "to be betrayed by my _favorite drawing subject!_"

Navi sighed, "Well, I guess desperate—or perhaps wimpy—times call for desperate measures."

**(Navi flew over to Link's foot and flew around it a couple times. A magical fairy sound was heard.)**

"Hey…" Link moved his foot around, "It feels better now!"

"Oh please, you think I fooled around all the time in high school first aid class?" Navi asked.

Tatl flew up to the top of the screen, "Well, that did bring him up half a heart."

Link suddenly glared at Navi, "I never knew you could do that!"

Navi flew beside Tatl, "Well, usually this happens."

**(Navi slapped her hand on Tatl's shoulder and a blue shock of electricity pulsed out, engulfing her roommate, who promptly fell to the ground, twitching.)**

"Oh." Link paused.

**(Link, with his roughly healed toe wound, hopped across and—DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Captain's hat! Now Link can pretend to be dead! D-E-D!)**

"Cool." Link placed the Captain's hat on his head.

Tatl pointed her finger at Link, "Oh no! Don't you start _that _again!"

**(Link hopped off the ledge in which he was standing, accidentally opening his wound. Navi tried to heal Link's wound again, but ended up shocking him a couple times before it actually worked. While this was happening, Link looked up to see Dampé gaping at him. Link self-consciously straightened the Captain's Hat on his head.)**

"…_What_?" Link asked.

"Aaaaieeee!" Dampé screamed, "Th-they're out! Why are they out when it's not even night?"

**(Dampe ran around spazztically, and rushed into his house.)**

"Dude." Link paused. "_What…the…heck?_"

Navi indicated towards the Captain's Hat, "I think he reacted to this…"

"That guy is strange…" Tatl said.

**(Fun Fact: Dampé runs faster than Link with Bunny Hood. …Aiya...)**

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link wandered aimlessly until he found himself in the main junction of Ikana. This is also where the scriptwriter hints that the graveyard is part of Ikana. Which would have been more helpful earlier on. But that was then and this is now. A guy in an emo cloak stopped Link. He was perched on the cliff.)**

"Yee-hee-hee," he tittered.

"Again!" Link declared, "What is _with_ all the weird laughs?"

The cloaked man paused, "What are you doing in a place like this? Ikana Hill beyond here is the place where spirits with troubles and lingering regrets wander. Even now, the spirits wander in search of one who can save them."

"Eh," Link shrugged, "To tell you the truth, I'm kinda bored."

"It is unfortunate, but it is no place for one such as you… But if you must enter, then you must obtain the mask containing wandering spirits that can be found near the ranch. Without that mask, you cannot save their souls…" the hooded man gave the impression of a malicious grin, though one could not be seen, "Until then, I will not let you pass by here. Yee-hee-hee!"

"You mean this?" Link asked as he pulled out his Garo mask (and cloak), and put it on.

"Yee-hee-hee! That's a nice mask you're wearing." the hooded man tittered again.

"Okay, you know what!?" Navi soared out of Link's hat, "You are the_ last_ person I'd expect to comment on Link's fashion sense!"

"That is the mask of the leader of the ninjas who once spied on the hilltop castle with the blood-stained history," the cloaked man said, "With that, you may be able to call their spirits that even now are still wandering."

"Oh my Goddess of Time," Tatl whizzed out of Link's hat, "I bet you used to be a Terminian solider. You have the same strange habit about telling us about Geography, History and everything else you can think of at the moment."

"Oh my Din, you're right!" Link gasped over-dramatically.

"Perhaps you may be able to save the souls that wander beyond here…" the hooded figure cast them an unnerved gaze, "Yee-hee-hee?"

**(With that, he faded away.)**

"Eh, whatever." Navi sighed, "The Terminian guards are much more useful that the guards in Hyrule."

Tatl raised her eyebrow, "How can annoying guards who block your way, treat you unfairly and tell you too much about geography you really couldn't care less about, be more useful than guards in that Hyrule place you're from?"

"At least they aren't as blind as bats and as deaf as rocks," Link offered.

Navi cringed, "What is with this chapter and running gags!?!"

**(As the authoress let out an evil laugh, out heroes headed deeper into the canyon. Tatl was overcome with ONA.)**

"I can't see it," her ONA exclaimed overenthusiastically, "but I sense there's a thirst for blood looming all around us…Don't you have a mask that can summon the unseen?"

"Dude. Tatl," Link sighed, the edges of his Garo cloak brushing the ground, "There's someone/something standing _right over there_."

**(Link flung his arm out, and sure enough, there was another figure standing there. He wore the same cloak and hood as Link. He noticed Link, and rushed over to him.)**

"Master! You called!" the lame attempt to be a ninja exclaimed.

Link looked at the previous description, and then at the intercom, "Will you stop taking the scriptwriter's advice on naming stuff?"

…Well, it's kinda hard to ignore.

"You!" Tatl hissed. "HUSH!!!"

"…!!!" was the ninja wannabe's only reaction to the roof speaking.

**(With that, he took out his poor excuse for a kunai/katana.)**

"What are you???" He gazed at Link like the Hylian boy had suddenly transformed into one of the Great Sluts.

"Hello!" Link pointed to his cloaked face, "What does it _look_ like I am?!"

"Well Link," Navi flew beside Link and hovered above his shoulder, "it _is_ kinda hard to tell what you are under there."

Link crossed his arms, and without realizing it, his bracelet came in close proximity to his sword hilt, "I guess that's true."

**(Link unfolded his arms, which resulted in him accidentally allowing the Deus ex Bracelet to catch on his sword hilt. It flung outwards in a wide swathe, and hit the Garo right in the stomach. The Garo fell over.)**

"R-regrettable…" the Garo gasped on the ground, "Although my rival, you were spectacular."

Link turned his head to face the Garo, "…Dang it!"

"I shall take my bow by opening my heart and revealing my wisdom…" the Garo spluttered.

**(Link walked over to the Garo, and pulled his sword out. The Garo somehow managed to be completely obvious to this.)**

"To revive the dried-up river on Ikana hill, you must go to the spring water cave," the Garo said.

Tatl flew up to the Garo's face, "Now why would we wanna do that?"

"Belief or disbelief rests with you." The Garo said, "To die without leaving a corpse…that is the way of us Garo."

**(With that, he burned up.)**

"…_Duuuuuddddddeeeee_…" Link was wide-eyed.

**_

* * *

_**

**(As soon as he regained his senses, Link returned to the graveyard. He got there by nightfall. As he was walking along, a floating Skull, which the game designers insist is a 'Bubble', patted him on the back.)**

"Tag!" the 'Bubble' exclaimed. "You're it!"

"Wait, what the—" Link started.

You've been jinxed! You can't draw your sword!

"HEY!!!" Tatl turned towards the intercom, pointing her finger defiantly. "_What did I say—?!_"

It was in the script! It was in the script, I swear!!

"Grrr…" Tatl growled. "Fine!"

Navi pulled out Link's sword "What do you mean he can't draw his sword?" he lifted it up to the intercom. "See?"

"Unless…" Link gaped in horror as he pulled out his sketchbook and pencil.

Tatl looked at him, "Unless what?"

Link started to draw rapidly, "NOOOO!!!!" Link yelled, and started clicking his mechanical pencil. "I don't have any lead!!!"

Navi put her hands on her hips, "Honestly Link, it's not that bad!"

"What do you mean?!" Link sobbed, "IT'S TERRIBLE!!! Now I can't show off my artistic ability!"

**(Navi and Tatl were left in stunned silence as Link lay curled up on the ground in sheer despair.)**

"Now everyone will think I'm a fraud, one of those no good artists that steals the works of others and claims them as their own! I'll never be able to show off my artistic abilities, and prove my artistic license! I'M RUINED! Reduced to the title of…" Link paused dramatically, without intention of being dramatic, "…an _Art Theif!!!_"

**(Tatl…glared…at the intercom. …No, this does not have to do with me joining an Artist's Website, interlocking my artistic knowledge and channeling it through Link, what are you talking about!?)**

Tatl rolled her eyes, "If you say so."

Navi, losing interest in all of this turned to a Stalchild "You there! Open up that grave!"

"Wait, what?" Tatl asked.

"Yes, sir!" it exclaimed, "Everyone! Follow me!"

**(The Stalchildren beat on a random grave.)**

"Why do all the Stalchildren keep thinking I'm a guy!?!" Navi yelled.

"Now why the heck are they obeying you?" Link asked, walking over to the two fairies.

"It's probably because the chapter it getting too long as it is." Tatl shrugged. "After all, we don't want a chapter as long as the Zora Chapter."

Link shuddered over dramatically, "_Oooo! The **Zora **Chapter!_"

**(As soon as the Stalchildren had finished beating up the poor grave, a Poe flew out of it.)**

"Are you the one who freed my soul?" the Poe asked hopefully, turning to Navi.

"Actually, it was more like those guys—" Link started as he turned and pointed at the group of Stalchildren.

"I served the Ikana Royal family. I am the composer called Flat," the Poe declared, "The songs connected to the Royal Family that remain here were all composed by my brother and I."

"Uh oh," Link gulped.

"Here comes another epicly long monologue," Tatl sighed.

"Oh…Sharp, my dear brother," Flat cried to the heavens, "He sold his soul to the devil and he was the one who locked me in here…"

Link went wide-eyed, "Sold his soul to the**_ DEVIL?!?!_** Sorry buddy, but I think that's way out of our area of expertise—"

"You who do not fear the dead, learn well the song that is inscribed behind me…" Flat smiled, turning to Navi. "And if you ever meet my brother, I'd like you to inform him…"

"OH NO!" Navi shouted, "We are sick and tired of dealing with everyday strangers' family problems, not to mention your _particular_ screwed over family member sold his soul to the devil. I'm sorry, but we cannot help—"

"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears!" Flat spoke loudly over Navi, "The thunder that strikes the earth is my anger! …I have made my request."

Navi was dumfounded, "…What kind of cryptic request is _THAT?!_"

"Navi! Navi!" Link called out like a little kid. "Can you read this rock for me?"

Navi sighed, " 'The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears. The thunder that strikes the earth is my anger! Here is written the song that shall cleanse his cursed black soul… Keep this song in your heart…'"

"…But isn't that what he just said?" Link pointed to where Flat had been, but he had already fled backstage.

"…Yeah…it is…" Tatl paused. "…That's strange…"

**(Link decided not to ask any more questions. Link learned Song of Storms! An added bonus, to the authoress's favorite game. n.n)**

**

* * *

**

(Link left and grave yard and was suddenly whisked away by a pillar of light, and deposited by the source of the dried up river at Ikana Hill.)

"What business have you in Ikana Kingdom, land where only the dead roam?" called a voice out of nowhere.

**(A Poe appeared and floated above him, ominously.)**

"This is no place for one as full of life as you," the Poe sneered, "Or do you say that you wish to join the dead? That is fine…"

"Wait, _what?!_" Link exclaimed.

**(Not only had he been sent flying across Ikana, but he had landed in front of a guy who made assumptions about Link's will to live.)**

"If that is the case, then sleep gently to the melody of darkness that the great composer, Sharp, shall play…" the Poe hummed merrily, "and join the ranks of the dead."

Navi sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "The authoress is cutting corners again."

"I feel like the story just switched gears on us," Tatl mused.

Link slumped over, "Aw, man!"

**(George the Sound Technician, who was getting as bored of the rest of the people on set, cut out the background music Sharp was playing and hooked up Song of Storms. Sharp stopped abruptly.)**

"If you don't mind!" Sharp called out irritably, while glaring in the general direction of where the music was coming from. "W-What is this?"

"…Cutting corners indeed." Tatl sighed.

"…This song?" Sharp gulped. "…N-No, it can't be. This song…"

**(Sharp started to spazz backwards and water began to fill up a random hole in the floor. The water, which flowed out the entrance to the random place, watered the dried up river the Garo spoke of. This, in turn, turned a waterwheel on the side of a flamboyant house. This triggered carnival music to play (boy, George must be having fun with this) and for reasons unknown, redeads, which had been circling said house, started withering and dying in pain—like they've seen Tingle dancing in his underwear. …I should never give myself mental images like that again… The camera crew zoomed up to the front door to house, and a small 'click' was heard.)**

"What does _that,_" Link pointed to the previous bolded section, "have anything to do with _anything?!_"

"Flat, my dear brother." Sharp called out, "Forgive your foolish brother who dreamed of the revival of the Royal Family…"

**(Duh nuh nuh NUH!! George the Sound Technician saved Sharp's Soul!)**

"…Ye who do not fear the dead…" Sharp turned to Link.

"Oh, what do _you_ want?" Navi snapped.

"With my brother's song, you have broken the curse that was placed upon me," Sharp said, "It is all thanks to you."

"Dude," Tatl said, "We were told you sold your soul to the devil. And if that is the case, isn't _curse_ a little bit of a light word to use?"

"…We dead should not be lingering here in this land," Sharp continued, "It was all a trick of the masked one who had upset things."

"Strange masked one!?" Tatl whispered loudly, dinging like a bell.

"Skull kid!" Link whispered dramatically.

Navi turned sharply and faced the intercom, "Okay, that is _NOT_ funny."

Ohhh… T.T

"If you truly do not fear the dead…" Sharp continued, "I wish of your you to go to the temple in this land and sever the root of the evil curse that torments us. To do that…"

"Oh great," Tatl groaned, "This monologue seems to be a long one. Therefore more dialogue."

"Not another Zora chapter," Link moaned.

"Well," Navi huffed, puttingher hands on her hips, "at least the authoress is breaking up all of the long and drawn out monologues into large chunks. That should keep the page count down."

"I, the only one who knows the way into the temple, shall direct you to the King," Sharp said, "The Kings is in the ruins of Ikana Castle, await the coming of the one who will break the curse. …I have made my final request."

"What is with your family and asking really difficult requests?!" Link, Navi, and Tatl yelled but unfortunately, Sharp had already fled backstage.

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link headed outside and followed the river. When the house was in eyesight, Link noticed a small little girl cross-examining the river. But, he took no heed of this strange little girl, and entered the flamboyant house. When he walked inside, he further invaded the privacy of whoever lived in it, by walking down to the basement _(a rare occurance in the NPCs houses of most Zelda games)_ and immediately opened the closet he came across. A mummy, with a small part of his face unwrapped, fell out of the closet and spazzed at him.)**

"Huh," Link gazed at the mummy, "That's a first."

"This mummy looks different…" Tatl's ONA loudly declared, "Sorta like it's here waiting for its human heart to be healed."

"Shhh!" Navi shushed Tatl, "We don't want that little girl to—"

"Well, do something!" Tatl yelled as she flew right up to Link's face, "Haven't you figured it out yet?"

"Ow! Alright, alright already!" Link growled at Tatl, "When you make it as obvious as that, it's kinda hard not to! Just let me pull out my Ocarina—"

**(Suddenly, the little girl ran in from upstairs, and stood before the mummified thingy.)**

"Stop it! Who are you?" the little girl snapped, "What are you doing just walking into people's houses like this?"

"Actually, nobody's ever told me off for doing it before," Link turned to Navi, "Is there actually something wrong about barging into people's houses while they're not looking, or don't expect it?"

**(Navi was left speechless for an answer. The mummy took advantage of this time to spazz.)**

"Don't! It's me! It's Pamela!" the little girl yelled at the mummy.

**(For some reason, this confused the mummy and it turned to the closet.)**

"Get out!" Pamela screamed at Link, "Forget everything you've seen here and get out!"

"But—" Link lifted up his Ocarina when he said this.

"GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE!!" Pamela bellowed.

**(Link was then unceremoniously dumped outside the house. It really is quite puzzling on how a little girl like Pamela could throw out our heroes out the front door so easily.)**

"Oh snap," Navi stated.

"Oh my Goddess of Time!" Tatl screamed, "That little girl has _BODIES_ in her closet!!!"

Link rubbed his soar bottom, as he rose from the ground. "The nerve of some people! Kicking us out like _that._"

"Well, we _did _break and enter into her house," Navi pondered, "I understand why she would be upset."

"That reminds me," Link said as he turned to Navi, "you never answered my question!"

"Erm…" Navi pointed behind Link. "…OH LOOK OVER THERE!"

"Where? Where?" Link exclaimed.

**(As Link turned to see what Navi was pointing at, Navi swooped into his pocket, grabbed a bomb, and threw it at Pamela's house. Hmmm… Do I sense APT going off? When the explosion went off, Pamela rushed outside to see what the source of the sound was. Within that time, Link put on his Stone mask, and walked back into the house.)**

**

* * *

**

(When Link walked into Pamela's house, he rushed into the basement and opened the closet again. The mummy, which Pamela had not thought of hiding in another place, was still inside. Link then whipped out his Ocarina and played Song of Healing. After a brief moment of putting the special effects crew into the spotlight, a mask fell away from the face of the figure, who was now completely human—erm…Terminian.)

The loud voice of a certain intimidating little girl radiated from the floor above, along with dozens of rapid footsteps: "GET OUTTA MAH—"

**(Pamela walked into the scene. She saw the man and ran up to him.)**

"…Father?" Pamela gasped, "Father!"

"Pamela!" the man said, "What have I been doing this whole time?"

"You…haven't been doing anything…" Pamela sobbed, "You had a bad dream. You were just having a little nightmare."

"…Pamela." Pamela's father embraced her in a hug.

**(Navi let out a big sniff.) **

"_Ohhhhh! This is just so sweet!!_" she cried, and promptly flew into Link's hat to get a tissue.

Link bent down to the ground and picked up the mask that fell away from Pamela's father's face, "Cool."

From within Link's hat came a: "Don't you DARE start that again!"

**(Link picked up the mask and DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Gibdo's Mask! Three masks in one chapter! That's _gotta_ be a record! Link walked over to Pamela and her dad.)**

"Umm, excuse me, but…" Link trailed off as he looked from side to side.

"Let them be!" Tatl yelled at Link as Navi flew out of his hat again. "Don't you get it?"

"But I hafta go to da bathroom." Link pleaded in a childish voice.

"But you haven't needed to go for the last few loops!" Navi snapped at Link. "What's so different now!?"

"I'm…not…sure…" Link paused, as he gazed upwards.

"Honestly, Link! You're so insensitive!" Navi snapped irritably, wiping her nose with her tissue.

Pamela's father glared at Link, "That's right! You're so insensitive!"

"That's right!" Pamela looked up, "Barging into people's houses like that!"

**(Link exited for his own sanity. Just to be annoying, he entered immediately afterward. Within that short amount of time both Pamela and her father got it together, and Pamela had warped herself upstairs. Paranormal family, much.)**

"Um…What you did for my father…Thank you," Pamela blushed.

"So you're not on our case anymore about breaking and entering into your house?" Navi asked.

"No, I still am!" Pamela glared.

"Oh," Navi paused.

"But…You helping us—" Pamela started.

**(The authoress decided that this chapter had one long and drawn out monologue too many. Link was instantly transported downstairs.)**

Pamela's father noticed Navi, "Oh! Isn't this a fairy?"

"Wait, what the—?!" Link began.

"Is this yours, young man?" Pamela's father asked. "I am the famed academic who researches fairies, ghosts and similar so-called supernatural phenomena."

"Link, I don't like the way he's pointing at me…" Navi said slowly.

Link shrugged his shoulders, "Hey. Even though there's something strange about this entire household, the authoress hasn't hurt us so far, so I think you should just ignore him and go about your daily life. I assure you, there's nothing to worry about."

Tatl flew out of Link's hat, "Strange, there's something about this guy I think I've forgotten…"

Pamela's father turned instantly to Tatl, "Oh! You have_ two_ of them!"

"Uhhh…" Link paused, "_Yeah…?_"

Pamela's father got a glint in his eye, "So, you won't mind if I _borrow_ one, will you?"

**(Pamela's father grabbed Navi and shoved her into a bottle.)**

Navi's muffled cries could be heard from the bottle; "Help me, Link! HELP!!!!"

"Now hold on a minute—" Link started.

**(Before Link could do anything, Pamela's father used the same magical technique that Pamela had used to send Link and Tatl whizzing out the door. Huh. Must run in the family. Link was as stubborn as a boomerang and walked back inside.)**

"AHHH!! NOOO!" could be heard from below. "I SWEAR FANDOM ONLY THINKS I'M ANNOYING BECAUSE OF MY O.N.A.S!!!"

"Could you please stop wriggling while I dissect you?" followed afterward.

"AHH! NAVI!!" Link screamed.

"Grandma!!" Tatl gasped.

**(Link and Tatl ran and flew respectively towards the staircase.)**

"Oh, hello there," Pamela smiled at Link, "I didn't really get to finish my monologue."

"Sorry!" Link said, "Can't talk now!"

Pamela turned around and crossed her arms, "The nerve!"

**(When Link came downstairs, he saw Navi pinned down onto a table and Pamela's father holding a scalpel. Without skipping a beat, Link drew his sword.)**

"Hey! Look Navi!" Link held up his mechanical pencil and clicked the end of it, "My pencil lead is back!"

**(…Link pulled out his sword…)**

"Ohhh…" Link sighed as he put away his sketchbook, and pulled out his sword.

"You!" Tatl exclaimed, "I remember you!"

"Huh?" Pamela's father looked up.

"You're that guy who dissects fairies after Tingle uses his Fairy Brain-washing words that I briefly mentioned in chapter four!" Tatl proclaimed.

"Pffft," Link snorted, "Like anyone's going to remember _that!_"

"Oh, so you've met my accomplice?" Pamela's father grinned, inadvertently letting go of Navi.

"Ugh!" Link shuddered, "Don't remind us of that guy…ever…AGAIN!"

"Link! Quickly!" Navi whizzed over to Link. "Let's run! Now! Before he notices anything!"

"Yeah, yeah," Link groaned, "in a minute. I have a bone to pick with this guy—"

**(Before Link could do anything, fate whisked them out the front door. Link was under the impression that someone was plotting against him again. Pamela walked down the staircase to find her father looking rather puzzled.)**

"Oh? Are they gone already?" Pamela asked.

"_Yes…_" he threw the scalpel over his shoulder. "…Somehow…"

"Honestly, barging into people's houses like that!" Pamela huffed.

"I know, Pamela," Pamela's father patted his daughter on the back, "I know."

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link went to the empty well _(which always seems to be the state of any drinking supply in Zelda games)_, put on Gibdo's Mask, and gave whatever junk the _real_ Gibdos wanted from him. Like fish and water and bugs. Very strange indeed, but the scriptwriter, who had edited out _all_ of the script for this part of the game, had for once, convenienced the authoress. And DUN NU NU NUUUUU! Link got Mirror Shield. Oooo, pretty new shield. Oh, now that's a creepy face on the shield. Ebil shield. MEEP. Link headed to Ikana castle and heard cool music. Oooo… George had good taste. Ahem. Link completed that long and annoying side-quest-dungeon-thingamajig and walked into the Boss's room there.)**

"Oh insolent—" a voice from nowhere called.

"OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE VOICES COMING OUT OF NOWHERE!!!" Link yelled.

"Okay, fine." The voice grumbled.

**(As an imperial Skeleton emerged from the shadows, curtains fell over some open windows near the ceiling.)**

"That's _better._" Link sighed.

"My servants have fallen namelessly before the light that guides you," The Skeleton said.

"Navi, have you seen my compact?" Tatl asked.

"I'm not sure, why don't you look under the couch?" Navi asked.

"—the darkness in which my servants live is not fleeting," The King Skeleton continued.

"Wait, back up." Link held up his hand, "I didn't catch the last part."

The King didn't seem to hear, "You will see what true darkness—"

"It's not there!" Tatl sighed, "I already looked!"

"Guys!" Link interrupted, "Shut up! I can't hear what he's saying!"

**(Before either of the fairies could protest, two skeleton warriors—which the scriptwriter named Skinny and Fatso—jumped forth from behind the King's throne. The King sat down. Link had to battle both Skinny and Fatso at the same time. Midway through the battle, the following happened:)**

"GAHH!" Link slashed Fatso through the middle,. "Whenever I 'kill' these guys, they pop back up again! How do I actually _kill_ them?!"

"Well…" Navi pondered, "Maybe the game designers want you to think outside the box."

Skinny's sword barely missed Tatl, "Like using another one of your items in your inbox."

**(Link pulled up the cubic subscreen and searched through his items for something that would be of any use of all. He ended up equipping the Bremen's Mask and fitted it on his face.)**

"No! Link!" Navi flew up behind Link, "That's not going to do anything!!!"

**(Link pulled out his Ocarina, started playing the marching band-like song, and marched around in circles. The notes hit Skinny and Fatso's ears _(which they didn't have)_. They paused. They looked at each other. Both began marching along with the tune.)**

"…Okay, wow." Tatl paused. "I was not expecting that to…actually…work…"

**(Fun Fact: You can actually do this in the game.)**

"Well," Navi put her hand on her chin, "it keeps the enemies at bay, but it doesn't really _do_ anything besides that—"

**(Link wiped the sweat off his brow and accidentally caught Tatl's bracelet on his sword hilt. When he pulled his hand back, he sent the sword flying again and it subsequently hit one of the curtains in front of the windows. This shredded a big hole in it. Light poured into the room. Skinny and Fatso happened to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. They were engulfed in the light, and burned up in purple fire. Somehow, Link had won.)**

Link gazed at his sword, which had fallen back onto the ground, "Why does that keep happening?!"

**(The authoress withheld the urge to let out a maniacal laugh.)**

"Wow," Tatl gaped, "With a mask/song like that, you could take over the world."

Link took off his mask and stared at it intently, "Ohhhh! So _that's _the song Ganondorf wanted to learn from Zelda!!!"

"But Link!" Navi pointed out, "That hasn't happened yet! You still need to wait six more years!"

**(Tatl, who was not around for the events that took place in Totally Messed, just floated there silently. The King looked annoyed that Link took down his guards. He stood up and started to attack.)**

"Oh great," Link sighed, "I doubt the marching band song will work with _him._"

"Well then try something else!" Navi bobbed up and down.

**(Link pulled up his subscreen again and equipped the Captain's hat.)**

"Link!" Navi groaned, "What makes you think _that'll _work?"

"Well," Link sighed, "it was worth a shot—"

"Ohh! Keeta! Is it not Captain Keeta?!?" the King piped up.

**(Tatl and Navi stared.)**

" …………………But you're so…" the King paused, examining Link from head to toe.

Link raised his eyebrow, "…_So?_"

The King flailed about, "T-Tiny!"

"Hey!" Link yelled, "I resent that!!!"

**(Fun Fact: You can actually do this too. o.o)**

"I was nearly fooled by what you have done!" the King regained his composure, "But it is not that easy to beat me—"

"LOOK OVER THERE!" Link pointed to something behind the King.

"Where?" the King turned around.

**(As the King turned, Link jumped into the light that flooded in through the ripped curtain. He used his mirror shield to shine the light upon the King. The King also burned up in purple fire. Dang, these Skeletons are having a bad day. But just as Link jumped for joy after winning the battle, the heads of Skinny and Fatso appeared before him. Fatso's head pushed Skinny's head aside.)**

"Your blocking me! Get out of the way!" Fatso's head growled at Skinny's head, "I can still get him!"

"Wait," Link paused, "YOU'RE _STILL_ NOT DEAD?!"

"B-blocking you?!" Skinny's head scoffed, "The reason he beat us is because you were so feeble! Don't blame this on me!"

"What?!" Fatso's head yelled, "Just try saying that again to my bony face!"

Skinny's head didn't skip a beat,"Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble! Feeble!"

"Wow," Tatl looked back and forth between Navi and Link, and at Skinny and Fatso, "Talk about Déjà vu."

"_What?_" Navi asked, "We are not anything like that."

"I'm not like _him!_" Link huffed as he pointed at Fatso's head.

"Shut up, already!" Fatso's head snapped, "Grrrr!!! Don't look at me like that—I was once called the best swordsman in all of Ikana…"

"The greatest swordsman in all of Ikana? You?" Skinny's head cackled. "Feeeeeeeeble."

Tatl gulped, "Now that's just **scary.**"

"Okay, that _is_ scary." Navi admitted.

"Hey!" Link exclaimed.

"…Draw your weapon!" Fatso's head threatened.

"Huh?" Skinny's head paused.

"I'm telling you to draw your sword!" Fatso's head explained.

"…… How?" Skinny asked, "We don't have any hands, and we left our sword and sketchbooks in the other life."

"Grrr…!" Fatso's head growled.

**(Skinny's head started laughing at Fatso's head.)**

Link pulled out his sketchbook, "You could borrow mine if you'd like."

"Rrrrrr-Ah!!!" Fatso lunged at Skinny's head.

"Will you stop?!" yelled a voice that came out of nowhere.

"OH COME ON!!!" Link yelled, "Why can't you just show yourself _immediately _like everyone **else** does?!"

"_Fine!_" the voice grumbled.

**(The King's head flew out from the shadows. He glowed purple. Odd.)**

"What fools!" the King's head yelled at Skinny's head and Fatso's head. "Haven't you begun to understand? The kingdom being ruined and us left in this state… Isn't it petty, little battles like this that have caused it?"

**(And then Skinny and Fatso's heads disappeared.)**

"Believing in your friends and embracing—" the King's head began.

"Whoa!" Tatl buzzed up, "Where'd the other guys go?"

The King's head snarled, "If you don't mind."

"Yes we do mind!" Link pointed his sketchbook at the floating head, "We've listened to enough long and drawn out monologues in this chapter!"

"But—" the King's head started.

"Look," Navi groaned, "if you _really_ want to tell us something, then just list your name, your occupation and what your overly difficult request is."

The King's head gulped, "…Uhhhhh…. I'm Igos du Ikana, and um, I am the King of the Ikana Kingdom. And I was going to ask you to seal the doors of the Stone Tower, which someone thrust open."

Link let out a big sigh, "_Anything else?_"

"You need a soldier who has no heart—one who will not falter in the darkness—to do seal the doors," The King's head finished, "Which you can summon with a song I am about to teach you."

"There. That wasn't so hard, now was it?" Navi asked, "And we've also spared the page count tremendously. Doesn't that feel nice?"

The King's head paused."…Not…really."

"Just teach us the song already!!" Navi and Link snapped.

**(The King's head started singing _(horribly) _the Elegy of Emptiness. The only song in the game that sounds awesome the first few times, but then you get really annoyed with after going through Stone Tower. Link played it back, and learned the song. As soon as he did so, he was engulfed in green light, and stepped forward to reveal that Link had a doll of himself standing behind him. Link turned and glared at it.)**

"This soldier who has no heart is your twin image," The King's head explained, "A shell of yourself that you will shed when your song commands it."

**(The King's head disappeared.)**

"On my kingdom… shine the light of justice…" the voice of the King called to him.

Link groaned, taking a brief break from glaring at the doll by looking inquisitively at the ceiling, "Why does he do that so often?"

Navi flew around the head of Link's doll a couple times, "This looks_ exactly_ like you!"

Link resumed his glare at the face in front of him, "No it doesn't!"

Tatl flew out of Link's hat, "I wonder if it has a functional Gamecube in there."

"Now that's a thought!" Navi exclaimed as she flew into the doll's hat.

**(As the fairies started ransacking the doll's bald spot, Link looked at his Ocarina.)**

"I wonder if this'll work with my other masks…" Link pondered.

**(Link equipped his Deku mask, and shoved it to his face. He walked up beside his Hylian Doll, so that he was to the right of it. He played Elegy of Emptiness on his Ocarina Pipes, and was engulfed in that strange light. When he walked forward, he turned around to see a little Deku, with a pronged sprout atop its head. I reminded Link of the strange tree Tatl had ONAed over, in chapter 2.)**

Deku Link chuckled in his high-pitched, squeaky voice, "Cool."

**(Link took off his Deku mask, equipped his Zora mask. He stepped to the left of the Hylian statue. He pulled out his Ocarina Guitar and played Elegy of Emptiness; then engulfed in the light again. When he stepped forward and turned around, he saw Mikau, tattoos, guitar and all; only looking stoned.)**

"Cool," Zora Link nodded.

**(After pulling off his Zora mask, Link equipped his Goron mask, and walked up beside Mikau's doll. He got engulfed in light via playing Elegy of Emptiness with his Goron Drums. As he walked forwards and turned around, he saw Darmani, looking as stoned as Mikau, with a HUGE slash across his stomach.)**

Goron Link put his hands on his hips; "Cool."

**(Just as Link had pulled off his Goron mask, Tatl and Navi flew out of Link's shell.)**

"Stupid replicas made out of Styrofoam…" Navi grumbled.

Tatl shuddered, "And it was kinda creepy seeing duplicates of us inside too…"

Navi looked at Link's arrangement of life-sized dolls, "Link, what are you doing?"

"Like it?" Link asked, "I call it my Toy Solider Gang! See? They're even in order of biggest to smallest."

Tatl flew up to Mikau's shell, "Well, they do have an uncanny resemblance to your masks."

"Link, this is no time to start a Doll Collection!" Navi flew up to Link's face, "We do have better things to do with our time!"

"It's called Toy Solider Gang!" Link snapped back.

"But Link! The healed sorrows of those people's souls are sealed your masks!" Tatl piped up, "So, what if the souls also got trapped are inside those creepy…_duplicates?_"

Link walked up to his Hylian statue and knocked on it's head; a hollow sound was produced, "Tatl, the King's head said he would get me a hollow solider! One who won't be faltered by the darkness!"

"Yes, he did Link," Navi told the boy, "But he _also_ didn't know that you can wear soulful masks to change your shape."

**_That's right,_ **Darmani's statue thought.

**_Go tell 'im, girl!_ **Mikau's statue piped up.

"Girls, the whole idea of the thing is ridiculous…" Link scratched his head, "Do you honestly think that there's a soul in here?"

**(Link walked over and knocked on the head of the Deku statue.)**

_**Ow! Hey! **_The Deku statue screeched. _**Watch it!!!**_

"Well…" Tatl paused, "It doesn't sound kinda silly."

**_Oh, not her too,_ **Mikau's statue grumbled.

"Either way Link." Navi sighed. "It still is kinda disrespectful towards Darmani and Mikau…"

**_'Atta girl!_ **Mikau's soul cheered, _**Show 'him whatcha made of!**_

_**…Mikau… **_Darmani's soul looked over at Mikau's soul, _**…Does your resentment towards Link have anything to do with how he treated Lulu?**_

Mikau's soul glared at Darmani,_** It's not like you would understand…Hermit.**_

Link bent down and looked the Deku's statue in the eye, "Who's this little twerp?"

**(The Deku statue's soul made a BIG sad face.)**

"Dunno." Navi shrugged.

"Hey!" Tatl exclaimed. "The Butler did mention something about having a son! Maybe this is what remains of the Butler's son!!"

Mikau's soul turned to face the little Scrub, _**The 'Butler'?**_

**_Who's 'the Butler'?_ **Darmani's soul asked as he gazed upon the Deku.

_**…What's a "butler"? **_the Deku's soul paused.

Before any of the souls could answer, Navi let out a large sigh, "Come on Link, we'd better get going."

**_

* * *

_**

**(And thus Link headed to the Stone Tower. A place filled with the moving platforms, switches, magical boulders that come out of nowhere _(as usual)_, weird Wizard Thingies, weird masked monsters in which you must Hookshot their faces, and floating mines. There were various places that Link would have to summon his Doll Collection to step on switches, which made the specific soul swear at him—for this was a very effective way of interrupting their conversations with one another—whenever he did so. …_This place is weird_… Anywho, Link made it about half-way through the tower when he came across a Garo—apparently named Garo Master. However, he was garbed in purple, wore a funny mask, had his kunai/katana on fire for some reason, and, as Link entered the room, was eating a sandwich. As soon as this particular Garo spotted Link, he tried to kill him…_exactly like that other one_… But, if we follow that trend, in which all Garo seem to have, he was promptly defeated.)**

"To think I could be defeated…" the Garo Master coughed over-dramatically, "Although my rival, you were spectacular."

"Oh please, _another _monologue?" Link groaned.

Navi, who was reading over the script for the chapter, subsequently tossed it out the window, "It seems that there are a lot of them this chapter."

"I shall take my bow by opening my heart and revealing my wisdom…" the Garo master declared.

"Well, the authoress has been deleting them left and right," Tatl pondered, "so she'll probably end up doing the same thing with this one."

Link chuckled, "Oh that's a relief!"

"If you shoot that which releases the sacred golden light into the blood-stains, red emblem outside the temple…it shall rearrange things, in which the earth is born in the heavens and the moon is born on the earth," The Garo master explained _oh so cryptically_, "Do not forget there words…"

"…_Or_…" Link paused, "…_not_…"

"Die I shall, leaving no corpse," the Garo master pulled a sandwich out of his pocket, "That is the law of us Garo."

"Ummm… Sir?" Link pointed.

**(The Garo looked between the sandwich and the heroes in front of him. After pause of deep thought, the Garo Master ate the sandwich, fumbled though his pockets, and pulled out a bomb. The bomb exploded. A chest appeared and DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUHHHH! Link got Frozen Pee, I mean Light Arrows. …How…appetizing? At the bottom of the chest, there was another sandwich.)**

**

* * *

**

(Link returned to the entrance to the tower. He turned world upside-down. Literally.)

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Link screamed as he fell towards the sky, "IT'S JUST LIKE THE DARUNIA INCIDENT!!!"

**(Link had decided to use his new item on a random red jewel on the entrance of the temple. As a result, he now fell into the sky. Our ever-so-compassionate fairies—unaffected by the change of gravity—didn't notice.)**

"Darunia?" Tatl asked, "Who's that?"

Navi turned to Tatl and gave her a distressed glance, "_You don't want to know!!!_"

Before Tatl could properly retort, a case of ONA kicked in, "Look! Can't you use the Hookshot on that chest?"

Navi paused, "…Tatl, you need help."

"Says the fairy who _sneezed_ on me!" Tatl said.

"But," Link repoped on the ceiling, "Navi never had it as bad as you."

"Hey!" Tatl snapped, "I resent that!"

"Come on!" Navi yelled, "There's no chest in _sight_! Where is Link supposed to Hookshot _to_?!"

"Umm…" Tatl paused.

**(Link, getting bored and a little tired, turned into a Deku and summoned the Deku shell. He then transformed back into a Hylain, and leaned on the Deku's shell, using his head as an armrest.)**

_**Hey! What are you—!? **_The Deku's soul protested.

"Wouldn't it be—" Link started.

"Wow," Navi remarked, "That's the first time you've summoned him since we got here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think it has been," Tatl pondered.

"Hey, he's too lightweight to do _anything_!" Link sighed.

**_Hey!_ **The Deku's soul started,_** No I'm not—!**_

"Mikau and Darmani's are HUGE!" Link exclaimed, gesturing with his arms the width the Darmani's stomach. "And my own Toy Solider can step on switches I can normally step on. But this guy," Link turned to the statue, "heck, he's probably hollow, that's how light he is!"

**(The Deku's soul made another big sad face. Link leaned on the statue's head.)**

"So _this_ is obviously, the _only_ practical use for this one!" Link exclaimed.

"Yes, Link, you found another way to abuse a statue," Navi face-palmed, "but we should get moving."

Link let out a big sigh, "_Fine._"

Tatl turned to the Deku statue, "Why do I feel guilty all of a sudden?"

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link continued through Stone Tower, and, quoting the scriptwriter, he PWNED the "thingie" and DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got Giant's mask! Four masks in one time loop! Link's on a roll! However, Tatl, who had been collecting all the Swirlies, forced Link to go to see the Great Slut. x.x)**

"Oh, compassionate young one!" the Great Slut exclaimed, "I am the Great Fairy of Kindness."

"OKAY! YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!" Link yelled at the Great slut, "We have had SO many long monologues throughout this chapter, and we are just SICK OF IT!"

"Link!" Tatl hissed, "How could you say that to _**the Great Fairy!?**_"

"If you are gonna give me an upgrade, then _just _GIVE IT TO ME!" Link snarled at the Great slut.

**(…DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! Link got the Great slut's sword! …Why did the red roses just wither? Is it because of the Slut's ugliness?)**

"THANK YOU!" Link yelled.

**(With that, the Great slut vanished. Thank heavens.)**

**_

* * *

_**

**(Link finally got to go back to finish Stone Tower. Link went to the room where he met the Garo master and got the Frozen pee—I mean Light Arrows, and fell through the weird hole of spirally stuff in the ceiling. As he entered the boss's room, the ground rumbled, then a worm thing appeared, and then a second worm appeared. "Giant Masked Insect Twinmold" flashed across the screen. But since Link couldn't read this odd text, he used Giant's Mask to PWN the Twinmold. Blue-Raspberry Kool-Aid flew everywhere as the monsters crashed into the sand. After Link was sure they were both dead _(Navi thought they were dead, until she saw they were twitching)_, he got Heart Container and retrieved Twinmold's Remains! …_Ewwww_… Our Hylain boy, and the rest of his buddies, were transported to the Realm of Ultimate Misty-ness. There was that mysterious figure again.)**

"Well, we've helped all of you," Tatl huffed at the figure, "That's all we can do."

"'Call us.' That's what they're saying," Navi explained.

"Without being told, we understand," Tatl smirked, "So now you'll help us out in exchange!"

"Tatl! I don't think we're in any position to ask for their help—" Navi started.

Link pulled out his map of Clocktown, "Okay, we'll call you from atop the Clock Tower," Link drew circles around the Clock tower with that mysterious sharpie, "so do something about _him_," Link drew a big sad face on the map, which represented Skull kid, "all right?"

**(Navi glared at Link, so for the time being, he shut up. The big figure moaned.)**

"What? Their voices sound sad," Tatl paused, "You don't want to?"

"An _excellent _observation," Navi groaned sarcastically.

"_What?!_" Tatl hissed, "It's not like I can understand what their saying off-hand!"

"They're saying 'Forgive your friend.'" Navi grumbled, "From that you can deduce—"

"Forgive our friend?" Tatl turned her back on Navi. "What do you mean forgive? What friend?"

Navi did a facepalm, "_Tatl_…"

**(Spazzy lights appeared behind Link and thus blocking all visual colour from reaching the camera lens. Upon his return to reality, he flew into green sky.)**

**

* * *

**

(However, back at Stone Tower, still stood the three soul-filled statues. Despite the fact that they were all in different locations of Stone Tower, they had somehow arranged themselves beside each other…again.)

_**Well… **_Darmani's soul paused,_** This…**_

**_Sucks?_ **Mikau's soul asked, _**Face it! That little jerk just left us here, and while he goes back in time, we have to watch the moon fall!**_

**_Hey,_ **The Deku's soul sighed, _**Maybe if we're lucky, we'll just be released from these shells, instead of our souls burning up in gravitational pull of the moon.**_

_**As if that's something to look forward to…** _Mikau's soul groaned, rolling his soul eyes sarcastically.

_**It's been a pleasure working with you, all, gentlemen,** _Darmani's soul bowed respectfully to the other two.

**_But I didn't do anything,_ **The Deku's soul said.

**_Hey,_ **Mikau's soul called out, bending over and putting his hand on the back of the woody little soul, _**you may not have been any help to that tiny dweeb, but you sure were great to have around!**_

**_Really?_ **The Deku's soul asked with watery eyes.

**_What other life form, _**Darmani's soul started, **_can be so informative on the topic of lily pads?_**

_**Yeah man! You rock! **_Mikau's soul exclaimed, slapping his hand on the back of the Scrub, _**I never knew that Boku Baba's were just deeply misunderstood runaway potted plants!**_

The little wood sprite started to jump up and down, **_You guys are the best!_**

**_Now, what were we talking about again?_ **Mikau's spirit asked as he stood up.

**_We were discussing whether or not aliens, Others, or any other kind of supernatural race really do exist._ **Darmani's soul reminded the other two.

Mikau's soul scratched his head, **_Rigghhttt…_**

**_I bet you 90 ruppees that there is life on the moon._ **Darmani grinned while closing his eyes and holding up a distinguished finger.

Mikau slapped Darmani on the back, _**You're on! Nothing would live on that, **_Mikau's soul pointed to the face on the Moon, _**creepy thing!**_

**(And as Link's little Doll Collection continued to have a long awaited chat, Link went back in time.)**

**_

* * *

_**

Link: Chapter ten, is now under the belt!

Cherry-sama: Yup!

Navi: _(reads script) _Why are most of my lines are trying to make me seem less annoying?

Cherry-sama: T.T I had an RP with a Navi-hater. _…So…much…bashing…_

Navi: …That…explains things…

Mikau: Hey guys!

Deku Guy: Is the chapter over already?

Link: WAHH!

Tatl: It's Link's Doll Collection!

Darmani: Well that's rude.

Link: I'm telling you! It's Toy Soldier Gang!

Cherry-sama: Nu-uh! "Link's Doll Collection" sounds much cooler! Plus, it came first!

Link: Ohhh… T.T

Navi: How the heck are they—

Mikau: Alive?

Deku Guy: We're not _actually _dead you know!

Darmani: Just on set, we are.

Navi: Oh. That's one good special effects crew.

Mikau: You know, blue ball, we've been in the cast since chapter one. How do you _not _know this?

Tatl:_ (turns to Navi) _…That's a very good question.

Navi: Actually…I think I did. O.o

Cherry-sama: Crap, they're catching onto my plot holes.

Link and Deku guy: Please review! n.n


	14. Chapter 11: Kafei loves his Bagpipes

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**Chapter 11! (Well, took a long time to get here, didn't it?)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Nor do I own the Anju-Kafei Side-Quest, however, I do, to some extent, own some of the events that occur in this chapter! Enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: 'Ello dear readers! And welcome back!

Link: Wow, you _actually _managed to make it to the Anju-Kafei Side-Quest?

Tatl: It's a miracle!

Navi: I'd never thought I'd see the day when this fanfic _actually_ got far enough to get to the Anju-Kafei Side-Quest…

Link: That means that this fic might _actually _be completed!

Cherry-sama: _Your confidence in me is overwhelming._ -.- Siggghhh… Please read.

**_

* * *

_**

**_What would happen if Kafei played the Bagpipes?  
_**_Wonder no more! And, for the record, yes, I have been planning to do this question since the earlier chapters of this fic. So, you already kinda know the answer to this question. Whatever, read the fic, not the italicized font at the beginning of the chapter!_

**

* * *

**

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link had just gone back in time, once again. Boy, this is becoming a habit. Link walked out of Clocktower. There was a brief pause.)**

"…Well?" Link asked, turning to Tatl.

Tatl raised her eyebrow, "What?"

"Well your ONA usually starts reacting right about now." Navi stated, "You always tell us 'the way to the mountains is in through the East Gate' or something like that."

"The way to the canyon is through the East Gate, Grandma," Tatl groaned, "The mountains is through the West Gate."

"She's turning into a Terminan guard," Link whispered to Navi.

"Maybe your ONA is lightening up?" Navi pondered.

"Hey! You're right!" Tatl exclaimed, buzzing around, "Just think! Maybe I'll be—"

**(That's when Tatl's ONA kicked in.)**

"The way to the—" Tatl's ONA started.

"AHHHHHH!" Link screamed, covering his ears, "IT'S STARTING AGAIN!"

**(As Link and Navi fled from Tatl's ONA, they passed a Goron rolling around on the ground while curled up in a ball, and shortly afterward, an annoyed Deku Scrub. Link and Navi probably would have heard the large crash if they hadn't covered their ears with their hands. While running wildly around Clocktown, Link and Navi found a convenient building, in which they zipped inside and locked the door behind them.)**

"Whew!" Link wiped his brow, "That's a relief."

"_But guys!"_ a muffled yell could be heard from behind the door, _"I've stopped ONAing long ago—"_

"Now," Navi paused, "let's take a look at our surroundings…"

"Welcome to the Stock Pot Inn," said a redhead behind a counter, "Umm…Did you…have a reservation?"

"Wait…" Link pointed his finger at the lady, "Don't you raise Cuccos?"

**(The lady gave him a blank stare.)**

"Link, don't confuse the inhabitants any more than you have to," Navi explained, "Yes, we have a reservation."

"You do have a reservation?" the redheaded lady paused uncertainly, "That's good… Mr. Link, is it? One moment, please."

"Hey! That's my name!" Link exclaimed, "Looks like I already had a reservation even though I technically just arrived here!"

"Link, stop acting like a kid!" Navi hissed under her breath, "And don't look so surprised!"

"_Hello!"_ the muffled sounds came from the door again, _"I'm still out here—"_

"Mr. Link, I have you down for an afternoon arrival," the redhead reported, looking in a book, "Your room is our 'Knife Chamber' on the second floor. Aren't you a bit early?"

"Erm, yes," Navi said, "You see, he's a bit impatient at times, so he couldn't wait to come."

**(The redhead looked over at Link, who was drawing butterflies in the air with his finger.)**

"Erm, yes, I see. Well, uh, here is your key," the redhead said.

**(DUN NUH NUH NUUUUUH! Link highjacked some guy's Room Key! 'Link' must be a popular name…)**

"Heh heh," Link snorted, "Cool."

**(Navi glared at Link.)**

"_Hello? GUYS?"_ the door bellowed.

"Please…relax…?" the redheaded lady paused.

"Alright, alright, already!" Link sighed.

**(Link walked over to the door and flung it open. An enraged Tatl bolted in from it.)**

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" Tatl screamed, "We're a TEAM, remember!"

"Link and I were technically a Team before you even came along," Navi retorted.

"Look, Tatl!" Link exclaimed, "I got a reservation!"

"Yes, Link, that's very nice," Navi said.

"Well, what about your Tales of Symphonia and general _Gamecube_ partner!" Tatl snapped, "Without me, then you would have to play all by yourself!"

"It jingles when I rattle it," Link snorted.

"Which I was perfectly happy with before I got a bossy roommate with ONA," Navi said.

Link rattled the keys next to fairies, "See, Navi?"

"Very nice, Link," Navi said.

"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?" Tatl yelled.

"Mother?" the redhead called behind the counter, "Could you start your shift early?"

Link swung the key towards Tatl, "See, Tatl?"

"_Please_, mother?" the redhead gulped.

"GAH!" Tatl let out, "You two are IMPOSSIBLE!"

**(Tatl flew into a corridor behind the counter. Link decidedly didn't care since Tatl didn't acknowledge his brilliant discovery of the jingling key, and went exploring through the rest of the Inn. Navi stayed behind at the front desk, and said nothing. A Goron walked inside.)**

"I'm terribly sorry," the redhead bowed, "There are no vacancies today... We're booked solid with reservations."

"I made a reservation… The name is Link-goro!" the Goron explained.

"Mr. Link-goro?" the redhead asked, "I don't have a reservation under that name. There is one close to that, but…"

**(Navi froze on the spot.)**

"What? Really-goro? Well, it's nice weather, so I'll just sleep outside-goro," Link-goro sighed.

**"**I'm terribly sorry," the redheaded lady said.

"You really don't have it-goro?" Link-goro asked.

**(Tatl flew back into the room, and was about to say something to Navi, but stopped herself when she saw the conversation.)**

"I really don't have it," the redhead replied.

**"**Really-goro?"

"I'm terribly sorry."

**(Tatl turned to Navi, who was still frozen on the spot.)**

"You really shouldn't have eaten those ice cubes," Tatl sighed.

**

* * *

**

(So Tatl and Navi flew around the Stock Pot Inn in search for Link. They found him in a well-decorated room with a fireplace. An old woman sat on a rocking chair. Link was preoccupying himself with something on the table in the corner.)

Tatl looked at the old woman, and at Navi, "Hey, look, Grandma! She's just as old as you are!"

"Why you little—!" Navi snarled.

Tatl flew up to Link, "Link, what are you up to?"

**(Link had found a book on the table, and was flipping through its pages with his sharpie wedged in his hand.)**

"Look at these pages!" Link exclaimed, flipping some over, "They are so remarkably perfect and they have been utterly ruined by some sort of scribbling! Such a waste!"

"Link, I'm glad you have restrained the urge to draw in her diary," Navi said, "I'm quite proud of you."

"Restrained?" Link paused.

Navi noted the glaring old woman behind them, "…Oh no, Link, you didn't—"

**(Link started doodling on the corner of the page.)**

Navi turned to Tatl, "Quickly, Tatl! What does it say!"

**"**Erm, uh…" Tatl gulped, "'Granny's Diary. It was my granaughter who cooked again today. Putting that to the lips shortens the life! I thought of a way to get by wout eating, I'll try it tomorrow. I just hope I'm not ca.'"

"'Granaughter'? 'Wout'? 'Ca'?" Navi asked, "What the heck do those mean?"

"Oh, those aren't the entire words," Tatl stated, "Link just drew a Stalfos on top of the page."

Navi turned to the preoccupied 'artist'; she sighed, "_…Link…_"

**(The redhead from the front desk entered the room, holding a tray of food. The old woman looked up.)**

**"**Oh, Tortus," the elderly woman said, "I've already had lunch."

**"**Grandmother…I am Anju!" the redhead exclaimed, "Tortus was my dad… And you haven't had lunch yet!"

"I've already had lunch," snapped Grandma Tortus, "Now be quick and take that away."

"Not eating is bad for you. Please eat…" Anju sighed.

**"**Didn't I say that I already ate lunch, Tortus?" Grandma Tortus flapped the book up and down on her lap, "Impossible child!"

"Then don't eat my food. I give up…" Anju sighed.

"Whew!" Grandma Tortus exclaimed.

Anju paused, "'Whew?'"

"Er…" Grandma Tortus paused, "W-w-Whewwwould you like me to read you a story?"

**(Anju slumped out of the room.)**

"Yes I would, thank you!" Link exclaimed, closing the diary on the table and sitting down in front of Grandma Tortus.

"Well," Grandma Tortus smiled, "Since the Carnival is almost here…"

"LINK!" Tatl and Navi screamed.

**(Both fairies grabbed hold of each Link's ears and whisked him away towards a locked door. Link, with a couple of encouraging tugs from both fairies, pulled out the key and unlocked the door. They let Link walk in on his own. They looked around; there were bugs under the bed and a tear in the wall's wallpaper.)**

"What a ramshackle inn," Tatl scoffed, "Is this room first-class? You can hear whoever's next door for cryin' out loud!"

"Well, whatever…" Navi sighed, "We're staying for free, so we can't expect much."

Link stooped under the bed, "Cool."

"Link! You've been using that running gag too much in the last few chapters! Give it a rest, will you!" Navi hissed.

"But—" Link pointed to something under the bed.

"NO!" Navi snapped.

**

* * *

**

(So Link left the 100 rupees under the bed for the house cleaning staff to discover. Navi, being old fashioned and boring, decided it would be a good time for Tatl to show the gang around town. Tatl decided to start with a building near the Inn. When our heroes entered, they found themselves in a hallway that forked in half at a receptionist's desk. There were two doors beside the receptionist's desk, one on the left, and one on the right.)

"This is the Mayor's Office," Tatl explained, "This is where most of the important stuff in town happens. The Mayor and his wife live here."

Link yawned, "_Boooorrrriinnngg_…"

Navi turned to Link, "At least _look_ like you're interested. You're being rude."

"But it's _boring_," Link groaned.

"No, it's okay Navi," Tatl said, "I know not to expect much from him."

Navi sighed, "If you insist."

**(Tatl then flung open a door to the left, where one could see that this was the Mayor's office. The Mayor was in the middle of an important meeting between a balding man with a moustache and a Terminian guard who was slightly better dressed than average. The Mayor himself, sat at a desk in the middle of the two men. This was probably the most awkward of times for Link and the gang to burst into the scene.)**

"And this is where the Mayor sits all day," Tatl continued, pointing to the desk.

**"**Most of the townsfolk already have taken shelter without waiting for the Mayor's orders," the guard yelled. "The only ones left are public servants and committee members…"

"Really?" Navi asked, "He just sits here? _All day?_"

"Mr. Mayor and the Carnival Committee Members, please order those who remain to evacuate!" the armored man demanded.

"Ahh…hmm…well…" the Mayor paused, scratching his head.

"Yeah, pretty much," Tatl said, "It's not like anyone has seen him do anything else."

"You cowards!" the man with the white mustache screeched, "Do you actually believe the moon will actually fall? The confused townsfolk simply caused a panic by believing this ridiculous, groundless theory. The soldiers couldn't prevent the panic, but outside the town walls is where the danger is!"

"Wow," Navi gulped, "That's so different from we're from. All the heads of authority in Hyrule never show up on screen."

"Now that's just sad," Tatl said.

Link yawned, "_Boooorrrriinnngg_…"

"You want answers? The answer is that the carnival should not be canceled! Isn't that right, Mr. Mayor?" the mustache man turned to the Mayor.

"Ahh…hmm…well…" the Mayor paused.

**"**Are you serious, Mutoh?" the solider yelled back, "It seems that giant chunk of rock above us hasn't caught your eye! At this time every year, we are overrun by tourists! So why is the town empty?"

"BAH!" Link flung his arms in the air, "POLITICS!"

**(Link stormed out of the room without finding out that his sudden outburst had effectively and efficiently ended the debate. Link slumped into the hallway and opened the door on the right instead. Inside he saw a fat redheaded lady, sitting in a fancy chair talking to a fat Zora.)**

"Oh dear, are you on a field trip?" she asked as soon as she saw Link.

"Yeah, field trip from he—" Link grumbled.

"…Or are you the expert person-finder I hired?" the woman interrupted.

Link cocked his head, "_Ehhhhh?_"

"Yes, yes, yes," the woman muttered to herself, "I say, you have the face of a pro."

**(Navi and Tatl flew into the room.)**

"Oh, great going, Link," Navi said, "Now Clocktown is going to remain in political _turmoil _for the next three days."

"More like political lost-in-thought, but…" Tatl sighed.

"The characteristics of the person I want you to find. Yes, yes. I know them," the woman continued, "The person I want you to locate is my son, Kafei. He's very well known for being the only person in town who knows how to play the bagpipes. You know him, don't you?"

"Uhhhhhh…" Link paused, "That's actually probably the first time I've heard that name after all these loops…"

"…You don't? Really?" the woman asked, "He disappeared about a month ago. It's terrible! I'm so worried… I can't get food down my throat, and I've lost five pounds."

"It doesn't look like it…" Link pointed out, "Or maybe you couldn't get the food down your throat because of how swollen it is…"

"Link!" Navi bounced on Link's head, "Don't be rude!"

Tatl quivered, "Especially to the _Mayor's __Wife!_"

"You haven't heard anything, though?" the Mayor's Wife paused, "Oh, dear… Well, could you look for him?"

"Sure," Link shrugged, "I'm bored enough as it is."

"Oh my, of course. You are an expert," the Mayor's Wife chortled to herself, "Well, I'm counting on you!"

**(****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got**** Kafei's mask. Wow, this 'Kafei' guy even had ****_merchandise_**** of himself?)**

**

* * *

**

(Link, having nothing better to do while Tatl gave Navi the Town Tour, headed back to the Stock Pot Inn. When inside, he saw a Postman, who had just given a letter to Anju.)

"Ah!" Anju exclaimed in surprise, "Uh, uh, uh, umm, umm… What is this?"

"I have delivered this to you!" the Postman replied.

**(The Postman started to head for the door.)**

"Ah! Wait!" Anju called out, "This letter, wh-where did you?"

**The Postman turned his head towards Anju, "**From the postbox."

"Th-that's not what I mean!" Anju groaned, "From the postbox where?

"From the postbox somewhere," the Postman replied.

Link pointed at the Postman. "I like you! You're _funny_!" Link snorted on his last word.

"That's not what I mean! Please tell me!" Anju begged.

**"**It's a secret," the Postman replied.

**(Link giggled in the background.)**

"I must know!" Anju pleaded.

**(The Postman then took his leave. Link then put on his new Kafei's Mask, and walked over at Anju. Anju, who had a look of despair on her face had no time to look over at Link, or notice Link clutching on the edges of the mask.)**

"Oh…" Anju sighed, "Now what am I do to?"

**(Link leaned his face and mask in closely towards Anju.)**

"_You like my new _**_mask?_**" Link said in the creepiest voice possible.

"You're also looking for Kafei?" Anju exclaimed, "I have a request!"

Link tore off his mask, "You never answered my—"

"Kafei…I have a clue...that will help you find him," Anju said, "Tonight at 11:30, please come to our kitchen. We'll talk then…"

**(Before Link could say anything else, Anju fled to the hallway behind her. Fortunately Navi and Tatl had just finished their tour of Clocktown, and had flown in to collect Link.)**

"There you are," Navi sighed, "We've been looking all over—"

"The Cucco Lady wants me to meet her at 11:30 tonight." Link said.

**(Navi and Tatl froze.)**

"I wonder if she's gonna bake me cookies or something," Link pondered, "I haven't eaten at all in these past few loops."

"Link, I very much doubt that she's going to_ bake cookies_ with you…" Navi said very slowly.

"What else do you do in a kitchen at 11:30 at night?" Link asked.

"…Link, maybe it's better if one of us goes with you…" Navi paused.

"Don't you go with me everywhere?" Link asked.

"He's got a point there." Tatl said.

Navi groaned, "Just make sure you don't let her get too close to you."

**

* * *

**

(Since Link had nothing to do until nightfall, s

**o he threw spiders at girls and yelled that he didn't kill the astronomer, which in this reality, he didn't. This confused the authorities. Though Link was having so much fun, the fairies dragged him back to his hotel room at 6:00 pm, and made him stay. At**** 9:30 pm, the following happened:)**

"I'm _boooorrrreeeeddd_," Link whined.

"Yes, Link, well you may be bored, but at least the townsfolk won't be holding lawsuits against you," Navi said.

**"**See, everything here is falling apart…" Tatl complained, "You can hear the voices next door."

"Tatl, you've already said that," Navi sighed.

"Yes, but you couldn't hear voices next door then," Tatl said.

"_OK, Anju,"_ a muffled voice come from the wall, _"we're leaving in the evening for the ranch. Cremia will take us in. She is your best friend, right?"_

"…Okay, wow," Navi gaped, "That's just sad."

**"**_I wonder if Kafei is really at Cremia's place…"_ said a higher pitch muffled voice.

"_If Kafei is there, your mother will give him a smack. Besides, think about Cremia. She needs strength from a partner and business support from Madam Aroma,"_ the lower pitch voice explained.

Link pressed his ear against the tear in the wallpaper, "If only you could tell who's speaking!"

"_If Kafei really has run off with Cremia, she'll get both. Please don't be sad. How happy could you possibly be… marrying a man who runs off when he's about to be married?"_ the lower pitch voice said. _"It would make you're your life unhappy…just like your mother's."_

"_But in the letter it said he definitely would come back…"_ the higher pitch voice sighed.

**(By now, all three of our heroes had their ears pressed against the wall.)**

"_Come back to what?"_ the lower pitch voice berated. _"Won't this town be crushed beneath the moon the morning after two days from now? Forget about that letter. For now, just try to survive," _the lower pitch voice sighed._ "Everything else will follow…"_

"_Yes… Mother. Thank you,"_ the higher pitch voice said.

"That drama!" Tatl exclaimed, "The fate of love on the balance! This would be a great Soap Opera! What do you think, guys?"

**(Tatl zipped around, however Navi and Link were gone.)**

Tatl paused, "Guys?"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, Link had gotten bored and wandered off, however he had fortunately come across the first, and only, washroom in all of the Legend of Zelda games.)

"Finally, after all these loops of holding it in, I can relieve myself without having to distract Navi and Tatl!" Link couldn't withhold his smile, "I'm going to enjoy this."

**(Then a single, dingy, thin hand arose from out of the toilet.)**

**"**Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper, please!" the hand pleaded.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, falling over backwards.

**"**Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper, please!" the hand pleaded once again.

"Uhhh, errrr…." Link looked around nervously.

**(Link reached into his hat, and pulled out his sharpie and notepad. He looked at his sharpie, his notepad, and then at the flailing Hand in the Toilet.)**

**"**Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper, please!" the hand pleaded.

"Hmmm, see, I have this dilemma…" Link paused, "See, if I give you my notepad, then my sharpie will be useless for the next two days. But if I'm correct, then you will give me something good if I actually _do_ give you paper."

"I D-D-DON'T GIVE A CR-CR-CRAP!" yelled the Hand in the Toliet, "JUST GIVE ME SOME ST-ST-STU-STUPID PA-PA-PA-PER!"

**(Link blankly stared.)**

"Please," the Hand quickly added.

Link sighed, "Alright, just hold on a minute."

**(Link then rushed out of the washroom. The Hand in the Toilet started to impatiently drum his fingers on the edge of the seat. But fortunately for the hand, Link came back quickly, with a book in his hand.)**

"Here," Link said, giving the book to the Hand, "I doubt that old lady needs a diary at her age."

**(The hand quickly retreated into the toilet, and then a flushing sound was heard. Then it remerged while doing thumbs up.)**

"Yeah! Ho! You saved me…" the Hand exclaimed. "This fell down here… I'll give it to you."

**(DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUU! Link got a Heart Piece! As soon as the hand retreated back into the toilet, Tatl flew into the scene.)**

"Oh, there you are," Tatl said, "Have you seen Navi?"

"No, but I got this!" Link exclaimed, holding up his Heart Piece.

Tatl raised her eyebrow, "Where'd you get _that?_"

Link shrugged, "That Hand in the Toilet gave it to me."

**(The Hand in the Toilet remerged briefly and waved.)**

"Eww! Link!" Tatl exclaimed, "Don't touch that! You don't know where it's been!"

Link pocketed the Heart Piece, "Yeah, I do."

"Gah! Never mind." Tatl sighed, "Anyways, do you have any idea where Navi is?"

"Nope." Link said.

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, Navi…)

**"**We were scheduled to do a show, but it got canceled. This place has a reputation for being a great live venue, so it's a shame. I'd like to do a sound check, though. I just want to see what it would have been like… Hey, you!Could you help me with a performance?" the Instructor of the Indigo-goes asked.

Navi shrugged, "Well, I sing terribly, but why not."

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile Link and Tatl were heading to the kitchen, and got there at 11:15.)

"Tatl?" Link said.

"What now?" Tatl groaned.

"I think I've lost my Romani Mask…" Link said.

**(Link pulled up the cubic item subscreen. In the spot where Link kept the Romani Mask, there was a suspicious hole. But before Tatl could to add her comments, they arrived at the kitchen, where Anju was already standing by a stovetop with a large bowl of soup on it.)**

**"**We used to be a cafeteria," Anju smiled, "but after my father died, the room rentals that were part of our service became our main focus."

Link blinked, "I thought we were going to talk about Kafei…"

"We're just a small inn with only two rooms, but people from all over come here at this time of year..." Anju paused, "See the performers practicing outside?"

"Oh, you were?" Tatl asked Link, "That's a relief."

"The second floor bunk room guests are very spirited at night with songs and dancing." Anju grinned, "The customer coming this afternoon will be staying next door to them, so I hope it'll be all right."

"Well, even though she's not what we feared, she's actin' real weird," Tatl sighed, "She, for some reason, thinks it's the middle of the afternoon!"

That's because when I got this script, it was completely out of order. Including random segments where it said Link went back in time. But now, when I've finally got the script in working order, I realized that I don't have the Anju talking to Link at midnight scene. And I have no idea why.

"Mmm... Mmmm?" Anju tasted the soup in front of her, "I must hurry! The guest arriving in the afternoon will come. Skip this, skip that!"

"Hey!" Tatl pointed at the intercom, "Get back to Narrating!"

**(****DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUU! Link got Anju's Letter! …How, we're not quite sure…****)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, in the Milk bar…)

**"**OK! That feels good!" the Zora Instructor exclaimed.

Navi blinked, "I thought I sang flat."

"It felt good anyway," the Instructor said.

**"**What feels good? That wretched, senseless racket?" snapped a guy at the counter.

Navi glared at the guy, "_You want me to try again?_"

**"**Tha-That melody..." the guy spluttered desperately, "That melody... It brings back so many memories!"

**"**It's their old standby 'Ballad of the Wind Fish'," the Instructor explained, "That's the song that members of the previous generation of The Indigo-Go's made famous!"

"Really?" the guy asked, "I couldn't tell."

**(That night, for the first time in Terminan history, the Romani's Milk Bar was ripped board by board until nothing was left standing.)**

**

* * *

**

(But Link and Tatl were nowhere near the Milk Bar. In fact, Link had wandered around aimlessly and came across a ghostly figure, dancing.)

"Link, you really need to break this bad habit of wandering around aimlessly," Tatl said.

"But it's so much fun!" Link hummed.

**(That's when Navi floated towards them.)**

"Oh, hey there, Navi!" Link waved to her, "Where've you been?"

Navi shrugged, "Releasing some stress by tearing down buildings. What about you?"

"You don't want to know…" Tatl sighed.

**"**I am no longer part of the living… My sadness to the moon…" the ghostly figure said as he danced, "I haven't left my dance to the world… I am filled with regret."

"I wonder if it speaks Hylian…" Link pondered, staring at the ghost intently.

Tatl stared at Link, "You mean you didn't understand that?"

Navi let out a big sigh, "Link, it really is quite a variety of what words you understand and which ones you don't."

"That's because you hang around me all the time," Link said.

Tatl groaned, "You want a translation?"

"Yup!" Link exclaimed.

Tatl flung up her arms in exasperation, "I am sad, oh moon! I have died!"

"You're good at understanding stuff, Tatl," Link grinned.

"Oh," the ghost continued, "I planned to bring the world together and stir it into a giant melting pot with my dance. If only I had taught my new dance to someone…"

"Oh, okay," Link shrugged.

**(Since Link was such an uncooperative little hero, the authoress forced George to play Song of Healing over the intercom. Yet the ghost seemed unaffected. O.o)**

"Spread my dance across the world…" the ghost said, "Train its followers…"

**(Link turned to Tatl expectantly.)**

"I have taught it to you, now make it into a popular dance craze," Tatl grumbled.

**(****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!**** Link got Kamaro's Mask! …I wonder who Kamaro is…)**

"I am counting on you," the ghost said.

**(Link turned to Tatl once more.)**

"Link, it doesn't get much simpler than 'I am counting on you.'" Tatl explained.

"Oh," Link paused, "Would you believe I had trouble understanding his funny accent?"

"Link, let's go," Navi sighed.

**(As the ghost BURNED up, like my Scriptwriter says, Link and Co. headed back to Clocktown.)**

**

* * *

**

(Since it was almost morning, Navi and Tatl hijacked Anju's letter and put it in the mailbox. Link, on the other hand, wandered over to the Laundry Pool out of shear boredom. There, he saw a kid with a yellow mask, playing the bagpipes and an older man on…some sort of instrument. Together they were playing Song of Storms. As soon as Tatl and Navi flew into the scene, the kid cut off in the middle of the tune, and turned to the other man.)

"Tomorrow night we play Scotland's National Anthem," the yellow mask kid told the music guy.

"Fine," the other guy grumbled. "As soon as we find out what Scotland is."

"Deal," the kid grinned, which wasn't very noticeable since he was wearing a mask.

"La-la-la…  
They said I was  
much too loud  
when I practiced in my—" the two sang.

"Um, excuse me," Link piped up.

The masked kid looked up from the bagpipes, "Hmm?"

"We're looking for this guy," Navi pulled out Link's Kafei mask, "and we're wondering if you know anything about his whereabouts."

"Wait, we're actually helping that lady?" Link asked Navi.

"Link, you were the one who barged into her office. The least you could to is help her out," Tatl said, "Anyway, guys, have you seen him?"

"Well," the music man pondered, "Actually—"

**(Fate decided to mock Link today, so the sun emerged on the horizon. Weird text appeared on the screen again…)**

* * *

******(The fairies decided that Link should go back to tell Kafei about Link's successful delivery—the only positive result of the scenario with Anju. For some reason, it took them all night to get to the Laundry Pool.) **

**D****AWN OF THE SECOND DAY**

**-48 Hours Remain-**

**(And it started to rain. Link saw Anju walk by, and remembered how fun it was to throw spiders at her, but all of a sudden, a weird song that Link had never heard before, started playing over the intercom, and thus everything around him started running twice as slowly.)**

"Wait, what the heck?" Navi asked, looking at Anju moving in slow motion.

It's Inverted Song of Time, a song that slows time down! n.n Now, to everyone around you, you'll be moving twice as fast!

"But doesn't that mean that if I talk to anyone, that when I speak, I'll sound very high-pitched?" Link asked, "Like a Deku Scrub?"

"And talking twice as fast?" Navi added.

…I…never…thought of that…

"And why do you keep feeling the obsessive need to pipe up every-so-often?" Tatl grumbled, "You haven't left us alone since the Zora chapter!"

…Just go stalk the postman.

"Why?" Link asked, "I think he can do his job without my help…"

"Actually…" Navi pondered, "That's not a bad idea. See, when he delivers Anju's letter for Kafei, the Postman will lead us straight to Kafei."

"But doesn't the postman move really slowly now?" Link asked.

"Well, he did move faster than most people when he was moving at regular speed," Tatl said, "So maybe you might be able to keep up with him if you wear Bunny hood."

"…I doubt anyone can move that quickly…" Navi paused.

**(So Link put on his Bunny hood, and ran around Clocktown to find the Postman. He found him rather quickly, and quickly discovered that he was indeed faster than the Postman with both Bunny hood and slowed time. This annoyed Link more than anyone could get him to admit, but he followed close behind the postman anyway. That is, until he crashed a small Deku Scrub. His Bunny hood wobbled slightly when they collided.)**

Link was not in the mood, "HEY! WATCH IT DEKU!"

"ME WATCH IT? YOU CRASHED INTO ME!" the Deku yelled back.

"Hmph. Whatever," Link muttered to Tatl and Navi, "I have to stalk the Postman."

**(And Link ran off after the Postman, who had not gotten much farther from where Link had been stopped by this Deku Scrub.)**

"Uh-huh," Navi said, "I knew it. I knew it all along."

"What are you on about, Grandma?" Tatl grumbled.

"That Deku Scrub," Navi smirked triumphantly, "was _you_ on our first loop."

"Wha—?" Link raised his eyebrow, "That couldn't have been me! That little twerp was too short to have been me!"

"Link," Navi started, "You're a lot shorter when you're a Deku than you give yourself credit for. And besides, remember that time, back on the first loop, where you bumped into this Terminan guy who yelled at you?"

**(Link stared blankly at Navi.)**

Navi groaned, "The guy who had a weird set of ears on top of his head?"

"How does that even work?" Link cocked his head, the ears of his Bunny hood flopped to the side.

"The first time I scolded Navi for eating ice cubes?" Tatl sighed.

"OOOHHHH!" Link exclaimed, "I remember!"

"Thing is, I never ate those ice cubes," Navi explained, "I froze on the spot because I recognized your Hylian form immediately. Tatl, on the other hand, had only known you for less than an hour, so she didn't notice it was you."

"Wait, I'm confused," Link held his head uncertainly.

"Let me spell it out for you, Link," Navi sighed, "That guy who bumped into you, was you, right now."

"What? That's not possible!" Link said. "I've never seen myself around town!"

Navi paused, "True…"

"I think I get it!" Tatl exclaimed, "You may have not seen your Hylian form, however, you have seen a Deku and a Goron. And while you were a Deku, Navi noticed you as a Hylian! So each loop we see each one of your transformation masks!"

"Goron? What Goron?" Link asked.

"You guys may not of heard it, since you _locked me_**_ out_,**" Tatl glared at Navi, "but when you were running from me, there was a Goron that rolled by, a loud crash, and a Deku Scrub walked away from the scene."

"So?" Link asked.

"Well, the previous loop, you were about to leave Clocktown as a Goron after getting a Bomb Keg," Tatl explained. "But before you could, you somehow crashed into the mailbox."

"_And?_" Link paused. "What about the Deku?"

"Well, on the first loop, when you were a Deku, you got annoyed by this Goron who was curled up in a ball, and almost rolled you over. However you got your revenge because you managed to slip a banana peel in front of the Goron," Navi explained.

"Yeah," Link smirked, "that was fun."

"Link?" Navi asked.

"Yes?"

"When you were a Deku, you put a banana peel in front of you when you were a Goron, thus you crashed, and shattered that postbox," Navi said.

"And then you laughed at yourself," Tatl added.

Link gasped, "Does that mean that the authoress _actually_ put some foreshadowing in this story by loosely messing with time? Thus making this story somewhat _creative?_"

Watch it, bunny boy.

"Yes, Link," Navi said, "She actually did that."

Link paused, "Then that means…"

**(Link turned his head towards the ledge of the Clock Tower, just as he turned around the corner to enter the Laundry Pool. There, he saw a small Deku Scrub, sitting on the ledge.)**

"I DIDN'T KILL HIM!" the Deku Scrub screamed, "I SWEAR, IT WASN'T ME!"

**

* * *

**

(Link entered the Laundry Pool. There the Postman hit a bell. This prompted a small purple-haired kid to come out of a door. Since Link was a nosey little boy, he put on his Bunny hood, and leapt across the pool. Link flung open the door the masked kid had just emerged from. The purple-haired boy didn't notice because the postman had come to deliver his mail. As soon as Link entered, he saw some stairs, climbed up them. There was a room at the top of the stairs, and a bed sat in the corner. Link began jumping on it. Navi noticed some bagpipes stuffed in a corner. While bouncing, Link heard the kid walk up the stairs.)

"Bills…bills…" the masked kid flipped through his mail, "bills…more bills…ah! Here's a letter from Anju…"

**(The masked kid stopped on the landing as he combed through Anju's letter. As soon as he was finished, he made his way up again, only to see Link bouncing on his bed. They made eye contact. Link stopped bouncing.)**

"_Hiiiii!_" Link giggled as he waved to the purple haired kid.

"Green hat… Green clothes…" the boy paused, "Anju wrote about you in her letter."

Navi blinked, "Now why would she do _that?_"

The kid fixed his gaze on Link, "It seems you are looking for Kafei."

"I guess you could say that. See, his mother hired me, and she kinda gave me this mask," Link waved his Kafei's Mask back and forth, "so…"

The masked kid now fixed his gaze on the Kafei's Mask, "…Can you keep a secret?"

Link picked his teeth with his sword, "Nope."

**(The masked kid paused.)**

"…Then…why…did…she send you?" the masked boy said.

"I have no idea," Link shrugged, "One minute she seemed interested in talking about you, next she's ranting on about some cafeteria."

"Maybe she thought Link had a lot free time," Tatl said, "Because we all know that Link has a _lot_ of free time."

"Link! Tatl! Where are your manners this chapter!" Navi hissed, then turned to the kid, "_**I **_can keep a secret!"

The masked kid gulped, "Anju trusted you. I shall also trust you."

**(The masked kid took off his Keaton Mask and hung it on the bagpipes. The face revealed a handsome complexion with dazzling red eyes, a sleek jaw, a slender nose, and skin that looked almost like marble. He wore a blue pendant around his neck, which glistened in the dim light.)**

"Someone's a fan…" Navi eyed the intercom.

Link paused, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that…"

The boy blushed, "I-I am…Kafei."

"_Really?_" Link said, "I find that hard to believe…"

"I'm telling you the truth," Kafei looked Link in the eye.

Tatl scoffed, "The Kafei we're looking for is an adult. When I look at you, I just see a child."

"I was turned into" Kafei paused, "_this_ by a strange imp wearing a mask…"

"Strange masked one!" Tatl dinged like a bell.

"Skull kid!" Link said dramatically.

Navi glared at the intercom, "Next time you do that, I'm coming into your office and dealing with you personally!"

…

"But I'm not hiding because I look this way," Kafei started.

"Why wouldn't you?" Link asked. "I would."

"Link, you already _are_ that way," Navi said.

"When I was turned into this, I went to see the Great Fairy in the shrine near the North Gate… But on the way," Kafei paused again, "my precious mask—a wedding ceremony mask—was stolen from me by some prancing man with a grinning face!"

"Oh, that's just carelessness! You're like my partner…" Navi pointed at Link, who was poking a bug under Kafei's bed; the bug promptly bit Link's finger.

"Before my wedding ceremony I was quite happy," Kafei sighed, "I was targeted because of what I had been turned into."

"Oh dear, that sucks," Navi paused, "But Anju is kinda worried."

"I know Anju is worried…but I can't go out yet. I made a promise to her that I would bring the wedding mask and greet her," Kafei looked down at his pendant, "This pendant… Give it to Anju."

**(DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Navi got the Pendant of Memories!)**

"Keep what we just talked about a secret from everyone," Kafei turned to Link, "especially from _him_."

"That might be a bit of a problem," Navi said, "but we can keep him from telling anyone."

"Whatever," Kafei sighed, "Things that get stolen in this town always make their way to the Curiosity Shop. It happened with my bagpipes once."

**(There was a long pause.)**

"I'm, uh, waiting for that to happen. Stand on that crate and peek into that hole," Kafei gestured to a hole behind him, "From here, I check on the Curiosity Shop's customers."

Link peeked in the hole, "I don't see nothin'."

"That guy will definitely appear," Kafei said. "I'll be waiting when it happens."

**(Link walked over to the bagpipes, and ****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUHHHHHHHH! Link stole Kafei's Keaton Mask! I hope he doesn't notice…****)**

"Wait a minute! I've got an idea!" Tatl exclaimed. "Link! Pull out your Ocarina!"

"Uhhh…" Link pulled out his Ocarina, "_Okay?_"

"Why does he need his Ocarina all of a sudden?" Navi asked.

"Well, you know how Link got out of his Deku form when…" Tatl shuddered, "…that _creepy_ _mask guy_ played Song of Healing?"

"Tatl, we're not idiots," Navi said.

Tatl pointed at Link, "Oh yeah?"

"…Whatever, what does Link's Hylianization have to do with anything?" Navi sighed.

"You see, Grandma," Tatl smiled, "both Kafei and Link were transfigured by Skull Kid. Which can only mean…"

Navi's face lit up, "Link! Play Song of Healing!"

**(Link already knew that women were insane, but he decided not to argue, for their lack of sanity might rub off on him. Link played Song of Healing. Kafei started to feel lightheaded.)**

"This…this feeling…" Kafei mumbled, swaying side to side, "…it's so…_calming_…"

**(Kafei winced. He doubled over in pain, and then his entire body began to steadily enlarge. It wasn't until he was the proper size of an adult that a mask fell away from his face. Link, without giving Kafei time to recover from this transformation, ran over and scooped up the mask from the ground. ****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Shrimpy Mask! This little mask turns you back to a fourteen-year-old! Unfortunately, Link is already a fourteen-year-old, so this mask has no effect on him. Kafei straightened up and held his head.****)**

"That felt weird," Kafei gulped.

Link chuckled, "Well, you don't know what it feels like to change species, let me tell you."

**(Kafei stared uneasily at Link.)**

"Wow!" Tatl exclaimed, "You really are tall! When you told us you were Kafei, I thought for a second that you were a midget!"

"…Ummm…" Kafei coughed. "Why, uh, don't you give that pendant to Anju? Now would be nice."

"But your bed's so—" Link started.

Find Anju.

Navi stared, "Authoritative command much."

"But—" Link started.

GO!

**

* * *

**

(So, to comply to the authoress's wishes, Link decided to look for Anju. Which wasn't very hard, since she almost never leaves the Stock Pot Inn. Link found her in at the front desk, while a fatter woman—presumably her mother—was packing their stuff into suitcases.)

"Oh…" Anju frowned, "Did you meet him?"

"Yup," Link grabbed the pendant from Navi, "I hope you like jewelry."

**(Link held out the pendant to Anju and…DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Anju got Pendant of Memories! …Somewhere, in an alternate universe, a Princess Zelda cringed.)**

"Ah!" Anju gasped, "…It's from Kafei. Th…Th…Thank you… Very much!"

"Anju!" Anju's mother called from the hallway behind the counter, "I've just finished packing all of your luggage. Now we just need to pack your Grandmother's and mine, then we're all set!"

Anju spun around, "I have decided to wait for him. I've made my promise…"

"You indecisive little child!" bellowed the voice from behind the counter, "You told me you were coming!"

Anju smiled, holding the pendant in her hands, "I'm fine with this. I believe him."

"That's no excuse! I've just finished packing your essentials into the carriage, and I am NOT going to unpack them all again!" Anju's mother snapped.

"But mother!" Anju said, "I know he's coming. I believe in him. So you'll just have to unload it all again."

"_All of it?_" Anju's mother said, "My dear, I refuse to carry all your **junk** back into this Inn! You barely managed to convince me to stuff it all in there in the first place!"

"Mother! Kafei is coming! He promised me! He promised me with this!" Anju waved the pendant around, "He's going to come back, I _know _he will!"

Anju's mother crossed her arms, "I never said he wouldn't."

"Yes, _well,_" Anju pulled out a small mirror from behind the reception desk and examined her complexion, "if he's coming, I want to look my best. And I don't want to be all sweaty or stinky from carrying my luggage out of the carriage."

**(Anju flipped her hair with her hand.)**

"I've also got to dress appropriately," Anju kept her eyes fixed on the mirror, "So I've got to find the perfect outfit to make sure he doesn't think I _almost_ went off to Romani Ranch on the pretense that he ran off with Cremia."

"But don't dress too formally," Tatl warned, "Or else he'll be under the impression that you have nothing else to do with your time but to ponder which dress is best for such an occasion."

"Ah, good point," Anju fluffed her hair a bit more, then turned to the fairies, "Say, would you girls mind helping me pick out a dress for me?"

"Sure thing!" Navi smiled, "We're not doing anything this evening anyway."

Link blinked, "We _aren't?_"

"Well, we are now," Tatl said.

"Why don't we start right away?" Anju smiled, then turned to behind the counter, "Mother, get the suitcase with my dresses, please?"

"No!" Anju's mother growled, "That suitcase is underneath all the others! If you want it, then you have to unpack it yourself!"

Anju groaned, "Mother, I've already explained why _I_ can't do it myself. Otherwise I'd be happy to—"

"ANJU—"

"You know," Link interrupted, "you could just take the luggage with you and leave the Cuccoo lady behind."

Navi sighed, "Link, don't be silly—"

"Actually," Anju's mother paused, "that's not a bad idea."

"Mother!"

"Well, alright dear," Anju's mother smirked, "I'm off to go fetch your grandmother, call me if your vanishing fiancé decides to see us off. Ta ta!"

**(Though Link could not personally see it, he sensed that Anju's mother left the room.)**

Anju called out after her, "Mother!"

**(Navi and Tatl managed to get Link out of the Stock Pot Inn before Anju could direct her rage at him. And since the authoress lost all coordination of time, it was suddenly nightfall.)**

**

* * *

**

(Outside the Laundry Pool, the Music Man was looking around for Kafei.)

"Dang it, dang it,  
where on earth is that kid?  
Where could he be?  
Did he ditch me?" the music man asked.

**(The music man looked around, but only found a frog.)**

"How could he?  
How could he?  
How could he do this to me?  
Just after I find out  
What Scotland is!" the music man told the frog, waving about a piece of sheet music, which had Scotland's National Anthem on it.

**(Back to our heroes…)**

**

* * *

**

**DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY**

**-12 Hours Remain-**

"…The authoress really _has _lost all coordination of time…" Navi said.

**(When they entered Kafei's Hideout, he wasn't there. A man wearing sunglasses stood there. He looked as if he ran a shady shop where thieves sell their stolen goods—how ****_curious_****… Either that or he was a hit man for the Terminan mafia. But Link took no notice of this man's somewhat suspicious nature and started jumping on Kafei's bed again.)**

The man paused,"Huh? You the green hat kid?"

"I dunno," Link turned to Navi, "Am I the 'Green Hat Kid'?"

Navi stared at Link's green hat, and then at Link, "What do you think, genius?"

"I got a message from Kafei," the man in sunglasses said, "Now Kafei…"

"AH!" Link raised his finger, "Stop! Wait a minute! Are you going to start an endlessly long monologue?"

"Erm, yeah…" the man paused, "You've got a problem with that?"

"Look mister," Link grumbled, "we've had a lot of long monologues in the previous chapter—not to mention this one! If you must say something, keep it short!"

The man cracked his knuckles, "And what if I say no?"

**(Link drew his sword.)**

"Now if you don't stop monologuing this instant," Link scribbled rapidly on the sketchbook paper, "I won't give you this artistic masterpiece I'm drawing for you _right now_!"

**(Link tore off the page and handed it to the man in sunglasses. ****DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH!****The Man in Sunglasses got Link's Drawing!**** The man eyed the stick figure drawing of the boy's sword, and saw a stick figure in the corner, which the man decided represented himself. The man looked over at Link.)**

Link was grinning widely, "So, we have a deal?"

"…I'm not sure why, but…" the man paused, "I want to give this to you."

**(****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the All-Night Mask! A mask made of lattice with freaky looking eyes!)**

Navi sighed, " …Sounds like a _certain authoress _is cutting corners again…"

"Now Kafei…" the man said, "He says he wants you to take this to his mother."

**(DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Mama's Letter.)**

"There's been a lot of sound effects in this chapter," Navi said, "Like, more than usual."

"Oh _yes, _grandma," Tatl rolled her eyes, "As if _everyone_ hasn't already noticed."

Navi paused, "Says the fairy with ONA."

**(DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Tatl got Burned!)**

Tatl glared at the intercom, "That is getting really annoying."

**(DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! I don't care!)**

"Hey—"

"A customer came to my shop last night…" the shady man interrupted, "Now Kafei sees him, and Kafei's colour just changes and he goes runnin' after the guy."

Link blinked, "Kafei can change colour? Change colour _AND_ play the bagpipes?"

Navi rolled her eyes, "Who's this _guy_ he charged after?"

"The guy's a regular… A greedy thief named Sakon," the man in sunglasses pulled out a map, and examined it closely, "I _think_ he's from Ikana Village…"

"No, I think your wrong about that," Tatl said, "No one lives in Ikana Village except Garos, Redeads, Gibdos, a Skeletal Hierarchy, a Great Fairy, a girl who keeps bodies in her closet, and a guy who dissects fairies."

"Say…" Navi paused, "I wonder why he hasn't tried to dissect the Great Slut yet?"

"No, he's in Ikana Village alright," the man put his finger on the map, "I found Kafei's bagpipes just outside the East Gate."

**(The Sunglasses man took out some bagpipes out of his butt—much like Sheik did in Totally Messed.)**

"Anyways, if you find him, would you mind giving these to him," the man asked, "He hates being without them."

**(****DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link had Kafei's Bagpipes shoved into his hands! The bagpipes look very well kept.****)**

**

* * *

**

(So Link wandered around Clocktown—looking for the Milk Bar, since he had yet to try out his Romani Mask. However, unfortunately, the Milk Bar had been flattened earlier in the chapter, so all that remained was a countertop, and a few barstools that were bent out of shape. On one of them sat the Mayor's Wife, who was talking to the beat up bartender. Like decided to move on, and he found the Postman's Office, where the Postman lay panicked on the floor.)

"Hey!" Link exclaimed, "It's the funny guy! Hee hee, _fuunnnyyy_…"

**(Link snorted.)**

"Link, why do you like this guy so much?" Navi asked.

"Yeah!" Tatl added, "He's like the biggest loser of Termina! Why _him_ of all Terminins?"

"Because he's _funny_," Link chuckled, "See?"

**(Link pulled out Mama's Letter and threw it at the Postman. Though this action startled him greatly, the letter managed to stay on his face without falling off.)**

"Th-This," the Postman exclaimed, "is a priority mail seal! This is the highest of priorities."

**(The Postman stood up, and peeled the letter off of his face.)**

"I shall deliver it!" the Postman headed for the door.

"Oh…_my_…" Navi paused.

"Wow," Tatl said, "that's just _sad_."

"I'm going to follow him!" Link grinned widely.

**(Link put on Bunny hood and zipped out the door.)**

"…Well," Navi paused, "Now what?"

"Ack! What about Kafei!" Tatl asked, "How are we going to get him his bagpipes _now!_"

"Oh, crap," Navi paused. "Where is he anyway?"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile…somewhere in Ikana Canyon… Kafei was crouching behind a rock in front of a sealed cave.)

"I found him at last," Kafei smirked, "He must be using this place as his safe house for keeping his stolen goods."

**(Kafei felt a slight twinge in his back.)**

"Gah…I've seen sitting in this position too long…" Kafei winced. "I'm going to be all stiff and sore if I'm not careful."

**(Kafei peeked from behind the rock at the sealed cave. He receded back again.)**

"I'd probably be able to stand up, or take any position at all if I was still cursed," Kafei grumbled. "Just when I was getting used to being small again…"

**(Navi and Tatl flew around the corner, and looked at the rock.)**

"The top of your head is showing," Navi called out.

**(Kafei swore loudly, and got in a lower, and more uncomfortable position.)**

"How'd you get here so quickly?" Kafei asked, "It took me many hours to trek here by foot. Admittedly, I was tailing someone, but…"

**(Tatl pulled out Link's Ocarina, and started tossing it in the air.)**

"Taking an Ocarina from a Hylian is like taking candy from a baby," Tatl smirked.

Kafei blinked, "A _Whatian?_"

"Sure, he's hard to catch with Bunny hood…" Navi continued, "but once he gets distracted by something it's dead easy."

Tatl chuckled, "He's probably the easiest person to rob ever."

"And he probably won't miss it," Navi shrugged.

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, in the Ruins of the Milk Bar.)

"…You're still here?" the Mayor's Wife asked.

The Postman paused, "To…to…to…tomorrow's delivery is scheduled!"

"What are you saying?" the Mayor's Wife said, "Did you see the sky? It's terrible!"

"But, but…" the Postman stammered.

"Wait a minute…" Link paused.

**(Link pulled up the Item Subscreen. There was a suspicious hole in the top left-hand corner.)**

"I think someone stole my Ocarina…" Link said.

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, back in Ikana…)

"So why are we hiding from a cave?" Tatl asked.

"His name is Sakon," Kafei said, "He came to the shop last night, and I followed him. His storage for the things he's stolen is on the other side of this rock door. Only Sakon can open it."

"…If you say so," Tatl paused.

"The only way in is to wait for Sakon to arrive. I'll wait… I've made a promise to Anju. He will show up," Kafei smiled.

"'The _only_ way'?" Navi asked. "You Terminins are _very resourceful_ when it comes down to it."

"Wha—" Kafei started.

"Here, let's try and get in _without_ this big and mighty Sakon," Navi huffed.

**(Navi charged full speed towards the door. There was a loud bang, and the result was a blue fairy laying on the ground.)**

"Like I said," Kafei explained, "Sakon's the only one who can open it."

"Oh _y-eyah!_" a dizzy Navi asked, "Where der's awill…der's away!"

**(As Navi slowly regained her senses, she looked around the edge of the door. On the right hand side, she found a slightly larger crack.)**

"See! Here!" Navi smiled, "try rolling in between the door and the wall here!"

"I'm not sure if you've noticed," Kafei had a disapproving sound in his voice, "but I'm not a fairy. Or even anything remotely that small."

Tatl turned to Kafei, "This game is full of glitches as it is. Exploiting one of them might not hurt."

**(Kafei looked doubtful of the fairies' logic. But he had nothing to lose, so he rolled toward the crack. Kafei hit the wall. There was a loud 'BAM'. Kafei tried again after some prompting by the fairies. This time he hit the large door. Kafei discovered that the door was much harder than the wall. But the fairies still weren't satisfied. On the third try, he somehow managed to leap forward and continue onto the pathway behind the door. The fairies followed behind him.)**

**Fun Fact:**** You can actually do this…but only with Link. If you try to do this before Kafei hides behind the rock, Kafei won't be there to press the switch/activate story mode, and you are left in an impossible situation in which you must go back in time.**

**

* * *

**

(When Tatl and Navi entered the room, they found it was empty, even though Kafei had entered seconds before them. However, they saw a door, and when they opened it, Kafei was standing in front of a glass case. The case contained a mask that looked like a lion. On either side of the case was a door, both of which were shut.)

**"**Ah! Look! There's a mask there!" Tatl exclaimed.

"…Dang it." Navi paused, "We're looking for a mask that looks like a sun, not a lion. Now where could it—"

**"**It's the Sun's Mask!" Kafei headed for the case.

Navi paused, "But it looks like a _lion!_"

**(Kafei walked towards the glass case. When he stood in front of it, an alarm went off. Kafei looked down and saw that he had accidentally stepped on a switch. The door to the right of the casing opened. That was when the "Sun's Mask" was rolled backward into the next room on what looked like a treadmill. What era does this story take place in again?)**

"Now I've done it!" Kafei groaned.

"_You __**idiot**__!_" Navi exclaimed.

"Well, if he didn't act without thinking," Tatl said, "then there wouldn't be much of a plot, now would there?"

**(Kafei ran towards the newly opened door, but it closed as soon as he stepped off the switch.)**

Kafei spun around, "Step on that switch!"

"What?" Tatl huffed. "Are you telling us what to do?"

Navi leaned over to Tatl's ear, "It's some setup where the door stays open only while the switch is pressed. He can't go through otherwise."

"Oh, I see," Tatl paused. "But can we do? Without Link, we can't press down the switch."

"If only I had my bagpipes with me…" Kafei sighed. "Then I could have broken the glass by matching the sound frequency on them."

"The last thing we need is Deus Ex Bagpipes on top of the bracelet," Navi sighed.

"But," Tatl said, "it would have been heavy enough to press the switch down."

"Well, if we can't manage with weight, then we'll manage with strength!" Navi huffed.

**(Navi punched the switch with all her might. The switch now indented into the ground. Kafei stood in stunned silence.)**

"Pffft…" Tatl sniggered. "That has got to be the cheesiest sentence in this fanfic."

Navi turned to Kafei, "Well, don't just stand there! Get your mask!"

**(Kafei trembled as he entered the next room. He entered just in time to see his mask vanish behind a wall, which also had a closed door in it.)**

"There should be some device in this room that also opens the door…" Kafei pondered.

Tatl looked into the glass casing in the previous room, "Ohhh! The mask!"

**(At the end of the long treadmill, there was a hole. It was the perfect size for Kafei's Lion Mask. And, whenever there's a hole with a black bottom, it usually means that it's a bottomless pit in the Zelda games.)**

Kafei smooshed his face against the glass, "He's trying to pull it out of our reach and make his escape… We've got to hurry!"

**(Kafei then made his way through the maze of floor switches to find a blue switch. When he pressed this one, it made the door on the left open in the previous room.)**

**"**That's no good," Kafei sighed. "This isn't the switch… Go check that room."

Tatl peered in, "It looks pretty empty."

Navi joined in, "Not a switch in sight."

"There should be _some_ sort of mechanism," Kafei groaned, "Please! There's no time!"

**(Tatl and Navi flew into the next room.)**

"I don't like him… But is there a choice?" Tatl asked. "Should we help him?"

Kafei glared at Tatl through the clear glass, "I'm right here, you know."

**(If Tatl had not been indoors, she would have been struck down by lightening.)**

"Careful Tatl," Navi said, "You don't want to face the wrath of the authoress."

"Not moving ahead in the face of danger when you know it's for the better is just like Tael," Tatl sighed, "…That's it…"

Navi blinked, "What does your brother have anything to do with this—?"

"Let's go!" Tatl interrupted.

**(At the other end of the room, there was a Deku Baba. However, it was no match for the combined powers of both fairies. As soon as it was defeated, the door on Kafei's end opened. They went through a few more rooms like that before the trio reached the hole where the mask was going to fall into. There were two press-able switches, both of which Navi punched. This activated the closing of the hole just before the mask dropped down. And ****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!**** Kafei got the Sun's Mask! Or, a mask that's ****_supposed to_**** look like a sun. Kafei must be artistically confused.)**

"I got the Sun's mask back!" Kafei exclaimed.

**

* * *

**

(Navi, Tatl, and Kafei exited through the crack between the door and the wall. No one knows how this works. Kafei turned to the two fairies.)

"There's still time! I must get back to town!" Kafei said.

"Well, of course there's still time," Navi sighed, "We got in before the game designers intended we would."

"And we managed to get out…" Tatl flew down to the clock on the bottom of the screen, "…at what, seven p.m.?"

"…_How the bloody heck _did you _get in there?_" asked an ominous voice from behind.

**(Kafei, Navi, and Tatl all turned around at the same time. There stood a prancing thief with a grinning face…also known as Sakon. Sakon, who had just arrived back from a good day's thieving, had just pranced around the corner to catch a glimpse of our trio. Kafei hid the Sun's Mask behind his back.)**

"Ummmm…" Navi paused.

"Er, well, you see…" Tatl stalled.

"_Hiiiii!_" Kafei waved to Sakon.

**(There was a long pause. Tatl and Navi stared at Kafei.)**

Kafei sighed, "Well, it worked for the green hat kid, didn't it?"

"_I'm…gonna…kill—_" Sakon took menacing strides towards the group.

Navi gulped, "Oh! Look over there!"

"Oh, yeah right," Sakon rolled his eyes, "Like I'm falling for _that_ one."

**(Suddenly, a large crow flew from the sky and hit Sakon on the back of the head. Sakon fell to the ground.)**

"Oh! Look at the time!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Love to stay and chat, but we really must be off," Kafei said.

**(Tatl, Navi, and Kafei booked it.)**

"What the—" A gob of crow poop landed on the top of Sakon's bald head.

**(Around the corner, Tatl and Navi tried to invite Kafei to take a shorter way ****_(by learning the wonders of the Song of Soaring)_****, however Kafei dashed off into the sunset before the fairies had a chance to. Fortunately for Kafei, the sun was setting in the west, which was the general direction of Clocktown.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, back in town…)

"I have decided to flee," the Postman said to Link, "It is an order from the Postmaster. I am now free! I can set my own schedule!"

"Schedules are overrated," Link huffed, "See? I lived my whole life without one, and look how well _I _turned out!"

**(The Postman stared at the poor, filthy, uneducated, illiterate Kokiri boy. There was a long pause.)**

"I don't need this anymore, so here…" the Postman took off his hat, "I'll let you have it!"

**(DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!****Link got the Postman's hat! Now he can talk to over-enthusiastic postboxes! Before Link could thank the Postman, he cheesily ran off into the distance.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile Tatl and Navi had just warped to the Owl Statue in Central Clocktown. Without further ado, they flew off to the Stock Pot Inn. When they got there, they saw that it was completely abandoned. Except for Anju's family. They flew by Anju and her mother talking…)

"I have decided to wait for him. I've made my promise… I'm fine with this. I believe him," Anju said to her mother.

"Anju, that's the only thing you've said for the past six hours," Anju's mother grumbled. "Are you _sure _you don't want to flee to Romani Ranch?"

"I have decided to wait for him. I've made my promise… I'm fine with this. I believe him," Anju repeated.

**(Navi and Tatl flew into the room where Grandma Tortus was. There, Link was staring at her intently as she read him a story. Link was wearing the All-Night Mask, for some reason.)**

"…The centerpiece of the carnival is the clock tower, and on the eve of all the festivities, the doors to its roof are opened… From atop the clock tower roof, a ceremony to call the gods is held and an ancient song is sung. All of theses festivities for the Carnival of Time are held so that we may ask the gods for a rich harvest in the year to come," Grandma Tortus then closed her book. "You did a good job! That's all for Tortus! Now, when does the clock tower roof open?"

"On the eve of the carnival!" Link lifted his arms in the air.

"Very…uh, good Tortus…" Grandma Tortus gulped. "You did a good job remembering. That's the boy I'm proud of."

"Link, what are you doing?" Navi asked.

Link turned to Navi, "Listening to the Cucco Lady's Grandma tell me stories!"

"Why?" Tatl asked, "She's infamous for being the _worst _story teller in Termina!"

Link took off his mask, "I like to constantly stare at her with this on."

**(Navi looked at All-Night Mask and noticed for the first time how creepy the eyes of this mask were. Then she looked at Grandma Tortus, who was trying her best to wheelchair herself out of the room.)**

"Well, you've certainly unnerved her," Navi sighed. "Come on, Link, let's go."

"One more!" Link popped the mask back on his face.

"No, Tortus, finish helping father," Grandma Tortus retorted.

"No!" Link snapped, "I wanna hear a story!"

Grandma Tortus sighed, "Which story would you like to hear?"

**(Link popped the mask back on his face and looked at the options that appeared on the screen. There was the 'Carnival of Time'—which he had just heard—and the 'Four Giants'.)**

"The Four Giants!" Link exclaimed.

"The Four Giants, is it?" Grandma Tortus asked, "Good, no one's ever got through this one. Erm. This is quite long, but it is a good story for you to hear, so I'll read it with some extra gusto. Ahem… 'The Four Giants.' This tale's from long ago when all the people weren't separated into four worlds like they are now. In those times all the people lived together, and the four giants lived among them. On the day of the festival that celebrates the harvest, the giants spoke to the people… 'We have chosen to guard the people while we sleep…' '100 steps north, 100 steps south, 100 steps east, 100 steps west.' If you have need, calls us in a loud voice declaring something such as, 'The mountain blizzard has trapped us.'' 'Or 'The ocean is about to swallow us.' Your cries shall carry to us…' Now then…There was one who was shocked and saddened by all this. A little imp. The imp was a friend of the giants since before they had created the four worlds. 'Why must you leave?' 'Why do you not stay?' The childhood friend felt neglected, so he spread his anger across the four worlds. Repeatedly, he wronged all the people. Overwhelmed with misfortune, the people sang the song of prayer to the giants who lived in each of the four compass directions. The giants heard their cry and responded with a roar. 'Oh, imp. Oh, imp. We are the protectors of the people.' 'You have caused the people pain. Oh, imp, leave these four worlds! Otherwise, we shall tear you apart!' The imp was frightened and saddened. He had lost his old friends. The imp returned to the heavens, and harmony was restored to the four worlds. And the people rejoiced they worshiped the giants of the four worlds are like gods. And they lived happily…ever after…"

"I wonder if any of our readers actually read any of that," Navi said.

Link picked his teeth with his sword, "Dunno. I know I didn't."

**(Grandma Tortus looked wearily at the wide-awake Hylian.)**

"Erm…" Grandma Tortus paused, "…G-Good job! Wasn't that fun, Tortus? What did the people do to call the giants?"

"Sing a song!" Link exclaimed.

"Link, I thought you said that you didn't hear any of that," Tatl said.

"I didn't," Link confirmed, "However, when the choices are given there's 'I don't know', and the right answer. So I usually just pick that one."

Navi paused, "Link, let's go."

**(Unfortunately, our heroes did not know that Grandma Tortus would have given the boy a Heart Piece if he had said 'I don't know'.)**

**

* * *

**

(However, without further ado, Link and the gang headed to the upstairs of to the Stock Pot Inn. It was completely abandoned, for now Anju's Mother had taken Grandma Tortus away with her to Romani Ranch. Link found a door at the top of the stairs that previously said "Employees Only". It was now unlocked. Link, of course, used this opportunity to snoop around inside. There was no one there. The room was furnished with two beds, a mannequin, and a treasure chest. The mannequin wore a white dress and a freaky-looking mask. Link dashed for one of the beds and started jumping on it. Kafei walked in.)

"_Hiiiii!_" Link giggled as he waved to the purple haired man.

Kafei paused, "…You never miss an opportunity to do that, do you?"

Link stopped jumping temporarily, "Hey, I've only had one bed in my entire life-times, and I was ordered by the Great Deku Tree to never jump on it! Give me a break here!"

"You know, this gag is dominating over the _actual _question for this chapter…" Tatl paused, "Should that be happening?"

Shh!

**(Kafei walked over to the mannequin, and stood before it. He looked the mask in the eye and then further examined the dress.)**

"Isn't her bridal dress lovely?" Kafei gently tugged the sleeve of the dress. "We promised each other when we were children that we'd marry on the day of the Carnival of Time."

"Daawww…" Navi giggled, "You're such a romantic."

"Grandma, if you ever do that again, I'll have to hurt you," Tatl said.

"…But my promise…I couldn't keep it," Kafei sighed.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" a voice radiated from the direction of the door.

**(The door burst open. There, stood a radiant Anju. She was dressed normally, so how on Termina she was able to look radiant, we don't know.)**

"Anju?" Kafei gasped, "You're…you're still here?"

"Oh, of course I am, silly," Anju grinned, "I just used the washroom downstairs, that's all!"

**(Link and Tatl stood in stunned silence, for both were thinking of the Hand in the Toilet.)**

"Say," Navi paused, "I thought you were going to dress for the occasion."

"I would have," Anju glared at Link, "if **_someone _**hadn't suggested that my mother leave with all my other clothes!"

**(Link ignored Anju, but just kept hopping up and down on her bed. Anju swerved around, scooped off the mask on the mannequin's face, and turned to face Kafei.)**

"I…I have met you before," Anju smiled, "What a familiar scent."

Kafei paused, "Anju, I look the same as I did before I went missing…"

Navi turned to Kafei, "She's saying that you still smell like your child form."

**(Kafei paused and inconspicuously sniffed his armpits.)**

"Long, long ago… Yes," Anju sighed, "We were still young."

"But…I'm not a child…anymore…" Kafei said, "Why do you even bring this up?"

**(Link crossed his legs in mid-air, and landed on the bed. After his body stopped moving, he folded his arms behind his head.)**

"Eh, let her talk. At least she's only slightly off topic. It's better than the time she ranted on about some cafeteria," Link said.

"Link, stop ruining the mood!" Navi hissed.

"Link, you're so insensitive!" Tatl said.

"We made a promise… Didn't we?" Anju smiled, "The masks of the sun and the moon…. We were to exchange them on the day of the Carnival of Time…"

**(Kafei took a step towards Anju, holding out his hand.)**

"Anju… I'm sorry I was late," Kafei said.

"…Welcome home," Anju said.

**(Kafei swept Anju up in his arms, spinning in a circle. Anju laughed, putting her arms around Kafei's neck and leaning her head on his shoulder. George the Sound Technician had his moment to shine in playing a beautiful song over the intercom.)**

Kafei put his lips against Anju's forehead in a light kiss, "Let us exchange the promised masks."

**(Kafei set Anju down and pulled out the "Sun's Mask". Anju went to the mannequin and took the mask down…the creepy looking mask. Anju turned toward Kafei, smiling softly. They lifted their masks so that they were side by side. A soft glow sparked, and the masks merged into one. ****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got the Couple's Mask!****)**

"We have exchanged our oaths and have become a couple," Anju said, "You are our witnesses. Please accept this mask."

"B-but," Link stuttered, "Why ME? There are two other fairies in the room, both of which are more interested in this kind of mushy stuff!"

"Please take refuge," Anju continued, "We are fine here. We shall greet the morning…together."

"…Ohhh…._ohhh_…_OHHH!_" Navi pulled out a tissue, "This is just so romantic! Here!"

**(Navi pulled out a bottle of Sparkling Milk. It had a label that said "Chateau Romani" glued on the glass.)**

"A toast to the married couple!" Navi exclaimed.

**(Navi took a swig. Now Navi has infinite MP!)**

**Link paused, "Where'd you get ****_that?_****"**

"Just because I tore the Milk Bar apart, doesn't mean that I didn't scavenge any of the goods for myself," Navi put the cork back in the bottle.

"Oh, so _you're the one _who did that," Kafei said, "I was wondering what happened when I ran by the wreckage."

"Don't those usually cost 200 ruppees?" Anju asked.

Navi shrugged, "They won't miss it."

"…Tee-hee! They're lovers, but they look just like a mother and child," Tatl's ONA exclaimed.

**(There was a long silence, mainly due to the now-faulty logic of this statement. Link decided it would be good to go back in time.)**

**

* * *

**

(Link exited the Clocktower. And since Tatl didn't ONA about anything, Link took the opportunity t

**o throw spiders at girls and yell that he didn't kill the astronomer, which his Deku-Self hadn't had time to do by this time. Tatl and Navi managed to get him under control at 10 o'clock, and forced him to head to the Mayor's Office. They re-entered the room where the debate was taking place.****)**

"Most of the townsfolk already have taken shelter without waiting for the Mayor's orders," the guard yelled. "The only ones left are public servants and committee—"

**(Link pulled out his newly acquired Couple's Mask.)**

"Think fast!" Link yelled.

**(Link flung the mask at the Mayor. Somehow, it landed on the Mayor's face.)**

"Ah!" the Terminin guard exclaimed.

"Ah!" the Mayor exclaimed from behind the mask.

"Ah!" the man with the white mustache exclaimed.

"The Couple's Mask," the Mayor said, "What a nice reminder… So, a young couple has been married."

"Little do you know," Link started, "that it was actually your so—"

"Link!" Navi hissed, "That hasn't happened yet!"

"I wonder…" the man with the white mustache pondered, "Did my wife flee?"

"What!" the Terminin guard exclaimed, "What did you say?"

"Yes, yes, everyone," the Mayor smiled, "WE ware all worried for our families. Why don't we end this meeting?"

"But, Mr. Mayor!" the Terminin guard exclaimed. "'WE ware all' doesn't make _any _grammatical sense!"

"Be quiet Viscent, it was in the script," the Mayor sighed, "so who knows what it was _supposed_ _to_ say."

"I wonder which scriptwriter it was…" Tatl pondered.

"This will do," the Mayor continued, "Whether you're stubborn and will stay and guard your family, or if you'd prefer to run far away and seek shelter… That is for people who decide on their own."

"...!" the man with the white mustache…said…nothing…?

**(Everyone left the room except Link, Navi, Tatl, and the Mayor. The Mayor plucked the Couple's Mask off his face and threw it like a Frisbee across the room.)**

"Think fast!" the Mayor exclaimed.

"WAH!" Link said as he was hit in the stomach by the mask; he fell over.

"Thank you for allowing me to put an end to all that pointless bickering," the Mayor said, "Adults are so stubborn… It is shameful. Here is a token of my gratitude."

**(DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Heart Piece! …I'm not sure why…)**

"Well, I may be an unreliable Mayor, but at least my family can depend on me," the Mayor smiled, "I want to protect my wife."

Link paused, "Good for you!"

**(Link whipped out his Ocarina and went back in time…again…)**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter eleven, in the bag! n.n

Link: Whoa, that's a _lot_ of reading!

Tatl: My head hurts…

Navi: What was that…fourty-three pages?

Link: Wasn't that the length of the Gerudo chapter in the previous fic?

Cherry-sama: Hey, at least it's not as long as the Zora chapter!

Link: _(shudders)_ Oooo! The _Zora_ _Chapter!_

Navi: Whatever, it was still long!

Link: Please review!

(The fairies decided that Link should go back to tell Kafei about Link's successful delivery—the only positive result of the scenario with Anju. For some reason, it took them all night to get to the Laundry Pool.)


	15. Chapter 12: Weightless Love Part 1

********

**Chapter 12 (and now, we are finally at the final chapter of this fanfic. And how ****long has it taken me?)**

******Disclaimer: You probably know by now that I do not own the Legend of Zelda Majora's mask, or anything else that appears in this chapter, but I'm going to mention it anyway.**

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: T.T Link...

Link: What's with her?

Cherry-sama: I miss you…

Navi: I dunno.

Cherry-sama: I miss this fanfic already…

Tatl: But this chapter hasn't even started yet! How can you miss this fanfic?

Navi: Maybe it's because she always writes her Author's Comments after she finishes it.

Link: _Siggghhh…_ Please read while we try and calm her down…

**__****_

* * *

_**

What would happen if Majora's Mask loved 'Weightless' by Sissel?

___Wonder no more! And yes, I have been hinting at this for the entire fanfic! Find out, in the final chapter of Totally Whacked!_

**

* * *

**

**DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-72 Hours Remain-**

**(Link walked out of the Clock Tower.)**

Link paused, "So, um, now what?"

"Whaddaya mean 'now what'?" Tatl said.

Link started counting on his fingers, "I confronted Skull Kid, got turned into a Deku, killed the Astronomer, got my Ocarina back, turned back into a Hylian, was abused by the Happy Mask guy, saved a Princess and her swamp full of British Monkeys, saved the Gorons by request by that tattooed Goron, saved Romani from the Others…crap, I've run out of fingers."

"Just keep going, Link," Navi sighed.

"Anyway," Link inhaled deeply, "I also saved her sister from bandits, watched a Zora die, became a father, was stalked by the narrator, raided a Fortress, went on a guided tour, played in a band, destroyed a Postbox, won a horse race, maimed a dead soldier, was maimed by a dead soldier, been unable to draw my sword, freed a ghost from his grave, saved the ghost's brother's soul from the devil…"

"Actually, I freed the ghost from the grave, technically," Navi said, "And it was George who saved the brother's soul."

"Whatever," Link sighed, "I found a mummy in a closet, healed said mummy, almost watched Navi get dissected, outwitted a King and his two bodyguards, got a Toy Soldier Gang—"

"Doll Collection," Tatl interrupted.

Link glared at Tatl, "Will you let me finish?"

"Sorry," Tatl and Navi said.

"Thank you," Link said, "I fought a purple wanna-be ninja with a sandwich, fallen into the sky, stole someone's room key, ended a debate, was hired as a private dectective, listened to a wall, met a Hand in the Toilet, humored the Cucco Lady about her Cafeteria, learned how to dance, bumped into myself, jumped on Kafei's bed, gave a guy in sunglasses a portrait of my sword, got the funny guy's hat, freaked out the story lady, jumped on the Cucco Lady's bed, watched some mushy stuff, and threw a mask at the Mayor's face. I think it's safe to say I've run out of things to do."

"Congratulations, Link," Navi said, "You just described this entire fanfic in less than a page."

"So," Link turned to Tatl, "What now?"

"Well, you could get a tattoo," Tatl said, "We haven't really mentioned that since the Goron chapter."

"Oh please," Navi said, "Link is the ideal role model for the people of Japan. If he got a tattoo, then they'd assume that he'd joined the Yakuza."

Link tugged on Navi's wing, "Navi?"

"What now, Link?"

"What's the Yakuza, Japan, and Britain?"

Navi paused, "I have no—"

"Stop! Stop!" Tatl glared at the intercom, "Not only are you abusing that joke to pieces in the rewritten version of Totally Messed, but you also do it here? Will you stop it already?"

**(There was silence.)**

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Tatl exclaimed.

The 'I have no clue' jokes have become the Trademark of Totally Messed and Totally Whacked. Without them, this fanfic would not be the same.

"Oh, let me guess," Tatl rolled her eyes, "Just like the descriptions for our actions are always in brackets and bolded text, is also our '_Trademark_'?"

Well, _excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse_ me, _princess_.

"GRRR!" Navi growled, "I…hate…all…these…running…GAGS!"

"Sheesh," Link put his hands on his hips, "This makes me wonder if the authoress is including any other running gags or trends that are not evident yet since this is only the second fanfic in the series."

**(There was a suspicious silence from the intercom.)**

"So, back on topic," Tatl turned to Link, "Why don't you save the world?"

"By doing what?" Link asked.

"Well, if you confront Skull Kid again," Tatl said, "I'm sure we could convince him to stop trying to crush the moon on top of the world."

"And if he doesn't agree to our terms," Navi smirked, "then we can use Oath to Order to call the Four Giants to beat him up for us."

"Oath to Order?" Link asked, "What's that again?"

"That song you learned loops ago, but has been barely mentioned at all in this fanfic," Navi said.

"_Right…_"

"Then again…" Navi paused, "The Clock Door only opens on the eve of the carnival…"

Tatl suddenly gasped, "Oh, no…. How can we keep Link entertained for _three days?_"

"Hmmm," Navi paused, "Well, for one thing, we could make sure he actually goes to bed at a regular hour."

Link waved his hand at Navi, "Pfft, sleeping's for losers."

"Anyway, Link," Navi sighed, "What do _you _think we should do for the next few days?"

**(Link picked up a spider.)**

"No, no! Link, we are not going to go around throwing spiders at girls for three days," Navi snapped.

Tatl paused, "You know, there are probably at least four Link's running around. Imagine the mental state of the girls and the spiders if all four of you were running around and doing the same thing…"

Link ignored the wriggling spider, "But Navi, I haven't thrown spiders at every girl in town yet."

"No, Link!" Navi huffed, "Do something productive! Or at least _somewhat _productive!"

"Like, look over there!" Tatl pointed at a nearby dog, "Wouldn't it be nice to find an owner for that little guy?"

**(Link put on his Goron mask.)**

Tatl paused, "Link, what are you doing?"

**(Link stomped menacingly over to the pooch.)**

"Remember the time when you attacked a small, innocent looking Deku Scrub?" Goron Link growled.

**(The dog cocked its head. The only thing that was in its memory right now was a small little tree he almost relieved himself on, and this had happened only a few seconds ago.)**

"Well, it's…" Goron Link smirked, "PAYBACK TIME!"

**(Link took another step closer to the dog. The dog took a step back and growled. Link took another step forward. The dog's legs trembled. Link leaned forward and said 'Boo.' The dog turned around and ran off, yelping. Link chased it, shaking the ground with every step he took. The two fairies gazed in awe.)**

"Wow," Navi said, "I didn't think Link would sink that low."

Tatl looked around, "If only Clocktown had a locatable Police Headquarters. Then I could turn Link in for terrorizing animals."

"And killing the astronomer," Navi added.

Link turned around, "I thought we agreed that I didn't do it!"

Navi sighed, "Link, the incident with the astronomer is just like the 'excuse me, princess' jokes. You'll never live it down."

"No!" Link exclaimed, "I never made those jokes! Those were made by a fake, cheap imitation of me!"

"Link, you might as well turn yourself in," Tatl huffed, "…That is, if we can find Termina's Police Station…"

"No, I—" Link exclaimed.

**(Some bagpipes fell out of Link's pocket.)**

"…That's not something you see everyday…" Tatl said.

"When did I get _this?_" Link paused.

"Oh yeah…" Navi paused, "I guess we forgot to give those back to Kafei."

"Well, I guess that's one thing on our to-do list," Tatl said.

"Sweet!" Link tore off his Goron mask, "Ever since I saw them, I've always wondered what it'd be like to play them!"

**(Link's grubby little hands lurched toward the helpless, unsuspecting bagpipes. He held the instrument in his hands. Link wasn't quite sure which side was up, or which side was down, however, he figured that if he could play the Ocarina, the bagpipes shouldn't be too hard. Link took a random pipe and held it to his lips.)**

Suddenly, Link gasped, "Whoa!"

"What? What?" Tatl asked.

"'Kay, you know how my Ocarina can play up to five notes?" Link lowered the bagpipes.

"…Yes?" Navi asked.

"I didn't know that," Tatl said.

"Well, seriously, there must be, like, twenty different notes I can play on this baby," Link said, "Here, listen!"

**(Link put his lips to the bagpipes once more. He began to play the bagpipes…or at least he played them in a way he **_**thought **_**was correct. Various odd and mutilated notes came erupting from the bagpipes.)**

"Stop, stop! It makes me want to keel over and die!" Navi shrieked.

**(After a few minutes of attempting to play something else other than squelching cacophony, Link threw the bagpipes on the ground.)**

"Ah, I give up," Link sighed, "I don't know how that kid does it, but that is too hard to play."

"My ears…" Navi whimpered, "My poor, poor ears…"

"I dunno," Tatl shrugged, "Didn't sound too bad to me."

"Can we return these to Kafei yet?" Navi groaned.

"Yeah! Let's do that!" Link exclaimed.

"Sure—oh…no wait…" Tatl paused, "We can't…"

"And why not?" Navi asked, "Please don't tell me that you _want _Link to keep those things."

"No, that's not it," Tatl said, "Remember what that suspicious figure said? About where he found Kafei's bagpipes?"

"No," Link said.

Tatl sighed, "He said that he found them outside the East Gate. In other words, when Kafei followed Sakon, he dropped the bagpipes. So, even if we were to return them to him, then he'd just drop 'em again."

"Well, then what should we do?" Navi asked, "I do _not _want Link to hold onto them! Especially with what's he's capable with them!"

Tatl paused for a few moments, "Say, what if we deposit the bagpipes behind that big rock he hides behind on the last day?"

"That sounds good to me," Navi said.

**(Tatl swooped over to the bagpipes and…****DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Tatl stole Kafei's bagpipes from Link! With that Tatl and Navi flew off toward the East Gate. Link stood speechless for a few moments.**)

"…You know, there _is _such a thing as ASKING NICELY!" Link yelled after them.

* * *

**(Meanwhile, Tatl and Navi were flying past the Shooting Gallery.)**

"Say…" Tatl paused, "We forgot to nab Link's Ocarina…"

"'Guess we can't play Song of Soaring," Navi said, "Unless _you _want to give the bagpipes a try."

Tatl shrugged, "Doesn't really matter. We have lots of time anyway."

"That's true…" Navi said, "After all, it's…what, 2 p.m.? And it's only the first day, so…"

"2 p.m.?" Tatl asked, "Already? It feels like noon at most!"

"Tatl," Navi sighed, "We're in a Legend of Zelda game. Especially in Termina, time always flies, even when you _aren't _having any fun."

"_Riiiiggghhhttt_…" Tatl nodded.

"And plus, we've also got an authoress who loses all coordination of time," Navi added.

"That is so true!" Tatl said.

"Heck, after this short section of dialogue, that doesn't even take up a page, it'll probably be nighttime," Navi added.

Tatl looked at Navi, "Okay, now you're just being silly."

* * *

**NIGHT OF THE FIRST DAY**

**-60 Hours Remain-**

"Aw, dang it, missed," Link grumbled.

**(Tatl and Navi were long gone, even though they were in the previous scene. Link was in East Clock Town. He stood between two jugglers. They looked like they were twins. Link had his bow drawn, and was trying his best to shoot every one of the jugglers' balls through with an arrow. Out of the eight balls that were being juggled, he had pierced three, thus far. Link shot another arrow.)**

"Dang it! I missed another one!" Link muttered to himself.

"Um, sir," the juggler in the red shirt paused.

**(This unexpected noise startled Link. He jumped, and his arrow flew of course. It hit the target above the Honey and Darling Shop.)**

"Argh!" Link glared at the juggler, "What do you _want_?"

"Uh, er… Not to be a…a bother, sir…" the juggler in the red shirt bit his lip, "But, we've been juggling all day, and we're getting tired…"

**(Link pulled out another arrow and strung it to his bow.)**

"Would you please let us go to our room and rest?" the juggler in the blue shirt pleaded, "The Innkeeper won't keep the door open for long, and Gorman is probably wondering where we are."

**(Link swung his bow around, and pointed it at the juggler in the blue shirt.)**

"No! You don't need any rest!" Link said, "You'd probably just play cards all night, even if I let you go anyway!"

The juggler in the red shirt paused, "How did you—?"

Link aimed once more at the balls flying overhead, "I've seen you do it before! Now quit whining and keep juggling!"

**(The jugglers quivered as Link continued to try and get an arrow through every one of their juggling balls.)**

"And, uh, sir…" the juggler in the blue shirt paused, "Don't you think this is kind of _dangerous?_"

Link looked over at the juggler, "Whaddya mean by that?"

"Well, sir," the blue shirted juggler said, "What do you think will happen to the arrows that miss the balls? Don't you think they might…hit somebody?"

"Nah," Link turned back to his target, "Not a chance!"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile…)

"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" the Bomber kid in the yellow bandana exclaimed, "4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8—Auuugghhh! My arm!"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, at the Cliffside in Ikana Canyon…)

"Man," Navi said, "It sure is taking us a long time to get to that stupid little rock."

"Seriously, I don't know whether it's the authoress loosing all coordination of time, or the long distance that's contributing to our slow arrival!" Tatl added.

"I know—hey, wait…" Navi paused, "Is that the sun rising?"

"Now I understand why it took Kafei over ten hours to run from Sakon's cave to the Stock Pot Inn," Tatl sighed.

**

* * *

**

**DAWN OF THE SECOND DAY**

**-48 Hours Remain-**

**(A loud marching band song bellowed over the intercom. Link stomped his feet in beat as he marched around the Clocktower. His white, feathered Breaman's Mask glistened in the morning sun. He swung his head from side to side as all the carpenters, the stationed guard, the dog Link terrorized earlier, and anyone else within earshot marched in a line behind the boy. Link twisted and turned as he marched, watching the innocent Terminins behind twist and turn as he did. At a moment where Link did not need to play his Ocarina to keep the bystanders in line, his lowered his Ocarina from his lips.)**

"Bwa ha ha ha!" Link cackled, "I'm taking over the world!"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, in Ikana Canyon… Navi stopped in mid-flight.)

Tatl flew over to her, "What is it, Grandma?"

"Why do I have the feeling that leaving Link unsupervised was a bad idea?" Navi sighed.

* * *

"Thanks for helping me out in the kitchen today," Anju smiled, "I really appreciate it."

Link shrugged, "Eh, it's better than throwing spiders at girls out in the rain."

**(Anju stared at Link.)**

"Um, anyway…" Link chuckled nervously, "Have you ever tried adding Chili Pepper Seeds into every dish you make?"

"Chili Pepper Seeds?" Anju paused, "I've seen them in our cupboard, but I've never used them before… Are they good?"

"Good," Link smirked, "They're delicious! Everybody loves them!Including really old ladies who could die at any moment from a heart-attack!"

"Oh, that sounds a bit like my elderly grandmother!" Anju said, "Anything else?"

"Oh sure!" Link giggled, "Here, let's add some really, really salty fish, some ice cream, a couple of bitter melons to your regular recipes, and everyone will be just _dying _to try your cooking!"

"Gee, thanks," Anju smiled, "It's not everyday that somebody charges into my Inn and wants to help me out with my cooking. I'm so lucky!"

**(Anju turned her back on Link. A demonic grin emerged on his face.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, in Ikana, behind a rock near Sakon's Hideout…)

"Aw, man," Tatl sighed, "'Took us long enough!"

"I'll have to admit," Navi said, "With the fast changing of days, and an authoress who loses coordination of time easily, this trek was a pain."

"Travelling here by wing is the last thing I want to do again," Tatl said.

"Now, about these bagpipes…" Navi pulled the bagpipes out.

"Eh, just drop 'em here," Tatl shrugged, "I'm too tired to write a note explaining why the crap his bagpipes just happened to appear behind a rock he's never seen before."

Navi looked uneasily at the bagpipes, "If you say so…"

* * *

"Oh, Grandmother!" Anju hummed.

**(Anju flung open the door to Grandma Tortis's room. She and Link stepped inside.)**

"Egads!" Grandma Tortis inhaled sharply, "You're an hour early!"

Anju blinked, "Eh? What's wrong with being early?"

Grandma Tortis caught her breath, "Er, n-nothing, child! You, um, just took me by surprise! That's all!"

"Oh, okay," Anju said, "Anyways, here's your lunch!"

"I've already eaten child," Grandma Tortis turned to her book, "Go away, Tortis."

Anju sighed, "First of all, Grandmother, I'm not Tortis. And second of all, I've prepared this an hour early for you, so there's no way you could have had lunch already."

"Well, then, I'm not hungry, Tortis," Grandma Tortis said, "Give it to someone else."

"Grandmother…" Anju sighed, "Don't make me waste all this food…"

"Impossible child!" Grandma Tortis began to bang her book on her lap, "I told you I'm not hungry! Now take that away—"

**(Grandma Tortis's stomach growled.)**

"Grandmother," Anju sighed, "If it's any consolation, I had help preparing lunch today."

**(Anju gestured towards Link, who grinned widely, and began waving.)**

"Oh… Alright," Grandma Tortis sighed, "If you had help, then I guess I can trust—I mean taste it."

"Alright!" Anju placed the try of food on the table, "Now, open wide!"

**(As the chopsticks with the mutilated Natto wedged between them drew nearer to Grandma Tortis's mouth, a broad, evil smile emerged on Link's face.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, flying through the mouth of a cave…)

"My fairy senses are tingling!" Navi gasped.

Tatl raised an eyebrow, "Your what?"

"I sense that Link is doing great _evil _back in Clocktown!" Navi exclaimed, "Quickly, Tatl, there is no time to waste!"

"Um," Tatl paused, "Honestly, what could the boy do?"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, back in Clocktown…)

"GRANDMOTHER!" Anju screamed.

**(Anju stared in horror at her Grandmother's lifeless body. Anju burned every detail of the image in front of her, into her mind. From the old and prominent veins sticking out from beneath her Grandmother's splotched skin, to her Grandmother's eyes, rolled back into her head.)**

"Relax," Link patted Anju on the back, "She's probably just sleeping."

"Sl-sl-sl-sl-SLEEPING?" Anju gaped.

**(Link nodded confidently.)**

"I… You… I just… She…" Anju trembled.

**(Anju erupted in tears, and ran through the door—crying.)**

"Amateur," Link huffed.

**(Suddenly, Grandma Tortis's body sprang to life, with a loud and exaggerated gasp. She sat bolt upright, and then leapt to her feet. She then lifted up her arms, and looked from one hand to the other.)**

"I…" she mumbled, "I can walk! And my arthritis! It's gone!"

"Yup!" Link grinned, "Sleeping _alllll _along!"

**(With that, Grandma Tortis bounced ecstatically out of the room.)**

**

* * *

**

(However, Link was bored, so he decided to stalk Anju. He followed her, undetected, until she ran into the Laundry Pool. To play it safe, Link put on his Zora mask, and strode confidently into the area. He found Anju, sitting on a bench, sobbing into her hands.)

"Why, hello there!" Link broadly grinned, "Are the fins damp lately?"

**(Anju lifted her face out of her hands, and gave Link a blank stare.)**

Link chuckled nervously, "It's a greeting among us Zora."

**(Link took a couple of steps closer towards Anju.)**

"Anyway, honey, what's wrong?" Zora Link smiled.

"It's…It's…" Anju gulped, "I think I just helped kill my grandmother."

"No!" Link gasped.

"Yes!" Anju began sobbing again, "Some freaky blonde kid just walked into our Inn, and began creating this _poisonous concoction!_"

"You don't say," Link said.

"A-a-a-and that's not all!" Anju's lips quivered, "My fiancé…went missing, and my mother thinks that he ran off with my best friend."

**(Anju pulled out a handkerchief.)**

"And we were supposed to get married tomorrow!" Anju erupted into her hankie.

"Ohhh…" Link's fishy face pouted, "You poor thing…"

**(Zora Link sat down and gave Anju, a big, long, emotional hug. At least for her, it was. After Anju's crying turned to mere sniffles, Link stood back up again, and kicked the bell close to them. A kid with purple hair, and a Keaton mask peeked out from behind the door. A large grin emerged on Link's fishy face.)**

"Hey, Kafei!" Link called out, "You're fiancée is out here. Crying. _By herself._ Whatcha gonna do about it?"

**(With that, Link sat back down beside the redhead, and put his arm around her shoulder. With her hands clasped around her face, she leaned on Link's shoulder. That entire time, Link stared at the Keaton mask in the crack in the door, and grinned evilly at it.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile… In Ikana…)

"Quickly, Tatl, there's no time to waste!" Navi exclaimed.

"Sheesh, I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying!" Tatl said, "But seriously. Is it just me, or does this day feel longer than yesterday?"

**(Navi pointed to the intercom.)**

"Dumb question," Tatl said, "Never mind, let's go."

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile… In Clocktown…)

"Oh, my dear," Link smiled, "You _shouldn't _sit out here in the rain. You'll get drenched right through to the bone."

Anju looked up, "But you're a Zora. I thought you guys liked the rain."

Link stood up, and offered Anju a hand, "Oh, but my dear, I am more concerned about your well-being than about my enjoyment of the rain."

**(Link looked over his shoulder to see if the small boy was still lurching in the crack in the door, but the door was shut. Link, however, noticed a pair of yellowish horns that stuck up from the edge of the pool. Link decided to ignore this, though.)**

"Oh, thank you, kind sir," Anju took Link's hand as she wiped her tears, "Thank you so much."

Link looked at the door and grinned evilly, "You're…_welcome_."

**(Link put his arm around Anju once more, as they left the area. Upon leaving, Link could have sworn that he had heard a loud splash, like something crawling out of some water, but Link chose to ignore it.)**

"So, Anju," the Zora smirked, "Tell me more about your problems… What troubles you? Let it off your mind…"

"Well, first my…" Anju paused, "Wait a minute… Did I tell you my name?"

"Umm…" Link paused.

"_He's a stalker…_" a voice whispered from behind the broken postbox, "_He's a creep… He's a freak of nature… Ruuuunnn…_"

The Zora chuckled nervously, "Honestly, don't you remember, sweetie? You introduced yourself when we met."

"_Ruuuunnn…_" the voice continued.

"Did I?" Anju looked up at her umbrella, "Well, I guess that makes sense."

"Exactly," Link said.

The voice got a little louder, "_Ruuuunnn…_"

"Say, dear Zora," Anju turned to Link, "What brought you down to the Laundry Pool?"

"_He's not to be trusted…_" the tips of a yellow mask peered out from the postbox's wreckage.

"To do my laundry, of course!" Link said, "And, of course, when I saw you, I couldn't help but try to comfort you."

**(Link looked over his shoulder, to give the yellow mask behind the postbox another evil grin. However, Link turned just in time to see the purple haired kid hid behind a nearby construction worker.)**

"But, mister Zora," Anju said, "I always thought that Zoras just jumped into a tub of soapy water when they needed to do laundry."

"_Ruuuunnn, my dear… Ruuuunnn…_"

"Oh, but my dear, that is a common misconception," Zora Link said, "Whatever gave you _that _idea?"

"I watched it on the Discovery Channel," Anju said.

"_Run for your liiiifffeeee…_" the small crate at the corner whispered.

Link turned 'round and pointed at the crate, "Will you stop that?"

"_Noooooo…_" the crate answered.

Link sighed, "Come on, dearest, let's head back to the Inn…so we can be _alone_…"

The voice suddenly became more ominous, "_Diiiiiiiiieeeeee…_"

**(Link gave the boy a smug grin as he opened the door for Anju. When Anju was out of earshot, Link made a face in the general direction of the purple haired kid.)**

"You had your chance," Link laughed.

**(Link went inside.)**

"…_DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE…_"

**

* * *

**

(When Link joined the redhead once more, he saw her folding up her umbrella. As she walked by the counter, Link noticed that Anju's mother was standing there.)

"I'm home, mother," Anju said.

"My, dear, what have you been doing?" Anju's mother asked, "And who is _this?_"

"Oh, him?" Anju looked at Zora Link, "He's a guy I met at the Laundry Pool. I was thinking of maybe letting him stay in one of the upstairs bunks for his kindness."

"Anju, what are you thinking!" Anju's mother huffed, "We're booked solid! We can't lend anybody a room, unless they want to stay in the kitchen!"

Link blinked, "What about the restroom?"

"No, we've got someone booked there too," Anju's mother snapped at Link, "And you should _hear_ some of the complaints he has!"

"We could maybe book him in the kitchen," Anju said, "And if he feels like life's not worth living, then he could jump into one of the cooking pots."

"Now there's an idea," Anju's mother paused.

"Or maybe," Link shrugged, "If you moved one of your beds out into the hall, then I could sleep on that."

"We do have two beds, mother," Anju said, "And if we move one into the hall, then…"

"Inconceivable!" Anju's mother snapped.

**(Zora Link paused. His plan was to get lodging for the night so he could get his own bed and be allowed to jump on it as much as he wished. However, it looked like he wouldn't be able to do this. Link sighed. If he wasn't going to get his own bed to jump on, then he would have to go and borrow someone else's. Preferably when they were not using it.)**

"Alright fine," Link sighed, "If you won't let me sleep in the hotel, then can Anju at least let me into your room so I may get on the bed and jump on—"

Anju's mother's jaw dropped, "You perverted little fish!"

Anju slapped Link's face, "I've only know you for about an hour! How _dare _you even suggest a thing like that to someone who's going to be married!"

Link touched his sore cheek, "But I don't understand—"

"Oh, you understand, alright!" Anju huffed, "Get out! Now!"

Link glared at Anju, "No!"

**(Link stormed up the staircase.)**

"In fact…" Link mumbled.

"Where are you going!" Anju's mother called after him.

**(Link stopped at the top of the staircase, and swerved around. He pulled out his Ocarina Guitar.)**

"I am going to stand here and play songs for you until you let me in!" Link huffed.

Anju stormed after Link, "Oh, what's _that_ going to do? I'm just going to kick you out at 8:30 p.m."

The Zora's lips cracked into a smile, "Oh, but my dear, time never _passes _when I play my musical instruments!"

**(Anju raised an eyebrow. Link plucked a note on his Ocarina Guitar. Anju looked at the clock—it cranked over a notch. Link plucked another note, but time still kept flowing. And even as Link continued to play, hours still passed. However, whether time was flowing or not, Link was still blocking the doorway to Anju's room.)**

"And I call that one…" Link strummed the strings on his guitar for an effect, "…Saria's Song!"

"Well, that one wasn't so bad," Anju's mother said, "Right Anju?"

"Of cour—MOTHER, what are you doing?" Anju exclaimed.

**(Anju's mother was dancing mindlessly to the beat.)**

"What?" Anju's mother asked.

"Huh," Link cupped his chin thoughtfully, "That dance seems familiar… Almost as if it was in another fanfiction I starred in. Now which one was it?"

"Mother, please stop dancing like that in front of the customers," Anju blushed, "It's embarrassing."

"But you must admit, Anju," Anju's mother said, "It's a hot beat."

"Mother!"

"Anyways," Link strummed his guitar strings again, "The next one, I call the Song of Storms!"

* * *

**NIGHT OF THE SECOND DAY**

**-36 Hours Remain-**

**(After what seemed like forever to the two women, nightfall had finally fallen upon Termina. However, within the amount of time it took to arrive at this time, Link managed to play Saria's Song, Song of Storms, Epona's Song **_**(the longer version)**_** Mary had a Little Lamb, the Jaws theme, What Child is This, Some Random Junk, and finally, the Flight of the Bumblebee. Or at least he tried. But there was a Goddess of Time after all, and 8:30 p.m. kicked around the corner. Anju sent Link hurtling through the air, and out the front door.)**

"And my next song is—" Link said to the door.

"GO AWAY," Anju's voice came from the door.

"Oh, come on, sweet cheeks!" the Zora called back through the door, "I'll play What Child is This again if you want!"

"I SAID GO AWAY!" the voice of Anju said.

"…_Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…_" cackled the Bell on Top of the Inn; Link could see some boots peeking out from the rim.

"Oh, come on! Here, I'll start again!" Link pulled out his guitar, "Let's see—"

**(Grandma Tortis skipped past, singing an incoherent tune. This thoroughly distracted Link from what he was previously doing.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile… In Ikana…)

"Oh wow," Tatl said, "It's been, what, twelve hours since we were last shown…"

"If you think that's bad," Navi said, "think about the last time we were even _mentioned _in conversation."

**(Tatl shuddered.)**

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile, in Clocktown…)

"Do you have any green hearts?" the juggler in the red shirt asked.

"Ha! Nope!" the juggler in the blue shirt chuckled, "Go fish!"

**(Zora Link walked through the door.)**

"Good thing I can transform, or else I couldn't have made it back inside here…" Link muttered, "Now I wonder if there are any empty beds in here…"

"Oh?" the juggler in the red shirt paused, "You're looking for an empty bed?"

"Our Troop Leader, Gorman, often goes out to drink milk all night," the blue shirted juggler pointed to an empty bed in the corner, "However, I must want you, there's fungus growing in the underwear."

Link stared at the two, "…I told you that you'd probably just play cards all night if I let you get away."

"Oh no!" the juggler in the red shirt gasped, "…Um, by the way…who are you?"

Link gave them an evil glare, "Your worst **nightmare**…"

The juggler in the blue shirt gasped, "The one where I turned into a _couch?_"

The Zora sighed, "No."

The juggler in the blue shirt cocked his head, "The one where my brother then sat on me?"

"Brother, that's the same dream," the juggler in the red shirt said.

"_No_," Link said.

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile…in Ikana…)

"So…" Navi broke the silence.

"You know, grandma…no…" Tatl paused, "Navi. You know, Navi, I…"

"Whoa," Navi gasped, "That has got to be the first time you've called me by my real name in this entire fanfic."

"Shut up and listen for a second, would ya?" Tatl buzzed up and down.

"If you called me by my real name, this _must _be important," Navi gulped, "Go on."

"Well, what I'm trying to say is…" Tatl paused, "You're not too bad, Navi."

"…I was expecting something more profound…" Navi paused, "Like 'I'm dying of O.N.A. and I need you to pay for my operation'."

"Look, I'm being serious!" Tatl snapped, "Anyways, Navi, you're not a bad person."

"That's all?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! That's all!" Tatl snapped.

**(There was a long silence.)**

"Look, when I first met you…" Tatl said, "I thought you and Link were just a couple of losers who worked _terribly _together."

"Excuse me?" Navi snarled.

"You can't deny the last part," Tatl said.

Navi paused, "Oh, alright, I guess Link and I need a little bit more time to work out our teamwork issues, but—"

"But," Tatl sighed, "Ever since you sent us back to the first day, I realized something about you two… And at first it frightened me."

"Well, I can see how Link's size can be a bit intimidating at first, but…"

"No!" Tatl exclaimed, "You two have something that Tael, Skull Kid, and I never had… Something we probably never will have…"

"Now you're just confusing me," Navi said.

"Look, I'm having trouble putting my finger on it…" Tatl held her head, "But, you two have something about you that makes your friendship stronger than any friendship I've ever had before. And its…"

"Its…?"

"…Trust," Tatl said, "You two have the strongest bond of trust I've seen out of any friendship."

"Trust?" Navi raised an eyebrow, "You say I trust that guy? On the contrary, he's probably totally whacking up Clocktown right now."

"No, not that way," Tatl said, "A…A different kind!"

"A different kind?"

"Yes! For example: You know that Link is whacking up Clocktown, because you trust that he will. And he knows that you won't just fly away and ditch him while we're off delivering these bagpipes, because he trusts that you'll come back!"

"Well, of course he does," Navi said, "I'd never do that."

"Exactly!" Tatl said, "And you also know that even if he found a fairy that had a greater personality, and Link liked better, he would still never let him stay in his hat!"

"Of course not," Navi said, "Link would never do that."

"Exactly!" Tatl exclaimed, "It's that kind of trust I'm talking about!"

"You're saying that Link and I trust each other because we know each other so well?"

"Yes!" Tatl exclaimed, "Wait, no… Not like that…"

"Then what?" Navi buzzed up and down.

"It's like, you two are the two halves of the Ying and Yang symbol," Tatl said, "It's like you complete each other! It's like—"

"Whoa, WHOA!" Navi exclaimed, "Link and I are _not_ a couple! Heck, it's sick that you'd even suggest that!"

"No, no, no!" Tatl said, "I don't mean the Ying Yang symbol in a romantic way! I mean it in a friendship way!"

"A friendship way?"

"It's like your friendship goes beyond boundaries! Like your friendship is what intertwines you two together…" Tatl paused, "I don't know how to describe it, but the trust that you and Link have is because you two are…"

"…two halves of a whole…" Navi paused.

"In a friendship way!" Tatl snapped, "Before you ask."

"Yes, I got that," Navi said.

"And that's the kind of trust you two have!" Tatl said, "You trust that Link is doing something bad in Clocktown, because that's the way he is! You trust Link like Ying trusts Yang!"

Navi raised an eyebrow, "_'Ying trusts Yang'_?"

"Or Yang trusts Ying," Tatl added, "I can never remember which one is white and which one is black."

Navi paused, "Where were you going with this?"

"Er, well…" Tatl paused, "I just wanted to say that it's been an honour getting to know you two. Sure, you two probably think I'm just some annoying fairy hitching a ride to her destination…but…you guys are good buddies…"

"Tatl, we've only known you for three days," Navi chuckled as she pointed to the Clock on the bottom of the screen, "Look, not even."

"Ha ha ha, right," Tatl said, "Anyways, I hope that we can all still be friends even after we find Skull Kid and beat some sense into him."

"Of course, Tatl," Navi patted Tatl on the back, "You'll always be our friend."

Tatl sighed, "I bet you're just saying that."

"No, Tatl, I'm not," Navi said, "It's been fun having you around. And besides, without you around, we'd be completely lost around Termina."

Tatl smiled, "Ha ha, thanks."


	16. Chapter 12: Weightless Love Part 2

**DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY**

**-24 Hours Remain-**

**(Meanwhile… In Clocktown…)**

"And that one was called," Link struck a pose with his Ocarina Guitar, "Weightless! And I think it's by some chick named Sissel, but I'm supposed to have no clue about modern songs."

"But it isn't modern," one of the Bombers piped up.

Link turned to the kid, "Shut up!"

"Oh ho ho!" Grandma Tortis bounced across Link's vision, "What a wonderful song! It makes me want to tell you the tale of the Four Giants!"

The colour drained away from Link's face, "Oh, no, you are not reading me any stories unless I'm wearing my All-Night mask!"

**(Link put his Ocarina Guitar away, and put the All-Night mask to his face. Unfortunately, it didn't fit properly.)**

Grandma Tortis froze on the spot, "Egads, when I see your face, if makes me want to put my head into a bucket."

**(Link inched his face toward Grandma Tortis.)**

"_This face is going to kill you in your sleep…_" the Zora said ominously.

**(Grandma Tortis fainted. Tatl and Navi flew through the nearest gate.)**

"Hey, Link," Tatl said, "Whatcha up to?"

"Oh great," Navi looked at Grandma Tortis, "I knew you were up to evil."

"Hey, guys!" Link took off the mask, "What's up?"

"Link, you idiot!" Navi said, "Why did you drag the story teller out in the middle of the street? And why are you a Zora right now!"

Link shrugged, "Just having a bit of fun."

"Bit of fun?" Navi buzzed up and down, "You drag an old woman out in the middle of the street while she's unconscious, in the rain, while in the body of _Mikau?_"

"Well," Tatl said, "It is an ingenious way for Link to shove the blame."

"Tatl, don't encourage him!" Navi snapped.

"For the record," Link crossed his arms, "I did not drag her out into the street while she was unconscious. In was _her_! She pranced out the door!"

"The woman in the wheelchair '_pranced out the door_'?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever," the Zora sighed, "Just help me get her back inside."

"What?" Navi asked.

"Hey," Tatl said, "It's better than leaving her passed out in the street."

"And besides," Link said, "It'll impress Anju if I show her that her Grandmother isn't dead!"

Navi paused, "Link, what have you been _**doing**_ while we were gone?"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile in Ikana… A small young boy wearing a Keaton mask had just followed a prancing man with a grinning face to his hideout. The boy quickly jumped behind a nearby pile of rocks. He tripped over something. He looked at what he had fallen over.)

"…My bagpipes!" the boy exclaimed.

* * *

**NIGHT OF THE FINAL DAY**

**-12 Hours Remain-**

"It was so nice of that Zora man to bring back your grandmother, wasn't it?" Anju's mother asked.

"Hmph, whatever," Anju continued sweeping the floor, "He's still a pervert."

"Well, your feelings toward him have nothing to do with how he saved Tortis's mother," Anju's mother said, "Anyway, if you don't hurry up, then we'll leave you behind."

"Okay, mother," Anju paused, "But, I just… I just have the feeling that I'm not doing the right thing…"

"Anju," Anju's mother sighed, "I know you're feeling confused, considering that Kafei is with Cremia, but…"

"No, mother, it's not that…" Anju sighed, "I just feel as if I wait for him, then Kafei will be back…"

"Nonsense, child!" Anju's mother huffed, "Now go and get your bags!"

Anju sighed, "Yes mother."

**(Anju slumped her way up the stairs and opened the door to their room. As she grabbed her belongings, she noticed a small boy in green clothing sitting on her bed.)**

"What are you doing in here—" she began.

**(The boy briefly revealed a small object in his pocket, and threw it at Anju. It landed on her shirt. Anju looked over at the small, crawling, black thing that landed on her. She paled.)**

"Sp-sp-sp-spider!" Anju shrieked.

**(Anju began to subconsciously dancing on the spot while brushing herself off wildly.)**

"Spider! Spider! Spider!" Anju screamed, "Spider! Spider!"

**(The spider flew off and hit a far away wall. However, Anju still trembled due to fear, and her adrenaline rush.)**

"I…hate…" Anju breathed heavily, "…Spiders…"

Link smirked, "But…there's more where that came from!"

**(Link opened his other hand to reveal another black, furry spider. Anju shrieked.)**

**

* * *

**

(Three hours later.)

"Mother!" Anju attempted to pat down her ruffled hair, "I finally gotten my baggage ready!"

**(Anju rushed down the stairs with her bags. She looked around the front room. Empty silence greeted her.)**

Anju blinked, "Mother?"

Link came down the staircase, "Hey, I just saved you an hour of indecisiveness."

"You!" Anju glared at Link.

"And look at it this way," Tatl said, "Now that we've delivered Kafei his bagpipes, they'll be able to help him complete the side-quest without us."

Anju blinked, "Pardon?"

"Anju," Navi patted Anju on the back, "We have just fixed your love life."

"_Ehh?_"

Link walked towards the door, "Have a nice wedding. Sorry I won't be able to supervise it this time."

"_Ehhhhhh?_"

Navi flew over to Anju, "It's Link schedule, you see…"

"Yeah," Tatl said, "After all, he'll be too busy stopping the moon from crashing on the world to get the Couple's Mask from you two."

"I hope you understand," Navi said.

Link opened the door, "Have a nice honeymoon!"

Anju blinked, "_EHHHHHHH?_"

**

* * *

**

(Link and the gang headed towards Clocktower.)

"Do you think this'll have any negative after affects on their marriage?" Tatl asked.

"Oh please, Tatl," Link said, "Does anything I do in Termina have any negative after affects?"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile…)

"And then the arrow came out of nowhere and pierced my arm!" the bomber kid exclaimed.

"I see, I see," mumbled the hippie swordsman while bandaging the kid's arm.

"Whoa! You can speak?" the leader of the bombers gasped.

"Er…4 8 15 16 23 42?" the kid grinned.

**

* * *

**

(Back with our heroes...)

"Oh, look at the time!" Navi broke the silence, "It's 11:30 pm!"

"Oh! …It is?" Link asked.

"Yup! That means…" Tatl said, "You're going to save the world in half an hour!"

"I…uh…yeah…" Link paused, "I guess that's true…"

"And after the battle with Skull Kid…" Navi smiled, "We can go back to Hyrule and see our friends again!"

"And I can finally be with my brother again!" Tatl exclaimed.

"But, um, Navi, we can't go back!" Link sighed, "I'm, uh, banished…yeah, banished, remember?"

"Oh, please, Link," Navi said, "Just bribe the Princess with jewelry and she'll let you back in."

"Y-yeah, sure, Zelda'll let me back in, but then I'll die from lack of water," Link moaned, "Because Ruto said she'd never let me drink from Zora's River…"

"Oh come now," Tatl huffed, "This 'Zora's River' place can't be where your entire country gets its water supply!"

"Well, actually…" Link bit his lip.

"Relax, Link," Navi said, "Just wear your Zora mask in front of her, and she'll forget all about that."

"Well, I guess that's true…" Link paused, "But…"

"But what?" Navi groaned, "Why are you so nervous all of a sudden?"

"It's just…" Link paused.

"Just what?" Navi said.

"Well, maybe we should, you know, play Song of Time and maybe save the world next loop…" Link said.

"Wh-what?" Tatl asked, "We've already helped Kafei by giving him his bagpipes! And we kept Anju from leaving! In all technicality, we've completed the Anju-Kafei Side-Quest! Why in the Goddess of Time's name should we go back in time?"

"Well…"

"Well what?" both fairies yelled in unison.

"Well…" Link looked at his feet, "Wh-what if I can't stop Skull Kid? An-an-and what if I…what if I…"

"Link…" Navi could see Link's legs trembling.

Link hung his head low, "…what if I can't stop the moon from falling?"

**(A couple of droplets fell onto the ground in front of the boy.)**

"I…I just…" Link paused, "Wh…what if I get up there, and I…I can't _do _anything…"

"Link, you'll be able to—" Tatl started.

"…Re-remember what happened last time?" Link turned to Tatl, "Skull Kid…he just floated above us…and just laughed at us…because he's right… How can we stop the moon from falling on us?"

**(Fireworks flew overhead as the Clock ticked midnight.)**

"And…and what if I…what if I…" Link turned away, "…what if I fail them…all these people… All because…I…"

**(One after the other, the planks of wood fell to reveal a staircase.)**

"…I couldn't do it…"

Tatl paused, "Link, of course you—"

"Face it, guys!" Link clenched his hands into fists, "Navi was the Hero of Time! I couldn't even save Hyrule! And that was after hundreds…maybe thousands of people died at Ganondorf's hands!"

"Probably tens of thousands," Navi corrected.

"See what I mean?" Link exclaimed, "I don't even have the Evil Sour Milk on my side this time!"

**(A small yellow firework went off. Its tiny blast illuminated a wet streak on Link's cheek.)**

"And now…" Link gulped, "many more of them are gonna die because of me…because I couldn't save…couldn't save _any_ of them…"

"Link…" Tatl sighed.

"I can't save anyone… I can't save you…and I can't save me," Link hung his head low, "Let's face it… …I'm the worst hero that ever was…"

Navi paused, "…You IDIOT!"

**(Navi began bouncing up and down on Link's head.)**

"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!" Navi said as she bounced, "Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!"

"He-hey!" Link covered his head, "What gives here, Navi!"

"Link, you big, fat, idiot!" Navi exclaimed, "Sure, Skull Kid may be one of the biggest threats we've ever faced, and, sure, he's gonna bring himself down and everyone else around here to their untimely deaths… So, basically, yes, Termina may end up being screwed…"

"H-Hey!" Tatl said.

"But…" Navi said, "That was before you came."

"Huh?" Link uncovered his head.

"Link," Navi continued, "Termina didn't stand a Snowball's chance in Din's Lair before you came along!"

"But…I…" Link paused.

"You've saved the Deku Princess and her friend, you've saved the Gorons from freezing to death, you've saved Lulu and her children, you've saved Pamela's father—not to mention how many other countless souls imprisoned in Ikana…"

**(Navi looked away.)**

"You've saved Anju and Kafei's marriage, and you've saved four Giants!" Navi said.

"But you guys were…" Link looked to the side.

"Sure, I'm not saying that you did it all by yourself," Navi sighed, "And you may not be the _best _hero I've ever seen…"

"Hey—"

"But, Link," Navi closed her eyes, "Even if you never end up a hero, you are still one of the nicest guys I've ever met."

**(Navi turned slightly red, which effectively made her appear to be light purple.)**

"Even when you weren't in the best of moods yourself…" Navi paused, "You have always been ready to be at the side of anyone who needed to be cheered up. And even if you played pranks on people, and scared the life out of them, you never did any of it to seriously hurt them…"

**(Navi turned around sharply.)**

"Link, I know that you would march up that Clock Tower, go and confront Skull Kid, not for glory, not for fame…" Navi said, "But to stop him from harming anyone."

"Well…" Link paused, "Yeah…I guess…but…"

"Link, screw being a hero!" Navi exclaimed, "Screw the glory! Screw the fame! Screw it all!"

**(Navi flew onto Link's shoulder.)**

"You'll always be my best friend."

"Mine too!" Tatl exclaimed, "And no matter what happens, we will stop that Skull Kid!"

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed, "You'll always be my friends too!"

"Now we'd better hurry up!" Tatl said, "It's 12:15!"

"Right," Navi smiled.

"One last thing," Link said.

"Yes, Link?"

"The whole lack of confidence thing…" Link grinned, "JUST KIDDING!"

"Link, you! You! You _jerk!_" Navi and Tatl exclaimed in unison.

**(Link climbed up to the entrance to the Clock Tower. Or rather, he was forced to, because the two fairies chased him up there.)**

**

* * *

**

(A familiar scene was laid out in front of Link. Skull Kid was floating above them with his back turned on Link, and Skull Kid was distinctly humming the song 'Weightless' by Sissel to himself. Skull Kid turned around, and looked down upon Link and the group.)

"…" Skull Kid…said?

"Wait a minute," Link looked behind him, "Last I knew, I was running up a set of stairs! Where the heck did I just exit from?"

"Oh, Link," Navi said, "Don't you remember? You dissolved through the Clock's face."

Tael broke the silence, "Sis!"

"…Tael!" Tatl said.

"After all this time of saying 'oh, can't wait to see Tael', 'I wish Tael were here', that's _all _you're gonna say to him?" Link asked.

Tael flew forward, "Swamp, Mountain, Ocean, Canyon. Hurry… The four who are there…bring them here… And please hurry. I'm really beginning to hate the song 'Weightless' by Sissel."

Skull Kid swatted Tael, "HOW DARE YOU! Don't speak out of line! Stupid fairy! That's song's awesome!"

"!" Tatl…exclaimed?

"And how did you just verbally _say _that exclamation mark?" Link asked.

Tatl pretended not to hear, "That's it! I won't let things go the way you expect them to!"

"…Well, whatever," Skull Kid smirked, "Even if they were to come now, they wouldn't be able to handle me… My beautiful voice is too elegant for them! Hee, hee."

Link turned to Navi, "Is he referring to the Mr. Potato heads?"

Navi let out a big sigh, "Yes, he's referring to the Mr. Potato heads."

"Just look above you…" Skull Kid said, "If it's something that can be stopped, then just try and stop it!"

**(Skull Kid faced the sky and began calling out to the Moon. And he decided to add in 'Weightless' by Sissel for the heck of it. The moon began to fall down toward them in a giant apocalypse.)**

"Link! Quickly!" Navi exclaimed, "Play Oath to Order and call the Giants!"

"Okay!" Link pulled out his ocarina, "I hope this works…"

**(Link put the ocarina to his lips. Link played a note, then paused. Link played a different note, then paused. Link pulled up his Item Subscreen.)**

"_Link_!" Navi yelled, "The bloody _moon_ is falling on us! What in Farore's _name_ are you doing?"

"Hold on a second," Link scrolled rapidly through his Item Subscreen, "I'm just looking up how to play Oath to Order again."

"Augh!" Navi groaned, "I knew not mentioning the most important song in the game was a bad idea!"

"Here!" Tatl grabbed the ocarina, "At least I remember the song!"

"But you even _know _how to play an ocarina?" Link asked.

Tatl gave Link an unimpressed glare, "Try me."

**(Tatl adjusted her grip on the ocarina. Tatl pushed her fist into one hole and blew into the mouthpiece as hard as she could. A feeble 'C' erupted from the ocarina.)**

"We're done for," Navi said.

"We're Totally Whacked," Link sighed.

"…Link, seriously, who says that?" Navi asked.

"It's the name of this fanfic," Link shrugged.

**(Tatl played Oath to Order!)**

"Wow, that was fast," Navi said, "How the crap did she even do that?"

**(Link shrugged. Suddenly the land around them began to shake. Skull Kid, looking panicked, glanced nervously around them.)**

"Well, if Link can play the bagpipes," Tatl called out, "Then playing the ocarina has got to be a piece of cake!"

"But he couldn't play the bagpipes!" Navi protested.

"Eh, I thought it wasn't that bad," Tatl shrugged.

**(Four giants appeared on the horizon. From Ikana valley, from Snowhead, from the Ocean, and the Swamp. The ominously walked forward as Oath to Order played in the background.)**

"N-n-no!" Skull Kid screamed, "Their song is playing louder than 'Weightless' by Sissel!"

Link paused, "On what? Over the intercom?"

Yes. And I must say, George is doing a lovely fading effect.

"HEY!" Tatl pointed her finger at the intercom, "Stop showing up!"

Fine.

"Sheesh!" Navi huffed, "The intercom jokes are almost as bad as the 'Strange Masked one' jokes."

"Strange masked one!" Tatl dinged like a bell.

"Skull Kid!" Link said dramatically.

**(There was a long pause. The Giants lifted their arms up, and grabbed onto the moon.)**

"If you'll excuse me," Navi growled, "I have to _visit _a certain office somewhere off set."

**(Navi flew off set. Meanwhile, the Giants held up the moon to prevent it from crushing the Clock Tower. The Giant's knees began to buckle as if they were straining against the weight of the moon.)**

Wait—Navi? What are you doing up here—AUGH!

**(There were distinct punching sounds heard over the intercom.)**

I didn't think you were serious last chapter!

"_Oh_, but _I was!_"

Ow! Ow! Ow!

"No. More. Stupid. Running. Gags!"

B-bu-bu-but…. Yeow!

"You know how much I hate them! No more running gags for the next 50 years or else!"

Ack! Ow, okay, gah! I get the, ouch, point! I promise! I promise!

"Good."

Now get back on set.

**(The authoress took the microphone with her as she went to get an icepack. Meanwhile, Navi flew back on set, where the rest of the cast was frozen on the spot.)**

"There," Navi nodded, "I'm glad that's over with. Now she won't do any more bad puns for another 50 years."

**(After the authoress securely locked the door to her office, she leaned into the microphone. An evil grin emerged from the deepest depths of her heart to her face.)**

Yes, I may have promised the next 50 years, however, on the Zelda Timeline, that doesn't account for WIND WAKER! MWAHAHAHA!

Navi paused, "…Crap."

**(One of the Giants coughed.)**

"Oh yeah," Tatl said, "It…it stopped. We did it! It, um, stopped!"

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed weakly, "We, uh, did it!"

"Oh, right," Tael paused, "That's my cue."

**(Tael flying tackle-glomped Tatl.)**

"Sis!" Tael exclaimed.

"Tael!" Tatl exclaimed.

Link turned to Navi, "Navi!"

Navi turned to Link, "Link!"

"Exclamation Mark!" Tingle exclaimed from below.

**(There was a pause.)**

"Good…we made it in time!" Tatl sighed, "The Giant's call worked on the Skull Kid."

"Good," Navi pointed at Skull Kid, "Now, Giants, beat him up!"

**(Link looked over at Skull Kid. He looked dead on the floor.)**

"What happened to him?" Link asked.

"I think he fainted from the lack of 'Weightless' by Sissel," Navi said.

Link shuddered, "I knew that song was too awesome to be good for you!"

**(There was another pause.)**

"Hey, Skull Kid!" Tatl called over to Skull Kid, "Do you realize what you've been doing to everyone?"

Navi blinked, "Do you _realize_ that he's unconscious?"

"Shut up and let's pummel him," Tatl said.

"Wait… Sis…" Tael flew in front of Tatl, "Don't…don't be so hard on the Skull Kid."

"Tael!" Tatl exclaimed, "Why are you protecting him! Aren't you mad at him for hitting you so much? Or how many times he made you…made _us_ listen to 'Weightless' by Sissel?"

"He only got hit once, technically," Link said, "And even in this fanfic, he only got hit twice."

"Oh, be quiet!" Tatl said.

"Well, even though I _am _pretty sick of 'Weightless' by Sissel…" Tael paused, "He was lonely…the Skull Kid."

"He was trying to destroy everything around him! And force the world to endure one of the least known songs in the Universe!" Tatl buzzed up and down, "That's not the same as a lonely child! We can't allow that!"

Navi paused, "I sure hope Sissel doesn't read this fanfic."

"The power of the mask made him do it," Tael said, "It was too much for the Skull Kid to handle."

"Ah ah ah!" Link raised a finger, "Microsoft Word doesn't like that wording! It wants to change it to 'power of the mask made him does'!"

"…What kind of grammar does Microsoft Word _have?_" Navi asked.

"It's 'cause he doesn't know his place!" Tatl yelled, "On top of having a weak will and no strength of heart…he's a fool!"

"T-T-Tatl!" Link gasped, "Stop being so rude! 'Doesn't know his _place_'? What kind of judge are _you _of where his place is?"

"Just let her rant, Link," Navi patted Link on the back, "It's typical Japanese logic. And considering this fanfic is based off a Japanese game, we'll tend to see more of this."

"Ohhhh…" Link paused.

"Certainly, he had far too many weaknesses to use _my_ power," came from Skull Kid's direction.

"Yeah! That's right!" Tatl exclaimed, "Admit your stupidity!"

"Tatl, stop being a jerk," Navi said.

Tatl took a closer look at Skull Kid, "…Huh?"

**(Skull Kid's lifeless body twitched. Suddenly, he floated up into the air, as if his face was what was lifting him into the air. An evil, demonic version of 'Weightless' by Sissel radiated from the mask. Link gasped.)**

"Could it be—" Link gaped, "Did 'Weightless' by Sissel just get even _unhealthier?_"

"It's always ''Weightless' by Sissel'," Navi grumbled, "_Nooo… _It's never just 'that song by that one Norwegian chick'. It's always…"

"Seriously!" Tatl scoffed, "How many times has that song been mentioned?"

"A puppet that can no longer be a vessel is simply trash," Skull Kid's face said, "Let alone a puppet that can't sing 'Weightless' by Sissel properly!"

**(Skull Kid fell off. This created a funny mental image. All that remained floating in the air was the Majora's Mask.)**

"This puppet's role has just ended…" the Mask scoffed.

"Well, thank goodness for that," Tael said, "Every time Skull Kid sang that song, he never sung it without going flat."

"It can't be! Then that moon?" Tatl gasped.

"It's your worst nightmare!" Majora's Mask yelled.

"Liar!" the juggler in the blue shirt yelled from below Clocktower, "I don't see a couch _anywhere_!"

**(There was a long pause. To break the silence, a weird moonbeam came down, and the Majora's Mask inconspicuously flew into it. The moonbeam proceeded to suck up Majora's Mask. Link just stared at the scene. Nobody but him noticed that the moonbeam engulfed Skull Kid, but didn't suck him up. The eyes on the moon glowed.)**

"I…I shall consume," the moon said, "Consume…consume everything."

**(The Giants began to buckle under the weight of the moon. Like, as in they might _actually_ drop it this time.)**

"Waahhhhh!" Tatl yelled.

"This isn't good!" Navi paused.

Link searched his pockets, "Let's go back! Let's go back!"

Tatl turned to Link, "Hurry, the Song of Time! The Song of Time!"

"I…" Link paled, "I can't find my ocarina!"

"Ah, no… You've got to be kidding," Tatl groaned, "Out of all the times and places, _now_ we lose your ocarina…"

"That's because Tatl has it!" Navi said, "And besides, wouldn't it be a better idea if we _follow_ the stupid, flamboyant Majora's Mask up that thing?"

**(The evil looking moon glared at Navi.)**

"But…but…" Link paused, "But it's not sucking Skull Kid up…"

"Whatever!" Navi said, "Link, you never know unless you try!"

"Don't tell me you're going up there…." Tatl paled, "I won't do it! You go by yourself! I'm staying here with Tael."

"I'll go!" Tael exclaimed.

**(There was a pause.)**

"Yup," Link whispered to Navi, "Just like you and Ivan."

"Shut up," Navi growled.

"What? What are you saying, Tael?" Tatl paused, "Is something wrong with you?"

"I don't always want to be running away!" Tael huffed, "If only I had been stronger, the Skull Kid wouldn't have…"

**(Tatl and Tael stared at each other. Because Link felt left out, Link stared at Navi.)**

"Will you stop that?" Navi said to Link.

"I understand, I'll go," Tatl sighed, "After all this time, Tael, you've gotten really stubborn… Just like someone else I know…"

"Your face?" Link asked.

"N-N-no!" Tatl exclaimed, "Like you and Navi!"

"No, Tatl, it's defiantly your face," Navi said.

Tatl rolled her eyes, "You know, you guys are really stupid…"

**(Link ran into the weird moonbeam, and was warped onto the moon. As the scriptwriter said, "Gravity broke". Tael watched as the moonbeam faded away. He smiled and waved.)**

"Yup," Tael smiled, "Reverse Psychology, works _every _time."

* * *

**(Link found himself on a pleasant, empty field of beautiful green grass. In the distance, Link could see a large, beautiful tree. By the base of the tree Link could see children playing. These children were dressed in all white, except for a mask on their face. Link looked up and saw a beautiful blue sky.)**

"Well," Link put his hands on his hips, "Out of all the Alien Conspiracy Theories there are, this has got to be the lamest."

"UFO Fanatics must be disappointed," Navi sighed.

"But," Tatl said, "On the bright side, this proves that there's life on the moon."

"Wait a second, where's Tael?" Link looked around.

"Wasn't he right behind us?" Navi asked.

"Dang it!" Tatl yelled, "I should have known he would use Reverse Psychology on me!"

"That back-stabbing jerk!" Navi said.

"Huh," Link paused, "Maybe he's not as stupid as he looks…"

**(To avoid any further discussion, Link ran forward. He ran over to a kid with his back turned to Link. The mask this kid wore had three pronged ribbons attached to it.)**

"Hey there!" Link tapped the kid on the shoulder, "You do realize that this body of land we are standing on is going to crash onto the face of a civilization?"

Navi sighed, "Honestly, historians would be furious!"

**(The child froze on the spot. He turned his head around to reveal that he was wearing the mask of Odolwa. The child cocked his head in a freaky manner.)**

"WAAAH!" Link jumped back, "You're-you're-you're—"

"…Ahhh… Nice weather… Isn't it?" the kid asked.

Link paused, "You're totally out of character."

"Masks… You have…a lot," the child cocked his head the other direction, "You, too…Will you be…a mask salesman?"

"No, Link will not be a mask salesman!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"You know…" Link put his hand on his chin, "I never thought of that before. But, you know, it doesn't sound like a bad idea…"

"Figures," Tatl sighed, "Not only is the moon totally not what it looks to be, but the freaky kids on it are starting to influence Link!"

"Then I'll play with you," the child faced Link head on, "So… The masks… Give me some…"

"Ummm…" Link looked at his inventory, "…Do I _have to?_"

"…Yes."

"Okay, um…" Link paused.

**(Link pulled up the Mask section to his Item Sub Screen. He took out a mask.)**

"Here, this one keeps freaking me out every time I look in my Inventory," Link handed the kid the mask.

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU!** **The kid wearing Odolwa's mask got the Great Fairy's Mask!)**

Tatl gaped, "You're giving him the _Great __Fairy's__ Mask?_"

"Good choice," Navi gave Link a thumbs up.

"Thanks… You…" the kid paused, "You're a nice person… Aren't you?"

"Um, you kinda left me no choice…" Link paused.

"Hide-and-seek…" the kid said, "Let's play."

"Whew!" Link wiped his brow, "Now you're starting to act like a real kid!"

"All right…" the kid said, "I'll…hide…"

"Right on!" Link grinned, "I was the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village!"

"No, Link, you are _not _the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village," Navi said.

Link looked over, "Whaddya mean I'm _not_?"

"Link, if you _were _the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village, than it would have been mentioned several times already in this fanfic. However, it has not been. Therefore, you are not."

"Blame that on the incontinuity of our writer," Tatl said.

"Navi, I am so the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village!" Link protested, "I'd never be found at all! That's because I could keep my mouth shut the whole time!"

**(There was a pause.)**

"Link," Navi sighed, "That would be believable if you weren't in this fanfic."

Link glared at Navi, "You're just jealous—WAH!"

**(Link found that somewhere within his conversation, he had been warped to a dark and mysterious maze-like place. It was scattered with Deku Flowers.)**

"Wait, I'm supposed to find him in _here?_" Link asked, "Darn, I was hoping he'd hide behind that big tree or something!"

"Yup," Tatl said, "And by the looks of things, he wants you to do it as a Deku."

"Huh, okay," Link said, "This shouldn't be too bad."

**(Three painful, annoying, tedious, hours later.)**

"… You found me…" the kid paused.

Link got on the floor, "I am _so_ sorry for giving you the mask of the Great Slut!"

"L-L-Link!" Tatl yelled.

"That's right," Navi said, "You should have given him something that wouldn't have offended him! That was a serious waste of time and energy!"

Link sighed, "Good thing time doesn't flow on the moon."

"Hey… I want… more…masks…" the kid said.

"What?" Link asked, "You want _another _one?"

"That's okay, dear," Navi patted the child on the back, "By all rights, you deserve another after the way Link treated you."

"Hey!" Link exclaimed.

"Hey, you were the one that gave him the pornographic mask," Navi glared at Link, "Heck, he's probably scared for life."

"HEY!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Alright, fine," Link sighed.

**(Link pulled up the Item Sub-Screen again. This time he pulled out the Bomb Mask.)**

"Here," Link said, "Now you can destroy stuff!"

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid with ****Odolwa's**** mask got the Bomb Mask!****)**

"Hey!" Navi huffed, "I rather liked that mask!"

"Heh, heh… Thanks… You're…nice," the kid said, "Now…I can…destroy…myself…"

"Ah! No! That's not what it's for!" Link gaped.

"Link, now you've done it!" Navi hissed, "You gave an emotionally unstable kid a mask!"

"Wow, what an emo kid," Tatl paused.

"Um… Can I ask…a question?" the emo kid asked.

"As long as it's not how to use that mask I just gave you, I'm fine with anything!" Link said.

"Your friends…" the emo kid paused, "What kind of…people are they?"

**(Link looked at Navi, and then at Tatl. There was an awkward pause.)**

"I wonder…" the emo kid continued, "Do those people… think of you…as a friend?"


	17. Chapter 12: Weightless Love Part 3

**(Link was warped back to the empty and beautiful meadow. Link grabbed onto Navi's wing.)**

"Navi!" Link whined, "I think I'm going to have nightmares!"

"You never sleep, dummy," Navi said.

"True…" Link paused.

"Wait…" Tatl paused, "Where'd that kid go?"

**(Link squinted in an attempt to get a better look at the masked kids playing around the tree. Link counted the kids…sure enough, the one wearing Odolwa's mask was one missing.)**

"Oh no," Navi gasped.

Tatl turned to Navi, "He used it!"

"No, stay calm, everyone!" Navi said, "Maybe he just wandered off somewhere?"

"You're right," Link said, "Let's ask around."

**(Link ran up to a kid. This kid was wearing Goht's Mask.)**

"… Ahhh… Nice weather… Isn't it?" the kid wearing Goht's mask said.

"Excuse me, have you seen your friend?" Link asked, "He looks just like you, only he wore the Tiki mask?"

"Masks… You have…a lot," the kid stared at Link, "You, too…Will you be…a mask salesman?"

"Stop avoiding the question!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"…What if _he…_?" Tatl pointed a trembling finger at the kid with Goht's mask.

"Then I'll play with you," the kid wearing Goht's mask said, "So… The masks… Give me some…"

Link sighed, "Only if you'll be more cooperative in telling us what happened to your friend."

**(Link pulled out his Garo's Mask. ****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Goht's mask got the Garo's Mask!****)**

"There," Link sighed, "I don't think he can do any harm to himself with that one."

"More…" the kid said.

"_More?_" Link raised an eyebrow, "You want _MORE?_"

"…Yes," the kid nodded.

"Alright, fine!" Link said, "But, I hope you know that this means I won't be giving you the other one later."

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Goht's mask got the Captain's Hat!****)**

"Thanks… You… You're a nice person… Aren't you?" the kid asked.

"You still haven't told us what happened to your friend—" Tatl piped up.

"Hide-and-seek…Let's play," the kid said, "All right… I'll hide…"

"Why can't _I _hide this time?" Link groaned.

"Because…" the kid said, "…shut up…"

**(Link was warped into another maze like area, only this time there were several magic pots, and thin, long runway. Link looked at his surroundings.)**

"Looks like it's for Goron this time," Tatl noted.

"Huh," Link put his hands on his hips, "Well this shouldn't be too hard."

**(Four even ****more**** painful, annoying, tedious, hours later.)**

"… You found me…" the kid wearing Goht's mask said.

Link collapsed on the floor, "You are just plain EVIL."

"Demonic child," Navi glared at the masked boy.

The kid wearing Goht's mask turned to Link, "Hey… I want…more…masks…"

"Just promise me that'll you'll never ask me to do that again!" Link groaned.

(**DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Goht's mask got the ****Gibdo's mask!)**

"There you go," Link said, "You've gotten one more mask than you're mysterious disappearing friend! You must be very—"

"More…" the kid said.

Link went wide-eyed, "_More? _After all that torture you put me through, you still want _MORE!_"

"Link, just give him one," Navi said, "If you don't give him what he wants, then he might trap you in here forever."

**(Link barely managed to keep himself from fainting. Link handed the kid Giant's Mask.**** DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUH!****)**

"There!" Link exclaimed, "Now I've given you all the masks I got in chapter ten! I hope you're happy!"

"Heh, heh… Thanks… You're…nice," the kid wearing Goht's mask said, "Umm… Can I ask…a question?"

**(Link eyed the kid suspiciously.)**

"You…What makes you…happy?" the child cocked his head, "I wonder… What makes you happy… Does it make…others happy, too?"

**

* * *

**

(Link was warped back into the grassy field. Link hid behind Navi and Tatl.)

"I think I'm going to get nightmares," Link whimpered, "Even if I don't sleep…"

"…So you're going to get nightmares while you're awake?" Tatl paused.

"Wait," Navi counted the children playing around the tree, "I think another one's missing…"

"Another victim," Link pulled out a magnifying glass, "Another victim on the moon."

"Link, now is not the time to play Sherlock," Navi said, "Besides, we didn't give that kid anything that he could use to destroy himself."

"You're right," Link paused, "Now, let's see if we can find out anything from the other two…"

**(Link ran up to the tree again, and grabbed onto one child's sleeve.)**

"Excuse me," Link said, "Have you noticed that two of your friends are missing?"

**(The kid turned around and revealed that he was wearing ****Gyorg's mask. Link froze.****)**

"… Ahhh… Nice weather… Isn't it?" the kid wearing Gyorg's mask asked.

"Their dialogue seems to be getting a _tad _repetitive," Navi stated.

"Masks… You have…a lot. You, too…Will you be…a mask salesman?" the emo kid said, "Then I'll play with you."

"This time, I get to hide," Link said.

"So… The masks… Give me some…" the emo kid said.

**(Link shoved out the Keaton Mask and ****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Gyorg's mask got the Keaton Mask!****)**

"More…" the Emo kid said.

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Gyorg's mask got the All-Night Mask!****)**

"More…" the Emo kid said again.

"Again?" Link exclaimed, "You're even greedier than the last kid."

"**More…**" the Emo kid said a little louder.

"Fine!" Link groaned, "Here!"

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Gyorg's mask got the**** Kafei's Mask!)**

"Thanks… You… You're a nice person… Aren't you?" the Emo kid with Gyorg's maks asked.

"Apparently, too nice," Link sighed, "Since you greedy little kids keep taking advantage of me."

"Hide-and-seek…Let's play. All right… I'll hide…" the child said.

"No! I want to hide this time—" Link started.

**(Link was warped into a place with underwater tunnels swerving left and right. After a while, Link found the kid in another one of these tunnels.)**

"… You found me… Hey… I want…more…masks…" the emo kid demanded.

Link rolled his eyes, "Of course you do."

**(Link gave the kid the Couple's Mask.**** DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUH!****)**

"More…" the kid demanded.

**(Navi gave the kid Circus Leader's Mask.**** DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUH!****)**

"When did you get _that?_" Link asked.

"I ripped it off Gorman's face when I tore Milk Bar apart," Navi replied.

"More…" the emo kid said.

(**DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Gyorg's mask got the** **Breman's Mask!)**

"Heh, heh… Thanks… You're… nice. Umm… Can I ask…a question?" the emo kid wearing Gyorg's mask asked.

"You're going to tell me either way," Link sighed.

"The right thing… What is it?" the emo child asked, "I wonder… If you do the right thing… Does it really make…everybody…happy?"

**

* * *

**

(Link was warped back to the peaceful meadow. Link quivered.)

"If I have to talk to another one of those guys again, I think I might start crying…" Link trembled.

"Link, you're not allowed to have emotions," Navi said, "You're the main character. Heck, apart from this fanfic, than you're not even allowed to speak!"

**(Link walked hesitantly up to one of the only remaining children. Link noticed that he wore Twinmold's mask.)**

"… Ahhh… Nice weather… Isn't it?" the kid wearing Twinmold's mask said.

Link groaned, "Here!"

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! ****Link shoved the Deku Mask, the Goron Mask, and the Zora mask into the kid's hands. Loud protests came from the souls trapped in these masks.)**

"This saves the writer a whole lot of dialogue, and it saves a lot of time," Link said.

"But… I want…more…" the emo kid said.

"Okay, fine," Link moaned, "Here, have Shrimpy Mask on top of it."

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! ****Link handed the kid the Shrimpy Mask.)**

"Thanks… You… You're a nice person…" the emo kid said.

"Let me guess," Link sighed, "You want to play Hide-and-seek, don't you? And _you _want to hide."

"…Yes…" the emo kid paused.

"Come on then, warp me to the maze," Link groaned.

**(Link was warped to a pretty straightforward maze… In each room, Link had to defeat something. In the last room, Link found the Emo kid.)**

"… You found me… Hey… I want…more…masks…" the Emo kid said.

"Alright, Link," Tatl flew out of Link's hat, "Hand over what masks you have left."

"But I don't want to give him Bunny hood! Or my Postman's hat! I look snazzy in it!" Link protested, "Heck, I don't want to any more masks!"

"Well, Link, you have to give him _something!_" Navi flew out of Link's hat too.

"Well, let's see…" Link paused.

**(Link pulled up his Cubic Item Subscreen. He flipped it to the side.)**

"Well, you can have the Great Slut's Sword…" Link equipped said item, "I've never really used it anyway."

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Twinmold's mask got the Great Slut's Sword! ****The emo kid paused awkwardly as the gigantic sword was shoved into his hands.)**

"And, well, I guess I won't really need Hookshot in the long run…" Link equipped that too, "And I guess I don't really need the Deku Stick or Deku Nut holders…"

**(Link dumped these items into the kid's hands. ****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Twinmold's can now use ****Deku Sticks and Deku Nuts!)**

"Link, I think you should keep the Hookshot," Navi said.

"And, well, I kinda want to keep everything else," Link stroked his chin, "Well, I guess I can always get more rupees, so here, have twenty rupees."

**(****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! ****And he got Twenty Rupees too.)**

"Umm…" the kid wearing Twinmold's mask paused, "Can I ask…a question?"

**(Link grabbed onto Navi's wing and braced himself for getting freaked out.)**

"Your true face… What kind of…face is it?" the emo kid asked.

"Umm, can't you see?" Link pointed to his face, "Your friends took all the masks I had that covered my face."

The emo kid chose to ignore this, "I wonder… The face under the mask… Is that…your true face?"

* * *

**(Link was once again warped out to the grassy field.)**

"You know, I've been thinking about what Twinmold's Mask kid said…" Link put his hand on his chin.

"Oh no," Navi muttered.

"You know, what face is my true face?" Link took out what little masks he had left, "Maybe it's the Postman's hat?"

"Link, you're not a postman," Navi said, "Now hurry up and—"

"I think it would be Bunny hood," Tatl said.

"But I've barely worn it in this fanfic," Link looked at Bunny hood, "But, it _is _pretty fast."

"Guys!" Navi piped up, "I hate to remind you, but isn't the _MOON _falling?"

"Oh yeah," Link paused, "I guess it is…"

"Now hurry up and find out where Majora's Mask is!" Navi said.

"But I don't see any more kids running around the tree!" Link squinted, "I don't think I can ask around to see where it went off too."

"I guess that's true," Navi said.

"Wait," Tatl said, "I think there's a kid sitting by the base of the tree!"

"Really?" Link leaned forward, "Ohhh… I guess I kinda see a white shirt over there."

"Well, don't just stand there," Navi said, "Let's go!"

**(Link ran over to the base of the tree. There, sure enough, was another small child sitting in fetal position. Link soon saw that the kid was wearing the Majora's mask.)**

"Ummm…" Link bent down, "Don't you think it's kinda a bad idea to be wearing that mask?"

**(The emo child was silent.)**

"Yeah…" Link scratched his head, "Wait 'til you hear about the _last _guy who wore that mask."

The kid paused, "…Everyone has gone away, haven't they?"

"Whoops, um," Link paused, "Were those your friends? I'm sorry, but they kinda just vanished…we're not quite sure what happened to them…"

The masked kid lifted his head slowly, "Will you play…with me?"

"Well, we're kinda looking for something—your mask, in fact," Navi said, "Could you please—"

"You won't…" the child's voice got shakier, "…play with me?"

Link looked the mask in the eye, "Yes."

"Link?" Tatl looked at Link.

"Yes, I'll play with you," Link nodded at the kid.

The child stood up, "You don't have any masks left, do you?"

"Actually," Link looked to the side.

"Well, let's do something else," the masked child nodded, "Let's play good guys against bad guys… Yes. Let's play that."

**(****DUH NUH NUH DUH NUH NUH NUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! Link got ****Fierce Deity Mask. One of the awesomest masks in the game, however the gamedesigners refuse to let you use it outside of Boss Battles. LAME!)**

"Are you ready? You're the bad guy," the masked kid nodded, "And when you're bad, you just run. That's fine, right?"

**(Link stared at the Majora's Mask sternly.)**

"Well…" the child said, "Shall we…play?"

* * *

**(Link was warped into large, octagonal room, which was very colourfully decorated. On the far wall, Majora's mask sat in the dead center of a magic circle. Hung on the other walls, were the masks of Odolwa, Goht, Gyorg, and Twinmold. Link stepped forward. The masks of the bosses sprang to life and detached themselves from the walls. The eyes of Majora's mask lit up, coming forth from all the other masks. Tentacles erupted from the sides of Majora's Mask, writhing and pulsing with magic.**

**Link tore out the Fierce Deity Mask and shoved it to his face. His body grew until he was an adult, but different than he had been in Hyrule. Fierce tattoos bled across his face in angular lines. His tunic had bleached to a pale blue, offset by Link's hair, which had faded to platinum white. Within his grasp, lay a massive Claymore Sword. Two blades twisted to form a massive blade; one blade was teal, and the other was green.**

**Link's transfigured face stared sternly at the floating masks before him. He lifted his sword, grasped with his right hand, and slashed upwards. Quickly, he grabbed the hilt with his left hand as well, and brought the blade down in a downward slash. A blue disc of a raw energy flew forth and hit Odolwa's mask. The mask twitched to zee ground.**

**Link sliced upward in a diagonal slash, which caused another cyan energy disc to erupt. Goht's mask fell to the ground. Fierce Deity Link smirked. Link swung his sword a final time, causing three discs of magic to fly forth. Gyorg's Mask and Twinmold's mask were felled. But the last disc of magic glanced uselessly off of the front of Majora's Mask. Majora let out a shrill and evil laugh.**

**Link smirked, and reached for his pencil.)**

"Link!" Navi shouted, "What are you _doing?_ We are trying to stop the _moon_ from falling on Termina and you have time to pull out your sketchbook when your sword's already _drawn?_"

"But it's so inspiring! Look at all the tentacles! The colour! How can't you not want to draw this?" he gestured towards the floating Majora's Mask.

"Link, just kill it already!" Navi groaned, "You can't just up and stop in the middle of a fight scene!"

"_Fine!_" Link exclaimed.

**(Our hero reached back for the hilt of his sword, grumbling that Navi had no artistic appreciation. His hand slipped; he caught his wrist. A bracelet around his wrist was hooked on the hand guard of his sword. The pulsating Majora's mask drew nearer. Link yanked on his hand to free it. The sword came loose, came forwards, detaching itself from the bracelet. It flew across the room and imbedded itself firmly in between Majora's eyes. The mask toppled to the ground. It twitched.)**

"That's it?" Navi gaped, "That's all it took to defeat the Majora's Mask?"

Link looked at his wrist, "Stupid Deus Ex Bracelet."

"I mean, had we _known_ it'd been that easy," Navi continued, "we should have taken a blow dart to Skull Kid on the first day! I can't believe it would be that easy to kill."

"It's not dead," Link said.

"How can it not be dead, Link?" Navi frowned, "Heck, it's a mask, how can you even tell it's alive to begin with?"

"No, he's right," Tatl said.

"But it twitched!" Navi protested.

**(Tatl flew over to the impaled mask. She kicked the sword hilt, embedding the sword half a millimeter deeper in the mask. The mask twitched again and lay still.)**

"_Now_ it's dead," Link declared.

"Yup," Tatl nodded.

"Thanks, Tatl," Link grinned.

"No problem," Tatl smiled.

Navi sighed, "You two are just—"

Link gasped, "But wait a minute! Wasn't there supposed to be a long, drawn out, epic fight scene?"

"Well yes," Navi said, "But as you can probably tell, the authoress got bored of it a few paragraphs in. Think of it like that moment where the swordsman got shot in the first Indiana Jones movie. And besides, this chapter is already long enough. After all, we don't want another Zora chapter, do we?"

Oni Link shuddered, "_Ooo! _The_ Zora chapter!_"

**(Navi glared at the intercom. Thankfully, the authoress had her office door locked for the time being. There was a sudden rumbling, and the mask deteriorated in front of them. It disappeared in a glowing light. It looked FUNKAY, according to my scriptwriter.)**

* * *

**(Outside, the moon began to disintegrate and was engulfed by a giant rainbow. This rainbow then transported the moon back into the sky where it belonged. People below were cheering as a large rainbow splayed across the sky. The giants looked up. Then the similar illegible text appeared across the screen.)**

**DAWN OF A NEW DAY**

**-∞ Hours Remain-**

"Aah! He's awake!" Tatl exclaimed.

**(Link groaned.)**

"Just a minute, Saria…" Link rolled over, "School is not for another 24 hours…"

"Link, here we go again…" Navi took a deep breath, "HEY—"

Link sat upright, "Why do you _do _this to me?"

"Because," Navi said, "It's an effective way of getting you up on your feet whenever I feel like it."

**(Link rubbed his eyes. He looked around. For some strange reason, Link was on Termina Field. The Four Giants were staring at Skull Kid, and Skull Kid stared back at the Giants.)**

Link turned to Navi, "When'd we get here?"

"When you were unconscious," Navi said.

"I was unconscious?" Link blinked.

"Yup," Tatl said.

"How'd I get unconscious?" Link stared at the two.

"That's never going to be fully explained," Navi told Link.

**(The Giants and Skull Kid continued to stare at each other.)**

"You guys…" Skull Kid paused, "You hadn't forgotten about me?"

**(The Giants groaned.)**

"You still thought of me as a friend?" Skull Kid trembled.

**(The Giants groaned again.)**

"Even when I played 'Weightless' by Sissel over and over and over again?" Skull Kid gulped, "You still can forgive me?"

**(The Four Giants looked at each other. They turned to Skull Kid again. One Giant let out a groan that almost sounded like 'Don't push your luck, kiddo'.)**

"…I guess not then," Skull Kid paused.

"Dude!" Tael flew up to Skull Kid, "I don't think _I'll _ever forgive you for all the times I've listened to that song!"

…I _really _hope Sissel doesn't read this fanfic…

"So, wait," Link paused, "Is it _Skull Kid _who loves 'Weightless' by Sissel, or is it Majora's Mask?"

"That's _also_ never going to be fully explained," Navi told Link.

**(The Giants began to turn to leave, and Skull Kid started to cry. Tael rushed to Skull Kid's side to comfort him as the Giants walked off to go back to their resting spots. The Giants sang as they left. After the Giants left, there was a long pause.)**

Skull Kid turned to Link "Did you… Did you save me?"

"Well, actually it was Tatl who played 'Oath to Order' for you," Link shrugged, "So, it was technically her who saved you…"

"Oh," Skull Kid paused, "Thanks Tatl."

"Don't mention it," Tatl smiled.

Skull Kid turned to Tael, "I thought they didn't want to be friends with me… But… They hadn't forgotten about me… Friends are nice things to have…"

"Yeah," Link looked at Navi, "They sure are."

"Heh, heh," Skull Kid giggled, "Could you be my friend, too?"

**(Skull Kid waddled over to Link and sniffed him. Tael, out of curiosity, sniffed Link too. Tael flew backward almost instantly.)**

"Whoa! Dude!" Tael covered his nose, "Get some deodorant, man!"

Link raised an eyebrow, "Deodorant?"

Navi sighed, "It looks like Link began puberty."

"Eh-hee-hee…" Skull Kid said, "You have the same smell as the fairy kid who that crazy Kokiri girl was talking to when I got that one guy's saw during my Biggoron's Sword Side-quest…"

"Dude!" Link reached out his hand for a high five, "I was wondering where I recognized you from!"

**(Skull Kid slapped Link's hand.)**

Skull Kid looked at Link, "I know, I know! Let's do something!"

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed.

"But wait," Navi paused, "Didn't that happen six years in the future?"

Shh!

"Do I sense a plot-hole?" Navi looked at the intercom.

Erm, CUE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN!

"Oh… So the evil has left the mask after all…" the mask salesman frowned, "You useless child! How am I supposed to take over the world _now?_"

**(Link looked over. There stood the Happy Mask Salesman, who, did I mention, was not standing there previously? He held the Majora's mask in his hands. Apparently, it wasn't evil anymore. It's a wonder it's still intact.)**

"Wait…you were planning to take over the _world?_" Link pointed at the man.

The Happy Mask Salesman coughed, "Well, now…I, um, finally have it back. Yes, indeed. Even though it's useless now…"

"Man, I really wish Clocktown's Police Headquarters _was _locatable…" Tatl sighed.

"So, wait a minute," Link had a brainwave, "Does this mean that I'm the hero?"

"Unfortunately, no," the Happy Mask Salesman stroked his chin, "The inhabitants of Termina would be furious if a _foreigner _saved them from impending doom. No, no, no, the hero has to be a person who was born somewhere in Termina."

"I guess that's you, Tatl," Navi said.

"Come to think of it," Tatl paused, "I _did _deliver the finishing blow. And I called the Four Giants as well."

"Oh, come on!" Link huffed.

"Oh, come now, dear boy," the salesman grinned, "It's not everyday you get to accompany the Hero of Clocktown on her journey to save the world. You're lucky that you were her side-kick!"

"_Side-kick?_" Link protested.

"Since I am in the midst of my travels…" the Happy Mask Salesman tucked the mask into his bag, "I must bid you farewell. Shouldn't you be returning home as well?"

"What? Me?" Link pointed at himself.

**(The mask salesman nodded.)**

"No way!" Link huffed, "I've waited for this Carnival for three days. Three days, eight loops, and that makes twenty four days! I've been waiting almost a month! I'm not leaving until I'm going to that Carnival!"

"Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow," the mask salesman seemed not to hear, "However, that parting need not last forever… Whether a parting be forever or merely for a short time… That is up to you. With that, please excuse me…"

"But I'm _not_ leaving!" Link said.

"…But, my, you sure have managed to make quite a number of people happy. The masks you have are filled with happiness," the mask salesman grinned, "This is truly a good happiness."

**(Before Link could set the guy straight, he walked away, and after a few paces, merely disappeared. Link gasped.)**

"He's a ghost!" Link put his hands on his cheeks, "I always knew he was a ghost! Yup, knew it all along!"

"Link, stop making a fool of yourself," Navi sighed.

"Well, both of us have gotten what we were after…" Tatl sighed, "So this is where you and I part ways, isn't it? You know…it was kind of fun."

"Aren't you coming with us to the Carnival?" Navi asked.

"Yeah, well," Tatl indicated toward Tael and Skull Kid, "I kinda have to stick around them to make sure they don't mess up anything."

"Ah," Navi nodded.

"Well…it's almost time for the carnival to begin…" Tatl sighed, "So, why don't you just leave and go about your business? The rest of us have a carnival to go to."

"But I'm going to the Carnival!" Link exclaimed.

**(Epona pawed at the ground expectantly. As if she wanted Link to mount her and leave.)**

"Wait," Navi paused, "Was Epona always standing there?"

"Don't!" Tatl indicated toward Tael, "I don't—oh crap, I feel a sneeze coming on…ah…ahhh…AH-CHOO!"

**(Tatl's saliva was let out in a massive explosion. Unfortunately, Tael, who was beside Tatl at the time, got the blow head on.)**

"EEEEEEWWWWWW! GROSS!" Tael yelled, "Sis, that was just plain disgusting!"

"Wait, Tatl…" Link paused, "Does that mean Tael has O.N.A. now?"

**(Link took a couple steps back. He then bolted toward the nearest gate into Clocktown. Tatl started to cry.)**

"Link! Navi!" Tatl called out.

"What?" Link turned his head around.

Tatl began to quiver, "…Thank you."

**(Tael hugged Tatl to comfort her. Link, unsure why Tatl was crying in the first place, turned around and trotted toward Clocktown.)**

"So…" Navi flew into Link's hat, "Does this mean Tatl's no longer my roommate?"

"I guess so…" Link paused.

There was a brief pause, "FINALLY!"

**(Link could feel Navi flying around in circles inside his hat.)**

"FINALLY! No more dirty laundry all over the floor! No more trashy music playing all night! No more unwashed share of the dishes! No more borrowed stuff without asking! No more empty potato chip bags on the couch!"

Link went wide-eyed, "WHAT?"

**(Link tore off his hat, in an attempt to find out if everything Navi said was true. Skull Kid cocked his head.)**

"He's bald?" Skull Kid asked.

**(Link shoved his hat back on his head.)**

"Navi, let's go find the nearest cliff…" Link mumbled.

"No!" Navi flew out again, "First we're going to the Carnival!"

"HEY!" Tael jolted, "The quickest way to Clocktown is through that gate!"

**(The credits rolled across the screen. Numerous scenes appeared…the place that never got a name, Ikana Castle, and the Deku Palace. The Postman ran across Termina Field. Then two girls were shown dancing, even though Link never did that sidequest. Then it showed all the Great Fairies are lined up. Cremia watched Romani practice with her bow. This also shouldn't have happened for in this time loop, Romani got abducted by the Others.**

**Then the Bomb Shop Owners looked happy. The Emo Chicken Guy looked happy. Or, at least as far as the scriptwriter could tell. People are in the Milk Bar, and the music man was playing Scotland's National Anthem to a small crowd. Pamela ran up to hug her father. Then it showed a scene shown of Anju and Kafei's wedding. Kafei strode up the aisle holding his bagpipes triumphantly. Tingle ruined the moment with his presence, according to my scriptwriter.**

**If that wasn't disjointed enough, then the Butler was shown crying in front of the withered tree that was briefly mentioned in chapter two. Then Link was shown, in front of the Clock tower, and in the woods, there was a stump shown with a picture of Link, Skull Kid, and the three fairies on it. And a bar from Saria's song played.)**

_**There's life on the moon, **_Darmani's soul held out his hand, _**Pay up.**_

**(Mikau's soul muttered evilly to himself as he shelled out the cash.)**

**The End**

* * *

Cherry-sama: T.T Link, I miss you…

Link: Here we go again…

Navi: Why do you miss Link so much? He's right here for crying out loud!

Cherry-sama: But, technically I have to kill him off and replace him with Toon Link in Totally Bizzare… T.T

Link: O.O Wait, what? No! I don't wanna die!

Cherry-sama: Good bye, Link… _(hugs) _It's been a pleasure writing you…

Link: You can't kill me! I'm the main character!

Navi: But not the hero.

Link: Shut up.

Tatl: _Siggghhh… _-.- Please review, it'll really make her day…


	18. Chapter 15: Epilogue and Random Facts

**Totally Whacked: Epilogue**

**Disclaimer: Do I **_**really **_**have to say that I do not own Majora's Mask again? If you want a proper disclaimer, go back and read the other chapters for crying out loud.**

* * *

Navi: Oh crap.

Link: Not the epilogue!

Cherry-sama: That's right. Now I have to kill you.

Tatl: You murderer! Please read before Link gets gored!

* * *

**Link:**

After the Carnival, Link did indeed return to Hyrule. At age twenty-five he proposed to Zelda, and they got married one year later. Link lived as King of Hyrule for thirty-nine long years, and had a wonderful, peaceful life. Unfortunately, in his older years, he grew fat, and had several heart problems. On his deathbed, Link reached out his old, frail hand, and said, "Zelda, my dear, before I die, may I play one last song on my ocarina?" Zelda nodded and passed the instrument to him. Link played Song of Time.

After the Carnival, Link did indeed return to Hyrule. At age twenty-five he proposed to Malon, and they got married a year and a half later—mostly because of Malon's slow reaction time. Link became a helpful farm hand, and at age thirty-five, he inherited the ranch. Link lived as the happy ranch owner for an additional thirty-five years, until farmer's lung finally caught up to him. On his deathbed, Link reached out his old, frail hand, and said, "Malon, my dear, before I die, may I play one last song on my ocarina?" Malon nodded and passed the instrument to him. Link played Song of Time.

After the Carnival, Link did indeed return to Hyrule. At age twenty, he stopped Ruto from dying at her wedding, and proposed to the Zora later that day. They got married a week later. Link lived as King Zora (technically) for twenty long years, and he had many mutated children. None of which he were very fond of. Unfortunately, Link contracted some worms from eating an undercooked and ill-prepared fish. As a result, he fell deathly ill. On his deathbed, Link reached out his old, frail hand, and said, "Ruto, my dear, before I die, may I play one last song on my ocarina?" Ruto shook her head. "Please, Ruto dear, it's rather important." Ruto still would not let him have it. "Ruto, dear, I'm going to play our song, as a memory to all the…erm…_pleasant _times we shared." Ruto sighed and nodded and passed the instrument to him. Link played Song of Time.

After the Carnival, Link did indeed return to Hyrule. At age fifteen, Link joined Hyrule's Royal Guard, and quickly rose to the rank of General. Link led the Hyrulian Army victoriously through many battles, and helped keep peace in the land for thirty wonderful years. One day in battle, however, Link was stabbed in the chest, and the doctors determined that he was due to be dead by the next day. On his deathbed—a military cot—Link reached out his old, frail hand, and said, "Lieutenant, before I die, may I play one last song on my ocarina?" The Lieutenant nodded and passed the instrument to him. Link played Song of Time.

After the Carnival, Link didn't feel like returning to Hyrule quite yet, so he took the advice of the kids on the moon, and continued to search the land of Termina for masks. At age twenty-five, Link had more masks than he could count, and became a fully-fledged Mask Salesman. Then he returned to Hyrule. People considered him a _lot _better than the Happy Mask Salesman, because Link wasn't creepily happy all the time. Over a period of fifty years, Link had become a very wealthy man. His wealth was pursued throughout the land by reputable bandits, and throughout this loop, Link had several brushes with the Black Market—narrowly avoiding them each time. However, one day, while out on his travels, he was attacked by bandits, and left on the side of the road to die. Link wasn't given a deathbed this time, but he reached out his old, frail hand, and said, "Navi, my dear friend, before I die, may I play one last song on my ocarina?" Silence greeted him. "Oh #^$%, that's right, Navi went into hibernation this loop didn't she?" At age seventy-five Link died, and his last words were: "Almost…have…it…nyehhhh….!"

**Navi:**

During Link's Zelda loop, Navi decided to finish her education, and became a professor at the University of the Lost Woods. At age sixty-three she got promoted to a Great Fairy, and became well liked because she wasn't scantily clad and she didn't have weird pronged hair. But she still talked travelers ears off. One day, while giving advice to a bored traveler, Navi felt a weird whooshing sensation, and soon found out herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Malon loop, Navi was already at the peak of her education. She realized her feelings towards Ivan, and confessed them to him. Of course, Ivan, having little IQ to begin with, did not comprehend what Navi told him. So all of it went in one ear and out the other. So Navi decided to try and find a way to increase Ivan's IQ. After fifty-six long years, Navi was on the verge of a breakthrough when she felt a weird whooshing sensation, and soon found out herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Ruto loop, Navi was getting tired of being a goody two-shoes that everyone in the Legend of Zelda fandom hates, so she joined that Black Market. At age forty-three, she became Black Market Queen, and would only respond to the alias of "Mademoiselle Fairy". Navi was caught in knife fight in the back alleys of Castle Town when, fortunately, she felt a weird whooshing sensation, and soon found out herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Military loop, Navi took up knitting. For the heck of it. She knitted an entire castle, and produced sweaters for the entire Hyrulian populous. While in the middle of knitting the world's largest sweater (for the Giant Goron), she felt a weird whooshing sensation, and found out herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Mask Salesman loop, Navi decided she couldn't take it anymore. She found a Fairy's Fountain, pulled a gigantic rock over the top of it, and put herself in Fairy Hibernation. Navi figured that she'd soon wind up back in Termina again, and didn't bother asking anyone to wake her up. So she missed the flooding of Hyrule, and finally woke up during Totally Bizarre.

**Tatl:**

During Link's Zelda loop, Tatl decided to head back to the Lost Woods with Skull kid and Tael. Upon hearing that Link had stumbled upon Termina while riding through an unexplored sector of the Lost Woods, Tatl decided to take it upon herself to map out every corner of the Lost Woods. She refused to leave the woods until her mission was complete. After forty-eight long years, she finally finished the maps, and stopped living like the fairy version of Indiana Jones. However, two years into reproduction of the maps, she suddenly felt a weird whooshing sensation, and found herself flying out of Clocktower. Once Tatl found out that she had gone back in time, and realized that all her mapmaking had been negated, she didn't bother to draw them out again. She knew the Lost Woods like the back of her hand, and didn't really care if other people could navigate through it or not, so long as _she _didn't get lost. As a result, the Lost Woods, to this day, remain unmapped.

So that's why, during Link's Malon loop, Tatl decided to become an interior decorator for fairies. While on her journey with Link and Navi, she had become inspired by the way Link's bald spot and all the furnishings, changed when he changed masks. After years as a successful businessfairy, Tatl felt a weird whooshing sensation, and found herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Ruto loop, Tatl ran a rally to promote the Great Fairies'. The turnout was very poor. On her 289th attempt at a rally, Tatl felt a weird whooshing sensation, and found herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Military loop, Tatl got sick and tired of Hyrule, and stayed in Termina. For a while, she worked part time for Koume at the Swamp Tourist Center. (Tatl acted as a bonus target for Koume's shooting mini-game.) After Tatl had saved up enough money, she opened up her own boat business at the swamp, only for fairies. She called her shop "_Weightless_ - Water Rafting for Adventuresome Fairies". It was kinda like going down Niagara Falls in Barrel, only with bottles and a small creek. After twenty years of successful business, Tatl felt a weird whooshing sensation, and found herself flying out of Clocktower.

During Link's Mask Salesman loop, Tatl decided to let her girly side run wild, and she became a humble bracelet maker. She didn't expect this to go on for very long, since Link kept on going back in time all the time. However, after Link's unpredicted death, Tatl still kept up the business. Unfortunately, none of the Deus Ex Bracelets sold very well. Tatl, however, did manage to sell one to a gruff fellow named Ganondorf (who said that he had just broken free from some Sacred Realm, or something.) This, however, was the last bracelet she ever sold. Ganondorf then used the power of the Deus ex Bracelet to start a new reign of terror on Hyrule. Since the bracelet made Ganondorf unstoppable, and Link had been mugged and killed, and Navi was in hibernation, the Goddesses had no choice but to flood Hyrule to stop him. After the flooding, job opportunities dried up. Tatl had difficulty finding work, since people were less interested in bracelets and were more interested in panicking. Tatl eventually took a job as the Fairy of Healing because there were no other jobs available at the time.

**And Other Loveable Characters (besides Tingle):**

**A note to the reader:** As the following characters were not in party with Link on his adventure in Termina, they were not aware that time was continually looping. As a result, what each character did repeated in each loop. As far as they were concerned, no changes took place.

Tael eventually got married and had sixteen children. After rearing these children to his liking, Tael decided to let his dark side run loose, and entered the Black Market. He made sure that his sixteen children all became well-established ringleaders in the underground market. He refused to be called anything but Death Soot Ball. The only change in Tael's life during Link's loops happened during Link's Ruto loop. Navi took it upon herself to make Tael her right-hand man…er, fairy.

Skull Kid became Skull Man. He was then able to hold Biggoron's Sword with one hand. He also got counseling, and is no longer obsessed with 'Weightless' by Sissel. However, when given the chance, Skull Man wouldn't mind listening to that song for hours on repeat.

Since Zelda's, Malon's, and Ruto's epilogues intertwined with Link's, they became too confusing for anyone to be able to understand.

The Deku Kingdom remained a strong, proud nation for many years. Relations with the monkeys improved. The monkeys became so well liked and trusted that you can now buy Deku Imported Banana Tea in Clocktown.

The Gorons on Snowhead lived happily. That is, until Global Warming set in, which caused temperatures to plummet further. Kabora and Gabora, on the other hand, managed to survive Global Warming, since they were the only ones on Snowhead with a properly insulated house.

Link, out of all his loops, kept forgetting to go and save Romani from the Others. As a result, she became a vegetable. Romani lived the rest of her years under the constant care of Cremia.

After their wedding, Anju and Kafei pressed charges against Mikau for stalkerish behaviour. It confused the couple, the authorities, Lulu, and the suspect's children when they discovered Mikau's grave…and the date of death.

The band had a hard time figuring out what to do once they discovered Mikau had died. In order to keep the band together, Evan decided they needed to hire a new lead guitarist. Evan tried to hire George, our sound technician, but George had already promised to work in Totally Bizarre, which he admitted was a big mistake on his part. So Evan hired a guy named Steve. But nobody liked Steve, because he wasn't nearly as awesome as Mikau.

The Bomber in the yellow bandana got abducted by Others.

Anju's mother had a heart-attack. They buried her next to the Astronomer.

Grandma Tortis took up Scottish River Dancing, and won several awards. Often she had her grandson-in-law (Kafei) as her support music. She lived to be one hundred and nineteen.

Both the girls and the spiders in Clocktown got counseling.

The Happy Mask Salesman continued on his travels, however, never found a mask as powerful as Majora's Mask. So he never got to crash the Hyrule Annual Ball, or take over Hyrule.

All the Great Fairies got proper clothing. HA! Gotcha there!

Ganondorf, once he broke free from the Sacred Realm, acquired a strangely powerful bracelet from some fairy. He used this newly acquired item to inflict terror on the citizens of Hyrule and the rest of the world. The goddesses got fed up trying to find someone to reincarnate Link into in time, so they flooded Hyrule to save on reincarnation expenses. And Navi wasn't a morning person, so they decided to let her sleep. Ganondorf survived the flood, and would have continued to remain all powerful if the bracelet hadn't been made of organic materials and was later consumed by termites.

Tingle never learned how to speak properly. And for some reason, he survived the flooding of Hyrule and Termina, and was still alive and kicking in Totally Bizarre. Unfortunately.

Sissel noticed a sudden spike in the popularity of her song 'Weightless'. Unfortunately, she soon found out that the reason for this: some crazy Canadian girl made a fanfic, in which the villain was obsessed with her song. A huge lawsuit followed. Which was negated by Link's next loop.

Cherry-sama got involved a huge lawsuit. But it was overwritten by time travel. Anyone she tells this won't believe her. Undaunted, she started writing Totally Bizarre. Yup, she's crazy.

George, Louis, and ObsidianSickle were forced to work for Cherry-sama in Totally Bizarre. They are demanding more pay. But their demands won't be met.

The three souls of Link's masks continued to stand in a row in the Stone Tower. Until one day, Pamela's father found them, and put all three of the statues up for sale on eBay. You can still find them up for bid if you look hard enough.

* * *

Tatl: What's with all the Black Market jokes?

Navi: Apparently, in the rewritten version of Totally Messed, Link and I deal with the Black Market in chapter four.

Tatl: O.o

Link: _(points at Cherry-sama)_ I can't believe you killed me!

Cherry-sama: But I gave you the awesomest death ever!

Link: You still killed me!

Cherry-sama: T.T Link… _(hugs)_

Tatl: Gah, this is getting weird.

Navi: Onto the random facts, I guess.

* * *

Random Facts About Totally Whacked:

-I, Cherry-sama, truly believe that the only thing missing in the game Majora's Mask, is Navi.

-The reason Skull kid started singing 'Weightless' by Sissel is because I wanted him to sing 'I Can Fly' from Peter Pan. However, off hand, I did not know the words to that song. However, the first replacement of that song was 'Weightless', since I know most of the lyrics to most of the songs my sister listens too. And now, it's one of the main gags in this fic. XD

-Because of said gag, my sister doesn't have 'Weightless' by Sissel on her iPod anymore, since I 'ruined it for her'. But right now she's retracting her words, amending that I only ruined it as a 'serious song'. She fully appreciates it as a gag.

-If you talk to the Astronomer as Goron or Zora, in the game, he gives you his name. In other words, HE HAS A NAME!

-The numbers '4 8 15 16 23 42', that the bomber kid repeats is from the show Lost. These numbers are the cursed numbers.

-There is a large plot hole in chapter three, if you look hard enough.

-To this day, I cannot remember what inspired me to make Kafei play the bagpipes. I think we went to Scotland.

-To write the 'Guava, Lemon, Cherry Sprinkle, etc.' rhyme in chapter 4, I went to Safeway and Superstore dozens of times before I got enough fruit for the list.

-The line Zelda yells at Link, in chapter four, is a list of all the fruits I couldn't think of how to put in the rhyme.

-The rhyme, in chapter four, originally ended at "Grape Treat". However, too many people said "wow, I thought it'd be longer than that."

-I have been working on a fan manga side-story revolving around that Deku guy who never gets a name. In this fan manga, Link has both Navi and Tatl, and the Deku Princess and the monkeys have Tea Parties. It is called "The Butler's Son", and it is currently being posted on deviantart.

-I really do call the black poofy things with red eyes 'Dust Bunnies'. I call the white ones 'Snowballs'.

-The reason why Link walked out on the conversation between the Deku Princess and the monkey is because the chapter was getting too long.

-In chapter seven, Navi goes through the five stages of grief. This is a parody of a video I saw on youtube, an animation of a giraffe by RobotChicken. However, the video has been long since removed.

-In the game, you can see Darmani's ghost after talking to him for a while—without Eye of Truth. The incontinuity is something you would expect from me, not the actual designers.

-I really wish you _could _blow up the Elder's son, like in chapter 8.

-The aliens being referred to as 'the Others', is also a Lost joke.

-If you wait in the barn with Romani right to the point where the aliens come, she says "They came!" and won't let you in until you get rid of the aliens, or until she gets abducted.

-On my Microsoft Word document, I had the Others speak in those small boxes, however, they didn't show up on

-Yes, it really did take me over a year to write the Zora chapter. But that was mainly due to my bad habit of procrastination.

-The beginning of chapter 9 (part 1) is a reference to the TV show 24, where the entire show is on a constant clock.

-I think a reviewer suggested the joke where Tatl and Navi fight over whether Kratos or Zelos was better, a long time ago. But I don't quite remember. The parallels are rather stunning though.

-For the longest time, I seriously did see Evan's headphones as his eyes. Seriously, where are they?

-Originally, in part two of the Zora chapter, I had Link doodling on his arm after he read the diary. It was my sister's idea to have him doodle in the diary instead.

-The flashback in part three of the Zora chapter is a novelization of a one-panel comic I drew long ago.

-For those of you who hadn't noticed, I named Link's hatchlings after musical notes.

-If you look closely, you can find the following in between two parts of Lulu's dialogue: 'Oh really?', 'Oh snap', and 'Oh crap'.

-I've been on several tours before, and I can honestly say that Lulu is the Worst Tour Guide ever.

-I got Sediohejigat's name the same way I got Afatufivomany's and Wigijigiland's names. (By banging my keyboard randomly and then filling in vowels where needed.) I think it's a lovely addition to the other two. My sister also tells me that I named the erupting volcano in Iceland.

-Soshi-no-Kokoro did write the script for chapter 10, and defiantly helped with chapter 11 and 12. Unfortunately, she hasn't read chapter ten yet.

-It was my sister's addition of the Deus Ex Bracelet, in chapter 10. Originally, Link kept accidentally wrapping his fingers around the sword, and thus flinging it.

-The scene where Link could not draw his sword, in chapter 10, was shown as a preview for the chapter on DA. You can still read the original version of this section if you look hard enough.

-Yes, I had planned the chapter question for chapter ten all the way back to chapter four. Heck, most of the questions for this fanfic were thought up before chapter one was posted.

-I do what Link did in chapter 10 where he lined all the statues up in a row. And I call it Link's Doll Collection. Screw the Solider Gang.

-And I've always kinda wondered if the souls of Link's masks are trapped in those statues…

-My favourite scene in the game is the one between Anju and Grandma Tortis that appeared in chapter 11.

-Even if you play Song of Healing right in front of Kafei's face, then he won't change back to an adult. Which extremely lame, and contradicts the purpose of the song. So, that's why I made the Shrimpy mask.

-Did any of you read all of the text of Grandma Tortis's story?

-Yes, there really was supposed to be a long, epic fight scene between Oni Link and Majora's Mask. However, I got bored of it really quickly, and cut it short.

-On the night I finished the final chapter, I was in Hawaii, and went to a Luau for dinner. I angsted over Link twice over the whole meal.

-And, yes, I realize that this epilogue is much longer than the previous epilogue.

* * *

Cherry-sama: There! Done! Now onto the—

Link: How could you do this too me? I'm the main character!

Tatl: Here we go again.

Navi: Calm down, Link.

Link: No! I will not calm down! You, Navi, at least, get to survive! Me, I have to die! What the crap! I thought she loved writing my character!

Cherry-sama: I do, but to follow with cannon…

Link: Okay, you know what? I refuse to die! My character may have died, but me, the actor, lives on! I WILL SURVIVE!

Cherry-sama: Erm…Please review?


	19. Chapter 16: Deleted Scenes

**Totally Whacked Deleted Scenes!**

**Disclaimer: If you really want me to, I will say that I do not own the Legend of Zelda: Majora's mask, but I really don't feel like saying it.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Deleted scenes, here we come!

Tatl: Gahh…

Navi: Why do you even bother posting them? It's not like anyone liked the last ones.

Cherry-sama: Because these ones are awesomer?

Tatl: Also, how come there's only two? You liked all your other ideas?

Cherry-sama: Well, there were more deleted scenes than this, however, as the name implies, they got deleted…before I thought of putting them in here.

Tatl: Oh.

Link: Gah, let's hurry up and get these over with…

**

* * *

**

Chapter Eleven:

** Scorched Around the Edges**

**(Meanwhile, at the Owl Statue in Central Clocktown…)**

"Boy, what a ride," Tatl said, "I don't know why Link doesn't use this more often."

Navi shook her head, "Tatl, when will you learn that Link is a silly little boy like that?"

**(Off in the distance was a faint outline of Link. He wore his newly acquired Postman's Hat, and was making a habit of running over to every postbox in town. At this time, he happened to be running over to the shattered remains of the Postbox in Central Clocktown.)**

Tatl looked over, "Speaking of which…"

"You…_bzzt_…doin…_spark_…great…! _ZAP_…Katching!" the Postbox's remains let out.

"Thank you!" Link exclaimed, "Even though I've only been at this for 10 minutes, I have the general consensus of all the Postboxes!"

Navi flew over, "Link, what are you doing?"

"Hey, Navi! Hey, Tatl!" Link greeted, "Like my new hat?"

"This…_spark_…was…deposte…by…_bzzt_…mistake…!" the Postbox's remains said.

**(****DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Piece of a Heart! …Why is it scorched on the edges?****)**

"Well, come on, Link," Navi sighed, "We've got to see if Kafei's made it back to the Stock Pot Inn alright."

"Oh!" Link exclaimed, "I completely forgot about him."

"You _what?_" Navi exclaimed, "He's the main character in this Side-Quest! Not to mention he's the star of this chapter's Question! How can you forget about him!"

Tatl paused, "Maybe the authoress split up our group because we couldn't do one part of the Side-Quest without neglecting another part."

Navi turned to Tatl, "Tatl, I don't think the authoress has that much brain power."

**(If Navi wasn't under the shelter of the ever looming-evil moon, she would have been struck by lightening.)**

* * *

Tatl: Too bad you didn't get to strike grandma down.

Navi: T-Tatl!

Cherry-sama: Yeah, I really like this scene. I would have used it if I hadn't already planned for Link to be listening to Grandma Tortis.

Link: So…why'd you write it then?

Cherry-sama: When I got to that part, I forgot how I had already planned to make Link and the fairies reunite. So I wrote this scene, and kept it until I remembered Grandma Tortis.

Link: _(yawns)_ Whatever. What's next on the list?

**

* * *

**

Chapter 12:

** How'd you get in here?**

**(Anju, fully dressed, walked down the staircase just in time to see a small child go out the door. She looked over at the Zora.)**

Anju pointed at Link, "I thought I locked you out."

"On the contrary, coral piece," Link winked at Anju, "You've only unlocked my heart…"

Anju burst out laughing, "That has _got _to be the cheesiest sentence in this fanfic!"

"No, I think the cheesiest line in this fanfic was said by Navi last chapter," Link paused, "Even though, technically, I wasn't there."

"And another thing," Anju pressed her finger against Link's scaly chest, "It's a mystery how _you _got in here, but how did that little kid get in here while the front door was locked all night?"

Link shrugged, "Haven't you ever noticed that small child who always wanders around on your porch, but never gets down or goes inside."

"…There's a small child up there?" Anju paused.

"…Clearly you haven't been up there in a while…" Link said.

"Whatever," Anju sauntered towards the front door, "I have business to attend to, so if you don't mind, you pervert, it would be best if you left."

"I don't understand why you're mad at the whole bed thing," Link sighed, "It was a perfectly reasonable request."

"P-P-Perfectly _reasonable?_" Anju crashed the lock open, "What kind of girl do you think I _am?_"

Link crossed his arms, "Obviously not the one who listens to reasonable requests! Besides, I only wanted to have a bit of fun—"

"BIT OF FUN?" Anju hollered, "I'm engaged to be married! And if my Grandmother hadn't died, then I wouldn't have met you anyway!"

"You women are so confusing," Link sighed, "It's no wonder Japanese people always portray you as cute and incompetent."

"I **dare **you to say that again!" Anju grabbed her broom.

"Alright, I will, you tragic heroine," Link glared at Anju, "Without men, you women are just a bunch of—"

**(Anju slammed her broom against Link's face. He went scuttling across the floor.)**

* * *

Link: Aw, come on! I would have totally owned her!

Cherry-sama: Hmm… Totally Owned… I smell a fanfic…

Link: Aw, dang it. I've inspired her…which is never a good thing…

Tatl: Why'd you end the scene there?

Cherry-sama: I got bored of it. I also didn't know where to go from there.

Navi: Didn't you have a direction in which you were taking this?

Cherry-sama: Well, kind of. See, to get inspiration for the first three days of the last loop, I played Majora's mask, and did most of the stuff that Link did in the chapter. However, it was late at night, and so my sister and I were coming up with the weirdest ideas.

Link: All of your ideas are weird.

Cherry-sama: Anyway, this scene led to a dead end, and I like it at the beginning, but it kinda gets weaker as it goes along.

Tatl: We don't care. And neither do your readers.

Cherry-sama: Oh, be quiet.

Link: Please review…on how crappy this lame excuse for a chapter is.

Cherry-sama: Hey—!


	20. Chapter 17: BLOOPERS

**Totally Whacked BLOOPERS!**

* * *

Link: Aw, crap. Not another blooper reel.

Cherry-sama: What do you mean by that?

Link: You've tormented us long enough—this fanfic has been running for years! Can't you give us a break?

Cherry-sama: No! This is Totally Whacked, and as any fanfiction writer knows, you can't have a humour fanfic without a Blooper Reel! Besides, there are probably some fans who've looked forward to the bloopers from the first chapter!

Tatl: As if.

Link: Nobody reads this fic anyways.

Cherry-sama: Shut up, we've still got readers! Even though our rates have been dropping dramatically over the past few chapters, we've still got loyal fans sticking around!

Navi: Please stop deluding yourself, Cherry-sama.

Cherry-sama: The line is 'Please read'! And you need to say it to the audience!

Tatl: What audience?

Cherry-sama: …_Gaaaaahhhhhhh…_

* * *

**Chapter Two: Navi paused. The Robbers paused.**

"…Aww, but Sis… W…why can't I try it out, too?" the purple fairy (apparently named Tael) asked in a small voice.

**(By this point Navi couldn't take it anymore. She flew out of Link's hat and looked at the robbers. The robbers looked at her. Navi paused. The robbers paused. Navi blinked. The robbers blinked. Navi sneezed. The robbers sneezed. Navi danced. The robbers danced. Epona ate grass. The robbers ate grass. Wait…)**

"WHAT THE** -beep- **ARE YOU GUYS DOING!" Navi asked.

"Eating grass," Skull kid munched on a couple of blades while he said this, "Want some?"

Navi face-palmed, "NO."

"CUT!"

* * *

**Chapter Two: Deku Navi**

**(Navi glared evilly at Skull kid in front of her. In return, Skull kid did the oddest of things: he shook his mask back and forth.)**

Link blinked, "What the—"

**(Skull kid's Mask started to pulse with electricity, and Link and Navi was absorbed in his vortex. Link wore a dumbfounded expression on his face.**

**The background around him and Navi turned to utter darkness. Then there was a distinct sound of rustling leaves. It surrounded him and he soon discovered that he was crowded by Deku Scrubs. These Scrubs shook their leaves in time with the rattling of Skull kid's mask. Link and Navi tried to run, but it seemed as if they ran on the spot into the blackness. A giant Deku Scrub walked up behind them and inhaled…**

**Link seemed to return to the previous scene he remembered, still standing on the Deku flower. Link looked at his hands—they were completely normal. Link looked in the pool in front of him—his face looked totally normal as well. There was a scream.)**

"AHHHHHHH!" Navi shrieked.

Link was startled by the outburst, "What? What?"

"NOO!" Navi screamed, "Why? Why me! WHY ALWAYS ME?"

**(Link looked up towards Navi. Her wings had turned into leaves, and her body had transformed into plump and rotund Deku nut.)**

"Well…" Skull kid snickered, "That wasn't my _intent_, but…"

Link burst out laughing, "OH WOW! Ah ha ha ha… That's AWESOME!"

**(Link pulled out his cell phone.)**

"I've gotta take a picture of this," Link held up his phone, "This is _so_ going on Facescroll!"

"Hey!" the authoress sat up in her director's chair, "I thought I told you guys that you're not allowed to bring stuff like that while we're filming!"

"Say cheese!" Link said, "Or rather, say honey!"

"LINK!" Navi diverted her attention to the boy.

"Sigh… Cut!"

* * *

**Chapter Four: Never bet with those numbers…**

"Oh, why do we have to play these stupid brats' games?" Tatl asked.

"C'mon! Hurry up and find them already! Only this amount of time left!" Navi nagged, showing Link her watch, which Link never knew she had (must have been in his hat).

"Night never comes, remember?" Link asked.

"In this world it actually does. NOW GET MOVING!" Navi hissed.

"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8—" the yellow clone started.

**(Just then, the kid got hit by a meteorite.)**

"Whoa!" Tatl exclaimed, "What are the chances of that happening!"

Link peered at the rubble, "Wait, I think I see something…"

**(Link walked forward to examine the meteorite and…****DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! Link got a Moon's Tear!**)

"Well," Tatl paused, "at least we've saved ourselves a lot of time…"

"T-Tatl! How could you _say_ such a thing?" Navi pointed at the yellow bandana, "Right after that kid di—"

Link flopped over, "What is _with _all these 'Lost' references?"

"Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Four: Half a Melon

"_Well, thing is, I can't remember all the ingredients you wanted…" Link muttered feebly._

"_TOO BAD! GET MY PUNCH! NOW!" Zelda yelled pointing to the place Link had just come from._

_**(Link ran out of the room and into the kitchen. Link walked into the room just in time to see the Royal Chef finish cutting up some Strawberries. The Chef looked up at the boy.)**_

"_Well?" the Chef paused, "What flavour was the punch her highness wished for?"_

"_Umm…" Link started counting on his fingers, "Well, there was banana, I know that…and, um, there was some tapioca…or something… And…"_

"_Oh, wait…" the Chef opened a recipe book, "She wants the '__Guava, Lemon, Cherry sprinkle, Pomegranate, Pumpernickel, Sugary Sweet, Good to Eat, Pineapple, Blueberry, Grape Treat, etc…' __flavoured punch, doesn't she?"_

"_Yeah," Link said._

"_Alright then," the Chef looked at his book, "I have the recipe right here… Hmm… Seems I don't have all the ingredients for it…"_

_**(There was a moment in which the Chef looked lost in thought. The Chef looked at Link again.)**_

"_Link, my boy," the Chef said._

_**(Link stopped playing with the garlic.)**_

"_Could you run out and get me half a melon?" the Chef asked._

"_Um…sure?" Link stood up straight._

"_Also, while you're at it…" the Chef scrolled through the ingredients, "Could you get me—"_

_**(Link zipped out the door, leaving nothing but his pink and yellow apron behind. Once outside, Link paused.)**_

"_Huh, what was it he wanted again?" Link asked, "Oh, yes, I remember now."_

_**(Link went out of the Castle. Later, some inhabitants of Hyrule noted that they had heard a scream from Lon Lon Ranch, but hadn't thought much of it. Link came back into the kitchen. His boots made a distinct trail of footprints from the door to the Royal Kitchen.)**_

"_Ah, good, Link," the chef paused from his work, "You've come just in time—Holy Nayru! Link, what __is__ that?"_

_**(Within Link's hands was the gored remains of some creature. Since this is a K+ fanfic, a whole bunch of squares covered over it, and distorted the image so you could no longer tell what it was.)**_

_Link held up what he held, "Half a Malon. Like you asked."_

_The Chef slapped his forehead, "Half a __MELON__, not half a Malon!"_

_Link looked at the redhead's remains, "Whoops. My mistake."_

"_Augh! Link!" the director yelled from off-stage, "Now we have to bring in the medical team! It's fortunate that they can revive people from the dead, or else we'd be without a Romani in this story!"_

_Link looked at the rest of the crew, "Does anyone want this?" Link held up the corpse._

"_CUUUUUTTTT!"_

* * *

**Chapter Six: FEEAARR!**

"Yes! How rude to say that to an old—" Kotake paused, "Oh, what's the word…?"

"Hag."

"You impudent little—" Kotake grabbed her broom and pointed it at Link, "FEEAARR!"

**(A blast of ice erupted from the broom. Link fell over.)**

"Oh, not again…" the authoress sighed, "Kotake, I thought we agreed that you were distinctly _good _in this fanfic?"

"But Grandson would be very happy if we destroyed the boy…" Kotake sighed, "He even said that he'd eat one of our cookies!"

"Jeez!" Tatl buzzed, "Doesn't _anyone _in this fanfic know how to cook?"

The authoress turned to the speakers, "George, can you ask the Medical Team in here?"

'_Over the speakers?'_

"Yes, over the speakers," the authoress sighed, "Now—Oh, crap, I think I forgot to call cut…erm…cut?"

* * *

**Chapter Six: This is why an education is a good thing.**

"If that's not a ticket to go to the other areas, then I don't know what it!" Navi yelled, while Link stood overtop of the guards, who must have fallen asleep not to hear her. (Link marched up to the door. There was a sign in front of it…it said the following…) 'WARNING! HIGH RADIATION! ALL DEKUS MUST WEAR HAZMAT SUITS!' the sign read.

"Come on, guys!" Link indicated toward the door, "Let's go!"

"Link, can't you read what it says?" Navi exclaimed.

"Oh, please, Navi," Deku Link smirked, "If I can get by life this far without knowing how to read, then—"

"Link! No!" Tatl gasped.

**(The Deku walked through the door.)**

"Sigh… Looks like I'm going to have to call the Medical Crew…" the director sighed, "George, call the Medic Team again—"

"We're here," a voice came from off screen.

"Wait—You are?" the director paused.

"We figured instead of going back to the med room, and then coming back as soon as we got there, there'd be a lot less energy and time wasted if we just stuck around."

"Oh, that's good," the director said, "So, can you go and scrub Link down?"

"Can we at least wait until he keels over from radiation poisoning before he heal him?" one of the nurses asked.

"Okay, fine," Cherry-sama said.

"Well, since the authoress doesn't feel like saying it," Navi flew up to the camera, "Cut!"

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Load of crap**

"Well, fairies are found on many places in this, and apparently your world too. In different areas, fairies either believe in clothing, or don't. Fairies in the country side usually think that clothing is a waste of time, while closer to the cities, the fairies usually idolize humans more, so they act more like them." Tatl explained. "Really?" Link asked. "But, sometimes it is based on personal opinion. Some fairies in the countryside want to feel modest, and sometimes city fairies think that their body is so pretty that they have to show it to the whole world." Tatl huffed. "Either way, you get used to seeing either or."

Link wore an unimpressed look on his face, "That's a load of crap."

"Wha-what?" Tatl was startled by this outburst.

"This is obviously the authoress' attempt at creating a logical explanation of a lame joke she used in the last fic," Link huffed, "Honestly, who would _believe_ that?"

"…The readers?" Cherry-sama asked in a weak voice, "…Cut?"

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Tiny Barn.**

"Hey—! Look!" Tatl exclaimed, pointing to something.

**(Tatl pointed at a nearby window. There, she could see the ranch.)**

"Wow…" Navi paused.

"When did the ranch get so tiny?" Link asked.

"It's not the ranch that's tiny," Navi said, "It's your brain."

'… ,' one of the Others paused, '… .(Maybe taking him wasn't a good idea after all.)'

"Gah, Navi, that wasn't in the script!" the director called from off screen.

"But it should have been," Navi smirked.

The authoress sighed, "Cut… And you, stop inching Romani towards the brain removing machine."

' … (Aww…)'

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Just**

"Gabora, fetch our customer some coffee, quick-like," The small guy repeated, "Now then, let me take a look at your sword."

"Sure." Link told the guy while handing him Link's sword.

"Hmmm… Hey, now that's a mean joke." The small guy sighed. "Your sword has already been reforged into a Razor Sword!"

"We know that." Link told the guy.

"Unless… Do you want me to make your sword stronger?" the small guy asked.

"Duh." Link huffed.

"To do that, I'll need gold just," the small guy asked, "Do you have any?"

"Gold **J**ust?" Link asked.

"Must be one of the scriptwriter's errors," Tatl sighed.

"I don't have gold just but I have gold **d**ust." Link explained, holding his bottle filled with it.

"No, no, no," the small guy said, "It is definitely gold _just_ I want. Nothing else."

"But—" Link started.

"Now, go and bring me some gold just, quick-like," the small guy nodded, "And I need the justist just of justice in order to reforge your sword."

"Ugoh ugo ugo!" Gabora flailed.

**(Link slumped his way outside.)**

"Great, I need gold just when all I have is this gold dust," Link looked unimpressed at the bottle, "_Now _what should I do with this?"

"Well," Navi said, "We could always sell it on the Black Market."

Link glared at Navi, "**No**."

"How about eBay?" Tatl piped up.

ObsidianSickle smacked her sister upside the head, "Stop it with all the eBay jokes!"

"Oww…Cut…"

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Twiddle.**

**(Link hung his head low and left to do something until six. So he randomly entered the building with the chickens painted on it. There, there was the emo guy from the last story, only he had a yellow Mohawk ****_(shudder)_****.)**

"I heard it from my gramps. Says the moon's gonna fall…" the guy lamented, hanging his head low.

"You have no clue how right gramps is," Tatl told the emo guy.

"With somethin' that big, it's sure to take this ranch down with it…" the emo guy sighed.

**(Nabooru stepped out of a black hole.)**

"Whoa, talk about a rough ride," Nabooru wobbled forward.

"Nabooru?" Navi raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were back in Hyrule!"

"Yeah!" Link added, "And being kidnapped by two Make-Over Obsessed Freaks!"

Tatl paused, "What?"

"Oh hey!" Nabooru regained her balance, "Stinky! Blabber! How are you guys?"

"Fine," Link looked at his fingernails.

"Man, you've gotten short," Nabooru looked at Link.

Navi sighed, "Nabooru, have you been traveling through space and time again?"

"Eh heh heh…" Nabooru chuckled nervously.

Tatl paused again, "What!"

"Oh, hey!" Nabooru said, "Who're your friends?"

"Tatl," Link pointed to Tatl.

"And we have no idea what this guy's name is," Navi pointed at the emo dude.

The emo guy sighed, "Grog."

"Tatl? Grog?" Nabooru huffed, "Honestly, what kinds of names are those?"

"Hey, it's a pun on tattletale," Tatl sighed.

"My ma ain't good at namin' things," Grog sighed, "She named that chick behind me Alster Dobblegoff."

"Well, looks like I'm going to have to give you some better names!" Nabooru said, "Grog, your name is now Spiky, and you, Tatl…well…hmm…I've got it! Twiddle! Your name shall be Twiddle!"

"Cool with me…" Grog/Spiky sighed.

"T-T-Tw-Twiddle!" Tatl/Twiddle buzzed up and down, "I will not be named after what someone does with their thumbs!"

"Well, that's all for now!" Nabooru smiled as she opened up another black hole, "I've got realities to go to, and places to be!"

"Bye!" Link waved.

**(Nabooru walked into the black hole.)**

"Well, that was weird," Tatl said.

"Hahhh… Oh, well," Spiky sighed.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Twiddled.**

**(Then, suddenly, two hooded weirdoes on horses came up behind the cart Cremia was driving and started making Ingo like yells. Link, not wanting to waste any arrows, decided to sick Tatl and Navi on them. To this day, nothing remains of the horses or the pursuers…)**

Link pointed at laughed, "Ha ha! You got _Twiddled!_"

Tatl glared at Link, "I thought I told you never to call me that!"

"Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Eight: Armed to the skirt.

"To where?" Navi asked.

"To Termina's bar," Tatl told Navi.

"But he's under-aged to drink!" Navi gasped.

Link's face lit up, "SWEET!"

"_**Milk**_ bar," Cremia confirmed.

"Ohh…" Link sighed.

"I now acknowledge you as being an adult!" Cremia exclaimed.

**(Cremia pulled out a sword from her skirt and tapped Link on the shoulders with it.)**

"Wait, what the?" Link exclaimed.

"Why the crap do you keep something like that there?" Navi exclaimed.

Tatl gaped, "That's freaky!"

Cremia looked at her sword, "Well, freaky it may be, however, when you're a young, teenage girl, all alone when delivering milk on a dangerous trail, it helps to keep this on hand."

**(There was a long pause.)**

"Hey! Cool!" Link looked at the blade, "It even has an inscription on the side!"

Cremia smirked, "Read it and weep!"

"…If only I could…" Link sighed.

Cherry-sama paused, "…Erm…cut?"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: It's spelled…**

"Uuungh…I am Mikau of the Zora People…" the Zora grumbled as he lay there, dying.

"…Guitarist in the Zora band?" Tatl exclaimed, in a high fan girlish scream. "I **actually** met you! Hey, can I get your autograph?"

"…Why sure!" Mikau exclaimed, leaping upright in a lively fashion and signed Tatl's autograph book, which was, until a few second ago, under Link's hat. "To…my…good…friend…"

"Tatl—" Tatl began.

"T-W-I-D-D-L-E," Navi said.

"T…W…I…" Mikau wrote furiously.

"Hey!" Tatl protested, "My name's not Twiddle!"

"Oh please, Twiddle," Stinky sighed.

"The sooner you accept it, the easier it becomes," Blabber nodded.

"But—" Twiddle protested.

"…L…E!" Mikau exclaimed, "There! Tatl! T-W-I-D—wait, that doesn't look right."

"Cut!"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Darker side of things.**

"The guitar is bad enough, but does he have to _**sing**_?" Link yelled to Navi, ignoring the sour-tune-loving Tatl.

"He's a lead guitarist, right? Maybe this is why he's not the lead singer too!" Navi screamed.

"Whoa-oh! In Great Bay now  
somethin' is a-happenin'," Mikau exclaimed into the empty void left behind by the silence that once was.

"Is it, now?" Navi asked, somewhat interested in what Mikau had to say—erm, sing.

"Nooooo!" Link screamed, keeling over into the sand and dragged his agony with him. "Navi has joined the dark side!"

Navi pulled out a dark mask and put it over her head, "Link, I am your mother."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO," Link screamed, "OOO—wait, you are?"

"Of course not, genius!" Navi snapped, "We're not even the same species!"

Link paused, "Then why haven't you taken off that mask yet?"

Navi paused, "Um… CUT!"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Lawsuits with the dead.**

**(The image faded, and all that was left of Mikau's body was a Zora mask. …Eep! Creepy! Just like out of a horror film! Wait… Majora's Mask is as close as Legend of Zelda gets to a horror film… Anyways, Link received the Zora's Mask! The only thing that remained of the guitarist's body! …Epically Over-Dramatic Shudder!)**

"Hey! Cool!" Link exclaimed, looking at the weird creepy thing.

"What the heck?" Navi asked, looking upwards, "What's with the description?"

Ummm…

"What the heck indeed!" Tatl exclaimed, looking at the sky as well, "What the heck is going on! I swear I hear voices from the roof top!"

…The setting is on a beach in Termina. There is no ceiling.

"Noooooo!" Link wailed.

Hey! You know you love me.

"That's the narrator," Navi sighed, "She's a weird stalker who plans on adding herself into each Legend of Zelda chapter that has something to do with Water Temples."

"Ehhh? Really?" Tatl asked.

"Yep," Navi confirmed.

Hey! Who told you that?

"I have my sources," Navi smirked.

**(As the Narrator stared down upon Nintendo's characters, Mikau's ghost appeared before Link, succeeding to scare the bloody heck out of him.)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, almost jumping out of his skin, "I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!"

"_No duh, genius,"_ Mikau glared at Link, _"Heck, __**you're **__the one who got me in this state!"_

"Huh?" Link paused, "No I'm not!"

"_Oh, yes you are!"_ Mikau pointed at Link, _"First you attacked me and then you played some weird song that separated my soul from my body, and transformed my body into a mask!"_

"Erm…" Link bit his lip.

"_Heck, if I was still alive, I could sue you!"_ Mikau huffed, _"Way to go, you big jerk!"_

"…You're just sore that I torment your girlfriend for most of the chapter," Link glared at Mikau.

"_You wanna go? You wanna go?" _Mikau put up his fists.

"Make my day!" Link scuffed his foot.

**(Link drew his sword.)**

"And I will draw you as you meet your demise!" Link exclaimed.

Augh! Cut! And I thought I confiscated Link's sketchbook…

Link chuckled, "Eh heh heh… You shall never confiscate TheSketchbook… It shall rise again and again…"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Don't break the furniture.**

"COOL! We can see his brain!" Navi flew up and down.

"…_What?_"

"Yeah! It's really neat! See, the T.V. is placed right in front of it, and the Gamecube is plugged in right beside it!" Tatl explained.

"…What about the rest of the furnishing?" Zora Link asked; he actually did not want to know the answer to that question himself.

"Oh, they just look gorgeous! They have all been transformed into seashells, and coral!" Tatl drooled at the dazzling furniture in front of her, "It's so beautiful!"

"They aren't on my brain too, are they?" Link fearfully paused, looking behind him as best as he could.

"Nope, a little close to your nerves, but besides that, no." Navi confirmed.

**(Link banged his head against the nearest wall.)**

"Ah! No! Link!" Navi yelled, "What are you doing? You're shaking all the furniture!"

"Ahhh!" Tatl yelled, "Earthquake!"

Link stop tormenting the fairies! Cut, please.

* * *

**Chapter Nine: loluluz**

**(With the scary amount of lungpower Evan seemed to have, Link sent flying out of the room. As soon as he hit the ground, he ran as fast as his little Zora legs would carry him, and frankly faster than anyone with legs his length could. When he glanced around for some refuge from that monster of a bandleader, he ran to the right. There, at the final door behind the seashell stage, there was another Zora guard, only this one was being a naughty little Zora and was peaking into the room he guarded, through the keyhole. Judging by this male Zora's behavior, it is safe to assume that this is Lulu's room.)**

When Link came running up behind him, the perverted guard's only response was: "Shut up. I'm busy right now…"

"_**GET OUTTA MY WAY…!**_" Link snarled with such a dangerous tone in his voice, that it would make Darmani scared.

"Ah! Mikau!" the perverted Zora exclaimed. "You caught me!"

Tatl zipped out of Link's head, "You pervert!"

"Eee…I…uh…er, L0Lulu's been l-looking kinda weird lately…" the pervert of a Zora explained, "I was w-worried…"

"LOLulu? What kind of word is that?" Link questioned.

"Not LOLulu. L0Lulu," Navi flew out of Link's head, "And it must have been a typo."

Well actually…

"And I was like 'lol'," Lulu walked by on her shellphone, "and she was like 'blah blah blah'…"

**(Our trio of heroes blinked.)**

"And I was like 'roflcopterz'," Lulu continued to speak on the shellphone, "and she was like 'I know, totally'…"

"…Didn't Evan just tell us that she had lost her voice?" Tatl turned to Navi.

"No way! Oh my Goddess of Time!" Lulu slapped her cheek.

Lulu! I thought I told you never to break out of character on stage!

"Yeah, hold on a sec," Lulu lowered the phone, "We're filming now?"

"YES," the actors cried in unison.

Lulu rolled her eyes, "Hi, I'm back. Sorry, gotta go… I'm on a studio and I'm working under this crazy director who doesn't want me to talk on my shell."

I'm right here you know.

"Alright! See ya!" Lulu smiled to the phone, and hung up.

…Well, the entire scene is ruined, so…CUT!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Awkward…**

**(Navi took a ****deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP, DEEP, DEEP breath.****)**

"LULU'S DIARY:" Link shouted as he grabbed the diary from Navi and flung it open.

**(Our three heroes rearranged some of the scattered objects in the room to sit on as Link began to read out loud. It's story time!)**

Link opened to the first page, "…Hey! COOL! There are pictures!" Link exclaimed enthusiastically.

**(The fairies glared.)**

"Ahem," Link cleared his voice awkwardly, "'Dear Diary, today was the best day of my life…'"

"Very good, Link!" Tatl complimented with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Link tried to effeminate his voice, which didn't work out that well, "'Oh, my dear sweet Mikau… How _romantic _you were last night!'"

"Uh…" Navi paused.

"'I will never forget it! The way he moved towards me with that fire in his eye…'" Link began to pale, "'Is it just me, diary, or was he cuter when he was drunk?'"

"Gah," Tatl huffed, "Can't stand people who drink lactose!"

Link gulped, "'Oh, my dear diary, you should have seen him, the way he held his arms around me, and how his breath smelled sweetly of calcium…'"

"Uhh…" Navi paused.

"This is getting awkward," Tatl looked from side-to-side.

Link held his hand over his mouth to keep him from throwing up, "'How his smooth lips touched mine as his strong, muscular hand pulled down on the zipper on my dres'…"

**(Link's scaly face turned a tinge of some ghastly colour. He was gazing upon a picture Lulu had drawn on the side—which was too graphic to describe in this fanfic. Hurriedly, Link skimmed through the pages until he found an image Lulu had drawn that wasn't rated higher than T. The weird colour did not lift from his Zora cheeks.)**

Link cleared his throat, "Lulu's Diary Take 2. 'Such a terrible thing has happened today that I don't even know where'—"

Siggghhh…._cut_…

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Quotes, quotes, quotes…**

"The Zora eggs are the only clue we have about that dragon cloud floating over the bay…" Aveil said.

"What dragon cloud?" Link asked Navi.

Tatl flew up to Link's face, "We've been here as long as you have and have collected as much information as you did. What makes you think we know more?"

"Because of the random Stargate quote," Link said.

"Link, I thought we weren't going to mention that it was a Stargate quote," Tatl said, "It's the rules!"

"Screw the rules!" Link yelled, "I have money!"

CUT!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: I SMITE THEE!**

"We have a good view of their leader's room from here," Tatl reported seriously to the other two, "And I bet if you needed to, you could shoot an arrow through _!"

"What the heck?" Link and Navi asked at the same time.

"What?" Tatl asked.

"What a weird ONA!" Link stated.

"'___'_?" Navi quoted Tatl's line earlier, "What are you? A computer?"

"Navi what's a computer?" Link asked.

"I have no—" Navi started.

No! Don't even say it! You guys keep overusing that line, so it's now clichéd for this story!

All Navi could do is give the intercom a blank stare, "…Could you at least tell us what's with the '_'?"

When my sister was writing the script, the text on the screen went by too fast for her. She didn't get a chance to copy it down.

"That explains nothing," Navi said, "Why didn't you just re-watch the scene on Youtube and then copy it down afterwards?"

Because my sister doesn't have that much brain power.

**(The wrath of the editor smote the narrator down with lightening.)**

"Oh great, there goes our narrator. CUT!"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Sophistication**

THERE! NOW CAN I BE LAZY?

"Okay, fine," Link sighed.

"We give you permission to be a bad writer," Navi said.

I just got a violent urge to be even more descriptive that usual.

Link stroked his mustache, "You barbarian! You buffoon! How can one, such as you, desire to regress to an appalling literary novelist, subsequently alter your mentality, and compel one, such as myself, to converse in verbal communication more sophisticated than I would ever acquire in one lifetime?"

Navi blinked, "Link, when did you get that mustache?"

Link grinned, "I stash this article in the compartment where I hoard my forged smiles. Looks snazzy, does it not?"

"Link, please go back to speaking English," Navi said, "Even that was more intelligible than the crap you're speaking now."

"By no means!" Link pulled out a monocle, "By Jove!"

…Cut…

* * *

**Chapter Nine (again): Make it _stoooopppp_….**

"Halt!" the Gerudo called out.

**(The Gerudo fell out of the ceiling.)**

"You know, in the script, this is the last battle…" Link pointed out, looking over the script which he somehow had gotten a hold of, and reading(?) it over.

Yes? You're point?

"It takes courage to come thieving in the Pirates' Fortress!" the Gerudo declared, "I'm going to love doing this to you!"

"Couldn't you at least add some detail to this battle? Please?" Link pleaded.

I've already been pretty descriptive with this chapter compared to the other chapters. Plus I am already on my forty-third page of writing, still with two whole pages of script to go, AND I haven't even gotten to the question for this chapter! Heck, this is even longer than chapter twelve in the previous fic already! Which is pretty sad considering that for that chapter, I was given twelve pages of script when for this one I was only given seven!

"Yeah? So?" Link asked the narrator, "You're point?"

…Good point.

**(Link, our valiant, striking, fearless and bold hero, gracefully raised up his sword from his sheath. As its golden blade grazed the edges of the currently-unknown-coloured-sheath, the sound that erupted from it was a sound was comparable to sand paper, only more refined. The blade, which was distinguished but also a morsel larger than he was, held in the strong, caliced, and experienced hand of its wielder. His delicate and sleek fingers clenched the handle of the gallant bastard sword with strength that rivaled one of countless men, which was exceptionally outstanding for a youthful man of fourteen. **

**His attractive, gorgeous, sexy, and supercilious opponent hoisted her crooked rapiers, one elevated above her scarlet hair, the other guarding low in front of her slender calves. The sole of our young hero's boot scuffed the plane of the flooring. With that, Link leapt forwards, about to pierce the feral sea-woman through the heart; while he soared through the atmosphere, his slender and lustrous jaw unhinged to let out an intense and an infuriated battle cry, which echoed through the corridors of his rival's stronghold. His throat sustained this roar until his blade slashed a sizeable slit in the side of the Gerudo's leg and her 'harem pants', as fashion on Earth prefers to describe it. **

**Now, as the extensive and polished silver gold blade severed the side of the superb woman's leg, she let out a ghastly shriek that gouged the hearts of any who perceived the sound. Once his acute ears were made aware of this vanquished shriek, his lips cracked into an effortless grin, for even the microorganisms existing underneath Link's fingernails could deduce that his conquest was inevitable.)**

Link pulled out his monocle and placed it on his eye, "You, you barbarian of a woman, shall experience the ferocity of my rapier! And, if I have your authorization, would like to depict your demise by means of illustration, prior to your departure."

The Gerudo gargled on the floor, "Oh, for the love of the Goddess of Time…"

"May my golden blade, a morsel larger than myself," Link stroked his mustache, "smite you, with the strength that rivals one of countless men! Which is exceptionally outstanding for a youthful man, such as myself."

"Oh crap," Tatl said, "He's starting to quote the bolded section!"

"Augh!" Navi let out, "Cut before it's too late!"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Hard core fangirls.**

"Mikau, haven't you seen any gold-coloured fish around here?" the Zora was treading water.

"Erm… No…?" Link paused uncertainly.

**(Though the seahorse was a yellow aquatic animal, it was not really a **_**fish**_**.)**

"Gold-coloured fish know this area very well," the Zora explained for no apparent reason, "I was thinking of getting one to guide me to Pinnacle Rock…"

"Pinnacle Rock?" Zora Link turned to converse with the fairies in his head, "Isn't that where we were going?"

"Stop trying to talk to us while we're in your head," Navi hissed, "It looks like you're talking to yourself!"

Link moaned, "But I'm used to you guys hovering right behind my shoulder. Heck, why are you spending so much time in my head this chapter?"

**(The other Zora blinked.)**

"Because we've just reached a part of Tales of Symphonia with thicker plot," Navi said.

"Oh my Goddess of Time! I was _so _not expecting Kratos to be Lloyd's father!" Tatl exclaimed.

Link sighed, "Fangirls."

"Mikau…" the Zora chuckled nervously, "I never knew…you were…schizophrenic…"

"Erm," Link paused, "Can we cut please?"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Nine: Worldy world world

"L-look at this!" the Goatman stuttered, flailing his arms, "What does this mean…"

Link and Co. could only say one thing upon the sight in the glass: "The heck—?"

"What in the world could this mean?" the Goatman stuttered again, still flailing about.

"You already said that!" Link turned to the Goatman.

"What in the worldy world world could this mean?" the Goatman continued to flail about.

"Stop repeating yourself!" Navi snapped.

"What in the worldy worldy world world world could this mean mean mean?" the Goatman continued to flail.

…I knew there was something wrong with him…CUT!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: The Turtle _knows…_**

"I just realized this when I opened my eyes. The passing of the days is quite quick," the Turtle grinned, "Isn't it, Lulu?"

**(Link, Navi, Tatl, and Lulu all jumped in surprise at the same time.)**

"Yes, Lulu. It's nothing to be surprised at," the Turtle smiled, "Although my eyes were closed in sleep, I still see everything that occurs in this ocean…"

"What…the…heck…" Lulu paused.

"Dude. That is just _creepy_!" Link shivered, "Ugh! What would this chapter be _like _if I had _known _that this creeper of a turtle was watching me?"

"Wait," Tatl turned to Navi, "what if he knows the truth about Mikau?"

"Oh, but I do, my dear," the Turtle said, then glared at Link, "You murderer."

Lulu's soul made a BIG sad face, "M-Mikau? M-M-Murder?"

"He's not who he appears to be, Lulu…" the Turtle said in an ominous voice, "Never trust him."

Lulu turned to Link, "What have you done with Mikau?"

"Erm…uh…well, you see…" Link gulped.

"This is awkward…" Tatl paused.

Lulu began bashing Link on the head with the nearby Owl Statue, "What have you done to my Mikau?"

"Hey! Hey! Whoa!" Link covered his head, "Settle down now! It was an accident!"

"ACCIDENT?" Lulu shrieked.

Cut… And can somebody get someone who'll calm Lulu down?

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Cornucopia of Love**

"Now then, proud Zora warrior…" the Turtle smiled at Link, "The open seas of Great Bay have need of your might. Quickly. Climb onto my back."

"Alrighty!" Link smirked.

**"**Mikau, what's going on?" Lulu asked Link, making him stop in mid-stride, "And my voice… What happened to me—?"

**(It was at that point that Link ran up to Lulu and gave her a big Zora hug.)**

"Mikau—? What are you—?" Lulu stuttered, giving the man she loved a strange look.

"Awww…" Navi cooed, "It's a cornucopia of love…"

**(Tatl and Navi joined in by attaching themselves to Link's arm.)**

"If you don't mind," Link glared at the two fairies.

"Cut!"

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Epona, you stalker!**

"Is that pathetic thing your horse?" the first Ingo clone asked. He pointed at something behind Link.

**(Link turned to see what the Ingo clone was pointing at. There stood three horses, two of them were sawhorses, and the last one was Epona.)**

Link paused, "You mean that one?" Link pointed to the first sawhorse.

"No! _THAT_ one!" Ingo One exclaimed, pointing at Epona.

"_Ooooohhhhhh…_" Link said, "Okay, gotcha."

Tatl peeked out from Link's hat, "Wait, was Epona always standing there?"

**(There was an evil glint flickering in Epona's eyes. If horses could smile, then Epona would have given Tatl the most sinister and evil grin anyone had ever seen.)**

Tatl turned whiter than usual, "L-L-L-L-Link?"

**(Epona charged toward Tatl, and the horse snapped her jaws around the fairy. Epona began munching.)**

"Oh great," Navi said offstage, "First she _tries _to eat me in Totally Messed, and _now_ she ate Tatl!"

"S-s-s-s-sis?" Tael's soul made a big sad face.

"CUT! And have the medical team retrieve Tatl."

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Peppermint…**

Navi, losing interest in all of this turned to a Stalchild, "You there! Open up that grave!"

"Wait, what?" Tatl asked.

"Yes, sir!" it exclaimed, "Everyone! Follow me!"

**(The Stalchildren beat on a random grave.)**

"Why do all the Stalchildren keep thinking I'm a guy!" Navi yelled.

Link slapped his cheek, "You're _not?_"

Tatl pointed and laughed, "HA! Grandma, you're like the Totally's version of Peppermint Patty!"

"Oh shut up!" Navi retorted.

"Cut."

**

* * *

**

Chapter Ten: Call us…You know you want to…

**(Our Hylain boy and the rest of his buddies were transported to the Realm of Ultimate Misty-ness. There was that mysterious figure again.)**

**"**Well, we've helped all of you," Tatl huffed at the figure, "That's all we can do."

"'Call us.' That's what they're saying," Navi explained.

Tatl turned bright red, "Whoa, I, uh…never knew…you guys…thought of me…_that way_…"

"No," Navi groaned, "They are not asking for your phone number! They're telling us to call them when we're on top of Clocktower!"

"Oh…" Tatl paused, "You can have my number anyway, if you're interested."

"Tatl!" Navi buzzed up and down.

**(The figure bent down through the mist and handed Tatl a large piece of paper.)**

"Whoa," Tatl looked at the paper, "I'm going to have to write _**big**_!"

"CUT! And Giants, stop exchanging phone numbers with Tatl!"

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: On second thought…**

**(Meanwhile, Link had gotten bored and wandered off, however he had fortunately come across the first, and only, washroom in all of the Legend of Zelda games.)**

"Finally, after all these loops of holding it in, I can relieve myself without having to distract Navi and Tatl!" Link couldn't withhold his smile, "I'm going to enjoy this."

**(Then a single, dingy, thin hand arose from out of the toilet.)**

**"**Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper, please!" the hand pleaded.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, falling over backwards.

**"**Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper, please!" the hand pleaded.

"On-On-On second thought," Link gulped, "Maybe I'll go _outside_…"

**(Link swerved around and walked out of the stall.)**

"No-No-No-NO!" the hand yelled after the boy, "Just gi-gi-gi-give me paper, dang it!"

Sigghhh… Looks like you'll be stuck in there for all eternity after all.

**(The hand made a sad face with his hand.)**

That is, unless we…CUT!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Bazooka**

Tatl scoffed, "The Kafei we're looking for is an adult. When I look at you, I just see a child."

"I was turned into" Kafei paused, "_this_ by a strange imp wearing a mask…"

"Strange masked one!" Tatl dinged like a bell.

"Skull kid!" Link said dramatically.

**(Navi pulled out a bazooka. She fired a missle and—)**

"…it blew up the intercom! Ha ha ha!"

"Grandma, why did you blow up the intercom!"

"Because of all those stupid running gags! Everyone knows, except her, that those jokes aren't funny!"

**(Fizzle. Snap. Pop!)**

"_Grandma_…"

"Besides, Navi, where the heck did you get the bazooka?"

"I stole it from the prop room for Totally Bizarre."

"There's a bazooka in Totally Bizarre?"

"Not to mention other military arms."

"Man! Why is the awesome fanfic the one _I'm _not in?"

"Link! Navi! Tatl! Stop spewing spoilers!"

"Oh look who came running down from her office."

"Gah! Cut already! We need to repair this intercom."

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Operation Orchestra Aborted!**

"Whatever," Kafei sighed, "Things that get stolen in this town always make their way to the Curiosity Shop. It happened with my bagpipes once."

**(There was a long pause.)**

"I'm, uh, waiting for that to happen—" Kafei started.

"Who in Farore's name would want to steal your bagpipes," Navi asked.

"You'd be surprised," Kafei said.

**(Kafei pointed to his bagpipes in the corner. A Bomber, who had somehow snuck his way inside, froze. He inched a step forward toward the exit with the instrument.)**

"How the crap did you get in here?" Tatl asked.

"Yeah! I've been trying to snoop through this room ever since I first came here, and I haven't made it until now!" Link huffed.

The Bomber kid pulled out a walkie-talkie, "Abort! Repeat, Mission Abort! Operation Orchestra has been discovered. Abort!"

"Roger that," a Bomber, who was climbing down the side of the wall, said into the walkie-talkie.

**(Link suddenly noticed the hole in the ceiling. It was scorched on the edges.)**

"…Wow…" Navi paused.

"What?" Kafei asked, "They _are _called the 'Bombers' for a reason."

Cut!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Apparently not…**

The man paused, "Huh? You the green hat kid?"

"I dunno," Link turned to Navi, "Am I the 'Green Hat Kid'?"

Navi sighed, "No, Link, you are the kid with the hat with banana yellow strips, and polka dots. Also, you're name isn't Link, it's Sticky, and you are plotting to take over Termina."

"Oh, okay," Link then turned to the man, "Sorry, I'm not the green hat kid. Maybe he's at—"

"Link, you idiot!" Navi said, "You are the green hat kid!"

"But you just said I—" Link started.

"Link, how about we just cut," Navi said.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Deja vu**

**(Link ignored Anju, but just kept hopping up and down on her bed. Anju swerved around, scooped off the mask on the mannequin's face, and turned to face Kafei.)**

"I…I have met you before," Anju smiled, "What a familiar scent."

Kafei paused, "Anju, I look the same as I did before I went missing…"

Navi turned to Kafei, "She's saying that you still smell like your child form."

**(Kafei paused and inconspicuously sniffed his armpits.)**

"Long, long ago… Yes," Anju sighed, "We were still young."

"But…I'm not a child…anymore…" Kafei said, "Why do you even bring this up?"

**(Link crossed his legs in mid-air, and landed on the bed. After his body stopped moving, he folded his arms behind his head.)**

"Eh, let her talk. At least she's only slightly off topic. It's better than the time she ranted on about some cafeteria," Link said.

"Link, stop ruining the mood!" Navi hissed.

"Link, you're so insensitive!" Tatl said.

"We made a promise… Didn't we?" Anju smiled, "The masks of the sun and the moon…. We were to exchange them on the day of the Carnival of Time…"

**(Kafei took a step towards Anju, holding out his hand.)**

"Anju… I'm sorry I was late," Kafei said.

"…Welcome home," Anju said.

**(Kafei swept Anju up in his arms, spinning in a circle. Anju laughed, putting her arms around Kafei's neck and leaning her head on his shoulder. George the Sound Technician had his moment to shine in playing a beautiful song over the intercom.)**

Kafei put his lips against Anju's forehead in a light kiss, "Let us exchange the promised masks."

**(Kafei set Anju down and pulled out the "Sun's Mask". Anju went to the mannequin and took the mask down…the creepy looking mask. Anju turned toward Kafei, smiling softly. They—)**

"Wait…" Link paused, "Didn't Anju already take the mask off of the mannequin?"

**(There was an awkward pause.)**

Gah, now you've done it! Link! The audience wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't said anything!

**(Link shrugged.)**

CUT!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Everyone hates a running gag.**

Link tugged on Navi's wing, "Navi?"

"What now, Link?"

"What's the Yakuza, Japan, and Britain?"

Navi paused, "I have no—"

"Stop! Stop!" Tatl glared at the intercom, "Not only are you abusing that joke to pieces in the rewritten version of Totally Messed, but you also do it here? Will you stop it already?"

**(There was silence.)**

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Tatl exclaimed.

The 'I have no clue' jokes have become the Trademark of Totally Messed and Totally Whacked. Without them, this fanfic would not be the same.

"Oh, let me guess," Tatl rolled her eyes, "Just like the descriptions for our actions are always in brackets and bolded text, is also our '_Trademark_'?"

Well, _excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse_ me, _princess_.

**(Navi pulled out a bazooka. She fired a missle and—)**

"She destroyed the intercom once again! BWAHAHA!"

"Grandma, running gags aren't _that bad_."

"Oh yes, they are!"

"Huh, Navi blew up the intercom twice in one blooper reel. That's gotta be a record."

"NAVI!"

"Oh, look who just ran down from her office."

"Navi, do you have any idea how much the _last _intercom speaker took to replace? And now you've done it again!"

"Well, it wouldn't have happened at all, Miss Authoress of Laziness, if you had the ability to restrain the urge to make so many running gags."

"_Gaaahhh_… Cut. And let's get the repairman in here again."

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Greetings**

**(However, Link was bored, so he decided to stalk Anju. He followed her, undetected, until she ran into the Laundry Pool. To play it safe, Link put on his Zora mask, and strode confidently into the area. He found Anju, sitting on a bench, sobbing into her hands.)**

"Why, hello there!" Link broadly grinned, "So i herd you liek Mudkips."

**(Anju lifted her face out of her hands. There was a long pause.)**

"CUT!"

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Whatcha gonna do?**

"And we were supposed to get married tomorrow!" Anju erupted into her hankie.

"Ohhh…" Link's fishy face pouted, "You poor thing…"

**(Zora Link sat down and gave Anju, a big, long, emotional hug. At least for her, it was. After Anju's crying turned to mere sniffles, Link stood back up again, and kicked the bell close to them. A head of kid with purple, and a Keaton mask peeked out from behind the door. A large grin emerged on Link's fishy face.)**

"Hey, Kafei!" Link called out, "You're fiancée is out here. Crying. _By herself._ Whatcha gonna do about it?"

**(An evil glint lit up within the eyes of the Keaton mask. The door flung open, as the small child came charging out towards Link.)**

"KEATON RAGE!"the boy yelled as he ran towards the two.

"Wah!" Link's eyes widened, "That wasn't supposed to happen!"

**(With that the boy leapt through the air, and tackled Link.)**

"CUT!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Like my distant cousin.

**(Link stormed up the staircase.)**

"In fact…" Link mumbled.

"Where are you going!" Anju's mother called after him.

**(Link stopped at the top of the staircase, and swerved around. He pulled out his Ocarina Guitar.)**

"I am going to stand here and play songs for you until you let me in!" Link huffed.

Anju stormed after Link, "Oh, what's _that_ going to do? I'm just going to kick you out at 8:30 p.m."

The Zora's lips cracked into a smile, "Oh, but my dear, time never _passes _when I play my musical instruments!"

**(Anju raised an eyebrow. Link plucked a note on his Ocarina Guitar. Anju looked at the clock—it cranked over a notch. Link plucked another note, but time still kept flowing. And even as Link continued to play, time still passed. However, whether time was flowing or not, Link was still blocking the doorway to Anju's room.)**

"And I call that one…" Link strummed the strings on his guitar for an effect, "…Saria's Song!"

"Well, that one wasn't so bad," Anju's mother said, "Right Anju?"

"Of cour—MOTHER, what are you doing?" Anju exclaimed.

**(Anju's mother was dancing mindlessly to the beat.)**

"What?" Anju's mother asked.

"Huh," Link cupped his chin thoughtfully, "That dance seems familiar… Almost as if it was in another fanfiction I starred in. Now which one was it?"

"Mother, please stop dancing like that in front of the customers," Anju blushed, "It's embarrassing."

"But you must admit, Anju," Anju's mother said, "It's a hot beat."

"Mother!"

"Anyways," Link strummed his guitar strings again, "The next one, I call the Song of Storms!"

"Oh great," Anju huffed, "Here comes another one."

"Relax, Anju," Anju's mother sighed, "There's nothing wrong about listening to a few tunes, right?"

"I guess so…" Anju sighed.

**(It began to pour. Indoors.)**

"And that one I call," Link smiled, "Song of Storms!"

"UGAAAHHH!" Anju's mother shrieked.

"How is it raining _indoors?_" Anju covered her head.

**(The roof exploded.)**

"WAAAHHH!" Anju's mother screamed, "There goes our business!"

Link grinned evilly, "Actually, I feel like playing that song again… Here we go, then."

"OKAY! Fine! Fine!" Anju growled, "You can come in!"

**(Anju stormed up to the door that said 'Employees Only', and flung it open.)**

"Score!" Link cheered.

"Now come in here!" Anju snapped, "And hurry up before I change my mind!"

"Alrighty then!" the Zora whistled.

"MIIIIKKKAAAAAUUUU!" bellowed from offstage.

**(Lulu charged into the scene, and screeched to a halt in front of Link and Anju.)**

"You never told me you were engaged, too!" Anju yelled.

"L-L-Lulu?" Zora Link gasped, "What are you doing here?"

Lulu glared at her lover, "Like my distant cousin, Princess Ruto, I have some psychic powers too!"

"You mean—?" Link took a step back.

"Yes! I have the ability to detect disturbances from a great distance!" Lulu yelled, "_And _I have telekinesis!"

**(Lulu glared at Anju, who was glaring at Link.)**

"Oh, you naughty, naughty girl!" Lulu hissed.

"Eh heh heh…" Link chuckled nervously.

Lulu turned sharply to Link, "Same goes for you too!"

**(Link's body lifted itself into the air, and threw him against the wall.)**

"Gahh… _Cut_…"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Warning is the same as wanting

"Do you have any green hearts?" the juggler in the red shirt asked.

"Ha! Nope!" the juggler in the blue shirt chuckled, "Go fish!"

**(Zora Link walked through the door.)**

"Good thing I can transform, or else I couldn't have made it back inside here…" Link muttered, "Now I wonder if there are any empty beds in here…"

"Oh?" the juggler in the red shirt paused, "You're looking for an empty bed?"

"Our Troop Leader, Gorman, often goes out to drink milk all night," the blue shirted juggler pointed to an empty bed in the corner, "However, I must want you, there's fungus growing in the underwear."

"You want me?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Oh my, brother," the juggler in the red shirt said, "How bold."

"I think you mean 'warn' me," Link told the blue shirted juggler.

"Erm, yes…" the juggler in the blue shirt blushed, "Brother, please stop sniggering like that."

…May we call cut?

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Friendship speeches

"Of course, Tatl," Navi patted Tatl on the back, "You'll always be our friend."

Tatl sighed, "I bet you're just saying that."

"No, Tatl, I'm not," Navi said, "It's been fun having you around. And besides, without you around, we'd be completely lost around Termina."

Tatl smiled, "Ha ha, thanks."

Téa blew into her hankie, "I'm…so proud."

"Wait, what?" Tatl turned around, "Where'd she come from?"

"Ugh…" Yugi groaned, "That was the biggest friendship speech I've heard that _didn't _come from Téa!"

Navi turned around, "Hold on a minute—"

The authoress sighed, "I knew renting a studio right next to the Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Series was a bad idea."

"FRIENDSHIP!" Téa screeched.

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Bucket Love

**(Link put his Ocarina Guitar away, and put the All-Night mask to his face. Unfortunately, it didn't fit properly.)**

Grandma Tortis froze on the spot, "Egads, when I see your face, if makes me want to put my head into a bucket."

**(Link inched his face toward Grandma Tortis.)**

"_This face is going to kill you in your sleep…_" the Zora said ominously.

**(Grandma Tortis smacked Link upside the face with a bucket.)**

"Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: That's what she said

"Spider! Spider! Spider!" Anju screamed, "Spider! Spider!"

**(The spider flew off and hit a far away wall. However, Anju still trembled due to fear, and her adrenaline rush.)**

"I…hate…" Anju breathed heavily, "…Spiders…"

Link smirked, "But…there's more where that came from!"

"That's what she said," Tatl said.

"Huh?" Link held the spider in mid-throw, "But she didn't say that! I did!"

"No, Link, it's a joke!" Navi explained, "You sometimes say it after someone says something."

"Ohhh…" Link smiled, "I get it now!"

"Good," Navi said, "Now, continue throwing spiders at Anju."

"That's what she said," Link snorted.

"Wait, what?" Navi paused, "That didn't make any sense!"

"Yes it did," Link said, "You said something, and you are a she, so 'that's what she said'!"

"Link, just get back to work before I hurt you," Navi said.

"That's what she said," Tatl said.

"Ack! No, I—" Navi stuttered, "Gaaaahhhh!"

"Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve yet again: Ded things

"Oh, please, Link," Navi said, "Just bribe the Princess with jewelry and she'll let you back in."

"Y-yeah, sure, Zelda'll let me back in, but then I'll die from lack of water," Link moaned, "Because Ruto said she'd never let me drink from Zora's River…"

"Oh come now," Tatl huffed, "Isn't there a well in Kakariko Village?"

"Yeah," Link said, "But it's full of dead things! D-E-D, dead!"

"Link, remind me to teach you how to spell 'dead' when you learn how to read," Navi said.

"Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Falling through space

"Wh-what?" Tatl asked, "We've already helped Kafei by giving him his bagpipes! And we kept Anju from leaving! In all technicality, we've completed the Anju-Kafei Side-Quest! What's keeping them from getting together?"

**(Meanwhile… Falling off a cliff in Ikana…)**

Kafei twiddled his thumbs, "I falling off a mountain, I am plummeting through space, You can see this does not please me by the look upon my face."

"Wait, what?" the intercom paused, "CUT! And someone stop Kafei from dying!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Miracles do happen.

"…" Skull Kid…said?

"Wait a minute," Link looked behind him, "Last I knew, I was running up a set of stairs! Where the heck did I just exit from?"

"Oh, Link," Navi said, "Don't you remember? You dissolved through the Clock's face."

Tael broke the silence, "Sis!"

"…Tael!" Tatl said.

"After all this time of saying 'oh, can't wait to see Tael', 'I wish Tael were here', that's _all _you're gonna say to him?" Link asked.

Tael flew forward, "Swamp, Mountain, Ocean, Canyon. Hurry… The four who are there…bring them here… And please hurry. I'm really beginning to hate the song 'Weightless' by Sissel."

Skull Kid swatted Tael, "HOW DARE YOU! Don't speak out of line! Stupid fairy! That's song's awesome!"

"!" Tatl…exclaimed?

"And how did you just verbally _say _that exclamation mark?" Link asked.

"That's it!" Link took a stance, "Skull kid! I won't let things go the way you want them to!"

**(Link drew his sword.)**

Link pointed his sword at Skull kid, "There are too many lives at stake for me to—"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Tatl gasped, "Did you actually _draw your sword?_"

"Um…" Link paused.

"It's a miracle!" Navi began dancing in circles, "Link actually pulled out his sword without pulling off the drawing gag!"

Wooww…

"I'd never thought I'd see the day!" Navi sniffed.

"Guys, all I did is pull out my sword," Link said, "I do it every time I fight an enemy. It's not like it's a new concept or anything…"

"Let's go celebrate!" Navi cheered, "Chateau Romanis on me!"

"ALRIGHT!" Skull kid whipped off the Majora's mask, "Underage drinking!"

**(Skull kid, Navi, Tatl, Tael, and the Majora's mask walked off stage.)**

"But there's nothing to celebrate!" Link called out after the group.

Cut! Wait up guys!

**

* * *

**

"It can't be! Then that moon?" Tatl gasped.

"It's your worst nightmare!" Majora's Mask yelled.

"Liar!" the juggler in the blue shirt yelled from below Clocktower, "I don't see a couch _anywhere_!"

Majora's Mask glared at the juggler, "Don't make me sit on you."

The juggler gasped dramatically, "_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_"

Cut…

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Masks**

"Okay, um…" Link paused.

**(Link pulled up the Mask section to his Item Sub Screen. He took out a mask.)**

"Here, this one keeps freaking me out every time I look in my Inventory," Link handed the kid the mask.

**(DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! The kid wearing Odolwa's mask got the Great Fairy's Mask!)**

Tatl gaped, "You're giving him the _Great __Fairy's__ Mask?_"

"Good choice," Navi gave Link a thumbs up.

"B-bu-bu-but…" Tatl stuttered, "I thought that _I _was the keeper of that mask!"

Link glared at Tatl, "Shh! I'm sure the authoress doesn't appreciate us point out all of her plot holes."

Tatl paused, "But it doesn't make sense—"

"Tatl, nothing in this fanfic makes sense," Navi said.

I can hear you guys, I hope you know. Cut before the readers catch on.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: The Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village**

"Hide-and-seek…" the kid said, "Let's play."

"Whew!" Link wiped his brow, "Now you're starting to act like a real kid!"

"All right…" the kid said, "I'll…hide…"

"Right on!" Link grinned, "I was the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village!"

"Link, the only reason that you _were _the Hide and Seek King of Kokiri Village is because all the Kokiris kept hiding in the same place," Navi said.

"Oh come on!" Saria's head popped on set, "Behind Link's house is the best hiding spot EVAH!"

"Wait, Saria? You don't appear in this game! Get off the set!" the intercom called, "Oh, and by the way…CUT!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Executioner

"Then I'll play with you," the kid wearing Goht's mask said, "So… The masks… Give me some…"

Link sighed, "Only if you'll be more cooperative in telling us what happened to your friend."

**(Link pulled out his Garo's Mask.)**

"There," Link sighed, "I don't think he can do any harm to himself with that one."

"Ah…good…" the kid sounded mildly happier, "Now I can…put this over…my head…when I…execute people… Yes… _Lots_…"

"Ah! No! Crap!" Link tried to grab the Garo Mask back, "Hey, I'll trade that mask you have with another one if you want!"

"…No…" the kid wearing Goth's—I mean Goht's mask chuckled.

"Oh dear me… Cut!"

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: lol swordz

**(Link sliced upward in a diagonal slash, which caused another cyan energy disc to erupt. Goht's mask fell to the ground. Fierce Deity Link smirked. Link let his sword give a large and explosive lol. Link paused. Link stared at his sword.)**

"…My sword can _laugh?_" Link paused.

"And talk," the blue blade coughed.

**(There was a long pause.)**

"Ummm… Don't mind me," the authoress inched her way on stage, "But is your name, Mr. Sword, _Kutone _by any chance?"

"No," the green blade said, "But I do know the guy."

Tatl rolled her eyes, "Not another deviantart reference."

Navi sighed, "What's next? A talking bra?"

Link sighed, "Cut, for the love of Farore, CUT."

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twelve: Stare at Skull Kid

**(Link rubbed his eyes. He looked around. For some strange reason, Link was on Termina Field. The Four Giants were staring at Skull Kid, and Skull kid did the same.)**

"See, Tael?" Skull kid looked intently in the mirror he held, "My face looks so much better without that freaky, sadistic, horrendous, mask!"

"Uh-huh," Tael rolled his eyes.

"Skull kid!" the authoress called out, "Put away that mirror and get on with the scene! Oh, and cut!"

**

* * *

**

Cherry-sama: And that ends the blooper reel!

Link: Holy crap, 41 pages?

Tatl: That's longer than most of the other chapters!

Navi: You can tell your fanfic's too long when…

Cherry-sama: _(ignores)_ Well, see you guys next time, in the Bonus Chapter!

Link: D: There's a _Bonus _Chapter?

Cherry-sama: Yes.

Navi: Augh, when will this fanfic end?

Cherry-sama: After the Bonus Chapter.

Tatl: Quickly! Readers! Review and beg her not to make a Bonus Chapter!


	21. Chapter 18: Carnival of Time

**Carnival of Time!**

**Disclaimer: If you **_**really**_** need me to state that I do not own Majora's Mask, or the Legend of Zelda franchise in general, then you have obviously not read the other chapter of this fanfic. Oh, I also don't own the Stampede. But why would anyone **_**want**_** to own the Stampede?**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hello there!

Link: Oh _come on_.

Tatl: You have got to be kidding me! A _BONUS _chapter?

Cherry-sama: _(ignores)_ Yes, you heard me folks! Due to popular demand, I have written and posted a bonus chapter for this fanfic!

Navi: …You got two reviews. One of them wanted you to continue, one of them wanted you to stop. How the heck is that 'popular demand'?

Cherry-sama: Erm… Anyways! Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

DAWN OF A NEW DAY

**-∞ Hours Remain-**

The sun rose above the city walls. The air was filled with the crisp scent of dawn. The sun's beams bled over the buildings, painting them an arrangement of brilliant oranges and yellows. For the first time in a while, the town was no longer overshadowed by the ominous presence of the moon, and if one were to look up on that exact morn, they would say the sky looked as if it enjoyed the emptiness.

Somewhere within the city's walls, within one of the citizen's houses, a young Cucco lifted its head out of its sleepy daze. Lifting one foot out of its nest, it blinked its eyes. The bird stretched and ruffled its feathers. Shaking itself, it waddled over to the windowsill and tapped open the lock on the pane. Nudging the panels of glass out of its way, it examined the world below. It took in a big, sharp inhalation, and then shouted out to the world in front of it.

"CUCCOOOO!" echoed through the land, literally.

The human figure in the bed behind the bird rolled over and slowly sat upright. The woman stretched her upper torso, and let out a big yawn. The Cucco turned around in time to see its master rub her eyes. The bird turned back to the window. It wasn't satisfied.

"CUCCOOOO!" the Cucco let out again.

The woman swung her legs around, and placed her feet into her worn slippers. There, she paused and smacked her lips idly. The Cucco glared at the woman, then used its wing to indicate to the world outside. It was morning, dang it, and this lazy woman was still in bed. The Cucco stuck its head out the window, farther than previously done, and took another deep breath.

"CUUUUCCCCCOOOOOOOO!" rang out through the land again.

A window nearby slammed open, "WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT DANG BIRD UP!"

"I'm working on it," the woman yawned as she dragged herself across the room.

With the remainder of her energy, the woman tackled the bird from behind. The Cucco squirmed and wriggled in the woman's grasp. It insisted on letting out loud and panicked squawks as it struggled in her arms.

"DANG IT, JOLENE!" the man leaned his head out the window, "Why do you even _KEEP _a Cucco in your house anyways!"

"It's good company!" she bellowed back.

"Well the BLASTED thing keeps barking at the crack of dawn!" the man shook his fist, "You can even hear it up in the mountains, I tell ya! We can't get any shut eye around here!"

"Well it's better than that stupid ANIMAL you keep in your cellar, LINEBECK!" the woman cried back, "You can hear it HOWLING every night!"

"It's Linebeck the Negative Sixth, to you, Jolene!" the man huffed, "And that's because Wolfie has abandonment issues! But I don't get off my shift until seven!"

"Well, at least _I _don't neglect my pet!" the woman clutched her Cucco protectively, "If I could find the Police Headquarters, I would turn you in for animal cruelty!"

"Wolfie's not an animal, he's a beast! A Wolfos I found eight years ago!"

"Well, Wolfos or not, you would still go to jail for the charges of animal cruelty!"

"A _HAPPY_ HOLIDAY TO **YOU**, WENCH!" the man angrily slammed his window shut.

"AND A _JOLLY GOOD TIME_ TO _**YOU**_, YOU DIRTY SON OF A WOLFOS!" the woman banged the windows together, and promptly locked it.

It was the perfect day to have a Carnival.

A totally whacked one, that is.

A guard saw a glimpse of what seemed to be pair of boots. They ran swiftly by him, and into the town. They moved part each other at such speed that if one saw only them, they would think that the boots were a part of a motorized vehicle. The one attached to these boots were none other than our green-clad protagonist, Link. His face was beaming, and after a small charge, he leapt enthusiastically in the air. His boots landed into a small puddle, and made droplets fly everywhere. But, Link took almost no note of this, and began hopping up and down around the square.

"Link, stop that," Navi flew out of Link's hat, "You're making me dizzy. I thought I told you that I was playing Tales of Symphonia."

"Navi, do you know what day it is today?" Link could barely contain himself.

Navi sighed.

"It's the day of the CARNIVAL OF TIME!" Link leapt into the air once more, as if he exploded from the excitement.

"Link, it's just a regular yearly Carnival," Navi said, "It's not anything to be excited about—"

Link was too busy dancing on the spot, "I've been waiting for it an entire month, and it's finally here!"

"Link, you haven't been waiting a month, 27 or so days, but not a month," Navi said, "And besides, we've only _technically _been here for three days."

Link held up a finger, "Four."

"Okay, today is day four," Navi sighed, "But still—"

"Just think," Link hummed to himself, "Today is my first day in Termina without being under a time limit!"

"And the first day that the moon won't be threatening to crush you," Navi added, "And the first day that Tatl won't be cluttering up my stuff, or bugging us with her O.N.A."

"And," Link paused for a dramatic effect, "The first day where I can finally be a person who looks around at stuff!"

"The word is 'tourist', Link," Navi sighed.

"But think about it!" Link grinned widely, "I can go into shops without having to buy bombs or stuff."

"You mean 'equipment'," Navi said, "Or, in your case, 'Tools of Mass Destruction'."

"This is great!" Link bounced on the spot, "I can look around and buy stuff to decorate my house! I can get stuff you can only get in Termina! I'll be the most cultured Kokiri in the village!"

"Souvenirs," Navi sighed, "And the shops don't open for another hour or more, so for now, we have to hang tight."

Link paused suddenly, "Say, whatever happened to Tatl and Skull Kid anyway? Tatl said they were coming?"

* * *

Meanwhile…on Termina Field…

"The quickest way into Clocktown is by holding the Control Stick forward," Tael's body pulsed.

"Yes, Tael," Tatl sighed, "As your older sister, I've lived much longer than you, and learned how to fly before you did. And I'm sure Skull Kid already knows how to walk without your help…"

"Gahh," Skull Kid ran forward, "How can Link _stand _O.N. fairies?"

Tael's body pulsed again, "There! That's it! You're doing it right!"

* * *

Meanwhile…back in Clocktown…

"Who knows?" Navi sighed, "Maybe we'll run into them today."

"Yeah! That's true," Link grinned.

"Now, do you have enough rupees?" Navi asked.

"Huh, didn't think about that," Link checked his wallet, "Well, I have _some_, but I should probably get some more."

Navi rolled her eyes, "Good thinking."

"Now, there's that chest all the way up there that always has 100 rupees in it," Link pointed at the chest, "So, I'll go there first."

"Yes, Link," Navi said, "And hurry. The town's starting to fill up with people, now that the moon's gone, and you don't want someone else to get them before you do."

Link nodded, "Right."

Sure enough, the streets were already twice as busy as they were the previous morning. This was probably due to the lack of the glaring moon. And since it was Carnival Custom, most of the dwellers were wearing masks. But, either way, the people were going about their business, and it wasn't crowded enough for Link to not get through. Link ran over onto the top of the Milk Bar. He steadied himself, and aimed straight ahead of him. He took a swift roll, and leapt onto the paralleling wall. He almost didn't make it, but he managed to grab hold of the edge.

Moments before, a woman had exited her home. She had put on her mask, a Blue Cucco mask, and held a basket under her arm. She quickly put a blanket over top of the basket's contents, and proceeded on her way.

However, the woman's timing couldn't have been worse. Not sooner than when she had moved forward, had the door to the neighbor's house opened. A man emerged from it, and he seemed rather tired and grumpy. Within his hand was a long, strong rope, and tied to the end of it was a scruffy gray Wolfos. With this man's other hand, he pulled out a mask of a White Wolfos, and promptly put it to his face.

The man turned his head, and saw the woman watching him. They stood in silence for a few moments.

"Good morning, wench," the man growled.

"And good morning to you, dirty son of a Wolfos," the woman did a curtsey while glaring at the man from behind her mask.

"My, that's a fine looking basket you've got there," the man smirked, "Going on a picnic, I presume? Mind if we join you?"

"Of course not, _Linebeck the Negative Sixth,_" the woman huffed, "And what are you doing with that _animal_ of yours? Going to hang it, are you?"

"Of course not, Jolene," the man, Linebeck, retorted, "I'm talking Wolfie for a walk."

The Wolfos began to sniff the basket intently. It began to drool.

"Meat sandwiches in there?" Linebeck leaned toward the basket, "Wolfie _loves _meat."

"No!" the woman, Jolene, swung the basket away from him, "There is not picnic food in here! Heck, I doubt you'd find anything edible inside even if you looked!"

The Wolfos's nose sniffed the weavings of the basket. The basket squawked. Panicked and desperate 'bawk's were heard. The blanket squirmed and began erupting feathers.

"I think Wolfie begs to differ," Linebeck the Negative Sixth looked at the basket even more intently.

"Okay, fine!" Jolene snapped, "I thought that I could bring Chika to enjoy the Carnival! Now get your beast off of her!"

"Wolfie, down," Linebeck shrugged, "Woman, I seriously wonder if you were dropped as a child."

"You little swine!" Jolene hissed.

"Honestly, Jolene," Linebeck the Negative Sixth rolled his eyes, "What kind of _lunatic_ would turn resort to getting a Cucco for a pet?"

Jolene opened her mouth to say something, but saw Link jump to the wall. And also saw him almost fall down.

"My Goddess—" Jolene gasped, "Did you just see that?"

"Jolene, stop avoiding the question," Linebeck the Negative Sixth said.

"N-No!" Jolene pointed a quavering finger behind Linebeck, "That-that boy! He—!"

Linebeck turned his head just in time to see Link's dangling body pull itself up.

"What in the Time Goddess's name is that boy _doing_?" Linebeck blinked.

Link leapt on top of the first of Honey and Darling's Targets that hung above the shop. Link almost lost his balance this time, and stood on one foot.

Jolene clasped her hands over her mouth, "He…He's going to fall!"

"Nonsense, Jolene," Linebeck stood upright, "When I was a young lad like him, I did many daring activities. Besides, he's probably going to be…"

Jolene appeared not to hear, "That hanging is barely sticking out from the wall! He could fall and break his back!"

"Jolene, the most he will lose is a heart or two," Linebeck sighed.

"AHHH! HELP! HELP!" Jolene shrieked at the top of her lungs, "That boy is going to fall!"

Link got both feet on the target. He almost fell off again when he heard Jolene's scream. Link hopped onto the other target. There was a loud and terrified gasp. Link turned his head. By now, a whole crowd of people had come to see what Jolene was screaming about, and now were joining her in watching Link. Link turned to face them.

"Hey! Look Navi!" Link pointed below, "I've got an audience!"

Link waved. Jolene screamed.

"Sheesh," Link huffed, "What is her problem?"

Navi flew out of Link's hat.

"I don't know, but I wish she would shut up," Navi said, "I'm trying to play Tales of Symphonia."

Upon seeing Navi, many members of the crowd let out a sigh of relieve. A unified "oh good. He has a fairy," came from the people. Though this calmed Jolene down a little, she was still huffing anxiously.

Navi glared down at the audience, "Hey! Can someone shut her up? She's a terrible accompaniment to the soundtrack."

"My pleasure," Linebeck the Negative Sixth nodded.

Linebeck leaned over and slapped his hand over Jolene's mouth…or rather, the mouth of her mask. This obviously didn't impress her, so she nudged him in the stomach.

Linebeck let out a sharp: "Oh!"

"This is serious!" Jolene glared through the eyeholes of her mask, "He could—Oh no! He's going to jump!"

This was true, since Link took a small charge toward the next target. He leapt. Jolene shrieked again. With this shriek, however, Linebeck's Wolfos decided to join in with his howling. Because of this, Jolene's picnic basket began panicking again.

"Ack! Chika, shh!" Jolene hushed her basket

Link raised an eyebrow, "Did I just see that?"

Jolene tried to flatten the wrinkled blanket while trying to ignore the tufts of feathers that erupted out. Several more townsfolk in masks congregated toward Link.

"Link, just hurry up and get those rupees," Navi sighed, "Before you attract even _more _people."

"Okay…" Link stared at the scene below, "It's just that…wait, how'd a Wolfos get into town?"

"_Link!_"

"I'm going!"

Link hopped forward again, and grabbed hold to another ledge. The crowd gasped. Link pulled himself up, and ran behind the large sign of the Shooting Gallery. Soon, he reemerged, and hopped to the ground. Jolene, and many others, gasped. However, as soon as Link hit the ground, he did a roll, and got back to his feet. Link outstretched his arms to show that he was perfectly fine.

"See!" Link smiled to the people, "If I hold the Control Stick forward, then I don't get hurt when I hit the ground!"

The crowd whooped, cheered, and applauded. Link did a bow in front of the crowd, and began to head toward the town square. Jolene let out a big sigh, and almost toppled over due to her relief. She put a hand on Linebeck's shoulder to keep her balance.

"Get off me, wench," Linebeck coughed.

Jolene removed her hand swiftly, "Oh my, well it's certainly nice to see that there are still chivalrous men, _Linebeck_."

"That's Linebeck the Negative Sixth to you," Linebeck began walking forward.

"Hmph!" Jolene spun around, and walked the opposite direction.

* * *

Meanwhile…in the town square…

Link ran forward. The town square had filled up considerably from the last time he saw it, and he had to push his way through some small crowds to get close to the Clocktower.

"C-Control Stick?" Navi asked, "Now_ you're _starting to sound like you have O.N.A.!"

"Hey, Navi," Link turned to Navi, "I've been hanging around you for the past year or more. Not to mention, hung around Tatl for more than a month. Your obvious nonsense is starting to rub off on me!"

"Link, it hasn't been even a month!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"Say, Navi…" Link looked around, "Why is everyone wearing a mask?"

"Link, don't you remember Anju's Grandmother's story?" Navi asked, "You _were _listening, weren't you?"

"Nope," Link picked his teeth with his sword. Some of the people nearby gave him strange looks, "I just guessed the answers to her questions, remember?"

"Gah!" Navi let out, "Well, judging by how most of the people are doing it, it's probably Carnival Custom!"

"Carnival Custom?" Link raised an eyebrow, "Does that mean I have to wear one too?"

"Yes, probably," Navi said.

"Hmmm…" Link pulled up the cubic item subscreen, "Should I wear the Bunny hood, or the Postman's hat?"

"Bunny hood, Link," Navi said, "People will think you work for the Postman otherwise."

Link pouted, "Fine! But next year I'm wearing the Postman's hat!"

Link equipped the Bunny hood, and put it on.

"You know," Navi examined the surroundings, "It's kind of like a big Cosplay Convention…only everyone's wearing a mask…"

"Ooo! Ooo! Navi!" Link tugged on Navi's wing, "Imagine what the Carnival would be like if they wore Cowboy costumes!"

"Cowboy getups instead of masks?" Navi paused.

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed, "Only they would call it 'the Stampede' instead of 'Carnival'! Think about it! 'The Clocktown Stampede'!"

"Link, that has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Navi glared at the boy, "Who in Hyrule (OR Termina) would _go _to a such a stupid thing?"

"Ooo! Navi! Look over there!" Link pointed to a stand in the distance, "Deep Fried Cucco Feathers!"

"_D-Deep _fried_ CUCCO Feathers?_" Navi stuttered, "Who would even _buy _that?"

"It's a Carnival Tradition," Tatl said, "Every year they try and deep fry something new. Last year it was Deep Fried Arrows."

"…Someone has too much time on their hands…" Navi paused.

"Hey! Tatl!" Link exclaimed, "You're finally here!"

"Yeah, but it took FOREVER!" Tatl groaned, "If you thought _my _O.N.A. is bad, you should see _Tael's_!"

"Ouch," Navi said.

"Say, where are they right now?" Link asked.

* * *

Meanwhile…in an empty hut a few houses behind the Clocktower…

"Heh heh heh…" Skull Kid giggled, "Excellent. This'll be the best part of the Carnival… Now, all I have to do is start a fire—"

"Hey!" Tael dinged, "The way you light a fire is to pull up the Cubic Subscreen with the START Button, and equip the matches with 'C'!"

"Or, you could just do it yourself," Skull Kid glared at the fairy.

Tael gave an evil grin, "With pleasure—" Tael's body jolted, "Hey! Lighting fires is easy to do, however there are some things you should _never _light on fire! Like your sister's homework!"

"…I don't have a sister," Skull Kid looked around, "Who are you trying to tell this to, anyway?"

"Remember to eat your vegetables, children! And _always _listen to your parents!" Tael's body continued to pulse.

"…Man, this is going to be a _looooonnngggg _Carnival…" Skull Kid sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the town square…

Another stand caught Link's eye, "Look, Navi! Deep Fried Green Potions! At half the price of the Deep Fried Cucco Feathers! Let's go get some!"

"…How do they even _Deep Fry _a liquid?" Navi groaned.

"Easy," Tatl said, "They keep it in the bottle."

Navi went wide-eyed.

"I hear the corks are delicious," Tatl said, "Nice and crunchy."

"You'd think they'd be more chewy…" Navi sighed.

"Navi, let's go!" Link grinned, "I can't wait to try the bottle!"

"Okay, fine, Link," Navi sighed, "But if you get a stomach ache then I get to say 'I told you so'."

Link was too excited to hear Navi. Since he was wearing Bunny hood, he was moving twice the speed he normally would go. Link ran up and down through the crowds of people. He ran around in circles, and then whizzed over to the counter. A man sitting at a nearby table watched Link as he did this.

The man stared, "Looks like someone's had too much sugar…"

Link screeched to a halt in front of the stand, and frankly ignoring the lineup.

"HEY, KID!" an old woman yelled, "Get in line!"

"Line?" Link asked, "What '_line_' do I get into?"

Navi stared at Link. It was obvious that he had never stood in line for anything before in his life.

"Erm…" Navi paused, "How much for the Deep Fried Green Potion?"

"Hey! Kid in green! I'm talkin' to you!"

"5 rupees," the man behind the stand said, "The Deep Fried Cucco Feathers are 10 rupees."

"How come the Deep Fried Green Potion is a lower price than Cucco Feathers?" Link asked the clerk.

"Simple," the clerk said, "It's hard to keep staff alive when you pluck the feathers out of one of those little jerks."

Link paused.

"I've lost…" the clerk held his breath, "…so many good employees…"

"Wow," Navi gaped, "And I thought _Link _was the only one with the Cucco problem…"

"HEY! Green kid!" the old man screamed.

"Yeah, yeah, we're almost done," Navi said, "Hand over the rupees, Link."

"Alirhgty!" Link hummed.

Link handed the clerk 5 rupees, and the clerk handed Link a bottle thickly covered in batter. DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! Link got Deep Fried Green Potion! Apparently, the corks are crunchy.

"OY! KID!" yelled the old woman; some of the other people in line began muttering.

"Link, come on," Navi tugged on Link's ear, "Let's go somewhere else."

"I SWEAR, if anyone could locate our police headquarters, I'd report you!"

"Okay," Link grinned.

Link ran forward, away from the lineup of crabby people. And then the authoress lost all inspiration, and decided to watch an abridged series about children's card games.

"HEY!"

And then she moved onto another abridged series about pocket monsters.

"Come back here and write the bonus chapter!"

Several hours of abridged goodness later…

"FINALLY! You're back!"

Hello to you too.

"Hey," Navi pointed her finger at the intercom, "Do you know how boring it is when we have to wait hours and hours while the plot on standby?"

"Ahhhh…" Link sighed with relief, "It feels so nice to have our actions described again…"

Have I really been gone that long?

"Yes," Navi said, "Though, the readers may have a hard time conceptualizing it."

Link got bored of the conversation between Navi and the intercom on the ceiling (which he technically should have ignored). So he wandered over to a nearby sign. The sign read 'Events Taking Place This Year'. Unfortunately, Link could not read.

"Navi," Link pointed to the sign, "Can you read this for me?"

Navi sighed, "Okay, fine. However, after the Carnival, I am teaching you how to read."

Link rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Navi flew over, "Hm…let's see… It's a list."

"I can see that," Link said, "I've seen that format of letters before."

Navi squinted at the text, "Well, here are the events that are going to be coming on within the next hour or more. That way we can get to them in time."

"Okay."

"Let's see…" Navi paused, "Well, there are some dogs races that are going on right now… And, um, there's a display of animals for different competitions in North Clocktown… And—"

"Navi! Let's go see the animals!" Link exclaimed, "It'd be _sooooo _cool!"

"Well…" Navi paused, "I'm not sure…"

"Please?" Link whimpered.

Navi sighed, "Well, maybe we can submit Epona to one of the contests and get the prize money."

"Yeah!" Link swerved around, "Let's go!"

Link dashed over to North Clocktown. There, Link saw several different displays of different farm animals, such as cows, sheep, horses, and so forth. Link walked past some of the pens—starting first with the sheep.

Link pointed at a sheep, "Ooo! Navi! What's that?"

"That's a sheep, dummy," Navi said.

"Sheep, eh?" Link stroked his chin, "What do they do?"

"Well, they don't do much…" Navi admitted, "But people like to shave off the hair on their bodies and make clothing out of it. It's called wool. In fact, your tunic is probably made of it."

"Ouch," Link said.

"I know. Sounds like it hurts," Navi nodded.

"No, not that," Link said.

Navi raised an eyebrow, "Then why'd you say 'ouch'?"

"Because they'd be bald…COMPLETELY!" Link exclaimed.

Navi paused.

"And I thought I had it bad," Link huffed.

Navi sighed. Link pointed at the sheep menacingly and began laughing.

"Ha ha ha ha! In your **face**, suckers!" Link cackled.

The sheep walked to the edge of the pen and spat at him.

"Link, let's move on, please," Navi slapped her forehead, "Before _all _the inhabitants of Termina think you're insane…"

Link strode by the sheep, with a smirk plastered on his face. As he walked past sheered sheep, he withheld a fit of giggles. Many people gave him strange looks.

Link then came across the pens with different Cuccos in them. Link's eyes shadowed over. The Cucco in the looked at him innocently. Link turned around slowly, and shuddered every time he walked past another Cucco.

Link walked down another line of pens. This time, they were filled with horses. Link noticed a red ribbon on one of them.

"Navi, what's that?" Link pointed to the ribbon on the horse.

"Link, that's a ribbon," Navi explained, "In a contest, contest judges give three ribbons to the people who got first, second, and third. The red ribbons are for second place, I believe. And I'm pretty sure first place is blue ribbon."

"Hmm," Link paused, "Looks like they've already given out awards."

Navi sighed, "Yes, I got that. We won't be able to submit Epona into the contest."

"Hmm," Link raised an eyebrow.

Link strode a couple pens over. In that pen, stood a sawhorse.

"What the—" Navi said, "Who'd submit _that?_"

"Hmmm…" Link examined the horse closely.

"Ugh, Gorman's brothers, apparently," Navi sighed, "I should have known."

"Ingo's clones, eh?" Link stroked his chin once more, "How do they get their talent?"

"Talent?" Navi blinked, "What do you mean 'talent'?"

Link pointed at the sawhorse. For the first time, Navi spotted the gleaming blue ribbon on the horse's chest.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Navi exclaimed.

A woman bumped into Link, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Nah, that's okay," Link waved his hand.

"Cremia?" Navi paused.

The woman, Cremia, raised an eyebrow. How this random stranger's fairy knew her name, she'd never know…

"Hey, how's it goin'?" Link grinned, "You lookin' at the animals too?"

"Well, yes," Cremia sighed, "I've seen the horses and the Cuccos… But…because of what happened to my cows…I can't seem to bring myself to look at cows ever again…"

"Ohhh… How they got exploded in the Other's glowing ball," Link grinned, "'Kay, I got ya!"

"Link, neither you or I were around to press on the buttons. In other words, the cows—" Navi explained.

"Well, that's okay, Cremia!" Link said, "We'll go look at the cows for you!"

Cremia sniffed. She let out a large sigh.

"Link! No!" Navi buzzed, "You're only making things wors—"

"Come on, Navi!" Link exclaimed, "Let's go to the cow pens!"

And before Navi could say more, Link ran off in the direction of the cow display. Navi sighed, then trailed behind him.

Link strolled past the different pens of the animals. Each pen, like the others, had one animal per pen. However, Link soon came across a pen with about six cows crammed into it. Link stopped. Each of the cows were drooling senselessly. Link leaned over the pen. Within the crowd of cows, Link spotted something red.

"Hmm…" Link said, "This is fishy!"

"No duh, Link," Navi said, "Someone has no sense of organization. Apparently the people who set up this area had no sense of consistency either."

"Ooo! Navi! Look!" Link pointed to a parting in the cows, "I like that one!"

Navi looked over. There, in amongst the cows, was Romani. She wore a blank expression on her face, and drooled a little bit too. Navi froze.

"Look at the little red cow!" Link cooed, "Isn't she cute?"

Romani stared blankly.

"Ouch…" Navi paused, "If she could understand you, that would be an insult."

"I wonder if I can pet it…" Link pondered.

As soon as Romani got close enough, Link reached out and patted her on the head. Romani bit his finger.

Link giggled at the girl on his finger, "Look, Navi, I think she _likes _me."

"…Who in their right mind would submit _Romani_ in with their livestock!" Navi asked.

An Other floated by. It held a pitchfork in one hand, and a bucket in the other. It glared at the two of them.

" !" the Other said, " …"

"Err, of course," Navi chuckled, "We were just leaving now, weren't we, Link?"

"But Navi—" Link complained.

Navi glared at him, "**Now.**"

"Ohhh…" Link moped.

* * *

Meanwhile… in an empty hut a few houses behind the Clocktower…

"'Kay," Skull Kid fiddled with some equipment, "I've almost got it set up. Now will you hurry up and light the match?"

"I'm…trying…" Tael huffed, "It's just that…my ONA…keeps kicking in…"

"Is ONA really that exhausting?" Skull Kid asked.

"Normally, no," Tatl said, "But since his keeps reacting in immediate succession, it's bound to wear out anybody."

"Oh, hey, Tatl," Skull Kid waved, "Back to help us out?"

"Yeah," Tatl said, "I figured since there hasn't been a big commotion yet, that you probably were having technical difficulties."

"More like obvious nonsense difficulties…" Skull Kid sighed.

"Whew…" Tael gasped for air, "I think it's stopped. Now give me that match—HEY! Did you know that Lego was created in Denmark?"

"Nope," Tatl sighed, "Not yet…"

"What on Termina is 'Denmark'?" Skull Kid paused.

"Who knows?" Tatl shrugged, "It's ONA."

"By the way, how's your ONA doing?" Skull Kid turned to Tatl.

"Well, it seems to be getting better. It hasn't happened in a few days," Tatl said, "Heck, maybe I'm cured—WHOA! Tael! I totally didn't know that!"

"I know!" Tael's body pulsed, "Isn't it awesome! Also, Hans Christian Andersen was from there!"

"Wow! That's neat!" Tatl's body pulsed in time with Tael's, "Remember, kids! Brush your teeth twice a day! And eat your vitamins so you'll be _big _and strong!"

Skull Kid sighed, "Why am I not surprised?"

* * *

Meanwhile…sitting on a bench in Clocktown…

"Mmm…" Link smiled, "So good…"

Link took another bite out of the bottle. Green potion splashed over an edge.

"This is _soooo_ good…" Link sighed, "You should try some, Navi…"

"Link, you never eat," Navi said, "Heck, you're probably starving most of the time. That's probably the only reason that you're enjoying it so much."

An unsettling crunching came from Link's mouth, "So, Navi, where to next?"

Navi flew over to the nearest poster with the Carnival's Schedule on it.

"Well, it's about, what, 2 o'clock?" Navi looked at the bottom of the screen, "So, that means that we can probably catch the Horse Races…or the there's a concert happening at the Milk Bar…"

"Boring," Link yawned, "What else is there?"

"Well, there's the Art Exhibition…" Navi paused, "Wait, Link…"

"Sweet! Can we go there?" Link asked.

"Well, the Indigo-goes…" Navi said, "They're playing in ten minutes…"

"So?"

"Isn't Mikau supposed to be playing in said concert?" Navi asked.

"But I don't have my Zora Mask no more," Link said, "Can't we just go to the art show thingy?"

"Link! The reputation of the Indigo-goes is already at stake, considering what happened between you and Anju!" Navi snapped, "Besides! Why do you want to go to the art exhibition? You're not the kind of guy that would seem to appreciate art!"

"I'm not going there to look at other people's stuff," Link pulled out his sketchbook, "I wanna go so I can submit my drawings!"

Link flipped to a page and showed it to Navi. It showed a stick figure of Oni Link stabbing a stick figure of Majora's mask.

"Link! We can't just _abandon _the most famous band in Termina!" Navi hissed.

"Navi, they're the _only _band in Termina!" Link protested.

"Well, whatever," Navi said, "Maybe we can buy a guitar or something so that you can fill in for—"

* * *

A few seconds earlier…

"Man…" the emo kid wearing Twinmold's mask said, "I'm so…unlucky…"

"…Why…?" the emo kid wearing Goht's mask asked.

The kid with Twinmold's mask looked over. There, on the dark side of the moon with him, were all his other friends. The kid wearing Goht's mask was wearing Garo's mask, and the kid wearing Odolwa's mask was busy blowing himself up with Bomb Mask repeatedly.

"….weee…" the kid wearing Odolwa's mask cheered.

"All…of you guys…" Twinmold's masked kid sighed, "got…awesome…masks… All I…got…was…these wimpy…masks…"

The emo kid held up his masks: Deku Mask, Goron Mask, and Zora Mask.

"…Man…" the kid wearing Gyorg's mask said, "…that…sucks…a lot…"

"I…know…" the kid wearing Twinmold's mask said.

In pure annoyance, the kid wearing Twinmold's mask threw Zora's Mask over his shoulder.

* * *

Back to Termina…

"Link! We can't just _abandon _the most famous band in Termina!" Navi hissed.

"Navi, they're the _only _band in Termina!" Link protested.

"Well, whatever," Navi said, "Maybe we can buy a guitar or something so that you can fill in for—"

What looked like a meteor, crashed to the ground. Since this area was very crowded, it took out a few random citizens.

"Whoa!" Link exclaimed, "That was so cool!"

Link jumped into the newly found crater, skidded down the ledges, and DUN DUN DUN DUUUUU! Link got his Zora Mask back! …Why does it seem to be glaring at him?

"…That doesn't make any sense," Navi glared at the intercom, "First of all, how did we not get engulfed in a shock wave? Second of all, how did that kid's throw break orbit? Not to mention how the mask didn't end up burning up before it hit the earth."

Quiet you.

* * *

Meanwhile…in the Milk Bar…

"How much is your Château Romani?" Linebeck the Negative Sixth asked.

"Normally…" the Bartend pulled out a bottle behind the counter, "It would be 200 rupees… But since today is the Carnival, it's half price."

Linebeck smirked. He was overcome with this strange sense of happiness—he felt like he had just ripped off his descendant's friend's ancestor.

Linebeck paused, "Well, that felt weird."

"Pardon?" Bartend asked, pulling out the cork.

"Nothing."

"Well, it's still a rip-off!" a voice came from behind.

Linebeck turned his head around half-heartily. There stood Jolene, looking more confident than usual.

"Oh look, a wench," Linebeck smirked, "Sorry, I'm not here for _that_ kind of service."

Jolene smacked Linebeck upside the head. She then turned to a barstool. She _would _have picked at least one stool apart from Linebeck, except that the only two seats left were on either side of Linebeck. She sat down.

"One regular," Jolene huffed.

"Oh?" Linebeck paused, "Don't feel safe drunk around me?"

Jolene grabbed the bottle held out to her, "A woman has too keep her figure, you know."

"Isn't it more fashionable these days for women to be plump?" Linebeck asked, "After all, it shows a sign of status, in that you're rich enough to be healthy."

"No," Jolene tugged at the cork, "This is a videogame that was created on year 2000 in Japan. In other words, the game designers made it fashionable for women to be skinny."

"That doesn't make any sense. We are close to a medieval time period in a fictional land called Termina. In this time period you should be concerned about not weighing enough."

"We have working clocks already," Jolene huffed, "Even though our people haven't met the Terminian equivalent to the Romans. We skipped the sundials. Continuity is already screwed."

Linebeck couldn't argue with that. He took a swig.

"Where's that beast of yours," Jolene took a sip.

"I left him outside. Animals aren't allowed in the bar," Linebeck said, "Well, apart from Zoras, Dekus, and Gorons."

"Racist!" a Goron sitting beside Jolene yelled.

"What about your basket, wench?" Linebeck asked, "Have you already gone on your picnic?"

"I left it outside. Animals aren't allowed—" Jolene froze, "…Where did you say your Wolfos was."

"Outside," Linebeck said nonchalantly.

Jolene stood up from her stool.

"Hold this seat for me," Jolene told the Bartend.

Jolene bolted up the stairs.

"I swear! If your monster has laid more than a HAIR on my Chika—!" Jolene yelled.

Linebeck stood up, "Woman, don't you **dare** do anything to Wolfie!"

Jolene went out the door. Linebeck bolted after her. After the Milk Bar door slammed once more, the Bartend sighed.

"You know," the Bartend cleaned out a bottle, "I wouldn't be surprised if those two ended up marryin' each other."

"I certainly hope not," Ingo—I mean Gorman said.

The Bartend turned to Gorman, who was sitting at his usual seat.

"Why ever not?" the Bartend asked.

"Think about it," Gorman took a swig, "With his wit, and her spunk, imagine what kind of mutated personalities their children would have."

The Bartend paused, "It couldn't be all that bad. A spunky little boy or girl with wit?"

The Bartend had **no idea**.

The door to the bar swung open, "…and your bird bloody deserved it!"

"You heartless man! Do you realize how stress makes her lose feathers?" came from the door.

Linebeck walked through the door—followed closely by a cross Jolene.

"A bald bird saves the butcher some time!" Linebeck huffed, "The stupid bird. Wolfie could've lost his eye!"

"My pet's life was at stake and you're concerned about your demon's _eye?_" Jolene yelled.

With that, neither were willing to speak to each other. They sat down at their bar stools, and refused to look at each other. Awkward silence engulfed the entire bar. Fortunately, the silence hadn't lasted too long before the lights went dim.

"One… two… three…." The sound of the fat Zora came from the stage.

The lights came up. There, all the members of the Indigo-goes stood in the spotlights. They began to play that jazzy tune…which is never given a name… Lulu sang (for some reason she had regained her voice by herself), Evan played the piano, Japas played the bass, the fat Zora played the drums, and a very green Mikau played the guitar. Out of all the band members, it was Mikau who played the worst. Almost as if he hadn't rehearsed the song in _six days_. This disturbed the concentration of all the band members.

"I wonder what's wrong with the green one?" Linebeck asked no one in particular, "He sounds terrible."

"It's because he's nervous," Jolene turned to the Bartend to make it look like she was talking to him.

Linebeck also turned to the Bartend, "You don't say, Bartend? But aren't the Indigo-goes well known for rehearsing around the clock? Why would anyone be nervous after that?"

"I don't know, Mr. Bartend," Jolene said, "Maybe because he knows that there's a dirty Wolfos pup in the audience would be talking during his performance."

"Oh, like _you're _any better," Linebeck scoffed then added, "Bartend."

After what seemed like an hour of musical mistakes, the song had ended. Lulu looked around nervously at the audience. The audience clapped, despite all of the bad playing. Evan stood up, and was about to pull Mikau backstage, but there was a blinding flash of light. Link hopped off the stage. This confused everyone in the bar…how did that kid get on stage? How come nobody noticed him before now? Where did Mikau go? Oh well. The disappearance of Mikau and the random appearance of this kid could _never_ have a line drawn between them. The idea of a kid having magical transformation powers in a magic based world was _just too_ absurd! The crowd's gaze was fixed on this boy as he walked toward the exit.

"Can we go to the Art Exhibition now?" he said to his…was that a fairy?

* * *

Meanwhile…outside the Milk Bar…

"What do you mean 'you're not coming'?" Link asked.

"Link, look," Navi sighed, "I already told you. I'd rather see how Anju and Kafei's Wedding is going."

"But we already know how that one turns out," Link said, "They give a hug, and then create the Couple's Mask, then—"

"I mean the official one," Navi said, "The one where they say their vows to a priest."

"Ohhh…" Link gasped with understanding, "But, wait, is there even such thing as a 'Goddess of Time' Temple for this guy to be priest of?"

Navi paused.

"Like, we saw the conditions of all those other temples," Link huffed, "They all had big monsters in the prayer rooms! Who would want to _join _a religion that keeps wild animals in their place of prayer?"

"Okay, Link, you have a point there," Navi sighed, "Looks like the game designers don't really know how temples usually work. But I'd just like to see the wedding."

"But weddings are boring!" Link cried.

"I never said you had to come," Navi said, "You can go to the Art Exhibition while I go to the wedding. That way, we both get what we want."

"Ohhh… Okay," Link said, "Gotcha!"

"May I borrow your ocarina?" Navi asked, "It might not be all that romantic if Kafei's a short little guy."

"Sure," Link handed the ocarina to Navi, "At least you asked nicely this time."

"Thank you. Anyway, the Exhibition is featured in West Clocktown. I'll be heading to the Wedding Ceremony."

"'kay!" Link waved to Navi, "When I win first place with my drawing, I'll give you some of the prize money!"

Navi rolled her eyes, "That's very sweet, Link."

Link started his trek to West Clocktown, as Navi flew off to the nearest Town Gate.

* * *

Meanwhile…at the wedding…

"Whew," Navi said, "Took me a while to find this place."

Navi looked at the ceremony. There were several family members sitting on either sides of a red carpet. At the end there was Anju, standing elegantly in her white wedding dress. Standing at the very end of the carpet was a man Navi had never seen before, who she assumed to be their priest. And, across from Anju, stood a very smart looking Kafei, holding his bagpipes. That is, he _would _have looked rather smart. Unfortunately, Kafei's suit looked way too big for him, and he was standing on a wooden stool.

"Looks like I made it just in time to hear their vows," Navi sighed, "How romantic…"

"Do you, Kafei, take Anju to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the priest turned to Kafei.

"I d—whoa!" Kafei's stool began to wobble beneath him.

"Kafei dear, please," Anju sighed, "Would you set down your bagpipes for a minute?"

"It's not my fault that this stool has a bad leg," Kafei regained his balance, "And this is a special moment in our lives. Of course I must carry my bagpipes."

"But Kafei," Anju sighed, "It's not the bagpipes you're marrying, it's me. Can't you just set them aside?"

"Anju, are you serious?" Kafei gasped.

"Kafei, think about our future!" Anju bent towards him, "What about our children? Would you rather play tunes on a musical instrument than tuck your kids in for the night?"

Kafei clutched his bagpipes tighter, "I would put them to sleep with the sweet melodies I would play for them."

"Honey," Anju sighed, "You can't hold onto your bagpipes forever!"

There was an awkward silence from the audience. Someone coughed.

"Kafei, who do you love more?" Anju asked, "Me, or those bagpipes?"

"_Ohhh…_" Kafei clutched his bagpipes, "…Don't make me_ choose_!"

"Kafei!"

"If you marry me, you're marrying my bagpipes too!" Kafei said.

Anju was about to retort, but then there was a soft playing of an ocarina from somewhere beyond the crowd. Kafei paled.

"Honey?" Anju looked at her soon to be husband, "Are you okay?"

"This…this feeling…" Kafei felt light headed, "This song…would sound great…on the bagpipes…"

"Honey!" there was a distinct sense of panic from Anju's voice.

Kafei winced. He doubled over in pain, and then his entire body began to steadily enlarge. When he had reached full size, a mask fell away from his face. Nobody noticed this, however.

"Kafei…?" Anju put her hand on his shoulder, "Are you…okay?"

Kafei straightened up. His suit fit him now, only he was still holding the bagpipes. Since he squeezed them so hard as he grew bigger, there was a splatter of molasses on his shirt. The stool collapsed under Kafei's new weight. Anju paused, and then burst out laughing.

"Well…" Kafei paused, "That's not something that happens every day—"

"DO YOU, KAFEI, TAKE ANJU TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?" the priest bellowed.

Kafei stood up, "Yes, yes I do."

The priest sighed, "Do you, Anju, take Kafei to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," Anju managed to say in between laughs.

Anju's eyes welled up with tears. However, no one was quite sure whether it was tears of laugher, or tears of happiness.

"You may now kiss the bride," the priest said.

They kissed. And it would have been one of the most romantic of moments if there weren't someone in the audience who let out a loud '_d'awwwwww_'. Kafei and Anju looked up from their embrace, to glare at whomever that was. All they saw was a small blue fairy flying its way toward Clocktown.

* * *

Meanwhile…in West Clocktown…

"My boy," a big man with a beard said, "peace is what all true heroes strive for!"

"I just wonder what Skull kid's up to," Link said.

Navi flew in. There, she saw Link sitting on a step. However, it was the person sitting beside him that startled her. Beside Link, there was a man dressed in all yellow, with a bushy beard. He was extremely fat, and held a cup in his hand.

"Link, who is _that?_" Navi asked.

"Oh him?" Link turned to Navi, "He's the King. Or, that's what he calls himself."

'The King' took a swig from his glass. Some sparkling milk sloshed over the side.

"Link, I don't trust him," Navi said, "He reeks of lactose."

Link didn't hear, "He says he's part of a play. 'CD-I' I think he called it."

"I wonder what's for dinner!" 'the King' said.

"Link, something's fishy about him," Navi glared at the man, "I can't shake the feeling that he's another running gag from an American imitation of us."

"Oh come on, Navi," Link said, "What's the worst that can happen if I befriend this guy?"

A man on a flying carpet flew down. He began spewing something ridiculous, and scrolled his finger over some nonsensical text.

"Oh, look!" Navi pointed far away, "They are about to announce the prizes for the Terminan Art Submissions."

"Oh boy!" Link jumped up, "I can't wait to bomb some Dodongos!"

There was a long, awkward pause.

"That's it," Navi said, "You are never to hang out with these guys ever again."

"Ohhh…" Link sighed.

**

* * *

**

NIGHT OF A NEW DAY

**-∞ Hours Remain-**

As night fell, a loud "ARRRROOOOO!" echoed throughout the land.

"Wolfie, please stop howling," Linebeck the Negative Sixth said, "I'm right here. There's no need to feel abandonment issues."

The Wolfos stopped his howling, and began to wag his tail rapidly. Jolene, who had happened to wander by, looked at the animal with disgust.

"And _you _were complaining about Chika!" Jolene huffed.

"Well, it isn't bloody _six a.m._ now is it?" Linebeck growled.

"Isn't it rather redundant to howl every day at six p.m.?" Jolene took a couple of steps forward, "Everyone is awake by then."

"It's better than waking everyone up everyday at an ungoddessly hour!" Linebeck turned away from Jolene.

"Hmph!" Jolene huffed.

Linebeck the Negative Sixth and Jolene walked in the opposite direction in which the other was heading.

* * *

Meanwhile…in West Clocktown…

"Wait, why'd it turn to night all of a sudden?" Navi asked.

"A guy told me that the judging would take place at six, sharp," Link said.

"Well, I guess that makes sense…" Navi paused, "Considering, in Termina, the screen goes one colour and then has weird, foreign writing across it, to show the change of night and day, that _would_ be a convenient way of telling the time."

"Wha—?" Link cocked his head.

"Whatever," Navi said, "They're announcing the winners."

Link ran into the crowd of people. There, centered among the people was a tall man, whom both Navi and Link had never seen before. Behind him were different displays of various forms of Terminian art. Among the tapestries, the towering sculptures, the paintings, and various other traditional Terminian art, there, in the background, was a small piece of paper with a couple of stick figures drawn on it. Navi slapped her forehead.

"You _submitted _a drawing?" Navi turned to Link.

"Didn't I say I would?" Link asked.

"Yes, but I didn't expect you to _actually _do it!" Navi said.

"And the first place winner of the quilting art is—the Mona Mamasita!" the tall man announced.

The man turned to a quilt on the wall behind him. There hung a piece that looked like a mix between the style of Vincent Van Gogh and Leonardo Da Vinci. You could see the layers and layers of what seemed to be paint. The amount of detail put into Mona Mamasita's face, shoulders, and even the background behind her was both ingenious and beautiful. It was hard to believe that this piece was made of cloth. You could tell that whoever created this piece had obviously put in a lot of effort. Another man Navi had never seen before placed the blue ribbon on the quilt.

Navi turned to look at Link's piece. There were two indistinguishable figures. One had a pointed hat, and the other looked as if he had a heart for a face. And there were three coloured dots scattered randomly on the picture. One yellow, one purple, and one blue. It was obvious that Link had no Artistic Intention when he created this piece. Navi turned to Link.

"Link…?" Navi paused.

"Yes, Navi?" Link smiled.

Navi paused. Maybe it was best _not _to tell Link that he had less than a Snowball's chance in Din's Lair in this contest.

"Erm, nothing," Navi said.

"And, now," the tall man faced the audience, "to announce the winners of the Traditional Art!"

"Hey!" Link whispered to Navi, "That's the one _my _drawing's in."

"Yes, Link," Navi sighed, "I can see that."

"In third place, we have Detour's Mother!" the man turned to a painting behind him

Navi looked at the picture. There was a picture of an ugly old woman with striking red hair. It was a very good picture, in fact it looked more real than a Pictograph, but Navi was unsure why anyone would paint it.

"Ah! Thank you! Thank you!" Mayor Detour, who was apparently in the crowd with our heroes, leapt for joy.

Detour went up and received his prize. The smaller man placed a white ribbon on the picture frame. After Detour had gone back into the crowd, the man began to speak.

"And, our second place winner is…Pamela in the Woods!" the tall man exclaimed.

"Yay! Daddy! We won!" Pamela ran to the tall man.

"Wait, what?" Navi paused.

Navi looked at the picture. The picture showed a tall, thin woman, wandering in a crazed state in a beautiful forest. She looked _nothing _like the little girl who had just talked to the tall announcer. Navi turned to a person beside her.

"Pamela? Who's Pamela?" Navi asked.

"Oh, she's a character from that famous play," the person paused, "Porklet, I believe it was called."

"Umm…" Navi paused.

"Well, I haven't seen the play myself, but I've heard that Pamela dies by throwing herself into a river in the woods and drowning," the person said.

Looks like there was one similarity between the woman in the painting and the little girl after all. The river by her house.

"That's not true!" another nearby person piped up, "Pamela's death was unintentional!"

"On the contrary!" the first person said, "Instead of trying to clamber out of the water, she instead sings while she sinks to the bottom of the river! What kind of person who wants to live would do that?"

"It's not her fault!" the second person shook it's fist, "She had gone insane! She wasn't in the right state of mind to pull herself out!"

"But—"

"Oh, look!" Navi piped up, "They're announcing the first place winner!"

This was true, since the red ribbon was already hanging on the picture frame, and Pamela had already wandered into the crowd.

"And the one who'll take home the big prize is…" the tall man paused for an effect, "Friends Forever!"

Navi raised an eyebrow, "Who would name their piece—"

"Whee!" Link jumped in the air, "Navi, that's mine!"

"…WHAT?" Navi took a look at the winning piece.

Sure enough, the shorter man placed the blue ribbon on Link's picture of the undistinguishable stick figures.

"…Oh you have _got _to be _KIDDING me!_" Navi exclaimed.

"Now, who is the artist of this beautiful masterpiece?" the tall man asked the crowd.

"Oh! Me!" Link raised his hand and waved it wildly, "I did! It was me!"

Link ran up to the tall man.

"Thank you, sir, for submitting this piece," the tall man shook Link's hand, "I've _never _seen anything this beautiful!"

Link grinned, "I know! Ain't it purdy?"

"Why yes indeed!" the announcer grinned.

"…I can't take any more of this," Navi looked pale.

Navi flew off into the town square.

* * *

Meanwhile…in East Clocktown…

"Hmm…" Jolene paused, "May I take a look at this one?"

The man behind the counter nodded. He scooped up one of his wares, a sword, and handed it to Jolene. Jolene lifted up her mask with her one hand, and held the sword in both. She looked at her reflection in the blade.

"Hmmmm…" Jolene paused.

Jolene held the sword by its hilt. She looked around, to make sure that she had enough space. She whished it around a bit to get the feel of the blade. She stopped, and paused again.

"Well…?" the sword clerk asked.

"Hmm…" Jolene closed her eyes, "The weight is a bit too heavy for my liking. Probably due to the thickness of the blade."

Jolene placed the sword back on the table. She looked at the clerk.

"Do you have any blades of Pirate make?" Jolene asked.

"Well," the clerk turned to an open crate behind him, "there _is _one I managed to get in good condition. But it'll cost ya quite a bit."

Jolene smirked, "As always."

"What are you doing, wench?" a familiarly annoying voice came from behind.

Jolene turned her head. Sure enough, there was that annoying neighbour of hers—Linebeck. Or Linebeck the Negative Sixth, as he preferred to be called. Whatever _that _meant. And he had that dang neglected animal with him. Jolene turned her head away from him. Linebeck lifted his mask

"None of your concern," Jolene said.

"None of my concern?" Linebeck said, "It may be none of my business, but this **definitely** concerns me!"

"Oh really?" Jolene glared at Linebeck.

"Woman, you are standing at a stall that sells swords. You are my neighbour. This is _very_ worrisome!" Linebeck said.

"Well, the one I have…well, it snapped in half," Jolene said, "And it doesn't feel right not having one."

"Wait, you _already _have one?" Linebeck turned pale.

"_Had_ one," Jolene huffed.

"Why on Termina did you _have _one in the first place?" Linebeck gulped.

"I was raised with them!" Jolene said, "Now go about your business—"

"RAISED WITH THEM?" Linebeck could have fainted, "What kind of parents did you _have?_"

"Look, I wasn't raised by my parents," Jolene huffed, "I grew up in the Fortress west of here."

There was silence. It was odd for Linebeck to not say anything for this long. Jolene sighed.

"I…" Jolene said, "I never knew my parents…"

"Um… Madame?" the store clerk asked.

Jolene fixed her gaze on a sword on the table, "The other pirates…they told me that they had found me as a baby. I was in a bundle by the rocks…"

"Madame, I think your friend—" the clerk piped up.

"I wonder…" Jolene's eyes welled up, "Did they get lost at sea? Or… Did my…did my parents…abandon me?"

Jolene looked at her reflection in the blade in front of her. Dang it. Her face was starting to get red. Jolene wiped her eyes.

"Anyway," Jolene huffed, "That's why I'm getting a sword. So there is—"

Jolene turned around for the first time in a while. Linebeck wasn't there. She looked down. She found him passed out on the ground, with his Wolfos sitting faithfully by his side. Jolene was dumbfounded for a moment, and then realized that he had probably fainted back when she said she was raised at the Pirate's Fortress.

"Linebeck…you…" Jolene's eyes shadowed over, "YOU DOLT!"

Jolene kicked Linebeck's side as hard as she could. He woke up with a loud "oh!", and curled up. Jolene turned to the man behind the stall. He hurriedly grabbed his Pirate's Sword and handed it to her.

"How much?" Jolene said with her teeth clenched.

"Uh…uh… Actually…" the sales clerk gulped, "It's, um…on me…"

"Ugh…" Linebeck groaned from the cobblestones, "that's going to leave a mark…"

"Hmph, no need," Jolene said, "How much?"

"No, seriously Madame, it's yours," the clerk gulped, "free of charge."

Linebeck moaned.

"Alright, fine," Jolene huffed, "Your loss."

Jolene took the sword and fastened it to her back. She flipped down her mask and turned around. She took a couple of steps forward, and gazed at Linebeck, still rolling on the floor, and kicked him on his other side. He let out another satisfying "oh!" She smirked, and continued on her way.

* * *

Meanwhile… in an empty hut a few houses behind the Clocktower…

"Finally!" Skull Kid exclaimed, "At last, it's complete!"

"Why the crap did it take you until 9 p.m. for you to complete something that was almost finished in the middle of the afternoon?" Tatl asked.

"That's because you and Tael kept O.N. instead of helping me get this done," Skull Kid said.

"Vegetables are the best things EVER!" Tael's body continued pulsing.

"Whatever," Tatl sighed, "Let's see how it looks."

Skull Kid took a couple of steps back, and flicked on a candle. The entire room lit up with light. It was revealed that this empty hut a few houses behind Clocktower, meant that it was empty, people wise. The room, however, turned out to be a storehouse filled with various different shaped fireworks. This room was obviously meant to be left alone for the entire day, however, Skull Kid had somehow managed to find his way inside.

Skull Kid looked up. There, stood the biggest firework ever seen. Of course it was created by stringing hundreds and hundreds of small fireworks together, but the result was spectacular. No wonder it took Skull Kid all day in order to create it.

"Heh heh," Skull Kid chuckled, "This year is going to have the best fireworks show yet!"

"You've got that right!" Tatl smirked.

"Now, just to light the match…" Skull Kid pulled out a match.

"Wait…!" Tael huffed, "Let…me…do…it…!"

"Finally stopped O.N.A.-ing, have we?" Tatl asked.

Skull Kid shuddered, "Seriously, the way you just kept _going _on and on for hours on end made me think that O.N.A. might actually be **fatal.**"

"I…certainly…hope…not…" Tael wheezed.

"Well, if you want to do the honours," Skull Kid said, "I guess I can let you. I've been a jerk to you for the past few days."

Skull Kid handed the exhausted Tael a match.

"But how do we know that you won't start O.N.A.-ing again?" Tatl asked.

"I think…it's stopped…for now…" Tael gasped for air.

"If you say so," Tatl said.

"Alright!" Skull Kid giggled, "On my mark."

Tael lit the match. He flew over to the fuse.

"3…2…" Skull Kid could barely contain his excitement.

"HEY!" Tael's body jolted violently, "Always look both ways before crossing the street!"

The match flew out of Tael's hand and landed on the fuse. The fuse erupted into flame. Tael hit the ground, and accidentally tipped the rocket a little bit as he went down. The gigantic rocket fell to the ground, and pointed directly at Skull Kid and Tatl, and the rockets behind them.

"Uh-oh," Skull kid gulped.

The light hit the back of the big rocket. The rocket went spiraling around the room, lighting fireworks left and right. Skull Kid grabbed Tatl and Tael, and bolted across the room to the nearest door, ignoring the explosions erupting behind him.

* * *

Meanwhile…in the Town Square…

"Navi, I don't understand why you're so upset!" Link said to his fairy, "I said if I won I would give you some of the prize money, but now, you won't even accept—"

A building behind Clocktower exploded.

"HOLY CRAP!" Link yelled.

Fireworks began flying out of the rubble and exploding in the night sky.

"How the Din's Lair did _that_ happen?" Link gaped.

"Well, I must admit, it _is _kind of pretty," Navi said.

"_Navi!_" Link turned to his fairy.

* * *

Meanwhile…somewhere in between North Clocktown and the Townsquare…no, I don't know how this works…

"I told you to get that hound away from Chika!" Jolene snapped, "Do you _want _her to call her friends—"

"JUMPING TEKTITES!" Linebeck almost jumped out of his skin.

Linebeck raised a single, trembling finger at something behind her. Jolene swerved around, hoping this wasn't some 'made you look' joke. She turned just in time to see a gigantic, terribly constructed blob of a rocket swerve off wildly into the sky, from a house that had an open roof. There was a deafening explosion, in which both of these two citizens had to cover their ears. Shortly afterwards, several smaller, yet uncontrolled, rockets buzzed off into the sky in random directions.

"OH MY GODDESS—" Jolene shrieked.

A blue rocket zipped in between them. An explosion rang out, and sparks flew everywhere.

"How did this happen?" Linebeck gaped.

"I don't know!" Jolene snapped, "Quickly! We must take shelter—"

Something shot up into the air. A small yellow rocket twisted and turned around in the sky. It soon found itself in downward propulsion, and spiraled down toward the area that our two citizens were in.

Jolene gasped, and took a step back. The lid of her picnic basket flung open for a split second. But a split second was enough.

The rocket whipped into the basket.

Jolene froze. She could hear the fuse crackling down to nothing.

Jolene looked down at the basket, "Oh…cra—"

There was a loud explosion. Smoke erupted through the area. There were several hacking and coughing sounds heard. Two familiar, yet charred, outlines emerged from the wreckage.

"Oh goddess…" Linebeck wheezed, "I was standing right beside you… How the heck did I survive?"

Jolene coughed into her hand, "Incontinuity. Our authoress is bad for that."

"Right…" Linebeck straightened up, "And looks like Wolfie's okay…and—oh…"

"What?" Jolene raised an eyebrow.

Linebeck pointed to the basket Jolene had on her arm. Or rather, once had on her arm. Nothing but the burnt to a crisp handle remained on Jolene's arm. The rest had been exploded off.

"…I'm sorry for your loss," Linebeck bowed respectfully.

"You're what?" Jolene raised an eyebrow.

"To your pet's death…" Linebeck sighed, "It's a terrible tragedy—"

"Chika's not dead," Jolene said.

"Jolene, be serious now," Linebeck said.

"No, seriously," Jolene said, "She's not dead."

"What makes you say that?" Linebeck raised an eyebrow, "You see the damage yourself, so—"

"Linebeck," Jolene slapped her forehead, "Chika is a Cucco! Even if I _wanted _her dead, I couldn't finish her off."

"But if your bird is not dead…" Linebeck paused, "Then where is it?"

Jolene looked up at building looming overhead, "Uh-oh…"

Linebeck looked up as well. Atop the building, was an evil, ominous figure, with it's feathers puffed up. There, was a Cucco, who had the tips of it's feathers charred. This was obviously enough to get any Cucco angry; since this was the most injured any of them have ever gotten before. It pointed its beak up at the sky. Its chest area enlarged.

"No!" Jolene pleaded, "Chika! Wait—"

A loud, angry shriek of a "CUCCOOOO!" rang out. Suddenly, thousands among thousands of Cuccos stood by the side of their charred comrade. An evil glint was in their eyes. Another blood curdling "CUCCOOOO!" echoed through Termina.

"We're dead," Jolene groaned.

The birds flapped their wings in unison. Several of them sprang into the air. While dodging rockets left and right, the birds flew in aerial tactic maneuvers that resembled battle planes from a certain 2nd world war of a place called Earth. Wherever that was. A few of the Cuccos landed on the ground and began to strategically maneuver around the square.

A woman wandered outside to go and get some bread for her family dinner. But, upon seeing the sights outside, she screeched, and bolted back inside. She slammed and locked the door.

Jolene took out her earlier purchase, and began to slash away madly at the countless birds. She tossed the handle of the picnic basket to Linebeck. He flipped it around in his hands, and began to use it like a club. Even Linebeck's Wolfos joined in by sinking its fangs into one of the bird's wing. Unfortunately, the result was just a chipped tooth.

"Gah!" Jolene swatted at the Cuccos aiming at her eyes, "Dang invincible Cuccos! Can't seem to kill 'em when you want to!"

"Then _why_ were you concerned for your bird's safety earlier?" Linebeck shouted.

"Our authoress isn't that smart!" Jolene bellowed back.

They fought on for hours. As the sky above them grew darker, the explosions from the rockets were even more noticeable than before. All three of our Terminans were approaching their last heart. Linebeck swung the picnic basket's handle like a club, and batted at the birds. Jolene wiped the sweat of off her brow, wiping off some blood from a bad scratch when she did so. The Wolfos used its last ounce of strength to claw half-heartedly at the crowds of feathered demons. Defeat was inevitable.

"Augh…" Linebeck scowled, "They just keep coming…"

"What was your FIRST hint?" Jolene snapped back, "The fact that they're…you know…invincible?"

"I'm just ENFORCING that this is impossible!" Linebeck bellowed back, "Heck! It's better to just run for it!"

"No!" Jolene yelled, "I'm not leaving Chika behind! I'm not going to abandon her!"

Jolene clenched her teeth to stop herself from tearing up.

"I'm not going to be like my…" Jolene sniffed, "…my…my parents…"

"Jolene! No!" Linebeck gasped, "The last thing this fanfic needs is an unnecessary emotion scene!"

"B…but…" Jolene sobbed, "I…I can't help it…!"

"No!" Linebeck exclaimed, "Don't step into the cheesiness!"

"I…I…"

Jolene's grasp on her sword hilt loosened, and the blade fell to the ground. Tears streamed down her face. She brought both hands up to her face and cried. Her howls echoed through the streets. She could feel her knees collapse underneath her weight. But she didn't care anymore. She let herself fall to the ground. Tears dripped out of her palms and trickled down her arms. The drops fell from her elbows and dribbled all over her pants.

"What?" Linebeck paused.

"I give up," she swallowed, "Go ahead."

"Jolene…" Linebeck paused.

"There's no point in both of us dying…" Jolene sniffled, "So…leave me here…"

Linebeck knitted his brow, "No."

Linebeck plopped himself onto the ground beside her.

"We're giving up together," Linebeck said.

Jolene's lower lips trembled as she looked at Linebeck. The biggest jerk in all of Termina had just decided to stick by the side of the woman he loathed the most. She sprang into his arms and cried onto his shoulder. Linebeck was startled, as most people would be, but he sighed, and started patting her shoulder. With rockets exploding all around them, and Cuccos dived bombing left and right, Jolene cried her heart out. Linebeck's Wolfos heard Jolene's sobbing, and began howling as a musical accompaniment.

"…Why?" Jolene cried, "Why are you staying? …It's more…logical to leave me behind… This…this isn't like you!"

"I know," Linebeck sighed, "And to be quite honest, I'd rather flee, and leave you here."

"So…so then why?" Jolene choaked, "Why are you still…here?"

"Hmm…" Linebeck pondered this a while, "Well, I suppose if you're gone, then I won't have anyone to yell at when your blasted bird decides to wake us up an unearthly hours."

Jolene looked at Linebeck with watery eyes. She pressed herself against his shoulder even tighter, and clamped him into her embrace. She began crying even louder, and so did that Wolfos of Linebeck's. Linebeck let out a small "ack!" when all this happened.

"_Liiinnnneeeebeeeeccckkk_…" she wailed, "I…sniff…I haaaaattteee youu…!"

Linebeck sighed and smiled, "I know, Jolene… I hate you too…"

"Arrrrooooooo!" Wolfie howled to his heart content.

Suddenly, most of the Cuccos stood dead in their tracks.

One Cucco gulped, "Cu co… (Oh no…)"

The one beside it began panicking, "Cu cuuuuccco baaaawk squak! (An unnecessary emotional scene!)"

"Cuc uuc coo cu cuco. (Let's get out of here,)" one of them indicated to the others.

"Cucc! Baawwk ba cu cuc cooooo cuco coo baaawkkk baw! (Yeah! Before we get dragged into the cheesiness too!)" another one flapped its wings.

At first none of them could tell, but slowly yet surely, the Cuccos turned tail and flew off. The only one that remained was one with burnt spots on the tips of its feathers. It hopped over to them expectantly, and pawed at the ground expectantly.

"Chika…" Jolene smiled, "You…you decided to stay…"

"Coo baaawwk o SQUAWK cu! (Not because I WANTED to!)" the Cucco squawked, "Baw bawk babawk o cuccoooo squakk bawk awk cu cuc cuccc cucoo co squaawwk cuu caww co cuuc cooo! (The only reason I started living with you in the first place is because you give me free food!)"

Jolene hugged the bird, "Oh, Chika! You're the most loyal friend that any girl could ask for!"

Linebeck could have sworn he heard the Cucco sigh.

"So…" Linebeck scratched the back of his head.

Jolene looked to the side, "So…"

"Could…I, uh…" Linebeck's face ripened like a tomato, "…maybe…erm, get you milk…sometime?"

Jolene smiled, "That would be nice."

"Well, then," Linebeck's bright red face smiled, "I guess I'll see you then, wench."

"Guess so, son of a Wolfos," Jolene smirked.

"That's Linebeck the Negative Sixth to you!" Linebeck regained his composure.

Jolene pinched Linebeck's cheek as hard as she could, "Yeah, yeah…"

They each turned around, and headed their separate ways. The only difference between this time, and all the other times, was there was a distinct look of pleasure plastered on their faces.

* * *

Meanwhile…in Clocktown's main square…

"Wow! Man!" Link exclaimed, "That was the best Carnival ever!"

"Are you kidding me, Link?" Navi buzzed up and down, "They canceled the carnival's events for the rest of the evening! I was looking forward to some of those!"

"I wonder why they canceled the carnival anyway?" Link pondered.

"Hey, guys," Tatl said.

Link turned around to see Skull Kid, Tael, and Tatl come towards him. They all looked mildly ashamed.

"Oh, hey Tatl!" Link smiled.

"How was the carnival for you guys?" Navi asked.

"Uneventful," Skull Kid coughed.

"Yeah, we did absolutely nothing," Tael said.

"Uneventful? How?" Navi asked.

"Well…" Skull Kid bit his lip.

* * *

Meanwhile…at the remains of the fireworks storage building…

"MY HOUSE!" Gorman yelled.

* * *

"You know, we just…" Tatl said.

"Gah, whatever," Navi sighed, "I don't want to know."

"Whew!" Tael said.

"…'Whew'?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

Tael paused, "Erm, I mean—HEY! REMEMBER KIDS! Always be honest!"

Navi sighed, "Happy Carnival, everyone."

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed, "Happy Carnival! And have a Merry Christmas!"

Navi blinked, "What?"

* * *

Link: _(passed out on ground)_ …Blahoogeelowynfimablah.

Cherry-sama: What happened to him?

Navi: He died due to the continuous amounts of long chapters this fanfic has been getting.

Cherry-sama: Oh come on. 42 pages isn't all _that_ bad!

Link: …BLAHOOGEELOWYNFIMABLAH!

Cherry-sama: Hey, I could have added a bonus epilogue for Jolene (the Negative Sixth) and Linebeck the Negative Sixth.

Link: _(soul floats out of body)_

Navi: Also, what is with that 'Stampede' thing you mentioned in the disclaimer?

Cherry-sama: Oh. That. Well, some relatives were visiting us, and they wanted to go to this annual event called the "Calgary Stampede". So, we drove them all the way out to Calgary, and spent a few hours there. I've only been there once before, but to me, the "Stampede" is a kind of stupid idea.

Navi: Why?

Cherry-sama: Name me one North American who likes Cowboy Western Music.

Navi: Ah. Good point.

Tatl: Gah… Finally. This is the last chapter I'm in for this fanfic! See ya! _(flies off)_

Navi: Well, that was not the _longest _good-bye I've ever seen.

Cherry-sama: And now…to the credits!

Link: _(lifts head up) _Cr-cr-CREDITS?

Navi: You've GOT to be kidding me.

Cherry-sama: Hey. I'm not one to break format. There was an Epilogue, Deleted Scenes, Bloopers, a Bonus Chapter, and Credits in Totally Messed. All in that order. So, therefore, credits.

Navi: But does anyone _read _the credits list in _any _fanfic?

Cherry-sama: _(raises hand)_

Navi: …One out of _how _many people reading this fanfic?

Cherry-sama: Shut up.


	22. Chapter 19: Credits

**Totally Whacked Credits**

Writer: Cherry-sama  
Writer of 'Majora's Mask': Thank you, whoever you are! (I should really look this up.)  
Producer: Cherry-sama  
Editor: ObsidianSickle (A.K.A. SoC)  
Cameraman: Louis (yup, he's still here)  
Sound Technician: George  
Caretaker: Joe

******Fan fictions mainly branching off of this one:**

****Totally Bizarre (Wind Waker)

******Fan fictions semi-branching off of this one:**

Totally Screwed (Twilight Princess)

******Actors:**

******Link** played by **Link**

**Navi** played by **Navi**

**Tatl** played by **Tatl**

**Tael** played by **Tael**

**Skull Kid **played by **Skull Kid**

**Epona **played by **Epona**

**Deku Link **played by **The Bulter's Son**

**Goron Link **played by **Darmani**

**Zora Link **played by **Mikau**

**The Happy Mask Salesman **played by **The Happy Mask Salesman**

**The Great Sluts **played by **The Great Fairies**

**Swirlies **played by **Great Fairy's Innards**

**Jim **played by **The Bomber in the Red Bandana**

**The Astronomer **played by **The Astronomer**

**Sim **played by **A Bomber in a Blue Bandana**

**Him **played by **Another Bomber in a Blue Bandana**

**Fin **played by **Yet Another Bomber with a Blue Bandana.**

**Whim **played by **The One Bomber with a Yellow Bandana**

**The Deku Scrub Sales Man **played by **A Deku Scrub Sales Man**

**Spiders **played by **Spiders**

**Girls **played by **Various Female Terminan Civilians**

**Flashback Zelda** played by **Zelda**

**Flashback Ruto **played by **Ruto**

**Gate Guards **played by **Gate Guards**

**Koume** played by **Koume**

**Kotake** played by **Kotake**

**Kotame** didn't show up in this story

**British Monkeys **played by **Not so British Monkeys**

**Deku Guards **played by **Deku Guards**

**The Butler **played by **The Butler**

**Deku King **played by **Deku King**

**Deku Princess **played by **Deku Princess**

**Various Game Monsters **played by **Various Game Monsters**

**The Bomber Shop Owner **played by **The Bomb Shop Owner**

**The Ghost of Darmani **played by **Darunia**

**Darunia **played by **The Elder's Son**

**The Elder's Son **played by **The Elder**

**The Elder **played by **Darmani**

So, in other words,

**Darmani the Third **played **Darmani the Third**

and I just put that in there to confuse you! :D

**The Elder's Son **played by **The Elder's Son**

**The Elder **played by **The Elder**

**Various Gorons **played by **Various** **Gorons **

**The Random Owl **played by **Kaebora Gaebora**

**Kaebora **played by **Kaebora**

**Gaebora **played by **Gaebora **

And yes, that is confusing

**Romani **played by **Young Malon**

**Cremia **played by **Older Malon**

**The Cows **are a courtesy of **Romani Ranch**

**The Others **played by **Some people from the Lost Cast, wearing strange costumes**

**Spiky **played by **Grog**

**Cucco Chicks **are a courtesy of **Oh crap, what is that place called…**

**Ingo's Clones **played by **Gorman's Brothers**

**Mr. Barten **played by **Talon**

**The Intercom **played by **The Narrator**

**Mikau **played by **Mikau**

Hiring **The Indigo-goes **was pretty expensive…

**Various Zoras **played by **Various Zoras**

**Pirates **played by **Pirates**

**The Goat Man **played by **The Goat Man**

**The Fisherman **played by **A Fisherman**

**Seahorses **directly rented from **Sea World**

Those **Sea Snakes **are a different matter entirely…

**Zora Children **played by **Lulu's kids**

The **Creepy Turtle **might have a name, but he was too freaky to ask him what it was

**Sediohejigat** played by **A Demonic Red Frog**

**Dampé ****played by ****Dampé**

**Various Skeletons **played by **Various Skeletons**

**Cloaked Man **played by **Cloaked Man**…we don't know his name either

**Various Garos **played by **Various Garos**

**Flat **played very **Flat**

**Sharp **played very **Sharply **

**Various Gibdos **played by **Various Gibdos **

**Pamela's Father **played by **Pamela's Father**

**Pamela **played by **Pamela**

**Skinny **played by **Skinny**

**Fatso **played by **Fatso**

**The King **played by **The Remains of Igos du Ikana**

**Link's Doll Collection **supplied by our Sponsor, **Termina's House of Wax**

**Thingy **played by **Thingy**

**Various Bosses **played by **Various Bosses**

**Link-Goro **played by **Link-Goro**

**Anju **played by **Anju**

**Grandma Tortis **played by **Grandma Tortis**

**Carpenters **played by **Carpenters**

**Mayor Detour **played by **Mayor Detour**

**Madame Aroma **played by **Madame Aroma**

**The Postman **played by **The Postman**

**Anju's Mother **played by **Anju's Mother**

**The Hand in the Toilet **played by **The Hand in the Toilet**

**Gorman **played by **Ingo**

**The Ghost of Kamaro **played by **The Ghost of Kamaro**

**Tall Kafei **played by **Kafei**

**Short Kafei **played by **a Stunt Double**

**The Music Man **played by **The Music Man**

**The Black Market Guy **played by **The Itchy Guy**

**Sakon **played by **Sakon**

**The Random Mutt **somehow got **On Set**

**The Red Juggler **played by **The** **Red Juggler**

**The Blue Juggler **played by **The Blue Juggler**

**The Emo Children on the Moon **played by **The Bombers**

**Oni Link **played by **JOHNNY DEPP!**

**The Four Giants **played by **The Four Giants**

**Jolene **played by **Jolene**

**Linebeck the Negative Sixth **played by **Linebeck the First **

**Cucco **recycled from **Fourth Piece of the Triforce**

since that fanfic's never gonna come out

**Wolfie **played by **Afatufivomany**

**Various Carnival Event Leaders **played by **Various Hobos** we found on the street

**Farm Animals **bought off **eBay**

**The King **couldn't get a job in any other LoZ game, so we hired him here

Same goes for **The Magic Carpet Guy**

(And you thought you'd get through a LoZ fic without a Zelda CD-I reference :P)

**Fireworks **stolen from **The Totally Bizzare Prop Room**

**Everyone else** played by **MM cast**

**The Various Masks **are a compliment of **Slick Papier**, our Papier-mâché artist

And since **Tingle **is so disturbingly weird, he doesn't even get a part in the credits.

And, **holy crap**, there's a lot of characters.

**No animals were hurt in the making of this production.  
****Although, maybe Romani was…**

In loving memory of the Astronomer.  
Who, apparently, had a name.  
And we are too lazy to go and find out what it was.

**Special thanks to—**

All of my two reviewers, for keeping my review count from getting pathetically low  
ObsidianSickle, who still is willing to edit over my chapters after all these years  
Link, for being Tatl's side-kick  
Navi, for sticking around for MM  
Tatl, for getting O.N.A.  
Tael, for getting even WORSE O.N.A.  
Skull Kid, for being obsessed with 'Weightless' by Sissel  
Majora's Mask, for ALSO being obsessed with 'Weightless' by Sissel  
Sissel, for writing 'Weightless' and not suing my butt off  
The Butler's Son, for putting up with so much racism  
Whim, for being cursed by numbers  
The Girls, for having Spiders thrown at them  
The Spiders, for being thrown  
The Deku Princess, for being shoved in a bottle  
The gate guards for basically everything they had to put up with in this fic  
The Stunt Double, for being buried alive. …Crap. He's still out there, isn't he?  
Mikau for…oh wow…first for being gored, then for dying, then for having his reputation ruined in all of that Zora place, then for watching as our hero's sidekick shoved Mikau's offspring into bottles, having our hero's sidekick deny Mikau's kids, then watching as this fake argued with Mikau's sweetheart, for watching his body flirt with Anju, for being framed of everything Link did in chapter twelve, for losing a bet, AND for witnessing Link play _terribly _at the Carnival. Wow. Sucks to be Mikau in this fic  
Sharp, for selling his soul to the Devil  
George, for saving Sharp's Soul  
The Garo Master, for not being able to eat the second sandwich  
The Thingy, for getting pwned  
The Deku Scrub's Soul, for getting made fun of by Link all the time  
Grandma Tortis, for first having her diary doodled in, and then flushed down the toilet  
The Hand in the Toilet, for being in the Toilet  
The Music Man, for finding out what Scotland is  
Sakon, for getting robbed and pooped on  
Jolene, for owning the Cucco who crows at six a.m. every day  
Linebeck the Negative Sixth, for owning the Wolfos who howls at six p.m. every day  
The Cucco, for being a recycled character and for being blown up  
Wolfie, for being picked on by Cuccos  
And everyone in the audience for reading this fanfic!

In loving memory of the Stunt Double.  
Who we found not too long ago.  
We promise that we'll give him a proper burial next Tuesday.

**Thank you everyone!  
********~Cherry-sama~**


End file.
